1363 - "xkcd Phone"

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Steve the Pocket
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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Steve the Pocket » Fri May 02, 2014 11:03 pm UTC

keithl wrote:"Phone" is short for "xylophone" - mallets not included.

Somebody ought to make a phone with an outer case made of real wood and market it as the "XyloPhone".
cephalopod9 wrote:Only on Xkcd can you start a topic involving Hitler and people spend the better part of half a dozen pages arguing about the quality of Operating Systems.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby PinkShinyRose » Fri May 02, 2014 11:42 pm UTC

keithl wrote:
orthogon wrote:The alternative speed of light simulation is genius ...
Yes, but if you travel by jet plane faster than the alternative speed of light, does the phone go backwards in time and kill your alternative* father?

(*) The fellow your mother would have married if a patricidal time traveller had killed your actual father.

Why would you need a jet plane? Just set the alternative c very low and drive 200 km/h, walking 1 km/h would probably do if you can set c low enough. I guess we could go for crawling through the sand with your arms and legs tied together, as long as the phone is somehow attached to your body using a non friction dependent container.

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ergman
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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby ergman » Sat May 03, 2014 4:34 am UTC

Can someone publish that screaming app so I can install it on other peoples phones? And to the fellow who already made it, if you post more, they'll stop blocking your links.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Tova » Sat May 03, 2014 5:15 am UTC

The real punchline here is that Randall has created a parody of terrible mobile phone advertising, and xkcd fans are clamouring to buy one.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby improvnerd » Sat May 03, 2014 5:19 am UTC

I'd love to have the Falling Wilhelm app in the app store, but I'm afraid Apple would reject it multiple counts. In particular, Apple doesn't allow apps that encourage people to damage their phones.

However, If you (or a friend) are an iPhone developer, you can build it from the GitHub repo and install it on any iDevices you have registered with Apple.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby peregrine_crow » Sat May 03, 2014 9:34 am UTC

Moose Anus wrote:
peregrine_crow wrote:
orthogon wrote:The alternative speed of light simulation is genius, and would actually be a good app for getting an intuitive feel for Relativity. If it hasn't been done already, it should have. I wouldn't have it actually change the system clock, but it could display a big clock with a button to synchronise it to UTC. However, if I understand correctly (which is unlikely), if you always carry your phone with you, doesn't its clock measure your proper time, so it shouldn't appear to slow down or speed up? Instead what the slow-c simulator needs to do is adjust (speed up?) the clocks on everyone else's phones. You could make that work by having the phones share their locations via the intertubes.


That actually sounds like a really interesting experiment. I'd download this app.
You can download the application here.



Wow, that is awesome, thanks!
Ignorance killed the cat, curiosity was framed.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Flumble » Sat May 03, 2014 1:56 pm UTC

I'm relieved to see that smartphones still aren't really aware of their surroundings. As demonstrated in the vimeo video, the phone starts screaming as soon as it's in free-fall instead of waiting until it comes down. It will take at least another couple of years months before they become our actual overlords. :)

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby addams » Sat May 03, 2014 2:45 pm UTC

ergman wrote:Can someone publish that screaming app so I can install it on other peoples phones? And to the fellow who already made it, if you post more, they'll stop blocking your links.

What a Great Idea!
Hack your Dad's Phone!

Have it set to Scream when he puts it on Silent.
It will only work a Time or two.

Still; It's funny.
Who else needs a quiet phone?

Give them a Scream!

Edit:
Spoiler:
Church?
The first day could be a Scream!
(one right after the other)
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We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
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Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby PHDrillSergeant » Sat May 03, 2014 3:15 pm UTC

I really want someone to make the freefall scream app. I would install that.

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Flumble
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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Flumble » Sat May 03, 2014 3:22 pm UTC

PHDrillSergeant wrote:I really want someone to make the freefall scream app. I would install that.

When will you read the replies in this topic?

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Arancaytar » Sat May 03, 2014 5:27 pm UTC

If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives.


Also, the Enrichment Center would like to remind you that your phone will never threaten to stab you, and, in fact, cannot speak.
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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby improvnerd » Sun May 04, 2014 1:29 am UTC

"If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives."

Does that mean "ship" in the sense "to be sent for delivery" or "ship" in the sense "the belief of (or desire for) two people, often fictional, to be in a romantic relationship"? Because the second one would be way cooler -- XKCD fans "shipping" their phones with Siri. "You know they're totally doing it when we're not around."

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Cloudy_the_Conqueror » Sun May 04, 2014 5:35 am UTC

The phone should emit blue light when it's moving faster than the alternative speed of light.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby snowyowl » Sun May 04, 2014 8:55 am UTC

The phone needs to increase its mass as you approach 100mph, so that it doesn't exceed the alternative speed of light.

If you try to trick it by turning it off until it's already past 100mph, it turns into "tachyon mode".
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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby yellow103 » Sun May 04, 2014 1:42 pm UTC

But does it have a dot matrix display and stereo sound?

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orthogon
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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby orthogon » Sun May 04, 2014 4:51 pm UTC

yellow103 wrote:But does it have a dot matrix display and stereo sound?

Dot matrix display? This baby has a dot matrix printer.
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby danielcw » Mon May 05, 2014 12:44 am UTC

I am sorry,
but I actually don't get the point of the comic.

Could someone explain it, please?
What is it about?

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby chris857 » Mon May 05, 2014 4:41 am UTC

Where's my comic 1364? It's Monday Eastern Time right now.

Or did Randall's phone time dilate and the comic's going to be late?

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby DavesNotHere » Mon May 05, 2014 7:33 am UTC

Quizatzhaderac wrote:My favorite part is the slogan "Your mobile world just went digital". One of these days I'm going to write a rotary dial app.


My rotary dial phones were digital.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Ellye » Mon May 05, 2014 12:43 pm UTC

This really sounds like an awesome SCP object.
Makes me want to try and write one based on it.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby tiorbinist » Mon May 05, 2014 1:52 pm UTC

riT-k0MA wrote:But does it run Ingress?

No, but it does have Egress...

although no one is sure how they got a female eagle in there.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Mon May 05, 2014 3:31 pm UTC

DavesNotHere wrote:
Quizatzhaderac wrote:My favorite part is the slogan "Your mobile world just went digital". One of these days I'm going to write a rotary dial app.


My rotary dial phones were digital.
Then you missed all the fun dialing the secret numbers between the integers.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Prosthetic_Lips » Mon May 05, 2014 4:02 pm UTC

improvnerd wrote:I'd love to have the Falling Wilhelm app in the app store, but I'm afraid Apple would reject it multiple counts. In particular, Apple doesn't allow apps that encourage people to damage their phones.

However, If you (or a friend) are an iPhone developer, you can build it from the GitHub repo and install it on any iDevices you have registered with Apple.


A: Kudos on the Wilhelm
B: I love that you drop the phone on the video

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Moose Anus
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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Moose Anus » Mon May 05, 2014 4:33 pm UTC

yellow103 wrote:But does it have a dot matrix display and stereo sound?
Yes and it comes with digital headphones.
Lemonade? ...Aww, ok.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Mikeski » Mon May 05, 2014 6:22 pm UTC

Moose Anus wrote:
yellow103 wrote:But does it have a dot matrix display and stereo sound?
Yes and it comes with digital headphones.

I had a computer with a digital speaker.

Spoiler:
Seriously. Apple2's worked that way.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby hungryjoe » Mon May 05, 2014 7:28 pm UTC

Mikeski wrote:
Moose Anus wrote:
yellow103 wrote:But does it have a dot matrix display and stereo sound?
Yes and it comes with digital headphones.

I had a computer with a digital speaker.

Spoiler:
Seriously. Apple2's worked that way.


None of this sounds dissimilar to the way a Class-D amplifier works; Switching a DC signal on and off at very high frequency, and then low pass filtering it.

The disturbing part is that this works pretty well.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby bachaddict » Mon May 05, 2014 9:29 pm UTC

danielcw wrote:I am sorry,
but I actually don't get the point of the comic.

Could someone explain it, please?
What is it about?


It's lampooning smartphone advertisements, using the unusual humour mentioned in the warning below the comic.
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Thanks for the molpish wig ggh!
he/him/his

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby 9squirrels » Tue May 06, 2014 3:06 am UTC

Rather than saying "Hi!" when exposed to light, it should say "There you are!" or "I see you!" in the voice of the sentry guns in Portal. It should also say "Where'd you go!" when it goes dark.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby speising » Tue May 06, 2014 8:24 am UTC

oh, those guns are so creepy!

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby ctdonath » Tue May 06, 2014 5:08 pm UTC

9squirrels wrote:Rather than saying "Hi!" when exposed to light, it should say "There you are!" or "I see you!" in the voice of the sentry guns in Portal.


My ringtone is the Portal sentry gun saying "Is anyone there?"
Got 2-3 good solid "O M G! GLaDOS!" reactions from people hearing it.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby improvnerd » Wed May 07, 2014 7:41 am UTC

Prosthetic_Lips wrote:B: I love that you drop the phone on the video


Thanks. That was one of those "leave it in" directorial decisions, like when George Lucas used the take of Terry almost dropping the liquor bottle in American Graffiti.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Eternal Density » Wed May 07, 2014 8:20 am UTC

Realistic case? Does that mean it's suitable for Sherlock Holmes?

Also the pic from Monsters Inc made me think "I can see all the doors, and what's behind all the doors".
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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby Mikeski » Thu May 08, 2014 2:13 am UTC

hungryjoe wrote:
Mikeski wrote:I had a computer with a digital speaker.

Seriously. Apple2's worked that way.

None of this sounds dissimilar to the way a Class-D amplifier works; Switching a DC signal on and off at very high frequency, and then low pass filtering it.
It's dissimilar in that you switched the Apple2 speaker at the audio frequency you wanted, and the only "filtering" was innate to the speaker itself (voice coil, moving mass.) Switching it at supersonic frequencies was actually a way to limit the volume... ping the speaker switch twice quickly enough, and the voice coil wouldn't get to its maximum excursion before the 2nd pulse pulled it back, causing a quieter "click". (I think... it's been over 20 years since I programmed on an Apple 2. 2-plus, actually.)
The disturbing part is that this works pretty well.

Math is not disturbing! :mrgreen:

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby OrbitalFacePalm9001 » Tue May 13, 2014 10:41 am UTC

Jackpot777 wrote:
Exterior may be frictionless.

Accelerometer detects when phone is in free fall and makes it scream.


Image

Energy crisis is over, boys. These phones can power themselves and the world.

>implying that it doesn't cost much to produce a phone
>implying that you can't greentext on xkcd forums
>implying that you can't greentext on xkcd forums

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby 6161 » Tue May 13, 2014 5:50 pm UTC

bachaddict wrote:
danielcw wrote:I am sorry,
but I actually don't get the point of the comic.

Could someone explain it, please?
What is it about?


It's lampooning smartphone advertisements, using the unusual humour mentioned in the warning below the comic.

But there's no mention of humour there either. It's certainly done in the style of those ads but doesn't actually lampoon any part of them. Instead, it's just a nonsensical mix of the banal ("wireless!"), nonsensical ("...control God"), cool ("scream"), and cool but nonsensical ("alt. [c]"), none of which actually connect in any way with the object ostensibly being spoofed. There also doesn't seem to be much (any?) connection to XKCD, except for its appearance here. FFS, it purports to be a XKCD phone and yet has no mention of bananas.

[The only possible course of attack is as some kind of reductio parody of skeuomorphism... which, the hell with that: skeuomorphism is great and iPhone has been less pleasant and well-designed since they started moving away from it.]

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby bobismeisbob » Thu May 29, 2014 4:30 am UTC

I used to have an OQO ultra mobile pc (nice little thing until the shock of opening the keyboard broke the screws holding the case together) It had an alert sound when it was dropped or when it overheated that was a scream.

It sounded like the screaming catapiller from that one Simpsons episode.

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby CWR » Mon Oct 13, 2014 3:25 pm UTC

orthogon wrote:This is one of my favourites for while. "Realistic case" is one of those silly slow burners that makes me chuckle whenever I think about it, like "largest even prime".


I thought the largest even prime was 2. My sarcasm detector stops working when applied to math (applied mathematics?)

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby CWR » Mon Oct 13, 2014 3:35 pm UTC

9squirrels wrote:Rather than saying "Hi!" when exposed to light, it should say "There you are!" or "I see you!" in the voice of the sentry guns in Portal. It should also say "Where'd you go!" when it goes dark.


Alternatively, it could play the "!" trump from MGS followed by sfx of automatic weapons fire...

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Re: 1363 - "xkcd Phone"

Postby CWR » Mon Oct 13, 2014 3:49 pm UTC

Does anyone else find the "clear" (i.e. translucent w/o back lighting) Starktech phones and monitors used in the MCU annoying? I understand that it's a visual shortcut to indicate updated and more realistic Kirbytech, but it makes little practical design sense for either legibility or security/privacy.


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