1415: "Ballooning"

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1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Envelope Generator » Mon Sep 01, 2014 4:26 am UTC

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Alt: Time to dance in front of Mary Jane! If I'm lucky, she'll turn out not to practice pre-copulatory sexual cannibalism!

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Neil_Boekend » Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:24 am UTC

As for procreation, how practical is pre-copulatory sexual cannibalism? I mean, post-copulatory sexual cannibalism I sort of get (from an evolutionary standpoint), but how does pre-copulatory sexual cannibalism work?

And is it a fetish with humans?
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Patteroast » Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:30 am UTC

Neil_Boekend wrote:And is it a fetish with humans?


Yes.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Neil_Boekend » Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:39 am UTC

I should have known. Rule 34 and all.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby keithl » Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:43 am UTC

Spider-man wants to make an egg sac. Kinky!

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Neil_Boekend » Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:48 am UTC

The song doesn't limit to male spiders. Thus he must also do what female spiders can.
Mikeski wrote:A "What If" update is never late. Nor is it early. It is posted precisely when it should be.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby bachaddict » Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:55 am UTC

Spiderman can't lay eggs in his egg sac... I think...
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby BlitzGirl » Mon Sep 01, 2014 7:04 am UTC

As Neil said, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can.

Spiders can lay eggs. Thus, Spider-Man can lay eggs.
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby da Doctah » Mon Sep 01, 2014 7:17 am UTC

BlitzGirl wrote:Spiders can lay eggs. Thus, Spider-Man can lay eggs.


The Easter Bunny can lay eggs. Therefore Spider-Man is the Easter Bunny.

(I'm not sure I've quite got the hang of this syllogism thing....)

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby StapleHorseOctopus » Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:13 am UTC

Spiders can be giant hulking very hairy octopods. Therefore, Spider-Man can be a very hairy giant hulking octopod.

Some people can keep giant hulking very hairy spiders as pets. Therefore, Spider-Man is a pet.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby armandoalvarez » Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:16 am UTC

BlitzGirl wrote:As Neil said, Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can.

Spiders can lay eggs. Thus, Spider-Man can lay eggs.

"Does whatever a spider can," not "does whatever any spider can," or "whatever all spiders can." Thus, we need to know which spider. That won't answer the Mary-Jane questions, because she's not limited to what a particular spider can do.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Hiferator » Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:42 am UTC

StapleHorseOctopus wrote:Spiders can be giant hulking very hairy octopods. Therefore, Spider-Man can be a very hairy giant hulking octopod.

You've made a good point;
StapleHorseOctopus wrote:Some people can keep giant hulking very hairy spiders as pets. Therefore, Spider-Man is a pet.

and a logical fallacy.

I'd also like to address the nature of your logically valid first statement. It aims to invalidate Blitzgirl's logic by using that same logic to come to a seemingly ridiculous conclusion. This is a commonly observed pattern, and is enough to justify doubt. From a formal standpoint however, there is no way to prove (or disprove) that Spiderman does not in fact have the ability to be a "very hairy giant hulking octopod". Of course, common sense heavily suggests he does not, but that is not a formal proof and common sense could have been directly applied to the original statement in the first place.

Edit: Thanks, Jackpot777.
Last edited by Hiferator on Wed Sep 03, 2014 11:08 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Tyris and Cortle » Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:44 am UTC

Alt Text wrote:Time to dance in front of Mary Jane! If I'm lucky, she'll turn out not to practice pre-copulatory sexual cannibalism!


So would that be his last dance with Mary Jane?
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby orthogon » Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:56 am UTC

Tyris and Cortle wrote:
Alt Text wrote:Time to dance in front of Mary Jane! If I'm lucky, she'll turn out not to practice pre-copulatory sexual cannibalism!


So would that be his last dance with Mary Jane?

But not the first: he's clearly been a-courtin' Mary Jane. On Ilkla Moor Baht 'at. On Ilkla Moor Baht 'at. On Ilkla Moor Baht 'at (where the ducks play football).
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby BlitzGirl » Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:57 am UTC

StapleHorseOctopus wrote:Spiders can be giant hulking very hairy octopods. Therefore, Spider-Man can be a very hairy giant hulking octopod.

Indeed he can, as shown in the animated series.

"When Spider-Man's body began to mutate further he sought out the help of Dr. Mariah Crawford who gave him what she believed to be a cure. However, it accelerated the changes and he grew four extra arms, for a total of eight limbs, six arms and two legs... Spider-Man eventually mutated further into a creature dubbed 'Man Spider.'"

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby shokoshu » Mon Sep 01, 2014 10:32 am UTC

Uhm, if I see that comic...the dude looks more like Tanuki-man to me. Heisei Tanuki Gassen Pom Poko, if you know what I'm thinking to see here 8-)
Also, pre-copulatory sexual cannibalism: not want, Mary Jane in bondage: fuck yeah.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby sfmans » Mon Sep 01, 2014 10:56 am UTC

orthogon wrote:But not the first: he's clearly been a-courtin' Mary Jane. On Ilkla Moor Baht 'at. On Ilkla Moor Baht 'at. On Ilkla Moor Baht 'at (where the ducks play football).


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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Quicksilver » Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:01 am UTC

Scientifically accurate Spider Man.


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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby eviloatmeal » Mon Sep 01, 2014 12:39 pm UTC

Ducks could also be pets.

Ergo, Spiderman is a witch.
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby PolakoVoador » Mon Sep 01, 2014 1:44 pm UTC

eviloatmeal wrote:Ducks could also be pets.

Ergo, Spiderman is a witch.


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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Mokele » Mon Sep 01, 2014 2:10 pm UTC

Neil_Boekend wrote:As for procreation, how practical is pre-copulatory sexual cannibalism? I mean, post-copulatory sexual cannibalism I sort of get (from an evolutionary standpoint), but how does pre-copulatory sexual cannibalism work?


There two tricks to it.

First, spiders don't just swallow things - they inject digestive enzymes that liquefy the prey and then swallow that, and the process takes a while to complete.

Second, cold-blooded animals can sustain tremendous or even terminal damage to some parts of the body while other parts continue to function. Severed snake heads have bitten and fatally envenomated people, frog muscles and turtle eyes are the "model systems" for physiological experiments on those organs because they'll function for hours or days (depending on temperature) after being excised. Indeed, warm-blooded species seem to be uniquely fragile, so intolerant of have bits ripped off and long-term disruptions to blood supply.

So basically, the female spider will take a good long while to actually eat the male, and in the meantime, he can keep doing the nasty in spite of most of his innards being digested.
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Neil_Boekend » Mon Sep 01, 2014 3:11 pm UTC

Interesting. Thanks!
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby speising » Mon Sep 01, 2014 5:25 pm UTC

i always found this line quite disingenious. it sounds like the author couldn't come up with a good example of awesome spider powers and copped out with a lame "whatever a spider can".

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby PayasYouDraw » Mon Sep 01, 2014 7:51 pm UTC

Neil_Boekend wrote:The song doesn't limit to male spiders. Thus he must also do what female spiders can.


Just don't try to milk a cowboy (unless you're into that sort of thing).

da Doctah wrote:
The Easter Bunny can lay eggs. Therefore Spider-Man is the Easter Bunny.

(I'm not sure I've quite got the hang of this syllogism thing....)


I thought Easter Bunny just delivered them.
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Coyne » Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:40 pm UTC

PayasYouDraw wrote:
Neil_Boekend wrote:The song doesn't limit to male spiders. Thus he must also do what female spiders can.


Just don't try to milk a cowboy (unless you're into that sort of thing).

da Doctah wrote:
The Easter Bunny can lay eggs. Therefore Spider-Man is the Easter Bunny.

(I'm not sure I've quite got the hang of this syllogism thing....)


I thought Easter Bunny just delivered them.


Well, the way I understood it, first he lays them, then he imitates the sounds a chicken makes, then he delivers them. (That doesn't seem very efficient; seems like it would be more efficient to lay them where they need to be.)
In all fairness...

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby rmsgrey » Mon Sep 01, 2014 10:00 pm UTC

It doesn't say Spiderman will be the one to create an egg sac - just that he thinks he's found a good nest site and wants to go attract MJ's attention....

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby ysth » Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:44 pm UTC

If you get any E.B. Whilte audiobooks, make sure you get the ones he narrates himself.
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Klear » Tue Sep 02, 2014 1:46 am UTC

speising wrote:i always found this line quite disingenious. it sounds like the author couldn't come up with a good example of awesome spider powers and copped out with a lame "whatever a spider can".


The song proceeds to offer some examples, though.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby KnightExemplar » Tue Sep 02, 2014 2:41 am UTC

StapleHorseOctopus wrote:Spiders can be giant hulking very hairy octopods. Therefore, Spider-Man can be a very hairy giant hulking octopod.


You joke... but... it has happened.
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby keithl » Tue Sep 02, 2014 3:44 am UTC

Successful spiders have hundreds to thousands of offspring. Given a stable population, whatever a single randomly chosen spider can typically do is be killed by predators, parasites, or diseases before reproducing.

Perhaps this particular spiderman will live or die based on a quantum event - Schrödinger's Spiderman.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby claudhopper » Tue Sep 02, 2014 5:47 am UTC

Didn't you spell practise wrong (I don't write in American however)

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby StClair » Tue Sep 02, 2014 5:53 am UTC

"Face it, Tiger - you just hit the jackpot!"

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby cellocgw » Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:29 am UTC

da Doctah wrote:
BlitzGirl wrote:Spiders can lay eggs. Thus, Spider-Man can lay eggs.


The Easter Bunny can lay eggs. Therefore Spider-Man is the Easter Bunny.

(I'm not sure I've quite got the hang of this syllogism thing....)


Umm... I think it also leads to "therefore Alexander the Great is a horse" :oops:


Hey, btw, to whoever it was that wrote "disengenius," was that an intentional malapropism? 'Cause it was funny :mrgreen:
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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby orthogon » Tue Sep 02, 2014 12:47 pm UTC

speising wrote:i always found this line quite disingenious. it sounds like the author couldn't come up with a good example of awesome spider powers and copped out with a lame "whatever a spider can".

Homer Simpson took it to its logical conclusion with his "Spiderpig, Spiderpig, does whatever a spiderpig does".
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Introbulus » Tue Sep 02, 2014 3:48 pm UTC

If you can read this, you are wasting your time.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby DennyMo » Tue Sep 02, 2014 4:20 pm UTC

I was reminded of H.G. Wells' "Valley of the Spiders" when I saw this one. Gave me the heebeejeebees. That one creeped me out way more than "War of the Worlds" when I read them in 5th grade.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby speising » Tue Sep 02, 2014 4:52 pm UTC

cellocgw wrote:
Hey, btw, to whoever it was that wrote "disengenius," was that an intentional malapropism? 'Cause it was funny :mrgreen:

no, i wrote "disingenious" because my spelling is bad, also, i wanted to say "unimaginative", which this word probably doesn't acually mean.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Jackpot777 » Tue Sep 02, 2014 5:29 pm UTC

Hiferator wrote:
StapleHorseOctopus wrote:Spiders can be giant hulking very hairy octopods. Therefore, Spider-Man can be a very hairy giant hulking octopod.

You've made a good point;
StapleHorseOctopus wrote:Some people can keep giant hulking very hairy spiders as pets. Therefore, Spider-Man is a pet.

and a logical fallacy.

I'd also like to address the nature of your logically valid first statement. It aims to invalidate Blitzgirl's logic by using that same logic to come to a seemingly ridiculous conclusion. This is a commonly observed pattern, and is enough to justify doubt. From a formal standpoint however, there is no way to proove (or disproove) that Spiderman does not in fact have the ability to be a "very hairy giant hulking octopod". Of course, common sense heavily suggests he does not, but that is not a formal proof and common sense could have been directly applied to the original statement in the first place.


Would have been better if "prove" and "disprove" were correct.

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Re: 1415: "Ballooning"

Postby Coyoty » Tue Sep 02, 2014 7:17 pm UTC

If dinosaurs genetically engineered from decayed chromosomes with frog genes spliced in can lay eggs and produce offspring without males, then a human with with spider genes spliced in can lay eggs and produce offspring without females. Weird science will find a way.

I don't think it was ever said that the spider that bit Peter Parker was male. If it was female, he would be part female spider. He could be transgender as well as transgenetic.

If the spider that bit Peter Parker was not female, then Silk must be part male spider. One of them must have gender identity issues.


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