1628: Magnus

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1628: Magnus

Postby netsplit » Mon Jan 11, 2016 6:03 am UTC

Image

Alt: "In the latest round, 9-year-old Muhammad Ali beat 10-year-old JFK at air hockey, while Secretariat lost the hot-dog-eating crown to 12-year-old Ken Jennings. Meanwhile, in a huge upset, 11-year-old Martha Stewart knocked out the adult Ronda Rousey."


11 year old Martha Stewart doesn't have a glass jaw.
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby gormster » Mon Jan 11, 2016 6:22 am UTC

so…

we're gonna make this, right
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby kodiac » Mon Jan 11, 2016 6:28 am UTC

Who/what is Secretariat?
Before this comic, I was only aware of the word "Secretariat" being used for various government agencies.

Wikipedia's disambiguation page suggests it may be a racehorse, or a character on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby rhomboidal » Mon Jan 11, 2016 6:31 am UTC

Silly Secretariat. He always overuses the King's knight's gambit.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby ps.02 » Mon Jan 11, 2016 8:14 am UTC

Well done. Best comic in quite awhile, to my taste. There's a fine line between absurdity that is funny and absurdity that is just dumb. and to me this is the first kind.
kodiac wrote:Who/what is Secretariat?

The racehorse. The joke is that, unlike a 2-year-old or even 12-year-old human, a 2-year-old horse is full-grown. (And apparently an omnivore, but maybe that's just an artifact of a poor simulator.)

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby eviloatmeal » Mon Jan 11, 2016 8:28 am UTC

I want to know if I can beat a team of simulated eight-year-old Carlsens in Quake.
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby Eshru » Mon Jan 11, 2016 8:49 am UTC

Finally we can find out whether it was the 98 bulls or the 98 red wings who are better at StarCraft.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby ijuin » Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:01 am UTC

Red Wing gives you Bulls!

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby Eternal Density » Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:12 am UTC

Hmmmmmmmmm.
I wonder how one goes about constructing a mathematical model of these things...
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby da Doctah » Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:33 am UTC

I want to try running the simulations in both directions. Could a thirteen-year-old Steven Hawking beat the crap out of a sixty-seven-year-old Chloe Grace Moretz?

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby Zooty » Mon Jan 11, 2016 11:05 am UTC

Just how detailed is the simulation? Can we get a rock-off between 30-year-old Jimmy Hendrix and 30-year-old Kurt Cobain?

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby orthogon » Mon Jan 11, 2016 11:20 am UTC

Eternal Density wrote:Hmmmmmmmmm.
I wonder how one goes about constructing a mathematical model of these things...

Mathematical model? Nah, they built a time machine. The laptops are just being used to access the web interface.
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby Ignitus » Mon Jan 11, 2016 1:02 pm UTC

Well, I think our first pass should be a simple quantization of each persons abilities. It would likely be best if we come up with a system of common statistics that we believe can be reused in various formula's to descrbe situations. Additionally, certain candidates might have certain skills and attributes which modify some behaviours in the positive or negative direction... .Ah hell someone pull out a D&D rule book and lets get some character sheets going.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby Ignitus » Mon Jan 11, 2016 1:03 pm UTC

Eshru wrote:Finally we can find out whether it was the 98 bulls or the 98 red wings who are better at StarCraft.


Oh, my god! That is going to be so exciting. We will pit the winner against Bill Clinton in a Super Mario Speed Run squirrel suit base jumping competition along the grand canon.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby orthogon » Mon Jan 11, 2016 1:25 pm UTC

Ignitus wrote:Well, I think our first pass should be a simple quantization of each persons abilities. It would likely be best if we come up with a system of common statistics that we believe can be reused in various formula's to descrbe situations. Additionally, certain candidates might have certain skills and attributes which modify some behaviours in the positive or negative direction... .Ah hell someone pull out a D&D rule book and lets get some character sheets going.

Actually, I was thinking myself that Randall had just reinvented Top Trumps, but with the age variable as a neat twist. Time-Travelling Top Trumps? You could have a spinner for the age, so you'd have to work out what parameter to pick based on age. (Different skills would vary in a different way with age, of course).
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby cellocgw » Mon Jan 11, 2016 1:34 pm UTC

Various sports junkies have simple versions of this to try to figure out if, say, the 1983 Lakers could beat the 1957 Celtics. I expect the highly educated nerd crowd in this forum to come up with a far better analyzer/simulator :twisted:

Heck if the OTTers can create a couple new TIMElines and a plethora of spinoff games, this thing here should be easy!
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby eviloatmeal » Mon Jan 11, 2016 2:53 pm UTC

Ignitus wrote:We will pit the winner against Bill Clinton in a Super Mario Speed Run squirrel suit base jumping competition along the grand canon.

The ultimate question is whether Bill Clinton can run Super Mario better than the Bulls can make-believe Just Cause.

My money's on Bill, mostly because if you threw an entire basketball team off a cliff (with parachutes on, and training and all that), odds are at least one of them would die. That stuff is terrifyingly dangerous.
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby duckshirt » Mon Jan 11, 2016 8:57 pm UTC

cellocgw wrote:Various sports junkies have simple versions of this to try to figure out if, say, the 1983 Lakers could beat the 1957 Celtics. I expect the highly educated nerd crowd in this forum to come up with a far better analyzer/simulator :twisted:


The people who do those ARE highly educated mega nerds, exactly like some here...

I know of people who debate ad nauseam whether 1967 Jim Ryun could beat mile world record holder Hicham El Guerrouj. While El Guerrouj ran objectively faster, he had the benefits of pacemakers and modern tracks.
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby RogueCynic » Tue Jan 12, 2016 4:07 am UTC

I'd like to know how a 20 year old Ted Kennedy would do against a 20 year old Jackie Stewart in a car race. As long as there are no bridges crossing rivers, things should go well.
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby Plasma Mongoose » Tue Jan 12, 2016 4:44 am UTC

I'm pretty sure I can defeat 9 year old Muhammad Ali in a match, heck I think I could defeat 99 year old Muhammad Ali in a match, but 29 year old Muhammad Ali... not so much.
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby eviloatmeal » Tue Jan 12, 2016 8:15 am UTC

Plasma Mongoose wrote:I'm pretty sure I can defeat 9 year old Muhammad Ali in a match, heck I think I could defeat 99 year old Muhammad Ali in a match, but 29 year old Muhammad Ali... not so much.

In chess-boxing?
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby drachefly » Tue Jan 12, 2016 3:43 pm UTC

Hmm. Age extremes.

Harry Potter vs Voldemort round 1 comes to mind, but that's not as extreme as the one I came up with first...

0.03-year-old Hercules beats a snake in wrestling. 200-year-old Hercules beats the local cluster in absolute luminosity.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby operagost » Tue Jan 12, 2016 8:05 pm UTC

You know, anything can happen with a string of natural 20s.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby Tyndmyr » Tue Jan 12, 2016 8:36 pm UTC

Eternal Density wrote:Hmmmmmmmmm.
I wonder how one goes about constructing a mathematical model of these things...


Step 1: Simulate a universe....
Step 2: Don't be inside the simulation.

Oh dear, I believe I've made an error.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby rmsgrey » Tue Jan 12, 2016 10:35 pm UTC

operagost wrote:You know, anything can happen with a string of natural 20s.

Only if your GM is... generous enough to allow it.

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby Mikeski » Wed Jan 13, 2016 2:44 am UTC

eviloatmeal wrote:
Plasma Mongoose wrote:I'm pretty sure I can defeat 9 year old Muhammad Ali in a match, heck I think I could defeat 99 year old Muhammad Ali in a match, but 29 year old Muhammad Ali... not so much.

In chess-boxing?

Well, you'd have to win the first round of chess. The nervousness at the idea of being in the ring with Ali29 might cause you to fail to checkmate him in 3 minutes...

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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby Eternal Density » Wed Jan 13, 2016 4:05 am UTC

Tyndmyr wrote:
Eternal Density wrote:Hmmmmmmmmm.
I wonder how one goes about constructing a mathematical model of these things...


Step 1: Simulate a universe....
Step 2: Don't be inside the simulation.

Oh dear, I believe I've made an error.

Did you start by defining recursion? You need to define recursion before you start simulating, or else it gets messy. Otherwise you might end up trying to define recursion while inside the simulation, and you can't do that because it hasn't been defined yet.
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Re: 1628: Magnus

Postby Eoink » Wed Jan 13, 2016 12:13 pm UTC

Eternal Density wrote:
Tyndmyr wrote:
Eternal Density wrote:Hmmmmmmmmm.
I wonder how one goes about constructing a mathematical model of these things...


Step 1: Simulate a universe....
Step 2: Don't be inside the simulation.

Oh dear, I believe I've made an error.

Did you start by defining recursion? You need to define recursion before you start simulating, or else it gets messy. Otherwise you might end up trying to define recursion while inside the simulation, and you can't do that because it hasn't been defined yet.


My favourite infinite tautology - The definition of recursion is the definition of recursion is.....


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