1743: "Coffee"

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1743: "Coffee"

Postby thunk » Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:03 am UTC

Image

Alt-text: Remind me to order another pack of coffee filters from Dyson. Man, these things are EXPENSIVE.

I might need some of Megan's coffee after tracking Hurricane Matthew all day.
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby iabervon » Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:24 am UTC

What's so difficult?

Step 1: put filter in coffee maker
Step 2: put coffee grounds in filter
Step 3: fill carafe with cold water
Step 4: pour water over grounds

(Followed, of course, by cleaning cold wet coffee grounds off of everything on the table and letting the programmers make the coffee.)

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby rhomboidal » Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:41 am UTC

The hardest part of grinding your own beans is cleaning the wood chipper afterwards.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby qvxb » Fri Oct 07, 2016 5:03 am UTC

Plenty of videos on YouTube.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby biohazard » Fri Oct 07, 2016 5:55 am UTC

Doesn't every one know you just add the flakes from the jar to hot water and stir?

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby da Doctah » Fri Oct 07, 2016 6:37 am UTC

You forgot to run the beans through a convenient civet cat first.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby ThemePark » Fri Oct 07, 2016 6:48 am UTC

da Doctah wrote:You forgot to run the beans through a convenient civet cat first.

Funny, I was gonna post about that, though not knowing what animal it was, but you beat me to it.
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Envelope Generator » Fri Oct 07, 2016 6:55 am UTC

Does this count as sous-vide cooking?
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Cabooceratops » Fri Oct 07, 2016 7:06 am UTC

Envelope Generator wrote:Does this count as sous-vide cooking?


Drinking vacuum coffee might drive me to sous-vide.
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Wee Red Bird » Fri Oct 07, 2016 7:22 am UTC

iabervon wrote:What's so difficult?

Step 1: put filter in coffee maker
Step 2: put coffee grounds in filter
Step 3: fill carafe with cold water
Step 4: pour water over grounds

(Followed, of course, by cleaning cold wet coffee grounds off of everything on the table and letting the programmers make the coffee.)


Or add the instant coffee to a mug and pour in hot water.
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby FOARP » Fri Oct 07, 2016 7:51 am UTC

Already in my mid-30's and headed towards middle age, and no, that "I am basically a fake adult" feeling never seems to fade. Not even when you are a parent and own a house.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby cellocgw » Fri Oct 07, 2016 11:26 am UTC

rhomboidal wrote:The hardest part of grinding your own beans is cleaning the wood chipper afterwards.


If you live in Fargo, you better clean the chipper before grinding your beans. Just sayin' .

Meanwhile, seeing as my Honorable Little Brother (no, really he is my bro) collects them, who out there in xkcd-forum land remembers vacuum-brew coffee pots? [quick look at Amazon: Oh me yarm they're back, in total hipster all-glass models!]
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby gmalivuk » Fri Oct 07, 2016 11:43 am UTC

biohazard wrote:Doesn't every one know you just add the flakes from the jar to hot water and stir?
Jesus Christ there are children reading this thread! You can't just say something like that without some kind of warning!
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby squall_line » Fri Oct 07, 2016 12:47 pm UTC

gmalivuk wrote:
biohazard wrote:Doesn't every one know you just add the flakes from the jar to hot water and stir?
Jesus Christ there are children reading this thread! You can't just say something like that without some kind of warning!


Heh. Don't want to corrupt those youngsters, for sure. :)

Although, as an adult, I will say that I appreciate biohazard's comment because it brought back fond memories from my youth of my paternal grandparents and the jar of instant coffee that they always seemed to have on hand for themselves and for their guests. It's right up there with crystal candy dishes on coffee tables as far as fond memories go.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Soupspoon » Fri Oct 07, 2016 1:04 pm UTC

I'm so-so with coffee. But don't ask me for a mug of tea...

(I will drink coffee, though no fan, but don't like tea at all so have rarely tasted what I have brewed. Thus 'pot luck' for those who haven't yet learnt not to ask me to make it.)

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby reval » Fri Oct 07, 2016 2:13 pm UTC

It's nice that programmers get to be the real adults for a change:
iabervon wrote:letting programmers make the coffee

Of course, then this leads to the "you put in HOW many scoops?" discussion.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby RCT Bob » Fri Oct 07, 2016 2:18 pm UTC

Wow, this one is literally true for me, I still have no idea how to make coffee because I find it disgusting, and I'm 27 years old (other than pressing a button on the coffee machine at the university of course)

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Flumble » Fri Oct 07, 2016 2:21 pm UTC


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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby grkvlt » Fri Oct 07, 2016 2:28 pm UTC

Meh. I actually quite like the taste of instant, Nescafe original is a reasonable slug-down-a-mug-full-before-cycling-to-the-office drink. Then there's Kenco millicano and other similar brands, which is an instant coffee mixed with finely ground coffee beans, which makes a very appealing cup, that tastes almost indistinguishable from filter coffee; of course it is more expensive, from 2-4 times the price.

kenco-millicano.jpg
Kenco millicano instant coffee
kenco-millicano.jpg (13.67 KiB) Viewed 5512 times


For real coffee, though, I have my awesome Gaggia Classic espresso machine. Makes a perfect espresso, every time.

gaggia-classic.jpg
Gaggia Classic espresso machine
gaggia-classic.jpg (29.86 KiB) Viewed 5512 times
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby kelvinc » Fri Oct 07, 2016 2:59 pm UTC

The whole point of getting a Dyson is there are no filters! :wink:

Anyway, I press my coffee. French press for weekday morning fuel and AeroPress for weekend indulgences.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby RAGBRAIvet » Fri Oct 07, 2016 3:01 pm UTC

Coffee is overrated.  It's nothing more than dirty water anyway.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Fri Oct 07, 2016 3:08 pm UTC

reval wrote:It's nice that programmers get to be the real adults for a change:
iabervon wrote:letting programmers make the coffee

Of course, then this leads to the "you put in HOW many scoops?" discussion.

Six, I know that seems excessive, but I like weak coffee.

Besides, it's not like those extra spoonfuls of water cost much.
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri Oct 07, 2016 3:27 pm UTC

RAGBRAIvet wrote:Coffee is overrated.  It's nothing more than dirty water anyway.

i like my coffee how i like this morning

i hate this morning

and mornings in general

and coffee in general
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby cellocgw » Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:00 pm UTC

RAGBRAIvet wrote:Coffee is overrated.  It's nothing more than dirty water anyway.


You can't say that near Boston !

ETA,

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Tyndmyr » Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:14 pm UTC

Ugh, instant coffee. It's forever tainted to me from time spent eating MREs, which contain a small packet of some lie labeled "coffee".

This should not actually be mixed with water under any circumstance. If you are truly desperate, you should just do a shot of the flakes directly. At least then the suffering is over swiftly.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby commodorejohn » Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:29 pm UTC

Tyndmyr wrote:Ugh, instant coffee. It's forever tainted to me from time spent eating MREs, which contain a small packet of some lie labeled "coffee".

This should not actually be mixed with water under any circumstance. If you are truly desperate, you should just do a shot of the flakes directly. At least then the suffering is over swiftly.

Instant coffee is actually the physical form of original sin. I'd sooner drink Black Lodge coffee.
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby freezeblade » Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:30 pm UTC

Instant "coffee" causes me to cringe so much. bleh.

Coffee paraphernalia I own:
hand crank burr grinders (One set for pour over fine, one for french press coarse)
Moka pot (3-cup)
Ceramic pour over (the glass ones are too mainstream)
Stainless steel pour kettle for hot water
3-cup french press
8-cup french press
Stovetop milk steamer (I don't even think you can buy these anymore, it's basically a kettle with a steam wand)

Next on the list is probably an aeropress
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Heimhenge » Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:42 pm UTC

Having my morning coffee now as I read this thread, and was reminded by the comments that a LOT of people just don't like the stuff. Started drinking coffee back in high school because "that's what adults did" and it was supposed to help with staying up late and cramming for a test. Hated the bitter taste, even with cream and sugar added, but forced myself to learn to like it. Now I can't start my day w/o at least 4-5 cups.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Tyndmyr » Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:47 pm UTC

Hated it throughout school, but military got in me in the habit. Lots and lots of early mornings.

Cream and sweetener, but something like six cups a day. In theory, an instant should be possible, I suppose, but in practice, yeah, it's just nothing like the real thing. I think the best coffee I've had has been from a vacuum coffee maker, which I suppose is the inspiration for this comic. Also, they do look remarkably sciency, so a lovely thing to have about.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby biohazard » Fri Oct 07, 2016 6:12 pm UTC

grkvlt wrote:For real coffee, though, I have my awesome Gaggia Classic espresso machine. Makes a perfect espresso, every time.

gaggia-classic.jpg


Just curious how different is the results from say a 20+ year old De'Longhi that may or may not be stolen from ones father asking for a friend.
Oh and would any such differences be noticeable if you are heathen who adds flavored syrup, half and half and ice? Inquiring minds want to know.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby somitomi » Fri Oct 07, 2016 6:15 pm UTC

Heimhenge wrote:Started drinking coffee back in high school because "that's what adults did" and it was supposed to help with staying up late and cramming for a test. Hated the bitter taste, even with cream and sugar added, but forced myself to learn to like it.

I think that is the only reason people like beer. Which made me wonder why there are things, that supposedly everyone on the face of Earth likes (both beer and coffee being examples of this phenomenon).
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby ps.02 » Fri Oct 07, 2016 6:29 pm UTC

What I get from this: "Aren't Millennials cute when they move out and try to be grown-ups?" I think Homeownership was funnier, if equally implausible.

As for non-coffee-drinkers entertaining guests, I like how my parents did it: they acquired a coffeemaker and a can of Folger's, and when their brother-in-law is there, they just have him make the coffee.

somitomi wrote:I think that is the only reason people like beer. Which made me wonder why there are things, that supposedly everyone on the face of Earth likes
I wonder if that's true: that beer is always an acquired taste. It certainly would be for me. I've heard it is for many people. But does there exist a significant population who has always liked it?

Black coffee may or may not be similar, but I think I've always liked coffee adulterated with cream and sugar. (Speaking of which: those of you who don't like coffee: how many of you decided this solely on the experience of powdered non-dairy whitener? Because that stuff is indeed kinda nasty.)

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby DanD » Fri Oct 07, 2016 8:24 pm UTC

ps.02 wrote:As for non-coffee-drinkers entertaining guests, I like how my parents did it: they acquired a coffeemaker and a can of Folger's, and when their brother-in-law is there, they just have him make the coffee.

I know how to make it. But my only concession to it is a hand me down two cup pot and a small bag of ground coffee I keep frozen against need. And replace every few years.

Black coffee may or may not be similar, but I think I've always liked coffee adulterated with cream and sugar. (Speaking of which: those of you who don't like coffee: how many of you decided this solely on the experience of powdered non-dairy whitener? Because that stuff is indeed kinda nasty.)


Had it black. Had it with real cream and sugar, had it with the non-dairy stuff. It never tastes good. With enough cream and sugar I can choke it down when I'm desperately in need of a caffeine fix and diet Coke or something isn't available.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Angua » Fri Oct 07, 2016 8:31 pm UTC

I like instant coffee.

I also like powdered milk.

I guess it all depends where you grow up and what you're used to.
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby rmsgrey » Fri Oct 07, 2016 11:41 pm UTC

My drug of choice remains sucrose.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby xtifr » Sat Oct 08, 2016 1:15 am UTC

Considering all the various different ways people have come up with for turning cooked coffee beans into a beverage, this doesn't seem all that outrageous. The first time I encountered Turkish coffee, my reaction was: wow, they're doing everything wrong! Yet the result was pretty decent, once you get past the fact that you literally have to chew the last few sips. So, I've gotten pretty flexible, and do several things "wrong" which don't seem to have a noticeable effect on the resulting brew. My purist days are long in the past.

(As for all you folks who don't like coffee, yeah, we get it. Anyone who's been pretending to be an adult for more than a couple of years has encountered folks who don't like coffee. Or who don't like tea. Or beer. Or wine. Or something. It doesn't make you special to dislike coffee. It just makes you yet another example of the wonderful variety in which humans come.)
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby Pfhorrest » Sat Oct 08, 2016 1:55 am UTC

i hate coffee because when i was a teenager i grabbed a mug that i thought was full of the last of my grape juice and swigged it down sight-unseen only to then realize it was my dad's leftover coffee that he had been using as a motherfucking ash tray

probably also why i want to flay every goddamn smoker in the world alive, though that's more likely just because every goddamn smoker in the world is a filthy fucking ashhole
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby da Doctah » Sat Oct 08, 2016 5:45 am UTC

xtifr wrote:(As for all you folks who don't like coffee, yeah, we get it. Anyone who's been pretending to be an adult for more than a couple of years has encountered folks who don't like coffee. Or who don't like tea. Or beer. Or wine. Or something. It doesn't make you special to dislike coffee. It just makes you yet another example of the wonderful variety in which humans come.)


Tonight at dinner, I made a point of bringing a bag of green tea Kit-Kat bars to share with my fellow MENSAns. Ten people at the table, and I'd say there were about three of us who actually liked them. One who I figured would be up for a little something different took one small bite and left the rest on her plate. I'm a little disappointed with these people at this point.

As for coffee, I like it unsweetened, unwhitened, and ice cold. This stuff does nicely:

Image

Note the ingredients list visible, printed sideways, in the right-hand image: "INGREDIENTS: WATER, COFFEE." That's as it should be. Sometimes I'll put a dash of ground cardamom in and shake it up before I drink it.

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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby grkvlt » Sat Oct 08, 2016 7:16 am UTC

biohazard wrote:
grkvlt wrote:For real coffee, though, I have my awesome Gaggia Classic espresso machine. Makes a perfect espresso, every time.


Just curious how different is the results from say a 20+ year old De'Longhi that may or may not be stolen from ones father asking for a friend.
Oh and would any such differences be noticeable if you are heathen who adds flavored syrup, half and half and ice? Inquiring minds want to know.


If you can pick up the Gaggia cheap (mine was GBP 150.00) then go for it, sure. It's a reliable machine which looks pretty, from an Italian manufacturer, that does one thing for you well using no nonsense manual controls. But it's not at the high-end artisanal hipster scale of espresso generation by any means. If you're happy with the repeatability of your cups of coffee, and are using reasonable quality (say, Illy) espresso coffee, then I wouldn't change your machine. Since I happily and voluntarily drink instant coffee and frequent Starbucks, my opinion probably doesn't count for much with the real coffee lovers, but the Gaggia makes me happy...
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Re: 1743: "Coffee"

Postby J%r » Sat Oct 08, 2016 10:49 am UTC

I like instant coffee too, last time I went to the supermarket I almost bought all their instant coffee as it was half off. Then I still have a nespresso machine(DeLonghi) I also use sometimes.


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