Pfhorrest wrote:Zinho wrote:My personal theory about people who go about offending people on purpose is that it's a power play, an attempt to exert social dominance. Getting the person you offend to lose their cool and make a scene is a "win" for the offender.
Weirdly enough, I sometimes manage to turn that into a defense against offense. On rare occasion, someone I don't know or remember will yell something or make some insulting gesture or something to me, like out of a passing car or something. I usually have pretty bad anger management, but fortunately for me in a situation like that my first response is to think "I must have done something to really piss that person I don't remember off sometime. I'm confident enough that I'm only an asshole to random people who were already being assholes first that this person is probably some random asshole who I gave well-due shit to some time for doing something assholish. And they're still pissed about it. Good. They probably deserve it." And I stay calm, and some asshole is having a bad day just because they remembered I exist.
In general, if the other person in a conflict is upset, it helps me stay calm, because I feel like the deep impetus of anger displays in me is to try to convey the seriousness of a grievance when other, calmer methods have failed. So if they're pissed off too, awesome, now we're communicating and I'm not just falling on deaf ears, and maybe this is the first step toward talking considerately about things.
Have you considered the possibility that you might actually be an asshole?
I'm half joking here, from other interactions on the fora you don't come across as one. Still, this mindset is pretty assholish - "this person is mad at me so they probably deserve it" seems pretty close to "this person is offended because he's a little cry baby".