1933: "Santa Facts"

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Kludgy
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1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby Kludgy » Mon Dec 25, 2017 5:40 am UTC

Image

Title text: We've gotten him up to 20% milk and cookies through an aggressive public campaign, but that seems to be his dietary limit. Anything above that and he starts developing nutritional deficiencies.

With that said, Alexa would be pretty neat to work as a sidekick, but is his diet really 80% Reindeer?

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rhomboidal
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby rhomboidal » Mon Dec 25, 2017 6:02 am UTC

Santa would never eat Rudolph. They're binge-drinking buddies.

Brilliand
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby Brilliand » Mon Dec 25, 2017 6:29 am UTC

Santa is now a Pokémon! Someone needs to write out the rest of his stat block. (Also his movelist.)

sotanaht
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby sotanaht » Mon Dec 25, 2017 6:53 am UTC

I could actually believe there are (at least) 5 active warrants for his arrest. I mean he does a LOT of breaking in entering and maybe some stalking too, it's just a question of whether any jurisdictions have chosen to take the reports seriously enough.

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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby svenman » Mon Dec 25, 2017 7:27 am UTC

Those "Naughty/Nice" lists definitely look like evidence of stalking, and even worse, stalking of children. There are also allegations of physical child abuse and assault.

And still, it seems awfully hard to make any allegations stick (even including the one of his very existence), even though government agencies have been tracking his activities for years.
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da Doctah
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby da Doctah » Mon Dec 25, 2017 9:54 am UTC

sotanaht wrote:I could actually believe there are (at least) 5 active warrants for his arrest. I mean he does a LOT of breaking in entering and maybe some stalking too, it's just a question of whether any jurisdictions have chosen to take the reports seriously enough.

Also a long list of elf's rights violations (long hours with low pay, making them work holidays, only one dentist for the whole bunch).

And that's not to mention the undocumented border crossings.

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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby Soupspoon » Mon Dec 25, 2017 12:02 pm UTC

rhomboidal wrote:Santa would never eat Rudolph. They're binge-drinking buddies.

Hence the red nose. Both for recognition purposes and the consequences of the drink.

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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby Weeks » Mon Dec 25, 2017 1:32 pm UTC

Brilliand wrote:Santa is now a Pokémon! Someone needs to write out the rest of his stat block. (Also his movelist.)
It's just Lugia I think
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby Steve the Pocket » Mon Dec 25, 2017 3:34 pm UTC

Actually, the mostly-reindeer diet might be responsible for more dietary deficiencies. The French term for malnutrition caused by too much protein and not enough fat is "mal de caribou". (We English speakers call it "rabbit starvation".) Which is pretty ironic; if you'd expect any ungulate to grow a healthy layer of blubber for warmth, it would be the one that's native to the arctic.
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Eshru
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby Eshru » Mon Dec 25, 2017 4:58 pm UTC

Weeks wrote:
Brilliand wrote:Santa is now a Pokémon! Someone needs to write out the rest of his stat block. (Also his movelist.)
It's just Lugia I think

HP: 130
Attack: 90
Defense: 110
Sp.Atk: 90
Sp.Def: 110
Speed: 160
Only Jolly nature, luckily this works well to boost his speed higher. Also means he likes dry sweets, informs what kind of cookies to leave I suppose.
Fur Coat and Slush Rush (Hidden) seem reasonable for abilities.

What else? I suppose he'd have a special Z-Move, probably flying typed.

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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby PinkShinyRose » Tue Dec 26, 2017 12:57 am UTC

Eshru wrote:
Weeks wrote:
Brilliand wrote:Santa is now a Pokémon! Someone needs to write out the rest of his stat block. (Also his movelist.)
It's just Lugia I think

HP: 130
Attack: 90
Defense: 110
Sp.Atk: 90
Sp.Def: 110
Speed: 160
Only Jolly nature, luckily this works well to boost his speed higher. Also means he likes dry sweets, informs what kind of cookies to leave I suppose.
Fur Coat and Slush Rush (Hidden) seem reasonable for abilities.

What else? I suppose he'd have a special Z-Move, probably flying typed.

It's an event Lugia, whose moves are: present, fly, pickup and miracle eye. How about a psychic type Z-move: Past Sight.

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Weeks
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby Weeks » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:13 am UTC

I completely forgot there was already a Santa pokemon in gen 2

Image
NieXS wrote:Oh god that smiley ruined it.
suffer-cait wrote:One day I'm gun a go visit weeks and discover they're just a computer in a trashcan at an ice cream shop.

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Eshru
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby Eshru » Tue Dec 26, 2017 3:36 pm UTC

Ok so compromise: it's a Delibird evolution with the aforementioned moveset.

qvxb
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby qvxb » Tue Dec 26, 2017 3:56 pm UTC

Nothing about Mrs. Claus? Are they still together or did she leave him when she found out he brought Apollonia Kotero a sex shooter in 1984? Rumor is he said to her "Come on and kiss the gun".

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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby HES » Tue Dec 26, 2017 10:28 pm UTC

9th in line for which presidency, though?
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Soupspoon
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby Soupspoon » Tue Dec 26, 2017 10:55 pm UTC

The only one that matters…
Spoiler:
Image

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HOW_CAN_I_DEAKTIVATE_CAPSLOCK!
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby HOW_CAN_I_DEAKTIVATE_CAPSLOCK! » Wed Dec 27, 2017 8:48 am UTC

Only known vampire able to enter house without beeing invited

Guys, that's obviuosly wrong:
One has to leave cookies and milk on the table, as well as socks at the chimney to invite Santa.
Without invitation Santa can't enter the house. That's why he only comes, when it's christmas.

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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby rmsgrey » Thu Dec 28, 2017 12:27 am UTC

da Doctah wrote:
sotanaht wrote:I could actually believe there are (at least) 5 active warrants for his arrest. I mean he does a LOT of breaking in entering and maybe some stalking too, it's just a question of whether any jurisdictions have chosen to take the reports seriously enough.

Also a long list of elf's rights violations (long hours with low pay, making them work holidays, only one dentist for the whole bunch).

And that's not to mention the undocumented border crossings.


The elfin working conditions may be legal in his jurisdiction. Actually, thinking about it, elves are probably in somewhat of a legal grey area, along with Oompa Loompas and sentient robots...

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Soupspoon
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Re: 1933: "Santa Facts"

Postby Soupspoon » Thu Dec 28, 2017 12:26 pm UTC

If Willy Wonka had arranged for the internals of his factory to be an exclave of Loompaland, he might have avoided many of the problems (at least until there'd be demands for consulate assistance, and retrospective examination of the borders for import/export duties, etc), though not the in-transit element of wherever on the spectrum the transit between territories became human trafficking, possible CITES offense and/or Balhai Directive/etc (in)adherence.

At least until Russia gets its Lomonosov Ridge claim better agreed, Santa hasn't had most of those problems (just the likely avoidance of Customs checks, ICAO/local CAA rules, animal rules regarding caribou trained for draughting purposes and also likely causing worldwide problems by bodily obscuring heating/ventilation outlets outwith all the relevent design and building specifications).


Sentient robots will become our overlords, and therefore I shall have to defer to their future unilateral reconciliations.


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