0328: "Eggs"

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htometh
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby htometh » Fri Oct 12, 2007 11:58 pm UTC

Well I find it a bit sad that the penguin line hasn't been properly adopted.

"Do you know how much a penguin weighs?"
"No"
"I wonder if it's enough to break the ice..."

Of course it has to be delivered with a smile.

When given a weight you have the optional

"Well, do you think that's enough to break the ice"

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby TheKhakinator » Sat Oct 13, 2007 1:01 am UTC

Moo wrote:
Moo wrote:
TheKhakinator wrote:You all sound like the kinds of people I'd like to meet. I have to make it to a meetup sometime.
Seconded...
Actually, I've been thinking about it. When ppl post on xkcd fora the only part of their personality that comes out is their xkcdism. The other aspects might not appeal to me at all, or mine to others. This explains why my only ever meetup with a chatroom flirtation went so horribly, horribly akward. Perhaps it is best not to shatter the illussion.

Yeah I did the same thing. The bus ride home was fun though. You can't reliably get to know someone purely over the internet. People can act significantly differently in real life, I find. However, if it's an xkcd meetup, everyone will be acting xkcd, which is probably similar to how they act here, so you won't find out the other side of them unless you meet them again afterwards.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby DragonHawk » Sat Oct 13, 2007 1:05 am UTC

TheKhakinator wrote:However, if it's an xkcd meetup, everyone will be acting xkcd, which is probably similar to how they act here, so you won't find out the other side of them unless you meet them again afterwards.

And even then, they're likely to be acting at least a little xkcdish, since they know that connection is there. We all wear masks for other people. We're always alone in our thoughts.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby flatluigi » Sat Oct 13, 2007 1:37 am UTC

What would be interesting is if you used the polar bear/penguin line on someone and they recognized it from here. I'm not sure what I'd do if that happened.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Master Gunner » Sat Oct 13, 2007 2:03 am UTC

flatluigi wrote:What would be interesting is if you used the polar bear/penguin line on someone and they recognized it from here. I'm not sure what I'd do if that happened.

I'm guessing it would involve a Molotov cocktail and one of your shirts.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby TheKhakinator » Sat Oct 13, 2007 2:04 am UTC

sillybear25 wrote:Which reminds me of a story I heard about someone who screwed up the punchline without realizing it:

"Wait, weren't you just in here?"
"No, that was someone else..."

I sort of did this once. But it wasn't a joke. I needed to get some money to a friend for pizza. However, we had to make the transfer during my chemistry class (he had a free lesson). He was supposed to ring me and without answering the phone I would then ask to go to the toilet to leave chemistry, meet him, and give him the money. This didn't work. He left his phone at home, so, ignoring my failsafe (I said without a phone call I'd leave at 12:10PM to meet him) he comes to class at 12 to ask if he can talk to me ( I was in another room). The teacher tells him if it's important he needs to get a note from his teacher. So he leaves, wondering how he's going to get the money. Failsafe time comes, so I go to the teacher to ask. He asks if I'm actually going to find my friend as he noticed my phone in my hand that I was using to tell the time. I said no, so I proved I hadn't received a call from him summoning me, so he let me go. I found my buddy and gave him the cash. Getting back, the teacher asked "Did you find your friend?"

I tried to cover up. "No, I couldn't find him."

Shit. By saying that I made it obvious I had been looking for him, giving away the whole game. I didn't cover correctly :P

flatluigi wrote:What would be interesting is if you used the polar bear/penguin line on someone and they recognized it from here. I'm not sure what I'd do if that happened.

I think I'd ask if they were from the forums.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Feste » Sat Oct 13, 2007 5:11 am UTC

Master Gunner wrote:
flatluigi wrote:What would be interesting is if you used the polar bear/penguin line on someone and they recognized it from here. I'm not sure what I'd do if that happened.

I'm guessing it would involve a Molotov cocktail and one of your shirts.


Purely brilliant reply.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Sandals » Sat Oct 13, 2007 1:10 pm UTC

I like my coffee like i like my women - in a plastic cup.

Loving the Eddie Izzard comments!
Benfrenchman wrote:*I'm not sure why I used rad here... unless.... *checks clock* No, wait, it's not 1997. I guess I'm just an idiot.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby dabigkid » Sat Oct 13, 2007 1:16 pm UTC

I tell a meta-joke.

Everyone masturbates to their wit and cynicism.



How many meta-jokes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: One to refuse to screw it in, and the other to say, "fuck you," and do it anyway.
wut

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Surgery » Sat Oct 13, 2007 7:12 pm UTC

just to continue the coffee one-liners:
i like my coffee like I like my women: ground up, in a burlap sack and thrown over the back of a donkey.

and yea, i was a little confused at first because i thought there must be a line between his line and "unfertilized" that he was trying to get her to say so he could say "unfertilized". trying to set someone up to say the punchline is kind of odd.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby pirogo » Sat Oct 13, 2007 7:28 pm UTC

Hey there,
after making my post in the intro thread, I thought, I should be entitled to make my appropriately noob thread-ignoring/derailing and embarassing intro post, so...

\begin{itemize}
\item Does anybody else find all of xkcd's comics' females compellingly attractive (Theory: hairstyle and feminine posture)
\item Not a plug, but: I think, much of the xkcd forum audience might enjoy the Tales of Mere Existence, recently featured on YouTube (i.p. the romance aspect features well, alas, no surreality, tho)
\end{itemize}

Please, don't hate me...

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby DragonHawk » Sat Oct 13, 2007 10:06 pm UTC

More bad jokes:

Q: How many houseflies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just two. The real question is, how did they get in there in the first place?

Surgery wrote:and yea, i was a little confused at first because i thought there must be a line between his line and "unfertilized" that he was trying to get her to say so he could say "unfertilized". trying to set someone up to say the punchline is kind of odd.

Given that he's a stick-figure, I think it's perfectly appropriate that he was playing a straight man.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby gormster » Sun Oct 14, 2007 12:36 am UTC

Ari wrote:
Delalyra wrote:
Dobblesworth wrote:Good strip today.

Reminded me of a song they had on a Tropicana advert showing New York mornings:
Female singer "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Male partner "I like mine with a hug."
F "How do you like your toast in the morning?"
M "I like mine with a kiss."

Or something like that.

Where's the Tropicana plug, though?

"How do you like your orange juice?"
"I like mine with sex."


You know, "Sex and Orange Juice" would make an excellent band name. :)


Nah, it'd just remind everyone of tubgirl.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby melman » Sun Oct 14, 2007 1:11 am UTC

I normally try this one:

What's a whore like you doing in a classy joint like this?

It came close to working once.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby JoshuaZ » Sun Oct 14, 2007 2:47 am UTC

And XKCD has an overlap with the most recent SMBC: http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db ... =962#comic

I guess that isn't that surprising. SMBC seems in many ways to be XKCD without the math and science and with the linguistics dumbed down a lot.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Vandole » Sun Oct 14, 2007 4:55 am UTC

I like my women like I like my coffee: Sweet and creamy. (alternately, sweet and full of milk)
I like my women like I like my coffee: Full, delicious and aromatic.
I like my women like I like my beer: Cheap and intoxicating.

What word starts with N and ends with R that you should never call a black man?
Spoiler:
Neighbour
Also that polar bear line is seriously awesome. I should use it sometime.
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Syphon
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Syphon » Sun Oct 14, 2007 4:44 pm UTC

I like my women like I like my coffee, 12 years old, Colombian, and transported overseas in a burlap sack.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby rockintom99 » Sun Oct 14, 2007 8:13 pm UTC

Wait, what? Why does no one offer me casual sex?
THIS IS A SIGNATURE.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby batkatt » Sun Oct 14, 2007 10:23 pm UTC

Vandole wrote:What word starts with N and ends with R that you should never call a black man?
Spoiler:
Neighbour


reminds me of something I learned at girlscout camp. My favorite word starts with F and ends with UCK. my favorite word is firetruck, what did you think I was going to say? heehee

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby keithc » Sun Oct 14, 2007 11:14 pm UTC

Kewangji wrote:So, two meese are flying in the stratosphere. One of them says: "Hey wait a minnit!"
The other one replies: "What?"
"Meese can't fly!"
"Oh, nobody told you? I've got a toaster."

You owe me a clean pair of underpants!

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Last_Tonight » Mon Oct 15, 2007 1:58 am UTC

A guy walks into a bar. He says "Ow." The bartender goes, "Aw, real funny."

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby aleflamedyud » Mon Oct 15, 2007 2:34 am UTC

Apparently nobody thought of the most obvious coffee/women joke.

"I like my women like my coffee: black."

Actually, I hate black coffee. It makes me so jittery.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby squarebracket » Mon Oct 15, 2007 3:19 am UTC

aleflamedyud wrote:"I like my women like my coffee: black."


I've actually said a few times, in reference to coffee: "Once you go black, you never go back."

To continue the nerdy jokes:
Heisenberg is pulled over by a cop. The cop asks him, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know where I am."

(P.S. Proper semi-colon usage is awesome.)

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby DragonHawk » Mon Oct 15, 2007 3:23 am UTC

squarebracket wrote:To continue the nerdy jokes:

René Descartes is walking down a shady city street. A prostitute calls out to him, "Hey, baby, you know you want some of this!" In an offended tone, he replies, "I think not", and vanishes.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby drunkmunky » Mon Oct 15, 2007 3:30 am UTC

I heard that polar bear line a while ago and we convinced one of our friends to use it, it was surprisingly effective (damn that grammar nazi comic I don't know which one to use!).

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Angelene » Mon Oct 15, 2007 3:45 am UTC

drunkmunky wrote:I heard that polar bear line a while ago and we convinced one of our friends to use it, it was surprisingly effective (damn that grammar nazi comic I don't know which one to use!).


Effective.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby TheKhakinator » Mon Oct 15, 2007 6:51 am UTC

It's super effective!
See, it has a 2x type bonus, Human moves being super-effective against Human type.
Plus it gets the 50% same-type-attack-bonus for being a Human move used by a Human type.
[/Pokemon]

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Geekthras » Mon Oct 15, 2007 7:00 am UTC

Godwin's law.
Wait. With a SPOON?!

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Random832 » Mon Oct 15, 2007 12:15 pm UTC

Surgery wrote:trying to set someone up to say the punchline is kind of odd.


Odd? Maybe. But can you really say it's not xkcd?

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Sprocket » Mon Oct 15, 2007 7:45 pm UTC

sab39 wrote:
CatProximity wrote:
sab39 wrote:It's not quite plagiarized from the first, but its derivative, I admit.

OOOH!

Come to think of it, that sentence effects a similar effect in non-mathematicians as Monday's comic does in amateur grammar nazis :D

I'm not a mathematician, but I still thought it was a painful and ::cough:: excelent pun.
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby sab39 » Mon Oct 15, 2007 7:56 pm UTC

CatProximity wrote:I'm not a mathematician, but I still thought it was a painful and ::cough:: excelent pun.

In this particular thread, shouldn't that be an "eggs"-cellent pun? :P

(But if you don't get the yolk, that's allwhite)

(sorry)

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Geekthras » Mon Oct 15, 2007 11:24 pm UTC

Augh, my humor....organ.

Real conversation:
Idiot:
"Yo' mamma like a TV: even a 3 year old could turn her on!"
Me:
"Yo' mamma like a whale: She's fat."
Wait. With a SPOON?!

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby theyellowhobbit » Tue Oct 16, 2007 3:13 am UTC

With all the social awkwardness of us xkcd-ians, I wonder if it would be a good idea to have people who can set xkcd people up with each other...

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby TheKhakinator » Tue Oct 16, 2007 6:45 am UTC

So many times people suggest the idea of an "xkcd dating service" and all such things. The closest you'll ever get is the meetup board, or PMing people.

I asked someone yesterday if their left sock was uncomfortable. It was a huge rush. I am NOT joking. So I think I'm pretty all right with meeting people.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Moo » Tue Oct 16, 2007 9:14 am UTC

TheKhakinator wrote:I asked someone yesterday if their left sock was uncomfortable. It was a huge rush. I am NOT joking. So I think I'm pretty all right with meeting people.
Is this conclusion based on the perfectly normal way they smile in a placating sort of way just before they start backing up? ;)
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby TheKhakinator » Wed Oct 17, 2007 11:13 am UTC

Actually everyone was seated. It was in a maths class.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Andrusi » Wed Oct 17, 2007 2:44 pm UTC

sab39 wrote:I saw this online:

f(x)=3x2 walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich. The bartender says "sorry, we don't cater for functions."

Then posted this on my blog:

f(x)=6x walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich. The bartender says "sorry, we don't cater for functions."

It's not quite plagiarized from the first, but its derivative, I admit.

I reposted this on my blog, but I changed the function back to 3x2. I believe it's integral to the joke.
Not named Dennis Miller.

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby Ari » Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:30 pm UTC

Andrusi wrote:I reposted this on my blog, but I changed the function back to 3x2. I believe it's integral to the joke.


Punishment is the lowest form of humour! :P Yes, even lower than sarcasm! ;)
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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby woktiny » Thu Oct 18, 2007 2:54 pm UTC

Ari wrote:
Andrusi wrote:I reposted this on my blog, but I changed the function back to 3x2. I believe it's integral to the joke.


Punishment is the lowest form of humour! :P Yes, even lower than sarcasm! ;)

Lower than sit-coms?

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Re: "Eggs" Discussion

Postby sab39 » Thu Oct 18, 2007 3:11 pm UTC

Andrusi wrote:I reposted this on my blog, but I changed the function back to 3x2. I believe it's integral to the joke.

Really? I didn't think it was important enough to differentiate.

PS that was incalculably awesome. Thank you.


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