0415: "Restraining order"

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Tiberius Gracchus
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0415: "Restraining order"

Postby Tiberius Gracchus » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:19 am UTC

Image

Altext: On Mondays I go running, so you'll have to get up early and follow along on a parallel street. What fun!

Airplane flights must be a real joy.
Last edited by Tiberius Gracchus on Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:19 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Restraining order

Postby mountaingoat » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:19 am UTC

I was hoping this would be an Ubuntu joke. :?

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Re: Restraining order

Postby GodShapedBullet » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:20 am UTC

I always thought if you had two people get a restraining order against you they could do some kind of pincer attack on you, crushing you with a force field of the law.

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Re: Restraining order

Postby toysbfun » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:21 am UTC

sean22190 wrote:I was hoping this would be an Ubuntu joke. :?


I thought it might be, then remembered one of the title texts complaining about how an Ubuntu upgrade screwed up his system.

What I want to know is what he was doing more than 600 yards away he couldn't do closer.

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby btilly » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:22 am UTC

So what happens if she decides to take a commercial flight?
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby Xbehave » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:24 am UTC

when she runs he could just run behind here that way he can shave 1000 yards of the journey :D,
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby 4=5 » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:29 am UTC

or you could make it a parabola oriented north XD

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby StClair » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:30 am UTC

Uh... I kinda want to see the judge that granted that brought before the bar.

Sorry. Not so funny for me, I guess.

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby benjhuey » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:31 am UTC

She must know the judge personally. That's insane.
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby DSDM » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:34 am UTC

toysbfun wrote:What I want to know is what he was doing more than 600 yards away he couldn't do closer.


It's probably the minimum effective range of his trebuchet.
http://xkcd.com/382/

Sure, that one only had a range of 150 meters, but he's bound to have improved it.

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Re: Restraining order

Postby Newto » Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:51 am UTC

GodShapedBullet wrote:I always thought if you had two people get a restraining order against you they could do some kind of pincer attack on you, crushing you with a force field of the law.


I think you'd need many people, you'd probably get forced to the sides, and three may force you to be pushed up or down...

Hmm, genius! Get yourself onto a hill, and then have 3 people with restraining orders to climb the hill in an equilateral triangle, and then you can float! The hill is so you don't get forced downwards and crushed.

This is assuming restraining orders are spherical, I'm no law nut, but sneak aerial attacks should be against them.

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Re: Restraining order

Postby GodShapedBullet » Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:01 am UTC

Newto wrote:
GodShapedBullet wrote:I always thought if you had two people get a restraining order against you they could do some kind of pincer attack on you, crushing you with a force field of the law.


I think you'd need many people, you'd probably get forced to the sides, and three may force you to be pushed up or down...

Hmm, genius! Get yourself onto a hill, and then have 3 people with restraining orders to climb the hill in an equilateral triangle, and then you can float! The hill is so you don't get forced downwards and crushed.

This is assuming restraining orders are spherical, I'm no law nut, but sneak aerial attacks should be against them.


As far as I understand how restraining orders work, yes, this works.

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby Space Dog » Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:07 am UTC

So what I don't get it, what if the person comes at you!? Will you just have to run and hope you dno't fall into the danger zone?
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby 6453893 » Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:09 am UTC

If she wanted to get really creative, she should have filed an algorithmic restraining order.

"You can't come within Y meters of me, where Y is equal to pi times the square of the number of days remaining until my next birthday, over six. At the same time, you can't go further than the indefinite integral of that equation away."

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby Pandercolour » Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:13 am UTC

Honestly, if I were the jurist presiding, I'd grant it because it would be funny.

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Re: Restraining order

Postby Shakleton » Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:21 am UTC

Newto wrote:
GodShapedBullet wrote:I always thought if you had two people get a restraining order against you they could do some kind of pincer attack on you, crushing you with a force field of the law.


I think you'd need many people, you'd probably get forced to the sides, and three may force you to be pushed up or down...

Hmm, genius! Get yourself onto a hill, and then have 3 people with restraining orders to climb the hill in an equilateral triangle, and then you can float! The hill is so you don't get forced downwards and crushed.

This is assuming restraining orders are spherical, I'm no law nut, but sneak aerial attacks should be against them.


Your post gave me the idea to alter the Substitute Comic a little bit. Here are my results. Enjoy!
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby coldsteelrail » Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:29 am UTC

I'm kinda disappointed he didn't do more with this. The possibilities are endless! Regions satisfying the conditions when the girl is moving in a parabolic path. Maybe even a device like the Cheap GPS one. Commercial flights, holidays, ski resorts, hell - even a combo of wednesday's swing sex scene with this rule. Now - that would be fun!
Last edited by coldsteelrail on Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:31 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby MasterDinadan » Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:31 am UTC

"You can't come within Y meters of me, where Y is equal to pi times the square of the number of days remaining until my next birthday, over six. At the same time, you can't go further than the indefinite integral of that equation away."


Let's just hope C is really large.

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby GodShapedBullet » Fri Apr 25, 2008 5:44 am UTC

Space Dog wrote:So what I don't get it, what if the person comes at you!? Will you just have to run and hope you dno't fall into the danger zone?


You mean in real life? If you go out of your way to get someone to violate your restraining order against them, I don't think the courts will think much of that violation. Also, if you went to the trouble to get a restraining oder, running towards them is the last thing you probably want to do.

Plus, there's the force field that would push them away.

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby shadow_spork » Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:00 am UTC

This almost reminds me of a Kraftwerk song...

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby JET73L » Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:12 am UTC

When she went jogging, he would have to follow her route almost exactly, and he could be arrested on suspicion of stalking if he followed the limits of the restraining order. Then, when he was driven away by yhe police, he would automatically have violated the restraining order, allowing a series of more and more serious charges to be pressed as each successive order was broken, all while she simply went about her daily life! The plan has more levels that you may think.

Edit: although, if the restraining limits acted as an imenetrable sphere, as mentioned in the levitation responses, airplane flights would be fun. Terrifying, and possibly fatal once the plane got within 600 yards of the ground, but that could be solved with a mountain board taped to his feet. Finding places to eat could present a problem.
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby biomatter » Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:18 am UTC

I.... I can't help but say I saw this coming. :(
What if she did something that incorporated the time of day, or phases of the moon? What if he had to orbit her?

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby Luthen » Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:34 am UTC

My first thoughts were to calculate how much room he had to move in (its about 3450 square yards).

Second thoughts were that the girl's line "you'll have to move somewhere in this ring" (emphasis mine) implied that the girl was stationary.

I have to agree, Randall could've used a more interesting/confusing restrictions. Maybe something polar? You must stay in this spiral around me!
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby jmorgan3 » Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:35 am UTC

Is anyone else just excited for the opportunity to use the word "annulus?"
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby xichimos » Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:44 am UTC

"But officer! I thought they meant logical or!"

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby E.Lobdell » Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:56 am UTC

Does this take into account the curvature of the earth? Does it ignore distance through wormholes? There are so many questions!

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Re: Restraining order

Postby Interactive Civilian » Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:17 am UTC

Newto wrote:This is assuming restraining orders are spherical, I'm no law nut, but sneak aerial attacks should be against them.

Interesting. Does anyone know the shape of restraining orders? Are they horizontal 2D regardless height? Are they spherical? What does the law say?

For example say person A gets a restraining order against person B. Person B cannot come within 100m of person A. If person A works on the 45th floor (that should be high enough) of an office building, can person B walk past the building? Can he walk through the lobby and out the side door, effectively walking under the restraining order?

Or can he not come within 100m of the building where person A works? If that is the case, how high does this "cylinder of restraint" (for lack of a better term) extend. Can he fly over the building?

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby ouin » Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:44 am UTC

What about verticals?
He could live in a balloon attached to her by a ~550 yards rope...

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby Arancaytar » Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:51 am UTC

6453893 wrote:If she wanted to get really creative, she should have filed an algorithmic restraining order.

"You can't come within Y meters of me, where Y is equal to pi times the square of the number of days remaining until my next birthday, over six. At the same time, you can't go further than the indefinite integral of that equation away."


Among geeks, wouldn't that be more of a love letter than a restraining order?
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby GCM » Fri Apr 25, 2008 8:03 am UTC

Pandercolour wrote:Honestly, if I were the jurist presiding, I'd grant it because it would be funny.


I wonder how many xkcd jurists there actually are? Honestly, if there were more than half, the defendant (I'm sorry, that's the one being accused, yes?) is in a whole lotta trouble.
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby Toam » Fri Apr 25, 2008 8:23 am UTC

xichimos wrote:"But officer! I thought they meant logical or!"



ahaha! I'd like to think that this would work.

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby Dobblesworth » Fri Apr 25, 2008 8:44 am UTC

Sorta reminds me of Particle Physics with Strong/Weak Nuclear Force and Electromagnetic Force. The 600m extreme external boundary forces you in, but eventually the 500m extreme internal boundary overpowers your inward motion, leaving you in one very f***ed up equilibrial area. Even more so when you're obese and she's a long-distance running champion/in possession of rocket boots.

My method to monitor and maintain this restraining order:
Ex-girlfriend develops a Dyson shell of a few hundred hovering cameras/detectors, one half programmed to maintain a sphere surrounding here at 500, with the second half all 100m further away directly aligned. I'm guessing these cameras will need phasing devices to prevent crashes with structures, vehicles and the Earth's surface.
Lazer sensors link them together, alarm sounds and they break off in pursuit if the male goes out of his 100m ring. Fit them with tazers for more excitement. Constant 360 degree camera feed from all points, relayed to a central server on the ex's laptop/PDA, just so she can watch him suffer.

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby vqcg » Fri Apr 25, 2008 8:48 am UTC

This is the first xkcd strip in a while that has made me laugh out loud. At work. And every one of these comments has made me laugh again.
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby Calibwam » Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:06 am UTC

Dobblesworth wrote:My method to monitor and maintain this restraining order:
Ex-girlfriend develops a Dyson shell of a few hundred hovering cameras/detectors, one half programmed to maintain a sphere surrounding here at 500, with the second half all 100m further away directly aligned. I'm guessing these cameras will need phasing devices to prevent crashes with structures, vehicles and the Earth's surface.
Lazer sensors link them together, alarm sounds and they break off in pursuit if the male goes out of his 100m ring. Fit them with tazers for more excitement. Constant 360 degree camera feed from all points, relayed to a central server on the ex's laptop/PDA, just so she can watch him suffer.

Well, what happens to half of the cameras/detectors when she's on the ground? I'm sorry, but a Dyson shell/sphere is made for floating objects (or I WOULD've made me one!)
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby michaelandjimi » Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:17 am UTC

Shakleton wrote:Your post gave me the idea to alter the Substitute Comic a little bit. Here are my results. Enjoy!

The penalty for disobeying restraining orders is being devoured? O_O

Arancaytar wrote:
6453893 wrote:If she wanted to get really creative, she should have filed an algorithmic restraining order.

"You can't come within Y meters of me, where Y is equal to pi times the square of the number of days remaining until my next birthday, over six. At the same time, you can't go further than the indefinite integral of that equation away."


Among geeks, wouldn't that be more of a love letter than a restraining order?


True. She's basically said: Feel free to do me be very close to me on my birthday.
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby Dobblesworth » Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:20 am UTC

Calibwam wrote:
Dobblesworth wrote:My method to monitor and maintain this restraining order:
Ex-girlfriend develops a Dyson shell of a few hundred hovering cameras/detectors, one half programmed to maintain a sphere surrounding here at 500, with the second half all 100m further away directly aligned. I'm guessing these cameras will need phasing devices to prevent crashes with structures, vehicles and the Earth's surface.
Lazer sensors link them together, alarm sounds and they break off in pursuit if the male goes out of his 100m ring. Fit them with tazers for more excitement. Constant 360 degree camera feed from all points, relayed to a central server on the ex's laptop/PDA, just so she can watch him suffer.

Well, what happens to half of the cameras/detectors when she's on the ground? I'm sorry, but a Dyson shell/sphere is made for floating objects (or I WOULD've made me one!)

Does that answer your question? Develop the cameras/detectors to have the ability phase out of synch with the material timespace around it, allowing it to pass fluidly through normally-phased matter. If this is too sci-fi for you, well, welcome to xkcd.

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby tollins » Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:40 am UTC

jmorgan3 wrote:Is anyone else just excited for the opportunity to use the word "annulus?"

So much so that I was saddened by Randall's use of the word "ring."

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby GCM » Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:46 am UTC

A thought comes to mind; wouldn't it be quite expensive to uphold this law?
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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby Markavian » Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:53 am UTC

coldsteelrail wrote:I'm kinda disappointed he didn't do more with this. The possibilities are endless! Regions satisfying the conditions when the girl is moving in a parabolic path. Maybe even a device like the Cheap GPS one. Commercial flights, holidays, ski resorts, hell - even a combo of wednesday's swing sex scene with this rule. Now - that would be fun!

Well, the simplicity of it keeps the humour, I tire at complicated strips from previous days. This is jam packed full of creepy girlfriendness in one slide. Who else has he been dating I wonder...

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Re: "Restraining order" Discussion

Postby vodka.cobra » Fri Apr 25, 2008 10:11 am UTC

Haha awesome comic.
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