0419: "Forks and Spoons"

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LarrySDonald
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby LarrySDonald » Mon May 05, 2008 5:47 pm UTC

I once ate something with a spork (I think a salad) and wondered how they decided the exact level of fork depth. I was using it purely as a fork and hence was a bit annoyed by the lack of function as such - a true fork would stab this pieces much better. But then if it was more like a fork, it would start working less well as a spoon, making the toes deeper and narrower would mess with it's ability to scoop up liquids or loose solids. I wondered how much research they actually did. Was there focus groups eating soup, salad, jell-o and mashed potatoes giving opinions on how well it preformed the task as a function of it's leaning toward spoon or fork? Are establishments serving mostly solid food requesting sporks sacrificing a bit of liquid holding power for additional stab capability? Someone surely must have thought carefully about how the mold should be shaped, they are clearly cranking them out by the millions.

Then I was done eating, tossed all of it in the trash and moved on.

Not_a_Spambot
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Not_a_Spambot » Mon May 05, 2008 5:49 pm UTC

dianagram wrote:
Perhaps the scientists all wanted to die, and they called in Dr. Jack Knorkian? :?


Apologise. Now.
Or something like that.

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby SolkaTruesilver » Mon May 05, 2008 5:52 pm UTC

LarrySDonald wrote:I once ate something with a spork (I think a salad) and wondered how they decided the exact level of fork depth. I was using it purely as a fork and hence was a bit annoyed by the lack of function as such - a true fork would stab this pieces much better. But then if it was more like a fork, it would start working less well as a spoon, making the toes deeper and narrower would mess with it's ability to scoop up liquids or loose solids. I wondered how much research they actually did. Was there focus groups eating soup, salad, jell-o and mashed potatoes giving opinions on how well it preformed the task as a function of it's leaning toward spoon or fork? Are establishments serving mostly solid food requesting sporks sacrificing a bit of liquid holding power for additional stab capability? Someone surely must have thought carefully about how the mold should be shaped, they are clearly cranking them out by the millions.

Then I was done eating, tossed all of it in the trash and moved on.



Are you saying that the Spork is to the Spoon and Fork what the Duskblade is to the Fighter and Wizard? Blasphemy!

wakepd
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby wakepd » Mon May 05, 2008 6:21 pm UTC

Anyone see that this comic was mentioned on Penny Arcade?

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Stay_Puft_marshmallows » Mon May 05, 2008 7:31 pm UTC

yes, the serrated grapefruit spoon is clearly the result of this project: it is a spork with the tines bred down to nubs.
text goes where?

lingomaniac88
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby lingomaniac88 » Mon May 05, 2008 8:42 pm UTC

You know, if you do this infinitely, you will get arbitrarily close to any number of the form a/b, where a and b are both positive integers. It is likely that at some point, the difference will become negligible.
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby paragon12321 » Mon May 05, 2008 8:44 pm UTC

I'm surprised that this hasn't been brought up yet:

How exactly do you mate cutlery :shock: ?
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby cvkline » Mon May 05, 2008 8:52 pm UTC

GodShapedBullet wrote:What a bold stance taken by this comic.

I thought the blending theory of inheritance was all but discredited.



I was just discussing this with my molecular biologist girlfriend and she asserted that "technically you can create any binary fraction you want, up to 2^(-U/g), where U is the time remaining in the universe and g is the time per generation" but I have to question this. The length of any individual's genome is large, but not infinite, and (presumably) the sections of it that add to determine the "value" of a particular quantitative trait is but a small fraction of that. So you have fairly limited state space to work in: the Pigeonhole Principle would seem to dictate that you thus have a limited set of discrete expressions of the quantitative trait in question.

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raymondo
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby raymondo » Mon May 05, 2008 9:00 pm UTC

pissed myself laughing when i saw this.
its pure evil genius :P

what would a knife and a spoon be?
2 + 2 = Raptor?

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justaman
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby justaman » Mon May 05, 2008 9:13 pm UTC

raymondo wrote: what would a knife and a spoon be?


That would be a spife

That damn promiscuous spoon!
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Grego » Mon May 05, 2008 9:33 pm UTC

lingomaniac88 wrote:You know, if you do this infinitely, you will get arbitrarily close to any number of the form a/b, where a and b are both positive integers. It is likely that at some point, the difference will become negligible.

But how can that be? It either has prongs (and looks like a fork) or doesn't (and looks like a spoon). Are you talking about some sort of environment in which the prongs are so short that it looks like a spoon? In which case, it still won't look like a fork...

How can something look like a perfect spoon and a perfect fork at the same time?

And what the hell is a "perfect spoon"? My God, it's late.

nekomata
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby nekomata » Mon May 05, 2008 9:39 pm UTC

Am I the only one thinking: "We had a few gaps in our spork design, but we filled them in by splicing in the blueprints of a knife."?
:twisted:

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby thesleepless » Mon May 05, 2008 9:45 pm UTC

nekomata wrote:Am I the only one thinking: "We had a few gaps in our spork design, but we filled them in by splicing in the blueprints of a knife."?
:twisted:



this is what i was thinking, what they thought would be a harmless excercise as they used no knives in the initial breeding, but somehow they have transformed into a knife in the last panel, just as some of the dinosaurs transformed into males

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby MathGeek » Mon May 05, 2008 10:22 pm UTC

I read this comic...and I laughed hard. I have firsthand experience with "blood quantum" fractions, which are binary in nature. Most of my student body is Native Americans and they have two of these fractions on their tribal ID cards, one fraction for tribal registration and one for overall blood quantum (which usually includes other tribes besides the one a person is enrolled in). I know this really has nothing to do with the comic, so I might call this a serendipitous experience.
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby HalfWayDownTheStairs » Mon May 05, 2008 11:13 pm UTC

phlip wrote:
Steroid wrote:and if we invent killer spork hybrids, they'll just kill one planet, not everyone.

But what if we invent killer space-travelling spork hybrids, then we'd still be screwed.

I mean, how much oxygen does a piece of shaped metal need to survive? All it'd need is a method of propulsion...


So, would that be a cross between Jurassic Park and Independace Day, involving sporks? Jeff Goldblum is definatly involved in some kind of cover up here!
Ok, who ate the Peanut of Doom?

kingpocky
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby kingpocky » Mon May 05, 2008 11:56 pm UTC

I signed up just so I could mention this -

Wereforks! utensils that gradually change from fork to spoon during the phases of the moon.

Also, we should start naming the different fractions. Sforks, foons, forkoons, spoonorks, and maybe even forspoonorkoons

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby tommclaughlan » Tue May 06, 2008 12:33 am UTC

I bought a crepe at the market in town today and the supplied plastic cutlery was a hybrid of a fork + knife.

Fife, or Knork?
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JET73L
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby JET73L » Tue May 06, 2008 1:37 am UTC

Those poor, stupid scientistsx, playin g god with the cutlery. Cutlery breeding has been known to be dangerous for centuries, since the soupknife fiasco of 1820. The sporks should have been destroyed, but they allowed that spark of inspiration for cutlery breeding to make a comeback...

It would have been better with just the carnage. the spork-creature hopping away just pushed it over the edge to silly.

PS: Soupknife=the only name I can recall for an actual implement that was 1/2 fork, 3/8 spook, and 1/8 knife. Used mainly for steak with gravy, dating to at least medieval times when pointed knives were outlawed in the dining halls of nobility. Other utensil hybrids had been created, but none so dangerous. The soupknife fiasco was in an arbitrarily designated year, probably not 1820. There were at least several, which probably did not happen to a degree where "fiasco" would apply.
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby scarletmanuka » Tue May 06, 2008 2:13 am UTC

Ratclaw wrote:Anyone else find the position of the female scientist... improbable? Like, how would someone be attacked by a nine-inch utensil and then land like that?

It looked to me like she was chased up onto the table by one utensil and then attacked from the other side by another one; then she slid backwards off the table.

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby lingomaniac88 » Tue May 06, 2008 2:19 am UTC

paragon12321 wrote:I'm surprised that this hasn't been brought up yet:

How exactly do you mate cutlery :shock: ?


I would imagine that it is molded metal, plastic, or whatever material you want to use.
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kingpocky
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby kingpocky » Tue May 06, 2008 2:45 am UTC

Probably the worst such incident in genetic engineering of metal utensils occurred back around the turn of the 20th century, when a European scientist went too far, splicing the DNA of half a dozen species into a single knife. The result was a chimerical monstrosity that broke loose and spawned hordes of different multifunctional tools. Fortunately, their descendants have now been domesticated.

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby GCM » Tue May 06, 2008 3:28 am UTC

Fife, or knork? They should encounter what's essentially a fork with serrated edges. Stabbing people is fun, but this would make it sooo much better!

paragon12321 wrote:I'm surprised that this hasn't been brought up yet:

How exactly do you mate cutlery :shock: ?


Easy. Just put them together in a room and wait a few hours. With some human horn.

Now, on to mating a fork and a sword! Or a fork and a machine gun!
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reflion
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby reflion » Tue May 06, 2008 4:07 am UTC

"Maybe like mules every once in a while there is one that can have babies but only if the breed it back to a horse or a donkey, not if they breed it to another fertile mule which is how this whole Spork X Fork breeding idea actually came up in the first place. Some poor spork realized it could have babies and so it volunteered to help the scientist's, never realizing they would steal it's baby from it and raise it in a lab. The baby is mad that it never knew it's real mother and so it goes on a killing rampage and then runs away to find it's mom, the fertile Spork....The next boxes could show it fighting it's way across the globe meeting new cutlery along the way...It would be an epic tale"

"and if we invent killer spork hybrids, they'll just kill one planet, not everyone."

Now, see, people, the real problem with the mule is that as soon as it escapes its home planet it uses its psychic powers to mess with the First Foundation, since individuals aren't part of the Seldon Plan.

By the way, I would have assumed that the tine trait would result in a spork only from incomplete dominance between the tine and the spoon allele; clearly, the number of possibilities shows that this is not the case, and that the tine trait is a result of polygenic inheritance--yet, the frequency table submitted by the scientist clearly shows contrary evidence. I'm confused?

Ashbash
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Ashbash » Tue May 06, 2008 4:47 am UTC

so there are sporks, spifes and grapefruit spoons, knorks and pastry forks, and the ultimate is found in splayds. any combinations/interpretations that i've missed?

by the way, the idea of bending the tines is genius! finally a spork that can function as both rather than just failing at life.

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Stay_Puft_marshmallows » Tue May 06, 2008 6:17 am UTC

kingpocky wrote:I signed up just so I could mention this -

Wereforks! utensils that gradually change from fork to spoon during the phases of the moon.

Also, we should start naming the different fractions. Sforks, foons, forkoons, spoonorks, and maybe even forspoonorkoons



The makers of Pokemon want to talk to you about using those names in their next game
text goes where?

nescalona
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby nescalona » Tue May 06, 2008 6:20 am UTC

nekomata wrote:Am I the only one thinking: "We had a few gaps in our spork design, but we filled them in by splicing in the blueprints of a knife."?
:twisted:


Perhaps they used unstable protomatter.

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby 6453893 » Tue May 06, 2008 6:42 am UTC

I'm not sure cutlery interacts quite like we do.

For instance, the Kiwis at my grocery store come packaged with a plastic spife. That's right, on one end it's a spork, but the handle is also a knife. It's not very efficient for eating kiwi, because once you cut the kiwi open, you have to grab on to that part and get kiwi all over your hand.

Anyway, this proves that it is possible to have an even hybrid of fork, spoon, and knife, which isn't possible unless silverware can somehow have three (or more!) parents instead of two.

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby phlip » Tue May 06, 2008 6:56 am UTC

6453893 wrote:[...]which isn't possible unless silverware can somehow have three (or more!) parents instead of two.

Surely, the requirement is "three (or more) ancestors"...

Crossbreed a fork with a spoon, and then crossbreed the result with a knife, and you could easily get the blade-handled device you mention.

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enum ಠ_ಠ {°□°╰=1, °Д°╰, ಠ益ಠ╰};
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Contradiction » Tue May 06, 2008 7:45 am UTC

How many m/s^2 do sporks run at? I was never taught this at school... the New Zealand education system tends to focus on zombie sheep.
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Dobblesworth » Tue May 06, 2008 8:10 am UTC

I've never really trusted the concept of hybrid cutlery. The idea of using sporks, knorks, fifes, foons, spife, knoons for food consumption, when I could get along quite fine with just 1 or 2 base utensils and not consider it a disconvenience, doesn't appeal to me much. I guess I know my reasoning has been correct all these years.

And is it me, or was Jurassic Park 3 a poor effort and attempt to cash-in on a successful series?

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Groovy » Tue May 06, 2008 10:41 am UTC

First we invent the atomic bomb and then we unleash killer 3/4,1/4 sporks upon the world. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. The only man I know that can save us is the Blue Rajah, his power over forks and spoons may save us all. Let us hope he comes to save the day Spoon.
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Luthen » Tue May 06, 2008 10:51 am UTC

Dressed in green! (and that was a horrible pun)

GiantSnowman wrote:It seems sporks have replaced velociraptors. I'm going to have to find some new defences for my house.

But they can get through much smaller openings. Also, I wonder how the quiz changes?


We have one of those in our kitchen drawer! I'm doomed! Or not, my grandad says its fairly blunt and that they haven't been made decently sharp in decades... punishment for a covered-up war, maybe?
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby spoonyspork » Tue May 06, 2008 12:26 pm UTC

So, I've been reading for... quite some time now. Imagine my surprise reading today's comic and going 'holy crap! It's me!'

So of course, I had to join, just to do the 'Wow! It's like he lives inside my head!' cliché.

*ahem* Wow! It's like he's inside my head!

I've had the nickname spoonyspork since before there was 'real' Internet. I was bequeathed the name after a discussion in which we came to the same conclusion as this comic. I don’t quite understand why, but spoons are *always* awesome, sporks are *always* evil, and a cross between the two is always something totally awesomely evil. Apparently this is a universal understanding.

Anyway, I’m going to go back to lurking now.

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Corpuscle2 » Tue May 06, 2008 1:40 pm UTC

paragon12321 wrote:I'm surprised that this hasn't been brought up yet:

How exactly do you mate cutlery :shock: ?


Carefully. Very Carefully.

Oh, I thought you said "with cutlery".

Never mind.

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Jamaican Castle » Tue May 06, 2008 2:07 pm UTC

Not_a_Spambot wrote:Of course, with Rachel Ray and Emiril compromised, The company will have to send in the best utensil fighting team in the world: Martha Stewart and Uri Gellar. River Tam will provide backup.


Stewart and Gellar will both die fighting the sporkoids. River will walk in the lab (complete with flickering lighting, of course), pull a Yoda, and teek all the silverware into the wall(s). Or something.

All the script would say is, "River kills them with her mind.

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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby tradiuz » Tue May 06, 2008 3:13 pm UTC

Contradiction wrote:How many m/s^2 do sporks run at? I was never taught this at school... the New Zealand education system tends to focus on zombie sheep.


A little off topic, but have you ever seen the movie "Black Sheep"?

It'll either terrify you, or make your sides split from laughing.
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby dianagram » Tue May 06, 2008 4:29 pm UTC

6453893 wrote:I'm not sure cutlery interacts quite like we do.

For instance, the Kiwis at my grocery store come packaged with a plastic spife. That's right, on one end it's a spork, but the handle is also a knife. It's not very efficient for eating kiwi, because once you cut the kiwi open, you have to grab on to that part and get kiwi all over your hand.

Anyway, this proves that it is possible to have an even hybrid of fork, spoon, and knife, which isn't possible unless silverware can somehow have three (or more!) parents instead of two.


I can see it now in the kid's book section .... "Hannahspork has two Mommies".
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Turiya » Tue May 06, 2008 6:48 pm UTC

scarletmanuka wrote:
Ratclaw wrote:Anyone else find the position of the female scientist... improbable? Like, how would someone be attacked by a nine-inch utensil and then land like that?

It looked to me like she was chased up onto the table by one utensil and then attacked from the other side by another one; then she slid backwards off the table.


Uh oh...this means there's more than one running around loose... :shock:
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby Crane » Tue May 06, 2008 6:49 pm UTC

GCM wrote:Now, on to mating a fork and a sword! Or a fork and a machine gun!


SEED brings you an all new weapon, as suited to the table as the battlefield; deadly when dual-wielded: the Gunfork!

Image
Image

scalziand
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Re: "Forks and Spoons" Discussion

Postby scalziand » Tue May 06, 2008 8:37 pm UTC

4=5 wrote:what happens when my spoon gets too big?


Quick! Somebody get a blender, STAT!


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