0806: "Tech Support"

[LucasBrown]

Alt text: "I recently had someone ask me to go get a computer and turn it on so I could restart it. He refused to move further in the script until I said I had done that."

Reboot your dreams FTW. Or FTL, as the case may be.

[KitsuneKnight]

Those dreams break my heart...

[joee]

HI GLASNT

Also, I wish my dreams were that cool.

Last time I called tech support because the internet settings on my phone weren't working, they referred me to my phone manufacturer *rolleyes*

[dbam987]

I refuse to call tech support for any of my gear. Biggest time-sink ever. It's faster to RMA stuff online.

[hthall]

Nice adaptation of the word shibboleth.

[Ghavrel]

Oh, tech support workers aren't going to be thanking Randall any time soon. I shudder to think how frequent "shibboleet" is about to become...

[Icalasari]

When my computer got messed up, I got some help with trouble shooting. That didn't work, so I looked up how to remove a corrupt update that put the computer on an infinite loop. I had to get Ubuntu on a blank CD so that I could look around (not very good with the cmd console), but I fixed it when the one guy uad said it was toast

Hell, a family friend pays me to troubleshoot her computer every now and then. I don't know too much about fixing them and even then I am apparently a better choice than tech support, all because I'm willing to use google

[glasnt]

My desk at my last place had
[ ] penguin
[ ] http://xkcd.com/225/ (plus Compiling, 'You're a kitty', Signs on cats and a authentic Online Communities 2007 poster)
[ ] hair long enough for a poneytail..

FUCK

DUDE. Randall. Seriously, stop stalking me. :<

HI JOEE TELL RANDALL TO STOP STALKING ME, OR AT LEAST INTRODUCE HIMSELF SO I MIGHT FLY KITES WITH HIM :<

[pigslookfunny]

Nice adaptation of the word shibboleth.

Is it just me, or does Shibboleth sound like something out of H.P. Lovecraft?

[SocialSceneRepairman]

"Bearded dude with swords."

XKCD: Dangerously meta.

Also, wasn't Shibbolet (instead of "Shibboleth") the one that would get you executed? Or was that "Sibbolet(h)"?

[Steve the Pocket]

Our Internet provider, as of the last time I tried calling during off-hours, had an automated step-through system that either was improperly programmed or specifically designed to absolve them of any responsibility under the guise of being improperly programmed. After asking me to unplug the cable from the wall, wait 20 seconds, and then plug it in, it said "When the 'cable' light is steady..." Not "if." "When." It might as well have flat-out stated "If that still didn't fix the problem, you can shove the cable up your ass for all we care."

[atrain]

I refuse to call tech support for any of my gear. Biggest time-sink ever. It's faster to RMA stuff online.

That's great, if your manufacturer has an online RMA form. There's also a ton of things that can't be RMA'ed, aka services, software, etc.

[myrcutio]

That's great, if your manufacturer has an online RMA form. There's also a ton of things that can't be RMA'ed, aka services, software, etc.

Customers neither know, nor believe that statement. One guy had my shop scan his system for viruses, and brought it back a week later demanding a refund because the lights wouldn't turn on anymore. Of course he didn't drop it, we must have broken it and owed him a new system, or at least his money back.

We now have a six foot tall banner beside the cash register that states in bright, bold, red letters, probably a million point font, "NO REFUNDS." We get asked about a dozen times a day for a refund. I don't know when literacy went out of fashion, but I suspect it started grass roots and made its way up the chain into call centers. This is also the reason I'm currently a liberal arts major, since writers never get angry calls about the new software missing "Clippy," the cartoon help assistant.

[tuckels]

"Bearded dude with swords."

XKCD: Dangerously meta.

Also, wasn't Shibbolet (instead of "Shibboleth") the one that would get you executed? Or was that "Sibbolet(h)"?

It's my understanding that they didn't have a Sh (/ʃ/ ) sound, so yeah, they said Sibboleth.

[Radical Pi]

Reminds me of a tech support call I was on once. I was playing around with the Lego RCX (ahh memories) when suddenly I lost all ability to communicate with it. Here's the general idea of my call:

*Automated answering service, wait 30 minutes for a real person
Me: Hi, I can't communicate with my RCX. I think the IR transmitter is dead in either my tower or my brick
Support: Have you tried restarting yet?
Me: Yes
Support: Have you tried removing the batteries from the brick
Me: Yes
...
(At some point I mention that my computer has hyperthreading)
Support: Your computer is dual-core? Install this patch.
Me: I already have the patch. It's been working fine until no-
Support: Install the patch. Goodbye

and support literally hung up on me.

In case anyone's wondering, the problem was a bad IR on the brick. Once I convinced support of that, I had a nice quick RMA.

[Me321]

last time I had a tech support problem:

It was the 3rd hardware problem with my 7 month old computer, so they offered to replace it with a rebuild one, i acceped, they sent me a computer that was nothing like my first one (wrong operating system smaller hard drive and less ram...) so they sent me another computer, got this one right (actualy better) but the service tag was labled incorrectly, 1 week later that computer died (blue screen of death) so after figuring out the mess with the sevice tag, and trying to inform several different people that this was my 2nd replacement, i was finaly refered to some supervisor who offered to send me a new top-of-the-line computer as a replacement, and that one workes fine so-far.

it only took 1 customer, 2 months, 3 replacement computers, 4 ups shipping labels, 5 calls that lasted more than 2 hrs (about 20 total), and over 15 different people from a call center to properly replace a lemon of a computer.

each computer they sent me came with its own power cords and such, (i kept them) so i have like 5 power cords now, and a converter for a hd monitor cable, and a few other odds and ends.

[Unclevertitle]

Such a beautiful dream...

[danielnairn]

Very funny! If only it were true in real life.

Also, wasn't Shibbolet (instead of "Shibboleth") the one that would get you executed? Or was that "Sibbolet(h)"?

Just for reference, here's the original quote about "Shibboleth" in Judges 12:5-6: 'The Gileadites captured the fords of the Jordan leading to Ephraim, and whenever a survivor of Ephraim said, "Let me cross over," the men of Gilead asked him, "Are you an Ephraimite?" If he replied, "No," they said, "All right, say 'Shibboleth.' " He said, "Sibboleth," because he could not pronounce the word correctly, they seized him and killed him at the fords of the Jordan. Forty-two thousand Ephraimites were killed at that time.'
(taken from http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=judges%2012&version=NIV)

[omnichad]

I have never connected with a comic more than with this one. I can't think of all the times I've been on the phone with my ISP lying about all these troubleshooting steps I tried.

I once had a fairly complex DSL problem. The line would go down once every 10 or 15 minutes for only a brief moment. I had to write a shell script to record my SNR, and make pretty charts with it. At the end of several hours of phone calls over 7 days, I finally just said whatever I would have to say to get someone to come out. I showed them my chart and they said "Whoa, it shouldn't be doing that." There ended up being two breaks in the phone wire between my apartment and the CO 1 1/2 blocks away. One of those breaks was due to a plant growing inside of the outside phone hardware box.

[The_Aeolian]

I don't imagine I'll be a regular, but I had to join this time for my GOOMHR moment. I had the exact same internet issue (and resultant tech support lackey problem) yesterday afternoon.

And I don't care how much it annoys tech support (having had such a paid position in the past, I've earned that right)... I'm using shibboleet at every opportunity from now on.

[Eutychus]

Yes, pretty much exactly the same thing happened to me this week on my cable-based ISP, intermittent problem, clearly their end somewhere (but I don't have the skills to diagnose it from my end).

They threaten you with a €50 charge if the problem turns out to be that you haven't plugged in your router properly or something. To be fair, the guy said that my call-out was one of the rare ones for which he didn't end up getting the €50.

[was_fired]

I'm definitely bringing this up the next time I'm on the phone with tier 2 or 3 support for one of our vendors. Any company that kept a message about reticulating splines in a message has to have some guys who read XKCD in their higher tiers.

[0x3e]

Any chance of a poster of a bearded man drawing swords yelling "So it has come to this." ( preferably not in bed ).

[cjmcjmcjmcjm]

Such a beautiful dream...

Too bad they fired all the competent people in favor of auto talk bots and rent-an-Indians

[doink9731]

This comic brought back painful memories of the season eight finale of Dallas.

[ysth]

*cough*

[Nihiltres]

If you can, try to get a local ISP instead of one of the big, well-known ones. I have a good deal on an unlimited-bandwidth DSL line. I have called tech support approximately three times. Each time, I have talked to the same person, who has a subtle but recognizable local accent (I'm in Montreal). Each time he has listened to my problem, realized that I am fairly competent (though human), and given me specific, customized advice. No "Shibboleet" required.

Also, avoid Linksys products like the plague. If you get what you pay for, I should have been paid for the time I spent calling their tech support for a family member. After over an hour or so of giving me instructions to do things I'd already tried (or Windows-specific instructions, despite repeatedly explaining that Macs were being used), my contact said the following: "OK I am transfer [sic] you to my supervisor [click] [disconnect tone]"

[Tirlas]

Wow... during today lunch had a discussion about Shibboleth. A co-worker used it in conversation and had to explain to me it's origin.
Makes this comic even more endearing.

Obligatory "Get out of my head Randall."

[Ihaveanaccount]

This comic made me more interested in Haiku then bad/good/secret tech support. Anyone have any first hand experiences with it?

[BlueNight]

Also, wasn't Shibbolet (instead of "Shibboleth") the one that would get you executed? Or was that "Sibbolet(h)"?

whenever a survivor of Ephraim said, "Let me cross over," the men of Gilead asked him, "Are you an Ephraimite?" If he replied, "No," they said, "All right, say 'Shibboleth.' " He said, "Sibboleth," because he could not pronounce the word correctly, they seized him and killed him at the fords of the Jordan. Forty-two thousand Ephraimites were killed at that time.'

In case you haven't gotten it by now, it's Shibbo1337.
In case you didn't get that, google 1337.
In case you still didn't get it, never say it.

[DVC]

I've been in this situation. The Tech support guy was getting really annoyed, because I wouldn't perform the same thing he'd told me to do 3 times already (and I'd tried before calling him). He says, "Mr DVC,please do as I say," in a really forced voice. To which I reply "It's Dr actually." At which point he realised that I wasn't stupid and put me on hold while he checked with some on in the 'technical department'. The is the best thing about having a PhD so far. Turns out the problem was a software fault at their end.

[NotMustapha]

Teeheehee, I loved this one. I've spent more of my life on the phone with tech support that is strictly good for my sanity. Almost never has it actually helped. I'm going to have to try that shibboleet trick next time

[Kobukson]

Oh, tech support workers aren't going to be thanking Randall any time soon. I shudder to think how frequent "shibboleet" is about to become...

I'll be curious to see if this comes up in my tech support job at my uni... Anyways, the issue I've always found with the calls I've gotten is that for every caller who is computer competent and doesn't need the script there are at least 4 other users calling in for hand holding and instructions on basic computer use. My hope is that the latter won't be trying "shibboleet" on me >.< [though it'll be fun to reconnect them back to me when they try it - "Hello, C++/C/Objective-C/Java/OCaml programmer here; how may I help you?"

[mjlush]

Whats quite interesting is watching the progress of shibboleet through Google trends(1) (though it doesn't regester at posting)
and then watching the spam blogs saying it 27 times to draw in trade from the hot new trend (Last saw it with
Wolfram Rule 34 (2))

(1)http://www.google.com/trends?q=Shibboleet
(2)http://www.google.co.uk/trends?q=wolfram+rule+34

[hrasdt]

This comic made me more interested in Haiku then bad/good/secret tech support. Anyone have any first hand experiences with it?

I've tried it a bit.
Boots lightning fast, and it seems relatively stable. Only problem is somewhat weak wireless card support, but that's the same as any early-development OS. It's UNIX style too, and based off of BeOS, so lots of software is already available.

[Thesh]

I once spent 20 minutes on the phone with my ISP for me to get transferred to another tech who told me they were having an outage in my area.

[Hyugens]

Is it just me, or does Shibboleth sound like something out of H.P. Lovecraft?

Imagine you happen to be an aspiring author of horror and/or fantasy books and/or videogames and are in desperate need of some foreign and/or vicious sounding names but have a very limited imagination or no feeling for languages at all (unlike Tolkien who - when in need of a foreign sounding word - just made up an ENTIRELY NEW LANGUAGE). So what do you do? You resort to the bible and scan it for foreign sounding names.

Ever wondered where the kingdom of Azeroth (Warcraft 1 & 2 as I recall) got its name from? "Hazeroth" is actually hebrew meaning "homestead" (also name of a settlement mentioned in the biblical account of Exodus) but sounds quite awesome to someone who does not happen to understand it.

[MrDeMolay]

Over the summer I got a new cell phone and plan from a different phone company. The phone I got was their first sim card phone and had only been out for about a week. When I tried sending a sms to an email address the phone asked for an email server number. Over the next two months I explained the problem to at least 6 different tech support people and some in-store sales reps too. The techies ultimately kept trying to tell me that it was a problem with the email addresses and none of them had ever heard of this email server number. They suggested various things that involved it not being their problem but I knew it was all garbage. I kept wanting to suggest that they pick up the model of phone I have and try to replicate the problem but they didn't have one available. Finally I got talking to a sales rep who had the same phone and we replicated the problem so he could see it and look into it. He got back to me and said their HSPA network isn't set up for that feature yet. He figured out in less than 24 hours what the tech support couldn't figure out in 2 months (and still haven't).

[TjOeNeR]

Man I had the same problem with Dell.

I was 100% certain my 3D card was broke, but they made me install Vista because it was the system delivered with the laptop. When I said it stopped working whenever I did some 3D stuff for 5 minutes (even compiz) they wouldn't believe me. And the stupid questions they asked me like "have you installed the latest updates"... There should be a tech support for advanced users. Something in the trend of: "This is broke I think because of this that and that." and then you get an "OK". But noooooooo...

Stupid tech support.

[zeissikon]

From my experience the "shibboleth" is Macintosh. It's a supported, standardised OS so many ISP and hardware manufactures support it, but the personnel has either no script or no idea about it. Since they can not hangup on you like when you state that you use some kind of free or obsolete OS, they have to transfer you to someone who has a clue and will not make you reboot your computer for the hell of it even if you have no carrier.