0806: "Tech Support"

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0806: "Tech Support"

Postby LucasBrown » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:00 am UTC

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Alt text: "I recently had someone ask me to go get a computer and turn it on so I could restart it. He refused to move further in the script until I said I had done that."

Reboot your dreams FTW. Or FTL, as the case may be.
You are hereby warned that I occasionally make liberal use of the edit button in the few minutes immediately following the submission of my posts.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby KitsuneKnight » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:03 am UTC

Those dreams break my heart...
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby joee » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:04 am UTC

HI GLASNT

Also, I wish my dreams were that cool.

Last time I called tech support because the internet settings on my phone weren't working, they referred me to my phone manufacturer *rolleyes*
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby dbam987 » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:04 am UTC

I refuse to call tech support for any of my gear. Biggest time-sink ever. It's faster to RMA stuff online.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby hthall » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:05 am UTC

Nice adaptation of the word shibboleth.
Look at me, still talking when there's Science to do.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Ghavrel » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:06 am UTC

Oh, tech support workers aren't going to be thanking Randall any time soon. I shudder to think how frequent "shibboleet" is about to become...
"Si ad naturam vives, numquam eris pauper; si ad opiniones, numquam eris dives."
Live rightly and you shall never be poor; live for fame and you shall never have wealth.
~Epicurus, via Seneca
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Icalasari » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:09 am UTC

When my computer got messed up, I got some help with trouble shooting. That didn't work, so I looked up how to remove a corrupt update that put the computer on an infinite loop. I had to get Ubuntu on a blank CD so that I could look around (not very good with the cmd console), but I fixed it when the one guy uad said it was toast

Hell, a family friend pays me to troubleshoot her computer every now and then. I don't know too much about fixing them and even then I am apparently a better choice than tech support, all because I'm willing to use google
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby glasnt » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:10 am UTC

My desk at my last place had
[ ] penguin
[ ] http://xkcd.com/225/ (plus Compiling, 'You're a kitty', Signs on cats and a authentic Online Communities 2007 poster)
[ ] hair long enough for a poneytail..

FUCK

DUDE. Randall. Seriously, stop stalking me. :<

HI JOEE TELL RANDALL TO STOP STALKING ME, OR AT LEAST INTRODUCE HIMSELF SO I MIGHT FLY KITES WITH HIM :<
Last edited by glasnt on Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:17 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby pigslookfunny » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:10 am UTC

hthall wrote:Nice adaptation of the word shibboleth.


Is it just me, or does Shibboleth sound like something out of H.P. Lovecraft?
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby SocialSceneRepairman » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:11 am UTC

"Bearded dude with swords."

XKCD: Dangerously meta.

Also, wasn't Shibbolet (instead of "Shibboleth") the one that would get you executed? Or was that "Sibbolet(h)"?
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Steve the Pocket » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:11 am UTC

Our Internet provider, as of the last time I tried calling during off-hours, had an automated step-through system that either was improperly programmed or specifically designed to absolve them of any responsibility under the guise of being improperly programmed. After asking me to unplug the cable from the wall, wait 20 seconds, and then plug it in, it said "When the 'cable' light is steady..." Not "if." "When." It might as well have flat-out stated "If that still didn't fix the problem, you can shove the cable up your ass for all we care."
cephalopod9 wrote:Only on Xkcd can you start a topic involving Hitler and people spend the better part of half a dozen pages arguing about the quality of Operating Systems.

Baige.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby atrain » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:12 am UTC

dbam987 wrote:I refuse to call tech support for any of my gear. Biggest time-sink ever. It's faster to RMA stuff online.


That's great, if your manufacturer has an online RMA form. There's also a ton of things that can't be RMA'ed, aka services, software, etc.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby myrcutio » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:25 am UTC

atrain wrote:That's great, if your manufacturer has an online RMA form. There's also a ton of things that can't be RMA'ed, aka services, software, etc.


Customers neither know, nor believe that statement. One guy had my shop scan his system for viruses, and brought it back a week later demanding a refund because the lights wouldn't turn on anymore. Of course he didn't drop it, we must have broken it and owed him a new system, or at least his money back.

We now have a six foot tall banner beside the cash register that states in bright, bold, red letters, probably a million point font, "NO REFUNDS." We get asked about a dozen times a day for a refund. I don't know when literacy went out of fashion, but I suspect it started grass roots and made its way up the chain into call centers. This is also the reason I'm currently a liberal arts major, since writers never get angry calls about the new software missing "Clippy," the cartoon help assistant.
"Lightning must have hit it, and now it won't work in anything but Windows 95."

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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby tuckels » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:31 am UTC

SocialSceneRepairman wrote:"Bearded dude with swords."

XKCD: Dangerously meta.

Also, wasn't Shibbolet (instead of "Shibboleth") the one that would get you executed? Or was that "Sibbolet(h)"?


It's my understanding that they didn't have a Sh (/ʃ/ ) sound, so yeah, they said Sibboleth.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Radical Pi » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:36 am UTC

Reminds me of a tech support call I was on once. I was playing around with the Lego RCX (ahh memories) when suddenly I lost all ability to communicate with it. Here's the general idea of my call:
*Automated answering service, wait 30 minutes for a real person
Me: Hi, I can't communicate with my RCX. I think the IR transmitter is dead in either my tower or my brick
Support: Have you tried restarting yet?
Me: Yes
Support: Have you tried removing the batteries from the brick
Me: Yes
...
(At some point I mention that my computer has hyperthreading)
Support: Your computer is dual-core? Install this patch.
Me: I already have the patch. It's been working fine until no-
Support: Install the patch. Goodbye


and support literally hung up on me.

In case anyone's wondering, the problem was a bad IR on the brick. Once I convinced support of that, I had a nice quick RMA.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Me321 » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:51 am UTC

last time I had a tech support problem:

It was the 3rd hardware problem with my 7 month old computer, so they offered to replace it with a rebuild one, i acceped, they sent me a computer that was nothing like my first one (wrong operating system smaller hard drive and less ram...) so they sent me another computer, got this one right (actualy better) but the service tag was labled incorrectly, 1 week later that computer died (blue screen of death) so after figuring out the mess with the sevice tag, and trying to inform several different people that this was my 2nd replacement, i was finaly refered to some supervisor who offered to send me a new top-of-the-line computer as a replacement, and that one workes fine so-far.

it only took 1 customer, 2 months, 3 replacement computers, 4 ups shipping labels, 5 calls that lasted more than 2 hrs (about 20 total), and over 15 different people from a call center to properly replace a lemon of a computer.

each computer they sent me came with its own power cords and such, (i kept them) so i have like 5 power cords now, and a converter for a hd monitor cable, and a few other odds and ends.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Unclevertitle » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:52 am UTC

Such a beautiful dream...
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby danielnairn » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:54 am UTC

Very funny! If only it were true in real life.

SocialSceneRepairman wrote:Also, wasn't Shibbolet (instead of "Shibboleth") the one that would get you executed? Or was that "Sibbolet(h)"?

Just for reference, here's the original quote about "Shibboleth" in Judges 12:5-6: 'The Gileadites captured the fords of the Jordan leading to Ephraim, and whenever a survivor of Ephraim said, "Let me cross over," the men of Gilead asked him, "Are you an Ephraimite?" If he replied, "No," they said, "All right, say 'Shibboleth.' " He said, "Sibboleth," because he could not pronounce the word correctly, they seized him and killed him at the fords of the Jordan. Forty-two thousand Ephraimites were killed at that time.'
(taken from http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=judges%2012&version=NIV)
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby omnichad » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:55 am UTC

I have never connected with a comic more than with this one. I can't think of all the times I've been on the phone with my ISP lying about all these troubleshooting steps I tried.

I once had a fairly complex DSL problem. The line would go down once every 10 or 15 minutes for only a brief moment. I had to write a shell script to record my SNR, and make pretty charts with it. At the end of several hours of phone calls over 7 days, I finally just said whatever I would have to say to get someone to come out. I showed them my chart and they said "Whoa, it shouldn't be doing that." There ended up being two breaks in the phone wire between my apartment and the CO 1 1/2 blocks away. One of those breaks was due to a plant growing inside of the outside phone hardware box.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby The_Aeolian » Fri Oct 15, 2010 4:59 am UTC

I don't imagine I'll be a regular, but I had to join this time for my GOOMHR moment. I had the exact same internet issue (and resultant tech support lackey problem) yesterday afternoon.

And I don't care how much it annoys tech support (having had such a paid position in the past, I've earned that right)... I'm using shibboleet at every opportunity from now on.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Eutychus » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:03 am UTC

Yes, pretty much exactly the same thing happened to me this week on my cable-based ISP, intermittent problem, clearly their end somewhere (but I don't have the skills to diagnose it from my end).

They threaten you with a €50 charge if the problem turns out to be that you haven't plugged in your router properly or something. To be fair, the guy said that my call-out was one of the rare ones for which he didn't end up getting the €50.
Be very careful about rectilinear assumptions. Raptors could be hiding there - ucim
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby was_fired » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:03 am UTC

I'm definitely bringing this up the next time I'm on the phone with tier 2 or 3 support for one of our vendors. Any company that kept a message about reticulating splines in a message has to have some guys who read XKCD in their higher tiers. :P
TOCC, a free alternative to D&D.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby 0x3e » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:04 am UTC

Any chance of a poster of a bearded man drawing swords yelling "So it has come to this." ( preferably not in bed ).
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby cjmcjmcjmcjm » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:14 am UTC

Unclevertitle wrote:Such a beautiful dream...

Too bad they fired all the competent people in favor of auto talk bots and rent-an-Indians
frezik wrote:Anti-photons move at the speed of dark

DemonDeluxe wrote:Paying to have laws written that allow you to do what you want, is a lot cheaper than paying off the judge every time you want to get away with something shady.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby doink9731 » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:17 am UTC

This comic brought back painful memories of the season eight finale of Dallas.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby ysth » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:18 am UTC

*cough*

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A math joke: r = | |csc(θ)|+|sec(θ)| |-| |csc(θ)|-|sec(θ)| |
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Nihiltres » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:23 am UTC

If you can, try to get a local ISP instead of one of the big, well-known ones. I have a good deal on an unlimited-bandwidth DSL line. I have called tech support approximately three times. Each time, I have talked to the same person, who has a subtle but recognizable local accent (I'm in Montreal). Each time he has listened to my problem, realized that I am fairly competent (though human), and given me specific, customized advice. No "Shibboleet" required.

Also, avoid Linksys products like the plague. If you get what you pay for, I should have been paid for the time I spent calling their tech support for a family member. After over an hour or so of giving me instructions to do things I'd already tried (or Windows-specific instructions, despite repeatedly explaining that Macs were being used), my contact said the following: "OK I am transfer [sic] you to my supervisor [click] [disconnect tone]"
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Tirlas » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:29 am UTC

Wow... during today lunch had a discussion about Shibboleth. A co-worker used it in conversation and had to explain to me it's origin.
Makes this comic even more endearing.

Obligatory "Get out of my head Randall."
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Ihaveanaccount » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:33 am UTC

This comic made me more interested in Haiku then bad/good/secret tech support. Anyone have any first hand experiences with it?
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby BlueNight » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:39 am UTC

danielnairn wrote:
SocialSceneRepairman wrote:Also, wasn't Shibbolet (instead of "Shibboleth") the one that would get you executed? Or was that "Sibbolet(h)"?

whenever a survivor of Ephraim said, "Let me cross over," the men of Gilead asked him, "Are you an Ephraimite?" If he replied, "No," they said, "All right, say 'Shibboleth.' " He said, "Sibboleth," because he could not pronounce the word correctly, they seized him and killed him at the fords of the Jordan. Forty-two thousand Ephraimites were killed at that time.'


In case you haven't gotten it by now, it's Shibbo1337.
In case you didn't get that, google 1337.
In case you still didn't get it, never say it.
---------
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby DVC » Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:55 am UTC

I've been in this situation. The Tech support guy was getting really annoyed, because I wouldn't perform the same thing he'd told me to do 3 times already (and I'd tried before calling him). He says, "Mr DVC,please do as I say," in a really forced voice. To which I reply "It's Dr actually." At which point he realised that I wasn't stupid and put me on hold while he checked with some on in the 'technical department'. The is the best thing about having a PhD so far. Turns out the problem was a software fault at their end.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby NotMustapha » Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:04 am UTC

Teeheehee, I loved this one. I've spent more of my life on the phone with tech support that is strictly good for my sanity. Almost never has it actually helped. I'm going to have to try that shibboleet trick next time :D
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Kobukson » Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:07 am UTC

Ghavrel wrote:Oh, tech support workers aren't going to be thanking Randall any time soon. I shudder to think how frequent "shibboleet" is about to become...


I'll be curious to see if this comes up in my tech support job at my uni... Anyways, the issue I've always found with the calls I've gotten is that for every caller who is computer competent and doesn't need the script there are at least 4 other users calling in for hand holding and instructions on basic computer use. My hope is that the latter won't be trying "shibboleet" on me >.< [though it'll be fun to reconnect them back to me when they try it - "Hello, C++/C/Objective-C/Java/OCaml programmer here; how may I help you?"
Last edited by Kobukson on Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:13 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby mjlush » Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:12 am UTC

Whats quite interesting is watching the progress of shibboleet through Google trends(1) (though it doesn't regester at posting)
and then watching the spam blogs saying it 27 times to draw in trade from the hot new trend (Last saw it with
Wolfram Rule 34 (2))

(1)http://www.google.com/trends?q=Shibboleet
(2)http://www.google.co.uk/trends?q=wolfram+rule+34
Last edited by mjlush on Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:26 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby hrasdt » Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:12 am UTC

Ihaveanaccount wrote:This comic made me more interested in Haiku then bad/good/secret tech support. Anyone have any first hand experiences with it?

I've tried it a bit.
Boots lightning fast, and it seems relatively stable. Only problem is somewhat weak wireless card support, but that's the same as any early-development OS. It's UNIX style too, and based off of BeOS, so lots of software is already available.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Thesh » Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:14 am UTC

I once spent 20 minutes on the phone with my ISP for me to get transferred to another tech who told me they were having an outage in my area.
Big are getting bigger and hearts are getting harder, an imaginary game
eating at every living thing, a voice dripping with sarcasm like a bloody fat slash
grinning over bleached white-fang teeth that glow like green warning signs of sickness.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby Hyugens » Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:18 am UTC

pigslookfunny wrote:Is it just me, or does Shibboleth sound like something out of H.P. Lovecraft?


Imagine you happen to be an aspiring author of horror and/or fantasy books and/or videogames and are in desperate need of some foreign and/or vicious sounding names but have a very limited imagination or no feeling for languages at all (unlike Tolkien who - when in need of a foreign sounding word - just made up an ENTIRELY NEW LANGUAGE). So what do you do? You resort to the bible and scan it for foreign sounding names.

Ever wondered where the kingdom of Azeroth (Warcraft 1 & 2 as I recall) got its name from? "Hazeroth" is actually hebrew meaning "homestead" (also name of a settlement mentioned in the biblical account of Exodus) but sounds quite awesome to someone who does not happen to understand it.
Last edited by Hyugens on Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:19 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby MrDeMolay » Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:18 am UTC

Over the summer I got a new cell phone and plan from a different phone company. The phone I got was their first sim card phone and had only been out for about a week. When I tried sending a sms to an email address the phone asked for an email server number. Over the next two months I explained the problem to at least 6 different tech support people and some in-store sales reps too. The techies ultimately kept trying to tell me that it was a problem with the email addresses and none of them had ever heard of this email server number. They suggested various things that involved it not being their problem but I knew it was all garbage. I kept wanting to suggest that they pick up the model of phone I have and try to replicate the problem but they didn't have one available. Finally I got talking to a sales rep who had the same phone and we replicated the problem so he could see it and look into it. He got back to me and said their HSPA network isn't set up for that feature yet. He figured out in less than 24 hours what the tech support couldn't figure out in 2 months (and still haven't).
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby TjOeNeR » Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:23 am UTC

Man I had the same problem with Dell.

I was 100% certain my 3D card was broke, but they made me install Vista because it was the system delivered with the laptop. When I said it stopped working whenever I did some 3D stuff for 5 minutes (even compiz) they wouldn't believe me. And the stupid questions they asked me like "have you installed the latest updates"... There should be a tech support for advanced users. Something in the trend of: "This is broke I think because of this that and that." and then you get an "OK". But noooooooo...

Stupid tech support.
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Re: 0806: Tech Support

Postby zeissikon » Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:37 am UTC

From my experience the "shibboleth" is Macintosh. It's a supported, standardised OS so many ISP and hardware manufactures support it, but the personnel has either no script or no idea about it. Since they can not hangup on you like when you state that you use some kind of free or obsolete OS, they have to transfer you to someone who has a clue and will not make you reboot your computer for the hell of it even if you have no carrier.
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