0857: "Archimedes"

This forum is for the individual discussion thread that goes with each new comic.

Moderators: Moderators General, Prelates, Magistrates

User avatar
Plasma Man
Posts: 2035
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2008 9:27 am UTC
Location: Northampton, Northampton, Northampton middle England.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Plasma Man » Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:31 pm UTC

As Archimedes said: Screw you.
Please note that despite the lovely avatar Sungura gave me, I am not a medical doctor.

Possibly my proudest moment on the fora.

Würtz
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Apr 24, 2008 9:21 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Würtz » Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:32 pm UTC

Aleifr wrote:
Essah wrote:Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die... when I point my gun at them
...


Don't take this the wrong way, but you're doing it wrong. It works better if you change the end of original saying, rather than adding something to the end. I'm just saying. :]


Don't get me wrong. But I really like those. They have a different flavor then the idea of the comic, but still a good flavor.

also:

Let he who is without sin cast off his towel first

User avatar
Sprocket
Seymour
Posts: 5951
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:04 pm UTC
Location: impaled on Beck's boney hips.
Contact:

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Sprocket » Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:38 pm UTC

I love you, Randall. Which is why I have to kill you. Otherwise my enemies will only use you against me. There's this fish they want, and I refuse to deliver.

glasnt wrote:No Mr Bond, I expect you to expect the unexpected!

Oooh, I love that.
Last edited by Sprocket on Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:45 pm UTC, edited 2 times in total.
"She’s a free spirit, a wind-rider, she’s at one with nature, and walks with the kodama eidolons”
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Zohar wrote: Down with the hipster binary! It's a SPECTRUM!

User avatar
Red Hal
Magically Delicious
Posts: 1445
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:42 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Red Hal » Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:42 pm UTC

As Aristotle once said: "Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion." Aristotle, however, had never met Mr. Glock.
Lost Greatest Silent Baby X Y Z. "There is no one who loves pain itself, who seeks after it and wants to have it, simply because it is pain..."

tommm
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:43 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby tommm » Mon Feb 07, 2011 1:45 pm UTC

DVC wrote:If I have seen further than those who have come before me it is because I have poked out their eyes. -- Newton


That made me laugh so much that I felt the need to create an account on this forum and let you know.

Vehemence
Posts: 28
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:54 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Vehemence » Mon Feb 07, 2011 2:16 pm UTC

Friedrich Nietzsche wrote:He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he get fucking killed. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, you'll burn your roast.


I like this game.

jozwa
Posts: 144
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2009 3:16 pm UTC
Location: Finland

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby jozwa » Mon Feb 07, 2011 2:50 pm UTC

Got a big chuckle out of me (these comments too).

I thought I'd try twisting some Douglas Adams quotes or something, but I'll leave it to the pros.

devopablo
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 1:58 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby devopablo » Mon Feb 07, 2011 2:51 pm UTC

You can't always get what you want, but if you try some time you might find my list of demands quite reasonable, Mr. President.

CSS Suxxx
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2011 10:51 am UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby CSS Suxxx » Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:23 pm UTC

When in Rome, bring me back some sun-dried tomatoes

KeithM
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Mar 20, 2009 11:41 am UTC
Location: 1098XG

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby KeithM » Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:34 pm UTC

jozwa wrote:I thought I'd try twisting some Douglas Adams quotes or something, but I'll leave it to the pros.


Don't put yourself down!

On the other hand, most of his quotes are already quite "twisty". I think I'm not going to mess with the gospel.
"It is nothing short of a miracle that modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry." - A.E.

keithc
Posts: 124
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2007 11:12 pm UTC
Contact:

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby keithc » Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:42 pm UTC

eviloatmeal wrote:Someone's been watching Jason Statham movies. :P


It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it

User avatar
BlitzGirl
Posts: 9120
Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2010 11:48 am UTC
Location: Out of the basement for Yip 6! Schizoblitz: 115/2672 NP
Contact:

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby BlitzGirl » Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:44 pm UTC

ElectriCom wrote:When all you have is a hammer, it's hammer time.

^ My favorite so far!
Sadly everything I've come up with has been some kind of movie-quote mashup. Like:

Fish are friends, except when they have frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads.
Knight Temporal of the One True Comic
BlitzGirl the Pink, Mopey Molpy Mome
Spoiler:
Image
Image
Image<Profile
~.Image~.FAQ->Image

Kangaroo
Posts: 46
Joined: Tue Aug 05, 2008 5:39 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Kangaroo » Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:51 pm UTC

CSS Suxxx wrote:When in Rome, bring me back some sun-dried tomatoes


On a Gothic billboard in Germany: "When in Rome: sack it."

User avatar
Steeler
Posts: 36
Joined: Sat Feb 05, 2011 2:00 am UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Steeler » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:01 pm UTC

DVC wrote:If I have seen further than those who have come before me it is because I have poked out their eyes. -- Newton
Newton wouldn't do that. He'd just stick a needle between their eye and their eye socket for a little while.

Also, my friend and I were just playing a mash-together-unrelated cliches/quotes game a few days ago. The best one was "A penny saved is Abraham Lincoln", mostly because Abraham Lincoln had already worked his way into a bunch of less-funny ones by that point. So GOOMHF.
"What would happen if did you first know that do I say tell me about your feelings about him that you came to me the real reason explain anything else that you came to me?"
-Emacs Psychiatrist upon repeated presses of the enter key

Jugulum
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2009 3:21 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Jugulum » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:08 pm UTC

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to kick your ass...
One fish, two fish, red fish, I'll rip the bones from your flesh.
Heeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny's corpse!
Time flies... or else.
Frankly, Scarlett, you're a zombie.


This one doesn't really fit. But it makes me chortle.
"The current Threat Advisory Level is GREEN. Please leave your baggage unattended and give any suspicious person your SSN and a high five."

User avatar
SpringLoaded12
Posts: 350
Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 1:58 am UTC
Location: Guarding the Super Missile
Contact:

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby SpringLoaded12 » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:19 pm UTC

SW15243 wrote:When life gives you lemons, make sure to kidnap someone more valuable next time.

Winner. :mrgreen:


I like that the comic searchbox is back. Trying to find the right comic in the Archive is next to impossible because of their undescriptive titles, and I almost cried when the OhNoRobot searchbox was removed.

Jugulum wrote:Heeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny's corpse!

Do you know the context of the original quote?
"It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield." "Opposite over hypotenuse, dipshit."

Jugulum
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2009 3:21 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Jugulum » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:32 pm UTC

SpringLoaded12 wrote:
Jugulum wrote:Heeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny's corpse!

Do you know the context of the original quote?

?

*googlegoogle*

Oh... Actually, I was thinking of Johnny Carson, not The Shining. I see what you mean, though--the The Shining quote wouldn't need modification.

User avatar
CorruptUser
Posts: 10550
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby CorruptUser » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:39 pm UTC

Two wrongs make it right to kill you.

Don't ask what your country can do for you, demand it.

Never hold discussions with the monkey until you are holding the organ-grinder hostage.
Last edited by CorruptUser on Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:45 pm UTC, edited 2 times in total.

Fedechiar
Posts: 44
Joined: Sat Jan 29, 2011 10:35 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Fedechiar » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:40 pm UTC

Roses are red, violets are blue, GET THE F**K OFF MY LAWN! (I'm to lazy to look for the proper comic)

User avatar
NumberFourtyThree
Posts: 30
Joined: Sun Feb 21, 2010 7:00 am UTC
Location: Too many to list here, due to a cloning accident.

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby NumberFourtyThree » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:55 pm UTC

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, but give a fish a man and he'll eat for weeks.

phlip wrote:
tehol wrote:I don't know if I get it...

Does the humour exist because he took a common conditional phrase, and added a dramatic conclusion that you don't expect?

Yes - violation of expectations is a standard humour source. As well as jokes like this strip, which alter a well-known phrase or saying, it's also invoked in rule-of-three jokes (the first two instances establish a pattern, and then the third breaks that pattern, violating the hearers expectations and causing humour) and anti-humour (in which a well-known joke is re-told, but the now-expected punchline is replaced with something which is not, per se, funny, however the substitution of same causes humour through the broken expectation).

I'm sure there are some academic papers on the topic, which would be just as dry and humourless as this post. Wikipedia may have some useful links as a starting point.

Here is a better explanation of what kind of things are funny:
http://www.rinkworks.com/funny/
The world is imperfect because it has to be. If everything were perfectly fair and without problems we would all live the exact same pointless life, with no possible meaning to it.

User avatar
imatrendytotebag
Posts: 152
Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2007 1:16 am UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby imatrendytotebag » Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:19 pm UTC

I've always been a fan of:

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll fuck you with a rake.

It actually works with varying success with other phrases:

When in Rome, I'll fuck you with a rake.
There are two kinds of people in this world, I'll fuck you with a rake.
Give a man a fish, I'll fuck you with a rake.
When life gives you lemons, I'll fuck you with a rake.

As for this comic, "In the words of archimedes" makes it for me.
Hey baby, I'm proving love at nth sight by induction and you're my base case.

pensive bosom
Posts: 37
Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 8:48 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby pensive bosom » Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:25 pm UTC

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat the tenth grade.

Jugulum
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2009 3:21 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Jugulum » Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:36 pm UTC

Don't count your chickens until you cut the red wire.

The only things in life that are certain are death... and death.

You're damned if you do, and slightly less damned if you don't. So don't. Punk.

Absence makes the heart grow explodey.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and I break your kneecaps.

User avatar
cellocgw
Posts: 2067
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 7:40 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby cellocgw » Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:01 pm UTC

Isn't everything here a naive attempt to reach the Dark Sarcasm quality of despair.com ?
resume
Former OTTer
Vote cellocgw for President 2020. #ScienceintheWhiteHouse http://cellocgw.wordpress.com
"The Planck length is 3.81779e-33 picas." -- keithl
" Earth weighs almost exactly π milliJupiters" -- what-if #146, note 7

ESFaithless
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:52 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby ESFaithless » Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:58 pm UTC

I made an account just so I could post in this topic because this game is fun. :D

"There is nothing to fear but...if you really hate spiders it's understandable."

User avatar
snowyowl
Posts: 464
Joined: Tue Jun 23, 2009 7:36 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby snowyowl » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:07 pm UTC

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Point your gun at a man, and he'll give you all his fish and some money too.
The preceding comment is an automated response.

User avatar
Tyrannosaur
Posts: 107
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2010 5:39 am UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Tyrannosaur » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:23 pm UTC

cellocgw wrote:Isn't everything here a naive attempt to reach the Dark Sarcasm quality of despair.com ?


some of them less naive than others, but yeah i noticed that too.
and most of them are pretty pitiful...
djessop wrote:The t-shirt should read "There are 11 types of people in the world, those who understand binary, those who don't and those who insist the number above is pronounced as eleven no matter what base you're in".

User avatar
Pfhorrest
Posts: 5482
Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:11 am UTC
Contact:

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Pfhorrest » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:29 pm UTC

Jugulum wrote:
SpringLoaded12 wrote:
Jugulum wrote:Heeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny's corpse!

Do you know the context of the original quote?

?

*googlegoogle*

Oh... Actually, I was thinking of Johnny Carson, not The Shining. I see what you mean, though--the The Shining quote wouldn't need modification.

I'm pretty sure The Shining was referencing Johnny Carson.

The Simpsons parody of it definitely was:
Spoiler:
Homer: [chops down door] Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!
[empty room]
Homer: D'oh!
[chops down another door]
Homer: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavid Letterman!
Grandpa: Hi, David, I'm Grampa.
Homer: D'oh!
[chops down yet another door]
Homer: I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes!
Marge, Bart, Lisa: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!


Also, not my invention but in the line of "give a man a fish", here's an oldie but goodie:
"Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night; but set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life."

Also: "Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it next semester."
Forrest Cameranesi, Geek of All Trades
"I am Sam. Sam I am. I do not like trolls, flames, or spam."
The Codex Quaerendae (my philosophy) - The Chronicles of Quelouva (my fiction)

Halrandir
Posts: 30
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2009 3:58 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Halrandir » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:39 pm UTC

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach the man to cook the fish, and he won't get flukes next time.

Muz
Posts: 25
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2009 9:38 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Muz » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:45 pm UTC

"As the Bible says, 'Screw that!'" -Homer Simpson

"You know kids, it doesn't matter if your black, or white, or red, or yellow, just...stay off my lawn! Darned kids, I know who you are!!" -Uncle Fran (of Uncle Fran's Muuuuusical Forest)

I miss Almost Live.
Author of the Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, the epic comedic fantasy where reality TV heroes slay actual monsters and the Greek gods have their own Twitter feeds!

Website: Michaelgmunz.com Twitter: @TheWriteMunz Facebook: MichaelGMunz

User avatar
Tormuse
Posts: 53
Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:34 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Tormuse » Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:37 pm UTC

Wow! Who knew Archimedes could be such a bad-ass?
I'm not really that patriotic... really!

User avatar
DarkLoaf
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 2:04 am UTC
Location: USA

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby DarkLoaf » Mon Feb 07, 2011 9:09 pm UTC

People who live in glass houses, should get some curtains so I don't have to watch them fuck.

User avatar
BioTube
Posts: 362
Joined: Sat Apr 11, 2009 2:11 am UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby BioTube » Mon Feb 07, 2011 9:21 pm UTC

I see skies of blue
Red roses too
Why don't you
Have a seat
right over there
Frédéric Bastiat wrote:Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.

User avatar
CorruptUser
Posts: 10550
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby CorruptUser » Mon Feb 07, 2011 9:22 pm UTC

People who live near glass houses will have their eyes gouged out so I can fuck without anyone watching.

User avatar
phlip
Restorer of Worlds
Posts: 7573
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2006 3:56 am UTC
Location: Australia
Contact:

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby phlip » Mon Feb 07, 2011 9:48 pm UTC

SirMustapha wrote:Including the violation of the expectation that there is a joke in the first place, I suppose?

Indeed - I did mention anti-humour in the part of my post you refrained from quoting.

Code: Select all

enum ಠ_ಠ {°□°╰=1, °Д°╰, ಠ益ಠ╰};
void ┻━┻︵​╰(ಠ_ಠ ⚠) {exit((int)⚠);}
[he/him/his]

Imposter
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Nov 13, 2009 2:01 am UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Imposter » Mon Feb 07, 2011 9:53 pm UTC

If at first you don't succeed, never take up Skydiving.

What goes up must come.

Even the worm will.

TheChao
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:07 pm UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby TheChao » Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:08 pm UTC

"There are fewer things in heaven and earth than are on my list of demands."

aggrav8d
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 7:06 am UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby aggrav8d » Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:20 pm UTC

If you gaze long into an abyss, you won't even notice the commercial breaks.

User avatar
Eternal Density
Posts: 5590
Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 12:37 am UTC
Contact:

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby Eternal Density » Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:29 pm UTC

glasnt wrote:No Mr Bond, I expect you to expect the unexpected!
No Mr Bond, I expect the Spanish Inquisition.
*brass hit*
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Weird_Al wrote:have you ever had that dream where you sudenly find yourself in the school auditorium, everybody is watching you, you're completely naked and you go on a killing spree?
And then as the pools of blood slowly cool, you notice a mirror and realise you're dreaming you're Summer Glau.
SW15243 wrote:When life gives you lemons, make sure to kidnap someone more valuable next time.
Nah, if life gives you lemons, threaten Dr Rodney McKay.
Play the game of Time! castle.chirpingmustard.com Hotdog Vending Supplier But what is this?
In the Marvel vs. DC film-making war, we're all winners.

mmark9094
Posts: 165
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:24 am UTC

Re: 0857: "Archimedes"

Postby mmark9094 » Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:36 pm UTC

If you have nothing good to say, that's why we have duct tape.


Return to “Individual XKCD Comic Threads”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 109 guests