1011: "Baby Names by Frank Zappa"

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby Aedl Foxe » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:09 pm UTC

Cactus Wren wrote:I'm embarrassed to admit I know this much about those crap books, but Corbo's right: Renesmee is the result of a violent impact between "Esme" and "Renee".

The author of the Twilight books is a devout Mormon, and I'm afraid this is entirely typical of Utah Mormon baby naming practices. Witness the actual names AldaVern, Brighamena, Miracles Precious One, DaLinda LaDale, and LaDonnaJosephriana, all for girls; and for boys, RoWayne, Mick BonScott, Jonborah, Djeryd Teancum, and Timberland Miner.

http://wesclark.com/ubn/


I was hoping, as a Mormon, that this wasn't true. On the other hand, having attended BYU for a year, I'm not too terribly surprised in retrospect.

Although 'Teancum' by itself is a rockin' awesome name.
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BAReFOOt
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby BAReFOOt » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:22 pm UTC

As for good names, how about Stirling Mortlock for you English-speaking folks, and [Oberst] Sturmhard Eisenkeil ([Colonel] Stormhard Ironwedge) for us Germans? ;)

Which both are real people. The German one really is in the German military.
And about Mortlock I kept this quote:
I saw a rugby game during 2007 where Stirling Mortlock got knocked out cold, woke up a bit confused, puked on the field and continued the game. Hard as a rock.
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby VectorZero » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:22 pm UTC

Aedl Foxe wrote:Although 'Teancum' by itself is a rockin' awesome name.
Two apostrophes would like to disagree with you.

My wife and I are having naming trouble. We have agreed that it must actually be a name... That's all we've got so far.
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby Aedl Foxe » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:27 pm UTC

VectorZero wrote:
Aedl Foxe wrote:Although 'Teancum' by itself is a rockin' awesome name.
Two apostrophes would like to disagree with you.

My wife and I are having naming trouble. We have agreed that it must actually be a name... That's all we've got so far.


Oops. I've been writing in Python too often... got used to demarcating predefined strings in single quotes. :3

That is, insofar as it's possible to write in Python "too often".
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby userxp » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:34 pm UTC

ttnarg wrote:
userxp wrote:I don't get it.

The auther of XKCD dose not like twilight so pick a name from the book and call it silly dispite the fact the even charators from the book it self thoght the name a silly and 'a bit of a mouth full'

I got the Twilight reference, but I was expecting something more.

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby VectorZero » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:34 pm UTC

Aedl Foxe wrote:Oops. I've been writing in Python too often... got used to demarcating predefined strings in single quotes. :3

Oh. That's not what I meant. At all.
Van wrote:Fireballs don't lie.

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby New-Paradigm » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:56 pm UTC

My Sister once suggested 'Pedestriana' as a name for a girl....

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby ThisGuy » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:57 pm UTC

I thought "Renesmee" might have been a play off the words "Rename Me"

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby marsonkhan » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:59 pm UTC

Two names from my past history.

In elementary school, I had a classmate named Richard Dick. By Junior High he was "DickDick", and of course in High School he was "Double Dick".

At college, the guy in the room next to mine was Richard Trebilcock. Of course, he became"Triple Dick" (which he was apparently proud of, as he posted that nickname on his door).

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby OtherRob » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:18 pm UTC

My wife and I jokingly said that we were going to name our daughter Aeryn Sun. Though, truth be told, we weren't entirely joking. We ended up going with a "regular" name, but part of me still wonders...

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby neoliminal » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:23 pm UTC

My wife and I agree. Worst possbile name for a girl:

Dome
pronounced "Do me."
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Story
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby Story » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:36 pm UTC

If you want to be a traditionalist, how about Increase or Cotton?

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby dp2 » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:42 pm UTC

Before you go with some alternate spelling of a common name, realize that you are dooming a human being to a lifetime of having to spell their name to every person who asks.

That's what pisses me off about goofy names. Yes, it's your kid, but it's a person who is hopefully going to have a life outside of you someday. You're going to fuck them up enough over eighteen years, no need to start at birth.

If you have to go weird, stick it in the middle name.

(No, I don't have a stupid name. I just think people who give stupid names are thinking about themselves and not the kid as a person).
Last edited by dp2 on Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:59 pm UTC, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby marcpage » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:45 pm UTC

Don't forget Female (pronouned Fe - ma - lay)

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby quantropy » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:46 pm UTC

Djehutynakht wrote:Would it be a legal loophole to give your daughter a copyrighted brand name (like Microsoft) and then try to get around copyright laws with it? (That software is not copying you... I named it after my daughter!)

Mike Rowe Soft

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby BrianB » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:49 pm UTC

Escapehatches wrote:My sister and brother-in-law just dubbed their baby girl "Linux Nasser."

.... AND they didn't even file a Sublicense Usage Request.



That is only required if they plan on using the Linux trademark in commerce. Are they planning on selling the baby?

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby Apeiron » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:53 pm UTC

Apeiron's 10 Commandments of Child Naming
1) Thou shalt not give thy child a first name that is a last name (Kennedy, McKenzie) or the name of a place (Dakota, Madison).
Exception - If the place was named after a person (Virginia, Georgia).

2) Thou shalt not make up a name. Pick an established non-stupid name. If want to give your child an "ethnic" name, PICK A NAME FROM THAT ETHNICITY. Don't make up something! You might think you're ever so clever or that you're "keepin' it real", but you're ensuring that your child will never be taken seriously (Orangello, DaShawn).

3) Thou shalt not give thy child a name containing any punctuation (N'Fume, Billy-Joe).

4) Thou shalt not give girls a boy name, even if you give it a cute spelling. When a boy's name is used for a girl, it is no longer usable for boys: Dana, Ashleigh, Tracy and Stacy were all male names, forever made a gay joke by parents trying to be cute.

5) Thou shalt not come up with a cute spelling of an established name (Brandi, Lacee), nor shall you add a syllable to an established name (LaSandra).

6) Boys names shall be one or two syllables, unless the name is usually shortened. Alexanders are usually called Alex. Girls names may be longer because they can handle learning more than one syllable at a time. If you name your child Alexis or Alexandra, don't call her Alex! Cute, yes, but traumatic for boys named Alex!

7) Thou shalt give thought to what names your child might be called based on their name, and also to what their initials will be. If you are naming a daughter, her last a initial might change.

8) Thou shalt do a search to see how popular a name is with other parents and then refrain from giving your child any of the names in the top ten. Unless you have a very cool last name.

9) Thou shalt not refer to thy child by their initials, no matter how cute you think it would be.

10) Thou shalt research names that strippers use as stage names and refrain from naming thy daughter such lest she become a stripper herself.

Addenda

1.2) Nor shall you name your child after booze or a brand name product - The Hoopy Frood Addendum of 11 Mar 09
Exception - Unless that name was a name long before the product

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby buddy431 » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:06 pm UTC

Our chemistry teacher tells the story of a coworker who named her daughters Molybdenum and Rubidium. They were shortened to Mole (pronounced Molly) and Ruby. Something's wrong when even your nickname screams how nuts your parents are.

I like plant names for girls: Rose, Lilly, Petunia (though that sounds a bit old-fashioned now). My great grandmother was named Hazel, which I think is due for a comeback.
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby Seamster » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:07 pm UTC

Hey! Let's all avoid doing this (source microaggressions):

“This is why we get along! You totally get my f’d-up sense of humor. Like, I always think about this list of objects that would be perfect”—looks around and lowers her voice— “BLACK-GIRL NAMES. Like ‘Dijonnaise’ or ‘Medulla Oblongata’!”

My white, 20 year old female friend to me in our school’s cafe where I, as a multiracial individual, am the “blackest” person in the room. Made me feel sad. Invisible. Discounted. Discredited.


Also, I fully intend to name my first-born daughter Bruce.

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby cellocgw » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:08 pm UTC

Allegedly true story told by a friend who was working at some birthing center: supposedly a woman chose to name her child (phonetically) " Orahng-a-dee" , based on a billboard she saw advertising a certain flavored soda product.
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby cellocgw » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:10 pm UTC

hifi wrote:I knew a girl called Portia.

Yes, the idea came from Porsche.


We all do. She's a smokin' hot blonde lesbian TV actress
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby Diadem » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:15 pm UTC

Giving your children weird names should be considered a form of child abuse. I'm always shocked at how many people think that their child's name is the perfect opportunity for a joke. A baby is not a fucking toy!

Here in The Netherlands we luckily have very little of that nonsense. We don't have a fixed list of allowed names, so you can pick a unique name, but they have to be approved, and can't be stupid. Though occasionally people are still able to slip some ridiculous name past the censor. It's like some people make a sport of naming their child as stupid as possible.
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Re: Well, there is always… “Sozialisma”

Postby Iranon » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:22 pm UTC

BAReFOOt wrote:Now old German names generally are pretty horrible, like Brunhilde, Kunigunde or Heidemarie, which all sound like fat women from the middle ages with those large double pointy hats with a veil hanging from them on their heads.Poor girl…


Brunhilde gets bonus points for implications though. Generally, I'd avoid delicate names - wouldn't want to liken my girl to a pretty but ultimately useless decoration, or to reinforce any overprotective tendencies I may develop (far too few people take kids seriously).
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby SpringLoaded12 » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:29 pm UTC

My father knew someone in high school whose last name was Knight. His parents were hardcore bikers. They named him "Stormy."

If I ever have a son or daughter I'm going to give them a perfectly normal, but nevertheless respectable name. For the daughter, perhaps Catherine, or Andrea; for the son, perhaps Harvey, or Peter.

hifi wrote:I knew a girl called Portia.

Yes, the idea came from Porsche.

I'm pretty sure Portia is a normal name and doesn't need to have car brand origins attributed to it. Kind of like saying "we named our daughter Michelle, and yes, it's based on Shell, the company."

cellocgw wrote:We all do. She's a smokin' hot blonde lesbian TV actress

Ellen DeGeneres?
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby flamewise » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:33 pm UTC

I've lived next to a neighbor called "Adolf". Course, he was german, and born in the 30s...

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby chrth » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:34 pm UTC

SpringLoaded12 wrote:Ellen DeGeneres?


Her girlfriend wife

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby jemtallon » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:36 pm UTC

My wife is 28 weeks pregnant and we have a feeling it's a girl. Names like Okra, Bacon and Tofurkey are on the 100+ list of potential names. For boys, we're thinking of Fire as a middle name.


Phoenix Fire has a nice ring to it. I may have to put that on my "in case of boy" list. "In case of girl" list is pretty solid with Widget at #1

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby Kisama » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:36 pm UTC

marsonkhan wrote:Two names from my past history.
As opposed to your present and future history? (Sorry; couldn't resist, even after considering that the distinction might be legitimately important.)
marsonkhan wrote:In elementary school, I had a classmate named Richard Dick. By Junior High he was "DickDick", and of course in High School he was "Double Dick".
There is a well-known (at least, in musical circles, in South Africa) conductor named Richard Cock. I don't know if that caused him distress growing up, but he's pretty successful now so I guess it's OK.

My girlfriend is into classical history and keeps suggesting names like "Anaximander" for our potential future kids. So far I have been vetoing them, but I don't know how long I can hold out! In the end perhaps I can just make sure that it's a totally badass-sounding name.
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dp2
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby dp2 » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:36 pm UTC

SpringLoaded12 wrote:
cellocgw wrote:We all do. She's a smokin' hot blonde lesbian TV actress

Ellen DeGeneres?

Erm....if by "smokin' hot" you mean "very popular", maybe.

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby jpers36 » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:41 pm UTC

hifi wrote:I knew a girl called Portia.

Yes, the idea came from Porsche.


As other people have pointed out, Portia is Shakespearean.

In high school, I knew a girl called Porsche.

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby Diadem » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:51 pm UTC

marsonkhan wrote:In elementary school, I had a classmate named Richard Dick. By Junior High he was "DickDick", and of course in High School he was "Double Dick".

Dick is an unfortunately surname. But what is wrong with 'Richard'. How does it shorten to dick?

Our former Prime Minister was named "Wim Kok". A perfectly normal first name, with a perfectly normal last name. I've always found it a shame though he wasn't named "Dik Kok", which would also have been a perfectly ordinary Dutch first name. But it would have been just so awesome on the international stage.

['kok' in Dutch means 'cook'. It's a pretty normal surname. And yep, it's pronounced exactly like 'cock'.]
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby eran_rathan » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:55 pm UTC

My best friend's younger sister is named Arwen.

His middle name is Mithrandir.


Yes, his parents are nerds.
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby Red Hal » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:57 pm UTC

... and I knew a chap called "Richard Heart". We used to call him "Dicky Ticker". Anyway, though I always appreciate a little light-hearted fun poked in the direction of Twilight it really isn't that bad a name, especially compared to some of the others in the comic's list and cited here. Actually while we're on the subject of ... offbeat ... names:

Nicolas Cage's son, Kal-El
Sylvester Stallone's son, Sage Moonblood
Jermaine Jackson's son, Jermajesty
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby jpers36 » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:59 pm UTC

Diadem wrote:Dick is an unfortunately surname. But what is wrong with 'Richard'. How does it shorten to dick?


English convention.

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby ShortChelsea » Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:09 pm UTC

My boyfriend likes to tease me when names come up by saying that he wants to name his son Pokechan and his daughter Pockrisschan.

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby Zinho » Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:19 pm UTC

Cactus Wren wrote:I'm embarrassed to admit I know this much about those crap books, but Corbo's right: Renesmee is the result of a violent impact between "Esme" and "Renee".

The author of the Twilight books is a devout Mormon, and I'm afraid this is entirely typical of Utah Mormon baby naming practices. Witness the actual names AldaVern, Brighamena, Miracles Precious One, DaLinda LaDale, and LaDonnaJosephriana, all for girls; and for boys, RoWayne, Mick BonScott, Jonborah, Djeryd Teancum, and Timberland Miner.

http://wesclark.com/ubn/


I'm sad to say that I've been fighting this trend my entire married life. And losing. I didn't grow up in Utah, but my family is from there and I went to College there. I thought I'd avoid Utah naming by marrying a sensible girl from Indiana, but nooOOOOooh, she's got German blood. Every name that has a hard "C" must be spelled with a "K" instead. One of our daughters has a name pronounced "Suzie" but is spelled like an operating system (Suse) because it's a family name from her side[1]. We actually reached "you should never do this to your child" overload with our third daughter's name: named after both a flower (first name) and a semi-precious gem (middle name), her first name is in a dead language and unpronounceable by English speakers[2], her middle name matches phonetically with a programming language, and her initials match both an operating system and a program development method (XP). I'm feeling a bit better about naming my first daughter after a foreign word for "evening" (I liked the name "Aurora" from sleeping beauty, but couldn't bring myself to use it) ever since seeing that a writer for one of my favorite shows shares the same first name. I feel no shame whatsoever, though, about giving my son the middle name "Teancum"; the man my son is named after lived a noble and tragic life. My biggest regret was ignoring potential embarrassment over the string of first initals we put together; we got through S. E. X. S. before realizing that an "M" name for our next child might be a bad idea.[3]

As bad as my kids have it, though, at least none of my children's names were forced on us by a relative. My brother (who married a Utah native) has it worse: his in-laws were insisting that he figure out a way to orchestrate a violent collision between his wife's name and his mother-in-law's. The mother-in-law's name is itself such a violent collision. Several suggestions were made that were less pronounceable than Renesmee. I managed to think of one that could actually be read and pronounced, and promptly decided to keep it to myself, for fear that someone might think it was actually a good idea. I'm proud of my bro for resisting the social pressure and picking sensible, normal names for both of his children.

The worst name I've ever heard, though, belonged to an African-American girl in my Basic Training platoon. "Nathlon" was named after her father, "Nathan", so they added the "lon" ending to make it sound more feminine. I think they failed. In addition, I agree with the drill sergeant that her name sounds like a synthetic fabric (competitor for Nylon?). I know I don't have much room to talk here, but the poor girl has my sympathies.

*edit*
eran_rathan wrote:My best friend's younger sister is named Arwen.
His middle name is Mithrandir.

Yes, his parents are nerds.

You know, if I'd taken my wife's suggestion that we name our second child after "Arik" from the movie Willow then we wouldn't have had that problems with initials...


[1] note that not even most Germans will recognize that name, it's from an obscure backwoods dialect that few people speak anymore. And she's older than the operating system, so our official story is that they named the OS after our daughter (Novell is headquartered in the town where she was born, so that story almost works on sufficiently gullible listeners). She gets amused when people call her "Susan".

[2] this poor girl's Kindergarten teacher managed to go an entire school year unable to pronounce or spell my daughter's name despite having the correct spelling and pronunciation reinforced daily by my five-year-old. I weep for both my daughter (for subjecting her to that) and to all her fellow students being taught by someone apparently incapable of learning.

[3] Yes, I have 8 children. No, I'm not telling you all of their names, despite how much fun it is to laugh at myself - each name is "unique" in some way or another (several of which violate multiple of Apeiron's very sensible rules), and I'm still wondering what I was thinking over the years. I'd like to let them keep a bit of their privacy, though; paranoia and all that.
Last edited by Zinho on Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:42 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby bmonk » Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:21 pm UTC

orangustang wrote:Let's not forget Frank Zappa's daughter Moon Unit. No matter how many funny baby names I hear, that one remains my favorite.

I thought of her, but also Fifi and Sage Moonblood

And there's that old, bad joke about "Denise" and "Denephew".
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby SevenSigma » Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:29 pm UTC

Worst names I've encountered.... and me without my Langschwert.

La-a - Pronounced "La-Dash-Uhh"

and

"4Real" because "this baby is like for realz."

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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby The Moomin » Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:31 pm UTC

If you don't give your child the middle name "Danger" or "Nonickname", you're wasting everybody's time.
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Re: 1011: "Baby Names"

Postby cjake90 » Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:31 pm UTC

my friend once knew a girl named "la-a" pronounced 'La dash a'


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