1164: "Home Alone"

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rhomboidal
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1164: "Home Alone"

Postby rhomboidal » Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:13 am UTC

Image

Title Text: Starring Macaulay Culkin.

The way he looks now, Culkin could still probably play all the parts.

TomRobbins
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby TomRobbins » Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:44 am UTC

I would pay to see this movie.

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Djehutynakht
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Djehutynakht » Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:48 am UTC

I can see it... I can see it...

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Quicksilver
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Quicksilver » Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:53 am UTC

A movie that exposes kids as brats would be interesting, especially if the grown ups win.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby DSDM » Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:05 am UTC

I was kinda "meh" until I read the alt text. Then I lol'd. :-)

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Icalasari
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Icalasari » Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:18 am UTC

rhomboidal wrote:The way he looks now, Culkin could still probably play all the parts.


I just checked

Jeez, he looks around late teens early twenties at the OLDEST

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Quicksilver
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Quicksilver » Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:23 am UTC

Also in movies there's no such thing as a "rejected movie idea."

irishnut
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby irishnut » Wed Jan 23, 2013 7:03 am UTC

I think it says something about me that the image of a kid being hit with a paint can made me laugh really hard..

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby ijuin » Wed Jan 23, 2013 7:07 am UTC

On the other hand, if said kids were intent on robbing the house blind, as the "Wet Bandits" were, then they don't exactly deserve a lot of sympathy if they receive amusing-to-watch non-crippling injuries.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby da Doctah » Wed Jan 23, 2013 7:48 am UTC

Quicksilver wrote:Also in movies there's no such thing as a "rejected movie idea."

Rejected Movie Idea: "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels", but with all the gender roles reversed.

No, wait. That was "Heartbreakers".

petz
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby petz » Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:01 am UTC

I would watch that movie. Title idea: "If it weren't for those meddling kids..."

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby saengerbeatle » Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:13 am UTC

I think I belong to the very few who don't want to watch Home Alone every XMas - I perfer Die Hard 1 and 2.
This reboot though would have some potential.
And you can think what you want about the two evil guys, but they are freaking immortal.

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Djehutynakht
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Djehutynakht » Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:18 am UTC

saengerbeatle wrote:I think I belong to the very few who don't want to watch Home Alone every XMas - I perfer Die Hard 1 and 2.
This reboot though would have some potential.
And you can think what you want about the two evil guys, but they are freaking immortal.


I've never seen them as evil. I've always seen them as... hopelessly misguided with a taste for vengeance.

Honestly, I think that if you sat them down, got them out of the robbing business, and cleared up the thirst for revenge, they wouldn't be halfbad.

They're lovable bandits, in a way. You can't hate two guys that go through that amount of hell. You just can't.
__________________________


Ironically, I think it was either in the 1st or the 2nd movie that short bandit (Harry), after catching the kid (Kevin) or in pursuit or something or other says that he plans to put him through every single event they had to go through.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Quicksilver » Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:33 am UTC

Plot twist: Marvin was just Kevin from the future.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Whitekiboko » Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:59 am UTC

Quicksilver wrote:Plot twist: Marvin was just Kevin from the future.


Funny, I was thinking have Shyamlan direct and have it all be a hallucination of Culkin's in rehab.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Shoaler » Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:13 pm UTC

Not funny. There are parents who do things like this to their children.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Klear » Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:17 pm UTC

Shoaler wrote:Not funny. There are parents who do things like this to their children.


Hilarious! :P

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Bobsama » Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:19 pm UTC

Hilarious, 'cause it is! Screw politically correct--have fun!!

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby halcyon1234 » Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:47 pm UTC

Forget reboot. This should be a direct sequel. Twenty years later, MC is a grown man with a family of his own. But he's repressing a deep-seeded PTSD that tortures his soul every day of his life. He can't tell anyone what happened. His parents have already slipped into alcoholism and guilt about what they put him through. The police have told him point-blank to never talk about The Incidents, because they would be forced to prosecute him. (He went way beyond just defending his home-- shades of Trayvon Martin are in the subtext)

He can't even tell his wife. He learned the hard way-- tell a girl about what happened, and she's either horrified at the violence, or becomes enraged at his parents (and thus future inlaws). In both cases, it poisons the relationship. He's only stayed married this long by living a perpetual lie.

He has no real friends. He has no one to talk to. And on the anniversary of The First Incident, he's reached his mental breaking point.

The script can play it out one of two ways. In the first, the audience is fully aware of his complete mental breakdown. He kills his wife (she was never real!), and the barricades his children inside the house. They're invaders, invaders in his private pain. He must be alone! He then spends the next two acts laying traps-- as Goldbergian and jumbled as his own mind is. The kids are beaten, tortured, terrorized-- and yet, in the third act, they ask the question every movie victim should ask: why so complex? Why hasn't he just killed us? The answer comes to them: because he seems himself as the invader, an interloper in this ideal family's life. But he can never admit it, except perhaps subconsciously. He's sloppy, he's left openings. There's only one thing for the children to do-- turn the traps on him. Make him live through the horrific abuse he put people through in his childhood, and thus repent and finally be released in death. He dies, selfishly released, never aware that all he's done is perpetuate the cycle, begun anew with his own children.

The second way is to keep some of the facts hidden from the audience. He truly is home alone. Perhaps imply that his family left him, or he left them. The house is empty. He acts very eccentric, often shouting or abruptly leaving rooms. The psychological damage is obvious. But he's trying to pull it together. Maybe he calls up his parents to forgive them, or even visits the jail where a permanently crippled robber lives, to ask forgiveness. He seems to be turning his ruined life around. Until things start to happen all over again. He only notices is as a suspicion at first. A car pulling out of his driveway-- probably just someone turning around, or at a wrong address. But what about the footprints, and nose print on the window? Did someone move his cell phone? He's being stalked-- cased. Someone is going to rob his house. And then, a noise! The Third Incident has begun! He springs into action, closing off the house, setting traps. Except as an adult, he's put away childish things. The paint bucket is now spiked with nails. Shotguns are rigged to doors. Teetering buckets contain flammable materials and a sparker. This is serious. This is deadly. And the burglers seem to have stepped their game up too. Is there an endless wave of them? Do they have GUNS now? They're surrounding him! He's far from alone. He has the whole world coming to get him.

At the right dramatic moment, break from his mentally-broken POV to a neutral one. The broken bodies of his family litter his house-- his wife, his children, his parents-- all caught in his traps. They had been there all along. He had been withdrawing, refusing to see them, refusing to hear them, refusing to believe he wasn't alone in the internal Hell he'd created. Of course there were footprints in the snow, of course there were noseprints on the window. His children playing. Of course there was a car in the driveway-- the wife he'd been avoiding. Of course. And of course there's an endless wave of invaders calling out for him-- with flashing lights, and bullhorns, and riot gear. The police, at the end of their rope, arguing with his psychologist. He's disturbed, deranged. He needs help, but what can they do? He's murdered five people, his entire family. They can't sit back and wait for him to escape to kill again. He isn't responding to pleas for surrender. Would he, even if he realized what he was doing?

The sniper has a shot.
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Klear
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Klear » Wed Jan 23, 2013 2:08 pm UTC

halcyon1234 wrote:Forget reboot. This should be a direct sequel. Twenty years later, MC is a grown man with a family of his own. But he's repressing a deep-seeded PTSD that tortures his soul every day of his life. He can't tell anyone what happened. His parents have already slipped into alcoholism and guilt about what they put him through. The police have told him point-blank to never talk about The Incidents, because they would be forced to prosecute him. (He went way beyond just defending his home-- shades of Trayvon Martin are in the subtext)

(snip)


Bah, too complicated and overpsychologized. It should be a funny family movie about a grown-up guy unleashing terrible violence against some curious kids.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby crossguy » Wed Jan 23, 2013 2:13 pm UTC

Hey,
It'd work with Betty White! :lol:

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby cellocgw » Wed Jan 23, 2013 2:26 pm UTC

Quicksilver wrote:A movie that exposes kids as brats would be interesting, especially if the grown ups win.


South Park?
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby cellocgw » Wed Jan 23, 2013 2:28 pm UTC

One of my wife's favorite quotes:

"I child-proofed my house, but they still get in!"
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby pkcommando » Wed Jan 23, 2013 3:03 pm UTC

saengerbeatle wrote:I think I belong to the very few who don't want to watch Home Alone every XMas - I perfer Die Hard 1 and 2.
This reboot though would have some potential.
And you can think what you want about the two evil guys, but they are freaking immortal.

Full Metal Jacket is a great XMas film as well ----- there's the scene where they sing Happy Birthday to Jesus, how is it not a Christmas movie? :?

Incidentally, I read this just before XMas: http://theweek.com/article/index/238037/diagnosing-the-home-alone-burglars-injuries-a-professional-weighs-in
Shows how durable those bandits were. Damned impressive.


And I agree this reboot has potential. What isn't funny about a child taking a paint can to the face? Especially when it's Culkin inflicting the pain.
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Wnderer » Wed Jan 23, 2013 3:11 pm UTC

He's under house arrest and has on one of those ankle bracelet things. We'll call it 'Home A Lot'.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Klear » Wed Jan 23, 2013 3:28 pm UTC

pkcommando wrote:Incidentally, I read this just before XMas: http://theweek.com/article/index/238037/diagnosing-the-home-alone-burglars-injuries-a-professional-weighs-in
Shows how durable those bandits were. Damned impressive.


From the article, talking about the paint cans in the bandits' faces:

Also, I wouldn't expect either of the Wet Bandits to walk away from this with all of their teeth.


I think this is exactly the moment in the movie when Harry loses his gold tooth. And you though the movies were unrealistic!

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby fernie » Wed Jan 23, 2013 4:35 pm UTC

I was looking for a "like" button...

I would watch this, maybe kid-teen vandals? reversed of what they did with the karate kid (teen in the 80's to actual kid in the 2000's version). Throw some teen-gang initiation and MC defend his house from them... with obvious immortality thrown in to be safe.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby ToastOfDestiny » Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:29 pm UTC

The first strip in a while to legitimately make me laugh out loud. Best part? The small details: the man's clenched fist of triumph as he watches the suffering unfold.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby mathmannix » Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:18 pm UTC

As an adult I can't help but feel sorry for the burglars. And notice things like, how the "M" from the doorknob should be sideways on Harry's hand, but isn't.

Also, this:

Weird Al in UHF wrote:Okay. Right now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner who *mocks* him and *laughs* at him as he's repeatedly *crushed* and *maimed*! Hope you'll *enjoy* it!
I hear velociraptor tastes like chicken.

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby xtifr » Wed Jan 23, 2013 11:24 pm UTC

ToastOfDestiny wrote:The first strip in a while to legitimately make me laugh out loud. Best part? The small details: the man's clenched fist of triumph as he watches the suffering unfold.

Wow, I was expecting to come here to see lots of comments about how Randall is losing it, or "they can't all be winners". Frankly, I'm in the "they can't all be winners" camp myself. No math, no tech, no science, no velociraptors...what's the point? This is xkcd. Anyone can do cheap pop-culture references.

Still, I suppose it is a vaguely amusing conceit.
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby project2051 » Thu Jan 24, 2013 12:25 am UTC

Get off my stairs, ya dangblasted kids!!

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Pfhorrest
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby Pfhorrest » Thu Jan 24, 2013 1:11 am UTC

Better version:

Kevin grows up, already emotionally traumatized by the events of his childhood. His family throws him out the door to fend for himself when he turns 18. He moves in to a shared room in a house with some poor college kids, works a string of shitty jobs until he eventually somehow makes his way into community college a few years late, where he works his way through still living in a house full of other people. He is lucky enough to transfer to a state school on grants, and graduates just in time to find a shitty job market leaving him still living like a college student in a crowded house full of other people well into his thirties. Eventually, after years of this, he finds his way into a decent job, saves and saves and saves for another decade or so until he can afford a down payment on a house, and finally, at last, can come back from a hard day's work to be in his very own home, alone.

That's a happy ending I could get behind, if only because I'll only ever live it vicariously :(
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby orthogon » Thu Jan 24, 2013 1:56 pm UTC

That staircase should have a banister. If they survive, the kids can probably sue him on Health & Safety grounds. Is it like that in the original movie?
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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby scotty2haughty » Thu Jan 24, 2013 7:30 pm UTC

orthogon wrote:That staircase should have a banister. If they survive, the kids can probably sue him on Health & Safety grounds. Is it like that in the original movie?



Well legally, you can only use deadly force (as "Kevin" was clearly using in the movie) when facing deadly force as well. Kevin never attempted to retreat (as was the law in most places in 1990) Kevin could be liable (in civil court) for assault, battery, negligent infliction of emotional distress, false imprisonment, not to mention the potential criminal charges (albeit the 8-year old age would likely be a strong defense to the criminal charges).

So yeah, it is like the original movie. If you wait until after the credits, it is revealed that the robbers obtained a judgment in district court against Kevin for the damages inflicted.
/s/

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Re: 1164: "Home Alone"

Postby samois98 » Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:24 pm UTC

The kid on the ground has learned how to react to being hit VERY well, a la argument clinic from Monty Python.


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