Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

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Nath
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Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Nath » Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:25 am UTC


++$_
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby ++$_ » Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:27 am UTC

OK, sure, a guy breaks into someone's house and assaults him with a sausage, and then drops his photo ID on the way out. Fine.

But how the heck do you rub someone with spices without waking him up?

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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Green9090 » Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:39 am UTC

:|

I'm really, really trying to write more, but I just can't think of anything else to say.
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Nath » Tue Jan 06, 2009 9:31 am UTC

++$_ wrote:But how the heck do you rub someone with spices without waking him up?

You probably don't. But if someone tried to season me in the middle of the night, I'd probably be confused enough to sit still long enough for them to get away.

Besides, I doubt he did a thorough job. Probably smeared a bit on the face and ran. Gastroburglars have low standards these days.

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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Jack Saladin » Tue Jan 06, 2009 9:50 am UTC

... Wut. Wut.

OK, surely the offender has some sort of mental issues. That's the only explanation I'm willing to accept. 'Cause that would be a terrible gimmick for a supervillain.

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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Marbas » Tue Jan 06, 2009 12:54 pm UTC

Jack Saladin wrote:... Wut. Wut.

OK, surely the offender has some sort of mental issues. That's the only explanation I'm willing to accept. 'Cause that would be a terrible gimmick for a supervillain.


Are you kidding me? It would be awesome! He would be called "Meaty Malefactor" and every line out of his mouth would be some horribly overdone penis joke.
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby 22/7 » Tue Jan 06, 2009 2:15 pm UTC

The article wrote:He said money that had been taken was recovered, but the sausage was discarded and eaten by a dog. "That's right, the dog ate the weapon," Burrimond said.


If you read nothing else of the article, you need to read this.
Totally not a hypothetical...

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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby segmentation fault » Tue Jan 06, 2009 3:24 pm UTC

they must have had their shoes on
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Luthen » Fri Jan 09, 2009 12:08 am UTC

I'm not sure whether to say awesome or wat? So I'll say awewat?
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby wisty » Sat Jan 10, 2009 10:09 am UTC

Marbas wrote:
Jack Saladin wrote:... Wut. Wut.

OK, surely the offender has some sort of mental issues. That's the only explanation I'm willing to accept. 'Cause that would be a terrible gimmick for a supervillain.


Are you kidding me? It would be awesome! He would be called "Meaty Malefactor" and every line out of his mouth would be some horribly overdone penis joke.


Are you sure there wasn't a Batman comic about this? I can just picture it. Robin trussed like a turkey ...

OK, stop that though train. Eck.

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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Solt » Sat Jan 10, 2009 11:04 am UTC

hmm, the suspect wasn't wearing pants and the alleged murder weapon was "eaten by a dog." Are we sure this sausage really existed?
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby bigglesworth » Sat Jan 10, 2009 1:30 pm UTC

Are you suggesting that this was a case of bismarcking?
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby cwoodin » Sat Jan 10, 2009 5:13 pm UTC

bigglesworth wrote:Are you suggesting that this was a case of bismarcking?
What does the Iron Chancellor have to do with any of this?
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby wst » Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:28 pm UTC

bigglesworth wrote:Are you suggesting that this was a case of bismarcking?
Ouch. Some of those definitions are worse than others. Bloody seamen haha.
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby quartrmster007 » Sat Jan 10, 2009 11:46 pm UTC

So, he searched through the kitchen, and all he could find for a weapon was a sausage and spices?

Hmm. The world is insane.
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby aleflamedyud » Sun Jan 11, 2009 2:04 am UTC

Marbas wrote:
Jack Saladin wrote:... Wut. Wut.

OK, surely the offender has some sort of mental issues. That's the only explanation I'm willing to accept. 'Cause that would be a terrible gimmick for a supervillain.


Are you kidding me? It would be awesome! He would be called "Meaty Malefactor" and every line out of his mouth would be some horribly overdone penis joke.

You win 5 internets.
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby IggyJack » Sun Jan 11, 2009 8:29 pm UTC

That's just...wow. I've never considered a sausage as a weapon.
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby aleflamedyud » Sun Jan 11, 2009 11:47 pm UTC

IggyJack wrote:That's just...wow. I've never considered a sausage as a weapon.

What, yours isn't long enough?

Had to be said.
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby IggyJack » Mon Jan 12, 2009 1:27 am UTC

Haha, it's long enough, just not detatchable. =] Nice try.
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Lt Greatsocks » Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:59 am UTC

I think the two residents were having extremely freaky sex and the things got outta hand, so they call the cops and invented a cover-story. Extremely freaky.
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby videogamesizzle » Mon Jan 12, 2009 8:23 am UTC

wat.

...not much else i can say.
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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Ajtucker22 » Mon Jan 12, 2009 7:12 pm UTC

I'm reminded of Home Alone, when the bandit guy attempted to leave behind is "signature" by clogging the water faucets. Instead, this guy rubs you with spices.... atleast he didn't cook him, right?

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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Grav » Fri Jan 16, 2009 12:46 am UTC



Beaten by a sausage? That's the wurst!
That's about as witty as something not witty.

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Re: Man rubbed with spices; other beaten with 8-inch sausage

Postby Cryopyre » Fri Jan 16, 2009 1:13 am UTC

Grav wrote:Beaten by a sausage? That's the wurst!

Holy loly. U win sum internetz urself mr Grav.
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