Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

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Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Zorlin » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:05 pm UTC

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Vaniver » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:13 pm UTC

Yeehaw?
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby General_Norris » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:14 pm UTC

I friend of mine said Wii Sex was possible now.

Hes right.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Jebobek » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:26 pm UTC

What is the difference between that controller and the wiimote turned to its side inbetween your crotch?
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Zorlin » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:37 pm UTC

Jebobek wrote:What is the difference between that controller and the wiimote turned to its side inbetween your crotch?

That controller is patentable.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Jebobek » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:46 pm UTC

Can we call it "crotchtroller"?
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Hooch » Wed Aug 12, 2009 6:23 pm UTC

I hope that people don't start equating Wii simulations with the real thing.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Jahoclave » Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:45 am UTC

Jebobek wrote:What is the difference between that controller and the wiimote turned to its side inbetween your crotch?

Because the former is a seat, the later is more commonly referred to as a dildo.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Zorlin » Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:51 am UTC

Jahoclave wrote:
Jebobek wrote:What is the difference between that controller and the wiimote turned to its side inbetween your crotch?

Because the former is a seat, the later is more commonly referred to as a dildo.

Don't forget to use the silicon sleeve when playing with your Wiimote.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Wednesday » Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:57 am UTC

Seriously? This is *actually* being patented with the intention of using it in the future by Nintendo?

This is a sad day in the equitation world.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby bigglesworth » Thu Aug 13, 2009 1:10 am UTC

Do you also feel Wii tennis was a sad day for the tennis world? Or, even Pong to take a ridiculous example?
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Jahoclave » Thu Aug 13, 2009 1:25 am UTC

Wednesday wrote:Seriously? This is *actually* being patented with the intention of using it in the future by Nintendo?

This is a sad day in the equitation world.

I had to do an article for the college newsletter on college equitation. It's already a sad day.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Zorlin » Thu Aug 13, 2009 1:27 am UTC

Wednesday wrote:Seriously? This is *actually* being patented with the intention of using it in the future by Nintendo?

This is a sad day in the equitation world.

I doubted it, actually - here's the actual patent.
Horseback riding simulation - http://v3.espacenet.com/publicationDeta ... 38A1&KC=A1

An inflatable air cushion (52) or other type seat a person can sit on is instrumented with electronic input devices (56, 90) that can sense motion of the cushion and/or motion of the person's body. Such input devices (56, 90) provide inputs to a computer graphics system that dynamically generates a responsive scene on a real time display. The sensed motion can be used to generate a graphics simulation of horseback riding.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Walter.Horvath » Thu Aug 13, 2009 4:40 am UTC

Zorlin wrote:An inflatable air cushion (52) or other type seat a person can sit on is instrumented with electronic input devices (56, 90) that can sense motion of the cushion and/or motion of the person's body. Such input devices (56, 90) provide inputs to a computer graphics system that dynamically generates a responsive scene on a real time display. The sensed motion can be used to generate a graphics simulation of horseback riding.

I could have sworn that it read 'can crush the person's body' the first few times I read it.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby iceberg » Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:39 am UTC

I am very excited for this phony pony riding game.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby annals » Thu Aug 13, 2009 7:37 am UTC

Walter.Horvath wrote:
Zorlin wrote:An inflatable air cushion (52) or other type seat a person can sit on is instrumented with electronic input devices (56, 90) that can sense motion of the cushion and/or motion of the person's body. Such input devices (56, 90) provide inputs to a computer graphics system that dynamically generates a responsive scene on a real time display. The sensed motion can be used to generate a graphics simulation of horseback riding.

I could have sworn that it read 'can crush the person's body' the first few times I read it.

Now that's what it needs to make it feel like real horseback riding: the constant threat of sudden and painful death.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby LuNatic » Thu Aug 13, 2009 8:57 am UTC

The real question of course, is can it kick the person standing behind you in the head?
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Bulvox » Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:17 am UTC

Zorlin wrote:
Jahoclave wrote:
Jebobek wrote:What is the difference between that controller and the wiimote turned to its side inbetween your crotch?

Because the former is a seat, the later is more commonly referred to as a dildo.

Don't forget to use the silicon sleeve when playing with your Wiimote.
You mean the "condom".
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Box Boy » Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:26 am UTC

annals wrote:Now that's what it needs to make it feel like real horseback riding: the constant threat of sudden and painful death.
Maybe it could be set so it starts playing Dragonforce songs everytime you fall off the horse in the game?
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby The Reaper » Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:34 am UTC

Box Boy wrote:
annals wrote:Now that's what it needs to make it feel like real horseback riding: the constant threat of sudden and painful death.
Maybe it could be set so it starts playing Dragonforce songs everytime you fall off the horse in the game?

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Box Boy » Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:37 am UTC

The Reaper wrote:
Box Boy wrote:
annals wrote:Now that's what it needs to make it feel like real horseback riding: the constant threat of sudden and painful death.
Maybe it could be set so it starts playing Dragonforce songs everytime you fall off the horse in the game?
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Alternatively it could show some transformer 2 scenes, I think it would be slower and more excruciating.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Wednesday » Thu Aug 13, 2009 2:52 pm UTC

annals wrote:Now that's what it needs to make it feel like real horseback riding: the constant threat of sudden and painful death.


See, that's just polo. Gimme a mallet and a ball to hit, and I'll play that game. My question is how much it'll fuck up *actual* riders technique.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby AJR » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:06 pm UTC

Aside from the *cough* "connotations" of the first illustration posted, according to one of the other illustrations from the patent we'll be wearing jumpsuits by the time this thing comes out:
Spoiler:
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I wonder, if it wasn't just a line drawing, would he be wearing a silver jumpsuit?

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Box Boy » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:13 pm UTC

Wednesday wrote:
annals wrote:Now that's what it needs to make it feel like real horseback riding: the constant threat of sudden and painful death.
See, that's just polo. Gimme a mallet and a ball to hit, and I'll play that game. My question is how much it'll fuck up *actual* riders technique.
I don't think it would mess it up too much unless you stopped playing polo for an extended period of time while still playing the game.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Wednesday » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:26 pm UTC

Do you play polo? the technique of *actually* riding a horse and absorbing the motion from a moving animal beneath you is much, much different than any simulator I've ever been on. And I've been on more than I can count on one hand.

No way in hell Nintendo is going to best professional swing trainers.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Belial » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:27 pm UTC

I imagine it'll probably be like the difference between playing guitar hero and playing an actual guitar. Which is to say, one won't make you good at the other, but it won't fuck you up much either.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Hawknc » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:37 pm UTC

Wednesday wrote:No way in hell Nintendo is going to best professional swing trainers.

Man, and I was going to go to Lleyton Hewitt's house tomorrow and challenge him to a tennis match. You're telling me I might not be a pro at real tennis just because I pwn n00bs at Wii tennis? This makes me sad, guess I'll just have to go to perv on his wife stay home instead.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Lucrece » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:43 pm UTC

Hahaha, finally a reason to turn the vibration devices on.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Zorlin » Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:20 pm UTC

Bulvox wrote:
Zorlin wrote:Don't forget to use the silicon sleeve when playing with your Wiimote.
You mean the "condom".
Well, sure, if you want to use the unofficial name. :(
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Wednesday » Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:21 pm UTC

I'm just saying it's going to be a shitty game. Emulating a horse is..not easy.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Zorlin » Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:22 pm UTC

Wednesday wrote:I'm just saying it's going to be a shitty game. Emulating a horse is..not easy.

I don't think anyone here is denying that - I don't think this product will make it to market.

It would be wildly successful with women if the controller came with very strong vibration motors and a spot where things could clip in/attach though. Homebrew THAT.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Wednesday » Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:31 pm UTC

Hahahaha, agreed.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Belial » Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:36 pm UTC

I dunno. I think for the same price, you could probably buy a much better sex toy that *wasn't* disguised as a game controller.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Zorlin » Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:52 pm UTC

Belial wrote:I dunno. I think for the same price, you could probably buy a much better sex toy that *wasn't* disguised as a game controller.

I think there's a market for those who don't want it to be obvious... single mothers etc.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby bigglesworth » Thu Aug 13, 2009 7:29 pm UTC

There's already many "massagers" out there. Perhaps a use in interactive pornography with the wiimote's direction and movement sensors?
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Zorlin » Thu Aug 13, 2009 7:30 pm UTC

bigglesworth wrote:There's already many "massagers" out there. Perhaps a use in interactive pornography with the wiimote's direction and movement sensors?

You're sick. Awesomely sick.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Wednesday » Thu Aug 13, 2009 7:39 pm UTC

It's the future of pornography. Interactive, holographic, and touch-enabled.

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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Zorlin » Thu Aug 13, 2009 7:48 pm UTC

Wednesday wrote:It's the future of pornography. Interactive, holographic, and touch-enabled.

The moment there's a decent virtual reality system (and I mean *really* decent, like, matrix-level) invented, reproduction will drop to near zero as the people of the world play whatever pornographic games are available for it.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Belial » Thu Aug 13, 2009 7:56 pm UTC

bigglesworth wrote:There's already many "massagers" out there. Perhaps a use in interactive pornography with the wiimote's direction and movement sensors?


Hahah. There are devices for synching with pornography too.

Thanks, Warren Ellis.
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Re: Nintendo's Horseback Controller Patent

Postby Box Boy » Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:03 pm UTC

Belial wrote:
bigglesworth wrote:There's already many "massagers" out there. Perhaps a use in interactive pornography with the wiimote's direction and movement sensors?

Hahah. There are devices for synching with pornography too.
Thanks, Warren Ellis.
Unfortunately unless a new wii capable of playing DVDs is launched the graphics are going to suck.
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