In other news... (humorous news items)

Seen something interesting in the news or on the intertubes? Discuss it here.

Moderators: Zamfir, Hawknc, Moderators General, Prelates

User avatar
Diadem
Posts: 5654
Joined: Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:03 am UTC
Location: The Netherlands

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Diadem » Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:56 pm UTC

Quercus wrote:When did everyone on the forum turn into a bunch of sniggering schoolkids? Or is "cum" really that uncommon as a conjunction in American English?

This forum-cum-echochamber has always been a place for sniggering schoolkids cum suis, who use their summa cum laude intellect for base jokes. It's cumbersome.
It's one of those irregular verbs, isn't it? I have an independent mind, you are an eccentric, he is round the twist
- Bernard Woolley in Yes, Prime Minister

User avatar
Thesh
Made to Fuck Dinosaurs
Posts: 6101
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:55 am UTC
Location: Colorado

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Thesh » Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:02 pm UTC

Diadem wrote:
Quercus wrote:When did everyone on the forum turn into a bunch of sniggering schoolkids? Or is "cum" really that uncommon as a conjunction in American English?

This forum-cum-echochamber has always been a place for sniggering schoolkids cum suis, who use their summa cum laude intellect for base jokes. It's cumbersome.

I came.
Summum ius, summa iniuria.

User avatar
SDK
Posts: 615
Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 7:40 pm UTC
Location: Canada

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby SDK » Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:06 pm UTC

Thesh wrote:
Diadem wrote:
Quercus wrote:When did everyone on the forum turn into a bunch of sniggering schoolkids? Or is "cum" really that uncommon as a conjunction in American English?

This forum-cum-echochamber has always been a place for sniggering schoolkids cum suis, who use their summa cum laude intellect for base jokes. It's cumbersome.

I came.

I saw.
The biggest number (63 quintillion googols in debt)

User avatar
Thesh
Made to Fuck Dinosaurs
Posts: 6101
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:55 am UTC
Location: Colorado

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Thesh » Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:08 pm UTC

SDK wrote:
Thesh wrote:
Diadem wrote:
Quercus wrote:When did everyone on the forum turn into a bunch of sniggering schoolkids? Or is "cum" really that uncommon as a conjunction in American English?

This forum-cum-echochamber has always been a place for sniggering schoolkids cum suis, who use their summa cum laude intellect for base jokes. It's cumbersome.

I came.

I saw.

Eye saw.
Summum ius, summa iniuria.

User avatar
Grop
Posts: 1935
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:36 am UTC
Location: France

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Grop » Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:08 pm UTC

Quercus wrote:When did everyone on the forum turn into a bunch of sniggering schoolkids? Or is "cum" really that uncommon as a conjunction in American English?


Well that was sarcasm from me and I am not a native English speaker. Certainly cum does seem uncommon to me.

User avatar
Quercus
Posts: 1716
Joined: Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:22 pm UTC
Location: London, UK
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Quercus » Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:14 pm UTC

Diadem wrote:
Quercus wrote:When did everyone on the forum turn into a bunch of sniggering schoolkids? Or is "cum" really that uncommon as a conjunction in American English?

This forum-cum-echochamber has always been a place for sniggering schoolkids cum suis, who use their summa cum laude intellect for base jokes. It's cumbersome.

<3

User avatar
Deva
Has suggestions for the murderers out there.
Posts: 2002
Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2011 5:18 am UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Deva » Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:24 pm UTC

Quercus wrote:When did everyone on the forum turn into a bunch of sniggering schoolkids? Or is "cum" really that uncommon as a conjunction in American English?

Outside of Magna Cum Laude? Remembers zero instances. Hears Magna Cum Laude rarely too. Ranks at or below "svelte" in frequency.
Changes its form depending on the observer.

User avatar
Grop
Posts: 1935
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:36 am UTC
Location: France

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Grop » Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:31 pm UTC

Deva wrote:Outside of Magna Cum Laude?


And would that even count as English language I wonder. Would it belong more than ite missa est or Allah akbar?

User avatar
Coyne
Posts: 1030
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:07 am UTC
Location: Orlando, Florida
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Coyne » Tue Oct 06, 2015 4:32 am UTC

PeteP wrote:https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cum "Used in indicating a thing with two roles, functions, or natures, or a thing that has changed from one to another. "


Man, alive! You really needed to post a NSFW warning on your link.
In all fairness...

User avatar
gmalivuk
GNU Terry Pratchett
Posts: 26413
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2007 6:02 pm UTC
Location: Here and There
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby gmalivuk » Tue Oct 06, 2015 12:40 pm UTC

Quercus wrote:When did everyone on the forum turn into a bunch of sniggering schoolkids? Or is "cum" really that uncommon as a conjunction in American English?
It is quite rarely used as a conjunction between English nouns, and even more rarely used before a phrase with the noun three words later. In any variety of English.

Also, while we've all always been sniggering schoolkids, garden-path sentences can throw anybody for a loop regardless of maturity level.
Unless stated otherwise, I do not care whether a statement, by itself, constitutes a persuasive political argument. I care whether it's true.
---
If this post has math that doesn't work for you, use TeX the World for Firefox or Chrome

(he/him/his)

User avatar
Quercus
Posts: 1716
Joined: Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:22 pm UTC
Location: London, UK
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Quercus » Tue Oct 06, 2015 12:45 pm UTC

gmalivuk wrote:
Quercus wrote:When did everyone on the forum turn into a bunch of sniggering schoolkids? Or is "cum" really that uncommon as a conjunction in American English?
It is quite rarely used as a conjunction between English nouns, and even more rarely used before a phrase with the noun three words later. In any variety of English.

Also, while we've all always been sniggering schoolkids, garden-path sentences can throw anybody for a loop regardless of maturity level.

Fair enough. I'm guilty as charged on the garden-path sentence. A "/" would have been clearer... although less unintentionally amusing.

User avatar
CorruptUser
Posts: 9930
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby CorruptUser » Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:05 pm UTC

Hey, in French, "con" means "cunt". Chili con carne? Con artist? Congress? Teehee. "Conservative" translates to "Conservateur", and "servateur" translates back to English as "preservative", so "Conservative" basically translates to French and back as "Vagisil".

User avatar
Angua
Don't call her Delphine.
Posts: 5760
Joined: Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:42 pm UTC
Location: UK/[St. Kitts and] Nevis Occasionally, I migrate to the US for a bit

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Angua » Tue Oct 06, 2015 7:19 pm UTC

gmalivuk wrote:
Quercus wrote:When did everyone on the forum turn into a bunch of sniggering schoolkids? Or is "cum" really that uncommon as a conjunction in American English?
It is quite rarely used as a conjunction between English nouns, and even more rarely used before a phrase with the noun three words later. In any variety of English.

Also, while we've all always been sniggering schoolkids, garden-path sentences can throw anybody for a loop regardless of maturity level.

I've definitely heard (and used) the x cum x thing used where it's generally in a sarcastic sense about someone thinking they're more capable of something than they are.
Crabtree's bludgeon: “no set of mutually inconsistent observations can exist for which some human intellect cannot conceive a coherent explanation, however complicated”
GNU Terry Pratchett

User avatar
Grop
Posts: 1935
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:36 am UTC
Location: France

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Grop » Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:08 pm UTC

CorruptUser wrote:Hey, in French, "con" means "cunt". Chili con carne? Con artist? Congress? Teehee. "Conservative" translates to "Conservateur", and "servateur" translates back to English as "preservative", so "Conservative" basically translates to French and back as "Vagisil".


Well today French con works more as an insult (of similar meaning as fool, but lower register) than as a synonym for a vagina. It think it is also much less offensive to call someone that, than it is to call someone a cunt in English.

User avatar
HES
Posts: 4861
Joined: Fri May 10, 2013 7:13 pm UTC
Location: England

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby HES » Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:23 pm UTC

So more like calling someone a twat.
He/Him/His Image

User avatar
karhell
Posts: 684
Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2013 4:56 pm UTC
Location: Breizh

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby karhell » Wed Oct 07, 2015 7:01 am UTC

HES wrote:So more like calling someone a twat.

Pretty much, yeah. As far as I know, the original meaning is barely used, except in wordplay and naughty poetry.
AluisioASG wrote:191 years ago, the great D. Pedro I drew his sword and said: "Indent thy code or die!"
lmjb1964 wrote:We're weird but it's okay.
ColletArrow, katakissa, iskinner, thunk, GnomeAnne, Quantized, and any other Blitzers, have fun on your journey!

User avatar
Djehutynakht
Posts: 1546
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2011 1:37 am UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Djehutynakht » Wed Oct 07, 2015 10:32 pm UTC

Presidential candidate Ben Carson believes that Pompeii victims should have "outrun the lava"

...Honestly.

This man went to medical school.


EDIT: Whoops. Satirical Piece. Didn't catch it. My bad.

For the record, I did NOT go to Medical School... even though it's irrelevant to the question and such but... yeah
Last edited by Djehutynakht on Thu Oct 08, 2015 1:55 am UTC, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
Dauric
Posts: 3887
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:58 pm UTC
Location: In midair, traversing laterally over a container of sharks. No water, just sharks, with lasers.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Dauric » Wed Oct 07, 2015 10:43 pm UTC

Djehutynakht wrote:Presidential candidate Ben Carson believes that Pompeii victims should have "outrun the lava"

...Honestly.

This man went to medical school.


It's not like he's a geologist. I'm not sure how much medical school covers pyroclastic flow.

That said it does show a marked lack of curiousity on topics outside his field, and a willingness to spout random shit on topics he knows nothing about without even the most cursory effort at research. IMO, not good leadership qualities.
We're in the traffic-chopper over the XKCD boards where there's been a thread-derailment. A Liquified Godwin spill has evacuated threads in a fourty-post radius of the accident, Lolcats and TVTropes have broken free of their containers. It is believed that the Point has perished.

Sheikh al-Majaneen
Name Checks Out On Time, Tips Chambermaid
Posts: 1075
Joined: Fri Jan 01, 2010 5:17 am UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Wed Oct 07, 2015 10:51 pm UTC

This man could be president.

How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

User avatar
Thesh
Made to Fuck Dinosaurs
Posts: 6101
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:55 am UTC
Location: Colorado

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Thesh » Wed Oct 07, 2015 10:56 pm UTC

Djehutynakht wrote:Presidential candidate Ben Carson believes that Pompeii victims should have "outrun the lava"

...Honestly.

This man went to medical school.

FYI, the Borowitz Report is satire.
Summum ius, summa iniuria.

Sheikh al-Majaneen
Name Checks Out On Time, Tips Chambermaid
Posts: 1075
Joined: Fri Jan 01, 2010 5:17 am UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Wed Oct 07, 2015 10:58 pm UTC

Thesh wrote:
Djehutynakht wrote:Presidential candidate Ben Carson believes that Pompeii victims should have "outrun the lava"

...Honestly.

This man went to medical school.

FYI, the Borowitz Report is satire.

Marginalizing the plight of the Herculaneans is no joke!

User avatar
ObsessoMom
Nespresso Bomb
Posts: 726
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:28 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby ObsessoMom » Thu Oct 08, 2015 12:08 am UTC

Compare and contrast Ben Carson's fictional Pompeii comments (in the Borowitz parody) and Ben Carson's actual Umpqua comments.

And Donald Trump had similar insights to share.

User avatar
Djehutynakht
Posts: 1546
Joined: Thu Feb 10, 2011 1:37 am UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Djehutynakht » Thu Oct 08, 2015 1:57 am UTC

Thesh wrote:FYI, the Borowitz Report is satire.



Whoops.

Er... Sorry everyone. I missed that. I knew the writer is a satirist, but honestly I guess I didn't catch onto it with this particular piece...

Stupid linking sources...

User avatar
addams
Posts: 9922
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:44 am UTC
Location: Oregon Coast: 97444

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby addams » Thu Oct 08, 2015 2:00 am UTC

Damn It!
The only Good News is Fake News!

http://www.newyorker.com/contributors/andy-borowitz
That is funny news.
Is it true?

Are Real News outlets, really, picking up Fake News and distributing it as Real News in exchange for money?
No. Not money from the Fake News guys, but from the public. (ech) FOX distributes fake news as real news.

It was so funny, at first.
Don't think about it much.

Thinking about what is broadcast as Real ....
For me, the funny wore off very fast.

The funny came back.
I have No Idea how to tell Fake News from Real News.
Even if I am 'there' when the news is made.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

DR6
Posts: 171
Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 1:44 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby DR6 » Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:28 pm UTC

ObsessoMom wrote:And Donald Trump had similar insights to share.


Hey, Trump actually said something reasonable in the middle of all that:

[...]
He said better mental health care would help curb future shootings.

“Many states and many cities are closing their mental health facilities and closing them down, and they’re closing them because they don’t have the funding,” he said. “And we have to start looking much stronger into mental health.”
[...]


I guess this is the real news here.

User avatar
sardia
Posts: 6261
Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2010 3:39 am UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby sardia » Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:35 pm UTC

They all say that, but come tax and budget time, they immediately propose slashing those services. Every. Single. Time.

User avatar
addams
Posts: 9922
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:44 am UTC
Location: Oregon Coast: 97444

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby addams » Sun Oct 11, 2015 12:39 am UTC

sardia wrote:They all say that, but come tax and budget time, they immediately propose slashing those services. Every. Single. Time.

Because....We are fighting an expensive War!
It's enough to make people crazy.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

Sheikh al-Majaneen
Name Checks Out On Time, Tips Chambermaid
Posts: 1075
Joined: Fri Jan 01, 2010 5:17 am UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Sun Oct 11, 2015 7:47 am UTC

sardia wrote:They all say that, but come tax and budget time, they immediately propose slashing those services. Every. Single. Time.

To be fair to Donald Trump, I've never heard anyone running for president say anything like that. I might not have been paying close attention, but all I can recall is the discussion after such an event focusing on second amendment rights vs restricting access rather than actually helping fucked up people get better; when mental health comes into the picture, it's always been a heartless "protect us from them".

KnightExemplar
Posts: 5494
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:58 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby KnightExemplar » Sun Oct 11, 2015 10:10 pm UTC

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morn ... ed-my-life

Flooded with relief, it became apparent who he had to thank for his life.

The shark.

And the emergency staff at St. Elizabeth’s, of course. And this apparently motorcycle-loving oncologist sitting across from him, telling him he would be okay.

But also the shark.


TL;DR: Man gets attacked by shark. Goes to hospital to get checked up, turns out that he had an incredibly early stage tumor. Without the shark attack, he probably would have not gone to the hospital, and the cancer would have spread.
First Strike +1/+1 and Indestructible.

commodorejohn
Posts: 1084
Joined: Thu Dec 10, 2009 6:21 pm UTC
Location: Placerville, CA
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby commodorejohn » Sun Oct 11, 2015 10:55 pm UTC

Coming this fall to ABC: Dr. Shark, Medicine Shark.
"'Legacy code' often differs from its suggested alternative by actually working and scaling."
- Bjarne Stroustrup
www.commodorejohn.com - in case you were wondering, which you probably weren't.

User avatar
Coyne
Posts: 1030
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:07 am UTC
Location: Orlando, Florida
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Coyne » Mon Oct 12, 2015 1:38 am UTC

commodorejohn wrote:Coming this fall to ABC: Dr. Shark, Medicine Shark.


...and, if there's any sign of life in either of those, they will be followed shortly by (I found a list):

Shark's Anatomy
Shark, M. D.
Diagnosis: Shark
(flip) Shark Medicine or Shark Med
A Gifted Shark
Code Shark
Shark Hope
Shark Mercy
Shark Trauma
Shark Pains
Children's Shark
Three Sharks
Shark Rivers

... and, last but not least, ...

Shark Nip/Tuck
In all fairness...

User avatar
Whizbang
The Best Reporter
Posts: 2238
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2012 7:50 pm UTC
Location: New Hampshire, USA

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Whizbang » Mon Oct 12, 2015 2:03 am UTC

What happens when the show jumps the shark?

KnightExemplar
Posts: 5494
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:58 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby KnightExemplar » Mon Oct 12, 2015 2:24 am UTC

Whizbang wrote:What happens when the show jumps the shark?


Spoiler:
Image
First Strike +1/+1 and Indestructible.

User avatar
addams
Posts: 9922
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:44 am UTC
Location: Oregon Coast: 97444

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby addams » Mon Oct 12, 2015 3:21 am UTC

KnightExemplar wrote:http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/10/09/a-shark-attack-saved-my-life

Flooded with relief, it became apparent who he had to thank for his life.

The shark.

And the emergency staff at St. Elizabeth’s, of course. And this apparently motorcycle-loving oncologist sitting across from him, telling him he would be okay.

But also the shark.


TL;DR: Man gets attacked by shark. Goes to hospital to get checked up, turns out that he had an incredibly early stage tumor. Without the shark attack, he probably would have not gone to the hospital, and the cancer would have spread.

What a sweet story.

Sometimes, I think Everyone has Cancer.
Some of us know it and some of us don't.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

elasto
Posts: 3481
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 1:53 am UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby elasto » Mon Oct 12, 2015 12:27 pm UTC

Expanding the search for oil is necessary to pay for the damage caused by climate change, the Governor of Alaska has told the BBC.

The state is suffering significant climate impacts from rising seas forcing the relocation of remote villages. Governor Bill Walker says that coping with these changes is hugely expensive. He wants to "urgently" drill in the protected lands of the Arctic National Wilderness Refuge to fund them.

Yup yup. I see his point. Can't fault the logic!

link

User avatar
Quercus
Posts: 1716
Joined: Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:22 pm UTC
Location: London, UK
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Quercus » Mon Oct 12, 2015 12:35 pm UTC

I'm strongly reminded of there's a hole in my bucket, except in this situation the logic is even worse.

User avatar
ahammel
My Little Cabbage
Posts: 2135
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2012 12:46 am UTC
Location: Vancouver BC
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby ahammel » Mon Oct 12, 2015 1:48 pm UTC

There's a hole in my ozone layer, dear Liza dear Liza...
He/Him/His/Alex
God damn these electric sex pants!

User avatar
Diadem
Posts: 5654
Joined: Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:03 am UTC
Location: The Netherlands

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Diadem » Mon Oct 12, 2015 3:00 pm UTC

The logic is sound. It's just highly unethical.

It's basically a tragedy of the commons. The cost of oil drilling (in the form of climate change) is much higher than the profit from oil drilling. But the cost is spread globally while the profit is not.
It's one of those irregular verbs, isn't it? I have an independent mind, you are an eccentric, he is round the twist
- Bernard Woolley in Yes, Prime Minister

User avatar
Mat
Posts: 414
Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 8:19 pm UTC
Location: London

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Mat » Tue Oct 13, 2015 9:02 am UTC

apparently awesome modes of transport are illegal in the UK :(
http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2 ... s-scooters

Bad news if you like gliding down the street like a low-rent Marty McFly: “hoverboards” (also known as self-balancing scooters) are illegal to ride in public in Britain, according to guidance released by the Crown Prosecution Service.

speising
Posts: 2253
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2012 4:54 pm UTC
Location: wien

Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby speising » Tue Oct 13, 2015 9:38 am UTC

why the fuck is this called "hoverboard", and why the reference to McFly, except because of the date?


Return to “News & Articles”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Eye of Horus, Link, Soupspoon and 22 guests