In other news... (humorous news items)

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Angua » Wed Sep 21, 2016 7:21 pm UTC

Who knows what causes tides. Could be anything.

I'm sure the scientists do a lot of reading, but it's no match for common sense. That's my opinion.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Diadem » Wed Sep 21, 2016 9:06 pm UTC

The scientist is actually also wrong.

The moon's gravitational pull on the earth is only 90x stronger than that of Jupiter. The sun's gravitational pull is much, much stronger than either of them. But the tides aren't caused by gravitational pull directly, but by the difference in gravitational pull on both sides of the earth, which is what we call tidal force. Gravity falls of as the square of distance, but tidal forces fall of as the cube of distance. This is why the moon has a stronger tidal effect on the earth, despite a lower gravitational pull.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby speising » Wed Sep 21, 2016 9:13 pm UTC

Always emphasizing he's a scientist is misleading, anyway. He's a "professor of strategy", and apparently a chemist, not an astronomer or physicist.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Felstaff » Thu Sep 22, 2016 9:10 am UTC

So all of North Korea's 28 websites accidentally became accessible the other day. I was reading through the English version of rodong.rep.kp. Turns out they don't like Park Guen-Hye, the president of South Korea, at all!

rodong.rep.kp wrote:Almost every day traitor Park Geun Hye...
This is the hysteric spasm of the idiot of Chongwadae frightened by the might of the DPRK...
Moron Park is a blind fool...
It is pitiful that the witch of Chongwadae is running amuck while carelessly making nonsense, in reliance on the U.S. master...
Park Geun Hye is the worst sycophant and traitor in the world...
Park, less than a worm, ...would be well advised to sit quietly in the inner room if she wants to prolong her remaining days.

It's so pantomime in its invective, I wonder if it's even possible that Regular Joe Bloggs from Pyonyang could read it and be subsequently whipped up into a Two Minutes Hate-style frenzy.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby SlyReaper » Mon Sep 26, 2016 8:27 pm UTC

Diadem wrote:The scientist is actually also wrong.

The moon's gravitational pull on the earth is only 90x stronger than that of Jupiter. The sun's gravitational pull is much, much stronger than either of them. But the tides aren't caused by gravitational pull directly, but by the difference in gravitational pull on both sides of the earth, which is what we call tidal force. Gravity falls of as the square of distance, but tidal forces fall of as the cube of distance. This is why the moon has a stronger tidal effect on the earth, despite a lower gravitational pull.

Why is he wrong? I don't see anything in his tweets that contradicts this.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Coyne » Tue Sep 27, 2016 7:01 am UTC

SlyReaper wrote:
Diadem wrote:The scientist is actually also wrong.

The Moon's gravitational pull on the earth is only 90x stronger than that of Jupiter. The Sun's gravitational pull is much, much stronger than either of them. But the tides aren't caused by gravitational pull directly, but by the difference in gravitational pull on both sides of the earth, which is what we call tidal force. Gravity falls of as the square of distance, but tidal forces fall of as the cube of distance. This is why the Moon has a stronger tidal effect on the earth, despite a lower gravitational pull.

Why is he wrong? I don't see anything in his tweets that contradicts this.


It's actually more like they're both part right and part wrong. The Sun and the Moon both contribute to tides; that's why we have spring tides and neap tides at certain times of the year.

But the Moon's tidal influence is much greater than the Sun's, despite (confusingly) the Sun's gravitational influence on Earth being much greater than the Moon's.

So Carswell has it backward in his first statement: the Moon causes most of the tidal effect while, at some alignments of Sun and Moon, the Sun's gravity reinforces or partly cancels the Moon's effect; increasing or decreasing the tide. He's right about the Sun having an influence, just wrong about which body has the most influence. Nightengale then stuck his foot in his mouth by saying, flatly, tides are due to the Moon, which is obviously only partly true.

At which point, of course, it became a political shouting match, with Carswell being either a "flat-earther" or the white knight champion against the evil dragon of science, depending on the position of the poster. (We really do need popcorn.)

But the math has been worked out for at least a couple of centuries, and since it predicts the tide nicely, I'd go with the math.

This page has a nice overview, but be careful how you read it: The force that matters for tides is the differential force between opposite sides of the Earth, not the overall force felt by the Earth. The "Moon as Dominant Tidal Force" box talks about the differential, but "The Jupiter Effect" box talks about force overall.
In all fairness...

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby SlyReaper » Tue Sep 27, 2016 7:34 am UTC

Yeah I get that. But Nightingale didn't say otherwise. He just said tides are caused by the moon without going into the specifics.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Zamfir » Tue Sep 27, 2016 8:39 am UTC

He might be wrong on the trade, though. It's true that the volume of trade is usually larger with nearby countries, but trade volume is not a useful thing in itself. Or we could get rich selling by lot of products abroad, then buying them back for the same price.

The gains come from differentiation, and the specialization permitted by that. And trade with faraway places tends to be much more differentiated.

Neighbouring countries tend to sell each other products that are almost the same as products already available within the border, with only subtle differences. So the volume of trade with Ireland has to be much higher, to achieve the same effect as trade with China.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby sardia » Tue Sep 27, 2016 3:34 pm UTC

Man claims roller coasters cheap treatment for kidney stones. http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... py/501278/
I just think it's an excuse for a grown man to go ride roller coasters all day.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Sableagle » Tue Sep 27, 2016 7:14 pm UTC

sardia wrote:Man claims roller coasters cheap treatment for kidney stones. http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... py/501278/
I just think it's an excuse for a grown man to go ride roller coasters all day.

In the version of that I saw, it was also suggested that women planning to get pregnant should pre-emptively ride roller coasters before the attempt, which sounds like an excuse for a grown man to take his wife to ride roller coasters all day.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Sizik » Tue Sep 27, 2016 10:38 pm UTC

Apple files patent for a paper bag.

Patent text wrote:FIELD

[0002] The described embodiments relate generally to a bag. More particularly, the present embodiments relate to a retail shopping bag made substantially of post-consumer content.

BACKGROUND

[0003] Bags are often used for containing items. For example, retail bags may be used to contain items purchased at a retail store.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby KnightExemplar » Tue Sep 27, 2016 11:10 pm UTC



Just an FYI: there are numerous reasons why a patent would be issued for a bag. For example, Coke issues a "design patent" on their bottles. Why? Because everyone can make a bottle. But THIS bottle will represent Coca-cola products. Its not that coke is claiming that this bottle is innovative or a new invention, its a "Nobody else make this exact bottle. We, Coca-cola, are going to attach our identity to this bottle".

IMO, design patents are a great idea and I'm definitely for them.

-----------

The other speculation is that this is a standard patent, but part of the patent is the new folding technique associated with bags. As paper is recycled, it becomes stiffer and more prone to tearing. If Apple truly designed a new shopping bag that doesn't tear easily, but is made with a large amount of poor-quality recycled paper, that would be an innovation worth patenting.

So it really depends on the details.

EDIT: It appears that this patent application is of the 2nd kind. Apple is claiming that the folding methodology or insert methodology improves the structure of paper bags.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby commodorejohn » Wed Sep 28, 2016 2:17 am UTC

Isn't that what a copyright is for?
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby ConMan » Wed Sep 28, 2016 3:50 am UTC

commodorejohn wrote:Isn't that what a copyright is for?

I was going to say trademark.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby ahammel » Wed Sep 28, 2016 4:24 am UTC

Design patents are a thing, but they're quite restricted in what they cover, I believe. I remember hearing that Nike has a separate design patent for each of dozens of swoosh t-shirts, each covering only a single colour scheme (one for black swoosh on white shirt, one for black swoosh on red shirt, and so on).
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Mambrino » Wed Sep 28, 2016 11:37 am UTC

Not exactly humorous but not that significant / serious that I'd post it to the darker news thread... so here it goes.

A desperate search is under way for an endangered African penguin "freed" by activists who may have unwittingly sent the bird to his death.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Djehutynakht » Wed Sep 28, 2016 7:13 pm UTC


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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby CorruptUser » Wed Sep 28, 2016 9:06 pm UTC

The sad thing is, he'll probably make more money from this than from the price gouging, and he just has to take one punch. $50 says that he has already chosen who will punch him in the face. Otherwise, I'd hope the winner "donates" the punch to Mike Tyson.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Yablo » Thu Sep 29, 2016 5:31 pm UTC

While not exactly a news article, I believe this qualifies as news. It seems Apple has applied for a patent on a super-secret project they are calling "BAG".

As near as I can tell, highlights include, but are not limited to the following:

[0002] The described embodiments relate generally to a bag. More particularly, the present embodiments relate to a retail shopping bag ...

[0003] Bags are often used for containing items. For example, retail bags may be used to contain items purchased at a retail store.

[0004] The bag may have a reinforcement insert adhered to its interior, which may extend across and strengthen a fold of the bag container.

[0023] The following disclosure relates to a bag, such as a retail shopping bag. The bag may be entirely formed of paper, with the potential exception of adhesives for fixing together portions of the bag.

[0040] Since an item carried within bag 100 at bottom panel 212, due to the gravitational attraction of the item to the earth, areas near the bottom of bag 100 may be susceptible to tearing.


While I'm positively ecstatic about the prospect of a new container for my retail items, I am so glad I never followed up on my dream of working in a patent office. How Einstein managed, I'll never know.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby CorruptUser » Thu Sep 29, 2016 6:51 pm UTC

Back then, "Patent Office Clerk" was considered a prestigious upper-middle class job on the lines of "College Professor", rather than today where it's barely above "Surly DMV Critter".

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby ConMan » Thu Sep 29, 2016 11:14 pm UTC

pollywog wrote:
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby thunk » Fri Sep 30, 2016 10:40 pm UTC

According to Life.ru, bombing Syria is necessary to prevent Da'ish from building a "secret moon base".
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Sheikh al-Majaneen » Sat Oct 01, 2016 7:23 pm UTC

thunk wrote:According to Life.ru, bombing Syria is necessary to prevent Da'ish from building a "secret moon base".

They'll have to fight the moon Nazis for it.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Coyne » Sat Oct 01, 2016 9:55 pm UTC

Sheikh al-Majaneen wrote:
thunk wrote:According to Life.ru, bombing Syria is necessary to prevent Da'ish from building a "secret moon base".

They'll have to fight the moon Nazis for it.


They'll have to contend with Moon Maid's people, too.
In all fairness...

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby thunk » Sun Oct 02, 2016 5:08 pm UTC

The full proposed timeline is even more hilarious:

Spoiler:
life.ru, roughly translated wrote:September 2015: Russia does not answer Bashar al-Assad's requests to send its air force into Syria. The civil war becomes worse.
October 2015: Terrorists destroy the castle of Fahr ad-Din in Palmyra.
13 November 2015: A series of terror attacks in Paris. Everything goes according to the terrorists' plans: a suicide bomber attacks the Stade de France while shooters open fire at the cafes "Le Cambodge", "Le Carillon", "La Cosa Nostra", and "Le Belle Equipe". 200 people die; over 500 are injured.
First half of December 2015: The US claims it has killed ISIL's main propagandist, Jihadi John. Soon after, a new film studio under the terrorists' control opens, "DAISH Lilnitaj al-Sinamai" (ISIL Cinema Productions). Its director is Jihadi John, who in later Pentagon announcements is confirmed to be alive.
25 December 2015: The Syrian opposition captures a terrorist lab. On its grounds are found the remains of robots and the archives of the Third Reich's occult organization Anenerbe. Sergei Shnurov posts a song on his Instagram page called "Androids in Hijabs".
31 December 2015: A bomb is found in the London Underground; nobody is hurt.
29 January 2016: ISIL Cinema Productions releases its debut 9-hour documentary film, "the Triumph of Faith", about the glorious life in the Islamic state. The film's heroes claim to barely notice American bombings and easily dispatch Syrian government forces. The film crew is added to Interpol's list.
2 February 2016: Groundhog Day in America. The crowd waits over 9 hours for the groundhog to come out. The Sun claims that the groundhog have been brought to Iceland to avoid possible terrorist attacks.
March 2016: The number of refugees in Europe reaches record highs. Over three million refugees are registered in the EU countries; with the increase in migrants comes a rise in crime. Germany closes its borders.
1 April 2016: French author MIchael Houllebecq (known for his "anti-Islamic" novels) reads the news and announces that he will stop writing books. A bombing takes place in the offices of Charlie Hebdo. Only one coworker survives. He drew a cartoon about the events that got over a million retweets under the trending hashtag #imonceagaincharlie.
11 April 2016: CIA satellites notice a ISIL dog-shaped robot near the town of Tel Rifat. The Grauniad's special investigation finds out that Boston Dynamics employee Harvey Simpson brought the robot there as he quit the company to fight for the terrorist group.
5 May 2016: CNN reports on the terrorists' siege of Damascus. Obama calls a ground operation in Syria "unlikely".
10 May 2016: ISIL captures Damascus. Obama claims the operations in Syria are his "greatest mistake".
June 2016: Because of the migrant crisis, many countries hold referendums on leaving the EU. After Brexit comes Frexit, and then Deutschlandausgang.
14 July 2016: A terrorist attack takes place in Nice. The attacker was well-equipped and drove to the end of the promenade before the police could stop him. Over 100 people die in the course of the attack and about 500 are wounded.
November 2016: Losses among American soldiers in Syria reach 400,000. Hillary Clinton calls for a withdrawal of troops from the country, while Trump, if he wins, plans to increase the scale of the military operation. At the elections, Clinton defeats Trump by a wide margin.
2017: Clinton implements a populist policy, and refrains from further airstrikes against ISIL. America withdraws from the Middle East. In turn, NATO countries refrain from further action due to America's noninterference. The migration and financial crisis leads to the total collapse of the EU.
2018: Saudi Arabia begins ground operations against ISIL in Syria. The terrorists inflict a crushing defeat. 200,000 American citizens begin protesting outside the US Capitol, demanding military operations against ISIL. A police officer accidentally shoots at the protesters and is crushed by the mob. The protest turns into a riot--the police are unable to control the mob, and the uprising is only crushed by the forces of the National Guard. Hundreds are dead. Clinton is in the hospital. ISIL expands its borders to India.
2019: Massive protests lead to the impeachment of Hillary Clinton. The new president is Donald Trump. The DPRK recognizes ISIL's government and shares its atomic bomb designs. At an emergency meeting of the UN's security council, the decision is reached to begin war. WW3 begins.
2020: Fighting between the terrorists and NATO occurs in Africa and the Middle East. All of the Middle East countries and North Korea fight on the side of ISIL. The coalition exacts heavy losses on all fronts. ISIL's fortunes are a result of their superior technology--plasma rifles, giant humanoid robots, and drones. At the same time, ISIL sympathies grow in the US. Statistics claim the number of ISIL members in the US reaches ten million. The terrorists kidnap SpaceX founder Elon Musk, and with his help, begin the project to build a moon base.
2021: The Islamic State's air force attacks all of the US Navy's major bases. Historians call it a "second Pearl Harbor". The US army is demoralized as terrorists rip the country apart. Americans endure a fight on all fronts, from Iran to India. The last straw is a terrorist drone that crashes into the Empire State Building. By the end of the year, ISIL takes over all the world's strategic points.
2022: ISIL invades America. The Hollywood sign is taken down and replaced with "DAISH Lilnitaj al-Sinamai". At the end of the year, the studio releases a seven-hour documentary film, "The Triumph of Faith 2".
2030: ISIL begins its missionary activities on the Moon. The construction of the "Caliphate" base is completed in the region of Mare Crisium, and the leadership of the terrorist organization move there.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Diadem » Tue Oct 04, 2016 10:07 am UTC

Pretty realistic timeline, I only spot one major error:
The terrorists kidnap SpaceX founder Elon Musk, and with his help, begin the project to build a moon base.

We all know what would happen if Elon Musk was captured by terrorists. They already made a documentary about it.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby jewish_scientist » Tue Oct 04, 2016 5:49 pm UTC

When I click on the link the website is in Russian. Is that happening to anyone else?

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Grop » Tue Oct 04, 2016 5:51 pm UTC

"life.ru, roughly translated"

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Yablo » Tue Oct 04, 2016 11:02 pm UTC

Denzel Washington chokes Aretha Franklin! But, ummm ...

A man called Denzel Washington (not the Denzel Washington) accepted a plea deal Wednesday after allegedly choking his mother, Aretha Franklin (not the Aretha Franklin), the New York Post reported.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby CorruptUser » Wed Oct 05, 2016 2:45 pm UTC

The fanfiction writes itself, better than that time at Disneyland where I walked in on Princess Jasmine and Jack Sparrow; man, was Elsa ever pissed at her boyfriend.

Ok, I never worked at Disnyeland, but you know that's the sort of thing going on behind the scenes...

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Liri » Wed Oct 05, 2016 5:27 pm UTC

There's a certain amount of freedom involved in cycling: you're self-propelled and decide exactly where to go. If you see something that catches your eye to the left, you can veer off there, which isn't so easy in a car, and you can't cover as much ground walking.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby jewish_scientist » Thu Oct 06, 2016 4:45 pm UTC

That timeline is actually pretty reasonable, compared to other timelines made by people online who clearly have no idea what they are talking about and include the phrase 'plasma rifles'.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Sableagle » Thu Oct 06, 2016 6:16 pm UTC

Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby jewish_scientist » Fri Oct 07, 2016 12:55 pm UTC

I do not think this counts as news because it is so old, but I doubt anyone will complain once they read the article's title.

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby SDK » Fri Oct 07, 2016 1:50 pm UTC

I do not think that counts as news because it is not news.

... It is amusing, though.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Angua » Thu Oct 13, 2016 3:23 pm UTC

Crabtree's bludgeon: “no set of mutually inconsistent observations can exist for which some human intellect cannot conceive a coherent explanation, however complicated”
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby HES » Thu Oct 13, 2016 4:28 pm UTC

The last venn diagram was particularly humorous.
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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Sableagle » Thu Oct 13, 2016 6:10 pm UTC

Note To Cat has had some good ones, but the most recent pages are mostly updates from 2 people running shelters.

Spoiler:
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cotton buds

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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Mambrino » Fri Oct 14, 2016 10:58 pm UTC


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Re: In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

Postby Djehutynakht » Fri Oct 14, 2016 11:19 pm UTC





I laughed when it said that he made those remarks standing next to Angela Merkel, and that she just glared at him.

I'm cracking up imagining it.


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