In other news... (humorous news items)

Seen something interesting in the news or on the intertubes? Discuss it here.

Moderators: Zamfir, Hawknc, Moderators General, Prelates

User avatar
ObsessoMom
Nespresso Bomb
Posts: 727
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:28 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby ObsessoMom » Wed Apr 11, 2018 10:19 pm UTC

A lot of people mistakenly think hippos are less dangerous than lions, too. The fact that an animal won't eat you doesn't necessarily mean that it won't kill you for other reasons.

User avatar
Soupspoon
You have done something you shouldn't. Or are about to.
Posts: 3384
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:00 pm UTC
Location: 53-1

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Soupspoon » Wed Apr 11, 2018 10:23 pm UTC

Coyne wrote:I suspect that is true because most people see bears as dangerous, and moose...not. Which is an incorrect assumption.

Also, effecting the dangers of each, the relative ratios (and chances of encounter) of herding herbivores vs territorial omni/carnivorous beasties on a given footprint of land?

User avatar
CorruptUser
Posts: 9931
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby CorruptUser » Wed Apr 11, 2018 11:19 pm UTC

Elephants are herbivores too, but get a bull in must and it will tusk up your shit.

Also,
Image

User avatar
Yablo
Posts: 559
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:57 am UTC
Location: Juneau, Alaska

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Yablo » Thu Apr 12, 2018 5:58 pm UTC

Coyne wrote:I suspect that is true because most people see bears as dangerous, and moose...not. Which is an incorrect assumption.

I'm really not sure how someone looks at a moose and doesn't realize it could kill them. A moose is what happens when bears and deer mate.
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
Please feel free to ask questions or leave comments.

User avatar
Soupspoon
You have done something you shouldn't. Or are about to.
Posts: 3384
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:00 pm UTC
Location: 53-1

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Soupspoon » Thu Apr 12, 2018 6:35 pm UTC

By the rules of tigons and ligers I would have thought that would have been a dear or beer.

commodorejohn
Posts: 1084
Joined: Thu Dec 10, 2009 6:21 pm UTC
Location: Placerville, CA
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby commodorejohn » Thu Apr 12, 2018 6:43 pm UTC

I mean, anything with a large array of pointy objects on it is something you should instinctively know not to screw around with, let alone one the size of a tractor.
"'Legacy code' often differs from its suggested alternative by actually working and scaling."
- Bjarne Stroustrup
www.commodorejohn.com - in case you were wondering, which you probably weren't.

User avatar
Sableagle
Ormurinn's Alt
Posts: 1697
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 4:26 pm UTC
Location: The wrong side of the mirror
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Sableagle » Thu Apr 12, 2018 9:06 pm UTC

commodorejohn wrote:I mean, anything with a large array of pointy objects on it is something you should instinctively know not to screw around with, let alone one the size of a tractor.

Image
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

User avatar
Coyne
Posts: 1031
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:07 am UTC
Location: Orlando, Florida
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Coyne » Fri Apr 13, 2018 3:21 am UTC

Yablo wrote:
Coyne wrote:I suspect that is true because most people see bears as dangerous, and moose...not. Which is an incorrect assumption.

I'm really not sure how someone looks at a moose and doesn't realize it could kill them. A moose is what happens when bears and deer mate.

+1

commodorejohn wrote:I mean, anything with a large array of pointy objects on it is something you should instinctively know not to screw around with, let alone one the size of a tractor.


Actually, it has more to do with words like "feral" or "wild." I once knew a guy who picked up a "cute" adolescent (wild) cottontail bunny rabbit, which bit him. The teeth went easily through his leather work gloves and also all the way through the webbing between his thumb and first finger. Thinking larger, one has to be wary of the damage that can be caused by a thousand pound animal that can move all that weight at a run...even if damage is not intended. And then there's the diseases you can pick up....

Nature is a fine thing to see...at a safe distance.
In all fairness...

User avatar
CorruptUser
Posts: 9931
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby CorruptUser » Fri Apr 13, 2018 3:54 am UTC

Not to mention that virtually all animals will eat meat if given the opportunity. Deer actually are not herbivores; during mating season, to gather enough nutrients to grow the antlers, the males will look for bird nests in order to devour the baby birds, not to mention their willingness to scavenge carrion.

jewish_scientist
Posts: 895
Joined: Fri Feb 07, 2014 3:15 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby jewish_scientist » Fri Apr 13, 2018 2:49 pm UTC

My general rule of thumb is anything half as big as you can kill you.

User avatar
Liri
Healthy non-floating pooper reporting for doodie.
Posts: 1113
Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2014 8:11 pm UTC
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Liri » Fri Apr 13, 2018 3:44 pm UTC

That is an absolutely terrible rule of thumb.
There's a certain amount of freedom involved in cycling: you're self-propelled and decide exactly where to go. If you see something that catches your eye to the left, you can veer off there, which isn't so easy in a car, and you can't cover as much ground walking.

User avatar
Zohar
COMMANDER PORN
Posts: 8128
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:45 pm UTC
Location: Denver

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Zohar » Fri Apr 13, 2018 3:49 pm UTC

Can't be that terrible, a thumb isn't even a tenth of your size!
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

User avatar
pseudoidiot
Sexy Beard Man
Posts: 5080
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2008 9:30 pm UTC
Location: Kansas City
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby pseudoidiot » Fri Apr 13, 2018 4:25 pm UTC

You could choke to death on a thumb though

<_<
>_>

Probably
Derailed : Gaming Outside the Box.
SecondTalon wrote:*swoons* I love you, all powerful pseudoidiot!
ShootTheChicken wrote:I can't stop thinking about pseudoidiot's penis.

User avatar
Dauric
Posts: 3887
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:58 pm UTC
Location: In midair, traversing laterally over a container of sharks. No water, just sharks, with lasers.

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Dauric » Fri Apr 13, 2018 4:32 pm UTC

jewish_scientist wrote:My general rule of thumb is anything half as big as you can kill you.


There's some microbes at the door that would like to have a word with you.
We're in the traffic-chopper over the XKCD boards where there's been a thread-derailment. A Liquified Godwin spill has evacuated threads in a fourty-post radius of the accident, Lolcats and TVTropes have broken free of their containers. It is believed that the Point has perished.

User avatar
Yablo
Posts: 559
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:57 am UTC
Location: Juneau, Alaska

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Yablo » Fri Apr 13, 2018 4:38 pm UTC

To be fair, though, the rule of thumb didn't specifically mention anything larger or smaller than "half as big as you."
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
Please feel free to ask questions or leave comments.

User avatar
pkcommando
Posts: 530
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 3:22 pm UTC
Location: Allston, MA

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby pkcommando » Fri Apr 13, 2018 5:04 pm UTC

jewish_scientist wrote:My general rule of thumb is anything half as big as you can kill you.

Did you just confess your Kryptonite Factor? You can only be killed by something that's exactly half your size? It's certainly a strange weakness, but it could have its advantages. "Silly you, that was only 49.3% of my size - I'm completely unharmed!" "Curses!"

I'd heard stories about moose, but I didn't necessarily believe them until a friend described driving by an accident scene where a car hit a juvenile. He didn't see the moose, or find out what happened to it, but he saw what was left of the car.
"The Universe is for raptors now!" say Raptors, as they take over all of Universe.

User avatar
Zohar
COMMANDER PORN
Posts: 8128
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:45 pm UTC
Location: Denver

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Zohar » Fri Apr 13, 2018 5:09 pm UTC

You could also eat a raisin or spit to change your size instantly!
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

User avatar
Sableagle
Ormurinn's Alt
Posts: 1697
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 4:26 pm UTC
Location: The wrong side of the mirror
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Sableagle » Fri Apr 13, 2018 6:30 pm UTC

jewish_scientist wrote:My general rule of thumb is anything half as big as you can kill you.


Half a big by what measurement? Length, height or mass?

Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
Image

Thousands of deaths a year, 20,000 deaths a year, 2 deaths in 10 years, 3 deaths ever, none at all ever, probably hundreds of thousands, about 55,000.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

speising
Posts: 2253
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2012 4:54 pm UTC
Location: wien

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby speising » Fri Apr 13, 2018 7:21 pm UTC

at least two of them aren't animals, though.

User avatar
Zamfir
I built a novelty castle, the irony was lost on some.
Posts: 7429
Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:43 pm UTC
Location: Nederland

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Zamfir » Fri Apr 13, 2018 7:36 pm UTC

speising wrote:at least two of them aren't animals, though.

Ooh, I know this. The copper penny is not an animal, and the gloves!

User avatar
CorruptUser
Posts: 9931
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby CorruptUser » Fri Apr 13, 2018 7:46 pm UTC

It is a trick question. It turns out the penny is an octopus in disguise. Don't fall for it!

User avatar
HES
Posts: 4861
Joined: Fri May 10, 2013 7:13 pm UTC
Location: England

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby HES » Fri Apr 13, 2018 10:47 pm UTC

To be fair, j_s didn't say smaller things can't kill you; just that all larger things can. Which, given the right circumstances, is almost certainly true.
He/Him/His Image

User avatar
Soupspoon
You have done something you shouldn't. Or are about to.
Posts: 3384
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:00 pm UTC
Location: 53-1

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Soupspoon » Sat Apr 14, 2018 12:02 am UTC

HES wrote:just that all larger things can.
Not even that, as I (and at least one other person) read it… ;)

User avatar
Coyne
Posts: 1031
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:07 am UTC
Location: Orlando, Florida
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Coyne » Sat Apr 14, 2018 1:57 am UTC

CorruptUser wrote:It is a trick question. It turns out the penny is an octopus in disguise. Don't fall for it!


They don't need to be octopuses in disguise, pennies can kill you on their own.
In all fairness...

User avatar
addams
Posts: 9926
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:44 am UTC
Location: Oregon Coast: 97444

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby addams » Sat Apr 14, 2018 3:16 am UTC

Coyne wrote:
CorruptUser wrote:It is a trick question. It turns out the penny is an octopus in disguise. Don't fall for it!


They don't need to be octopuses in disguise, pennies can kill you on their own.
yeah....But; I'm not a Dog.
I like Dogs...

Oh! Oh!
Dogs can kill.
But, they don't do it very much.

well...
Unless you are susceptible of Dying of Laughter.
Dogs are funny people.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

User avatar
Sableagle
Ormurinn's Alt
Posts: 1697
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 4:26 pm UTC
Location: The wrong side of the mirror
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Sableagle » Sat Apr 14, 2018 10:36 am UTC

Soupspoon wrote:
HES wrote:just that all larger things can.
Not even that, as I (and at least one other person) read it… ;)

j_s never said "only," so ... really ... that statement wasn't worth much, was it? We have to add a few tacit things to it to turn it into a thing worth remembering.

Of course, circumstances are everything, aren't they? Gloves or no gloves, a blue-ringed octopus entering your brain at supersonic speed would be no more or less deadly than a whale shark doing the same thing.
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

User avatar
heuristically_alone
Posts: 278
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2016 7:43 pm UTC
Location: 37.2368078 and -115.80341870000001

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby heuristically_alone » Sat Apr 14, 2018 3:49 pm UTC

Zohar wrote:Can't be that terrible, a thumb isn't even a tenth of your size!

He never said anything less half your size couldn't kill you :shock:

Death by thumb sounds absolutely terrifying
Bow gifted by adnapemit.

You can learn to levitate with just a little help.

:idea: = Surprised Cyclops

User avatar
Soupspoon
You have done something you shouldn't. Or are about to.
Posts: 3384
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:00 pm UTC
Location: 53-1

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Soupspoon » Sat Apr 14, 2018 5:22 pm UTC

"Anything half as big as you can kill you" is equally as usefully interpreted as "Anything no more than half as big as you can kill you" as "Anything at least half as big as you can kill you".

In reality, pretty much everything can kill you, given the right circumstances, so "Anything less than half as big, exactly half as big or more than half as big as you can kill you" is an equally valid original axiomatic premise from which any and all more precise forms of JS's statement follows as derivatively true, so long as you don't need to start assuming "therefore !X=>!Y" out of thin air in any of those derivations.

(Natural language being messy that way.)

User avatar
karhell
Posts: 684
Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2013 4:56 pm UTC
Location: Breizh

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby karhell » Mon Apr 16, 2018 7:34 am UTC

heuristically_alone wrote:
Zohar wrote:Can't be that terrible, a thumb isn't even a tenth of your size!

He never said anything less half your size couldn't kill you :shock:

Death by thumb sounds absolutely terrifying

Image
AluisioASG wrote:191 years ago, the great D. Pedro I drew his sword and said: "Indent thy code or die!"
lmjb1964 wrote:We're weird but it's okay.
ColletArrow, katakissa, iskinner, thunk, GnomeAnne, Quantized, and any other Blitzers, have fun on your journey!

User avatar
ObsessoMom
Nespresso Bomb
Posts: 727
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:28 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby ObsessoMom » Mon Apr 16, 2018 4:14 pm UTC

Ah, the perils of digital warfare.

User avatar
LaserGuy
Posts: 4518
Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:33 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby LaserGuy » Mon Apr 16, 2018 4:35 pm UTC

pkcommando wrote:
jewish_scientist wrote:My general rule of thumb is anything half as big as you can kill you.

Did you just confess your Kryptonite Factor? You can only be killed by something that's exactly half your size? It's certainly a strange weakness, but it could have its advantages. "Silly you, that was only 49.3% of my size - I'm completely unharmed!" "Curses!"

I'd heard stories about moose, but I didn't necessarily believe them until a friend described driving by an accident scene where a car hit a juvenile. He didn't see the moose, or find out what happened to it, but he saw what was left of the car.


Yeah, moose are very bad for cars. A typical car is going to hit their legs, which will throw the body of the moose right through the windshield (although from my reading, more collisions are actually caused by drivers swerving out of their lanes to avoid a moose rather than actually hitting a moose).

User avatar
HES
Posts: 4861
Joined: Fri May 10, 2013 7:13 pm UTC
Location: England

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby HES » Mon Apr 16, 2018 5:15 pm UTC

LaserGuy wrote:(although from my reading, more collisions are actually caused by drivers swerving out of their lanes to avoid a moose rather than actually hitting a moose).

Given the previous sentence, that's probably not a bad thing
He/Him/His Image

User avatar
Yablo
Posts: 559
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:57 am UTC
Location: Juneau, Alaska

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Yablo » Mon Apr 16, 2018 5:19 pm UTC

When my brother and a good friend of ours moved up here to Alaska, they decided to drive. Our friend left Kentucky and picked my brother up in Wisconsin, and then they took Canada's highway west all the way to the traffic jam where a moose refused to move. Traffic on the highway was stopped for a few hours just because the moose wanted to be a dick and Canadians wanted to be polite.
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
Please feel free to ask questions or leave comments.

User avatar
Zamfir
I built a novelty castle, the irony was lost on some.
Posts: 7429
Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:43 pm UTC
Location: Nederland

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Zamfir » Mon Apr 16, 2018 5:32 pm UTC

That gets really good in India. The cows are very confident, you see them calmly walk onto the highway and lay down for a nap.

User avatar
Soupspoon
You have done something you shouldn't. Or are about to.
Posts: 3384
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:00 pm UTC
Location: 53-1

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Soupspoon » Mon Apr 16, 2018 5:43 pm UTC

The male cattle are the worst. Even if you wanted to earn the wrath of the locals, an auto-rickshaw is not match against a bull-dozer…

:P

User avatar
Yablo
Posts: 559
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:57 am UTC
Location: Juneau, Alaska

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Yablo » Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:55 pm UTC

I see what you did there. Normally, I hate puns, but I find I have an appreciation for those rare few that have some quality.
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
Please feel free to ask questions or leave comments.

jewish_scientist
Posts: 895
Joined: Fri Feb 07, 2014 3:15 pm UTC

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby jewish_scientist » Tue Apr 17, 2018 12:14 pm UTC

"My rule of thumb, which is defined by Oxford Dictionary as a 'broadly accurate guide or principle, based on practice rather than theory' is that anything half as big as you or bigger can kill you."
There, are you happy now.

Sableagle wrote:Half a big by what measurement? Length, height or mass?

Yes.

User avatar
Liri
Healthy non-floating pooper reporting for doodie.
Posts: 1113
Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2014 8:11 pm UTC
Contact:

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Liri » Tue Apr 17, 2018 2:39 pm UTC

I took it as you meant it, and it's still dumb. Did you skip over the various critiques?
There's a certain amount of freedom involved in cycling: you're self-propelled and decide exactly where to go. If you see something that catches your eye to the left, you can veer off there, which isn't so easy in a car, and you can't cover as much ground walking.

User avatar
Soupspoon
You have done something you shouldn't. Or are about to.
Posts: 3384
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:00 pm UTC
Location: 53-1

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Soupspoon » Tue Apr 17, 2018 4:15 pm UTC

Be careful skipping over the critiques. They're a potential tripping hazard, especially as they're only ankle high and installed right next to the knee-high 'guard rails' by the buckets full of ebola.

User avatar
Yablo
Posts: 559
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:57 am UTC
Location: Juneau, Alaska

Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Postby Yablo » Tue Apr 17, 2018 4:39 pm UTC

As long as the critiques are less than half your size, you'll live.
If you like Call of Cthulhu and modern government conspiracy, check out my Delta Green thread.
Please feel free to ask questions or leave comments.


Return to “News & Articles”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 15 guests