## In other news... (humorous news items)

Seen something interesting in the news or on the intertubes? Discuss it here.

Moderators: Zamfir, Hawknc, Moderators General, Prelates

morriswalters
Posts: 7073
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:21 am UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

It keeps people from selling them for Easter to children. In my youth they sold colored chicks and baby rabbits. You should be able to extrapolate from that.

idonno
Posts: 290
Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2015 3:34 am UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

jewish_scientist wrote:
elastro wrote:Any statement at all can be argued for in moral language if you're allowed to use arbitrary, nonsensical, contradictory morals.

Counterexample.

2 + 2 = 5 because that allows us to produce food for free thus ending world hunger. If you aren't pro starving children, you would support this. Math teachers are monsters!

Before you try to construct a clever counter, remember the the claim allows "arbitrary, nonsensical, contradictory morals".

ucim
Posts: 6786
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2012 3:23 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

But 2+2 does equal five... for sufficiently large values of 2.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Heartfelt thanks from addams and from me - you really made a difference.

CorruptUser
Posts: 10472
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Nah, just redefine the + symbol into another operation in group theory, and boom, five.

Note: tried to type "done" but my phones autocorrect simply couldn't recognize the word "done", and corrected it to "five", which was too perfect.

idonno
Posts: 290
Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2015 3:34 am UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

ucim wrote:But 2+2 does equal five... for sufficiently large values of 2.

Jose

I see you have bought into more lies. There are no numbers other than whole numbers (and I suspect some of those are made up). I shall eat a marshmallow for your soul.

Nah, just redefine the + symbol into another operation in group theory, and boom, five.

CorruptUser
Posts: 10472
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Well, I am into degenerate numbers. Sexy, degenerate numbers. While all of your numbers happen to be as imaginary as your girlfriend.

ucim
Posts: 6786
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2012 3:23 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

idonno wrote:I see you have bought into more lies. There are no numbers other than whole numbers
So what do you get when the band is playing a set and you interrupt it in the middle of a number? And in any case, when they are playing a song, each of the band members is playing a part. Math has consequences!

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Heartfelt thanks from addams and from me - you really made a difference.

CorruptUser
Posts: 10472
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Your band's "gig" is not even a meg.

Grop
Posts: 1993
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:36 am UTC
Location: France

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Not exactly a news, but I chanced on some fun trivia about Andorra :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_w ... regularity

Soupspoon
You have done something you shouldn't. Or are about to.
Posts: 4060
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:00 pm UTC
Location: 53-1

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Do they even look like they desire peace?

pkcommando
Posts: 564
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 3:22 pm UTC
Location: Allston, MA

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Grop wrote:Not exactly a news, but I chanced on some fun trivia about Andorra :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_w ... regularity

And by posting this, you've probably ruined their surprise counteroffensive planned for November next year. No one would've seen it coming.

jewish_scientist
Posts: 1022
Joined: Fri Feb 07, 2014 3:15 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

idonno wrote:Before you try to construct a clever counter, remember the the claim allows "arbitrary, nonsensical, contradictory morals".

Is not* your claim then just the Principle of Explosion?

CorruptUser wrote:Well, I am into degenerate numbers. Sexy, degenerate numbers. While all of your numbers happen to be as imaginary as your girlfriend.

People who have imaginary girlfriends are so complex. The only people worst are those irrational groups.

By the way, I googled "degenerate number wolframalpha" and clicked the first result. Thanks, guys. I couldn't have figured that out on my own.

*I feel so formal not using the contraction, like if I was the 1700's. Formal... and powerful.
"You are not running off with Cow-Skull Man Dracula Skeletor!"
-Socrates

ObsessoMom
Nespresso Bomb
Posts: 869
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:28 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Just in time for the holidays, we learn that glitter is evil.

eran_rathan
Mostly Wrong
Posts: 1839
Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:36 pm UTC
Location: in your ceiling, judging you

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

ObsessoMom wrote:Just in time for the holidays, we learn that glitter is evil.

It's the herpes of the crafting world.
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ

eSOANEM
:D
Posts: 3652
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:39 pm UTC
Location: Grantabrycge

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

ObsessoMom wrote:
Just in time for the holidays, we learn that glitter is evil.

Biodegradable glitter exists; it really ought to be more common though.
my pronouns are they

Magnanimous wrote:(fuck the macrons)

LaserGuy
Posts: 4576
Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:33 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Russia has been banned from competing in the 2018 Winter Olympics due to organized, state-backed usage of performance enhancing drugs. Individual athletes may petition the Olympic committee to compete under a neutral flag, but will not be considered to be representing Russia.

ObsessoMom
Nespresso Bomb
Posts: 869
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:28 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Journalism at its finest! From the "Great Job Internet" section of the A.V. Club:

This square dancing conspiracy goes deeper than you think

(The featured photo, however, is not of square dancing, but of line dancing. Fail.)

ucim
Posts: 6786
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2012 3:23 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

ObsessoMom wrote:The featured photo, however, is not of square dancing, but of line dancing.
That's what they want you to believe.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Heartfelt thanks from addams and from me - you really made a difference.

ObsessoMom
Nespresso Bomb
Posts: 869
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:28 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Heh!

Full disclosure--my parents were competitive square dancers, and...um...I advanced from the "mainsteam" level to the "Plus Two" level, back in the 1980s. Which basically means that I learned a whole bunch of calls (steps). Then I went away to college and found even nerdier things to do.

If it's not clear, I don't really think that dredging up old articles via Google and breathlessly tweeting about them is really "Journalism at its finest." But I'm in full agreement with all of the points made in the referenced Julia Mangin article from 1995, and I probably wouldn't ever have stumbled across that without Robyn Pennacchia's SHOUTED REPORTAGE. So I guess I'm GRATEFUL.

Coyne
Posts: 1099
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:07 am UTC
Location: Orlando, Florida
Contact:

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

ObsessoMom wrote:Heh!
If it's not clear, I don't really think that dredging up old articles via Google and breathlessly tweeting about them is really "Journalism at its finest." But I'm in full agreement with all of the points made in the referenced Julia Mangin article from 1995, and I probably wouldn't ever have stumbled across that without Robyn Pennacchia's SHOUTED REPORTAGE. So I guess I'm GRATEFUL.

What? You didn't hear about Birtherism? Antivaxxerism? The Cruz-JFK assassination theory? Etc., etc., ad nauseam?

How could we possibly have great journalism like that without Googling and then breathlessly Tweeting?
In all fairness...

elasto
Posts: 3721
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 1:53 am UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Engineers at a small British internet service provider have successfully made a broadband connection work over 2m (6ft 7in) of wet string.

The connection reached speeds of 3.5Mbps (megabits per second), according to the Andrews and Arnold engineer who conducted the experiment.

The point of the experiment appears to have been purely to see if it was achievable.

"To be honest it was a bit of fun, which one of our techies decided to try out - we have equipment we could test in the office, and why not? There is no commercial potential that we are aware of."

Hope they had paper cups at each end of the string too!

ObsessoMom
Nespresso Bomb
Posts: 869
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:28 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

elasto wrote:
There is no commercial potential that we are aware of."

It warms my heart to know that pure science is alive and well.

Quercus
Posts: 1792
Joined: Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:22 pm UTC
Location: London, UK
Contact:

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

ObsessoMom wrote:
elasto wrote:
There is no commercial potential that we are aware of."

I have at least one application: shaming BT broadband (replace with notoriously bad broadband provider appropriate to your country). "Well these guys can make it work over a piece of wet string, so don't you go telling me that the line is bad and there's nothing you can do."

orthogon
Posts: 3048
Joined: Thu May 17, 2012 7:52 am UTC
Location: The Airy 1830 ellipsoid

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

In case of language differences, it's probably worth noting that "a piece of wet string" is often used figuratively by communications engineers to mean a poor quality cable, i.e. one with a high loss, a poor impedance match and possibly having had its specifications degraded further as a result of water ingress or mechanical trauma. Unlike its counterpart in the field of antenna design, the bent coathanger, it's not usually taken literally; nevertheless, that's what these jokers have done.
xtifr wrote:... and orthogon merely sounds undecided.

CorruptUser
Posts: 10472
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Don't forget about napkins for analysis, or bubblegum+hope for car repairs.

Quercus
Posts: 1792
Joined: Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:22 pm UTC
Location: London, UK
Contact:

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

CorruptUser wrote:Don't forget about napkins for analysis, or bubblegum+hope for car repairs.

Speed tape for aircraft, perl for code

I'd forgotten about the figurative use of wet string - thanks for the reminder.

CorruptUser
Posts: 10472
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

I thought code was "spaghetti"?

Soupspoon
You have done something you shouldn't. Or are about to.
Posts: 4060
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:00 pm UTC
Location: 53-1

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Quercus wrote:perl for code

Hey, it's not my fault that Perl can patch virtually anything else, with enough ingenuity.

(Which reminds me, I'm still looking for a good command-line MIDI-voicer that I can pipe to from a static text file (or, ultimately, a script than generates as it goes), to see if I can overcome my lack of personal musical ability.)

Posts: 1381
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2012 5:11 pm UTC
Location: Oakland

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

"baling wire and mud" I've heard for construction applications.
Belial wrote:I am not even in the same country code as "the mood for this shit."

ucim
Posts: 6786
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2012 3:23 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Quercus wrote:Speed tape for aircraft, perl for code
Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed...

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Heartfelt thanks from addams and from me - you really made a difference.

CorruptUser
Posts: 10472
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

ucim wrote:
Quercus wrote:Speed tape for aircraft, perl for code
Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed...

Jose

Atomic batteries? Wouldn't that be overkill for power rather than cheap and terrible a la bent coat hanger for antennae?

Quercus
Posts: 1792
Joined: Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:22 pm UTC
Location: London, UK
Contact:

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

I've just noticed that half the things listed are just "cheap and terrible" whereas the other half are more "kludgy and expedient" (both of mine are the latter, bent coathanger found be either depending on circumstance). It seems an important distinction

Sableagle
Ormurinn's Alt
Posts: 2049
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2015 4:26 pm UTC
Location: The wrong side of the mirror
Contact:

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

I once got a better TV signal by unplugging the antenna cable and jamming a pencil into the socket. It went from "I *think* this is the right channel" to "not the best image quality but it's okay."

"Baling wire and mud" sound like potentially higher-quality work than "recruit accommodation."
Oh, Willie McBride, it was all done in vain.

Soupspoon
You have done something you shouldn't. Or are about to.
Posts: 4060
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:00 pm UTC
Location: 53-1

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

I'm gonna say this is humorous, though there'll be different opinions about which lines it crosses amongst UKians and non-UKians1 may be mysti(/horri)fied by the whole thing.

1 Even those who still think we watch Benny Hill.

Much less controversial, though...

HES
Posts: 4886
Joined: Fri May 10, 2013 7:13 pm UTC
Location: England

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Soupspoon wrote:I'm gonna say this is humorous

Because of the snow at the weekend, one of the temporary yellow-on-black signs leading to the local theatre venue only had the first word visible.
He/Him/His

Coyne
Posts: 1099
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:07 am UTC
Location: Orlando, Florida
Contact:

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Speaking of professionals who "trace" things:

A surgeon has pleaded guilty to marking his initials on the livers of two patients while performing transplant surgery.
In all fairness...

Posts: 10143
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:44 am UTC
Location: Oregon Coast: 97444

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Coyne wrote:Speaking of professionals who "trace" things:

A surgeon has pleaded guilty to marking his initials on the livers of two patients while performing transplant surgery.
Yes. It is funny,
And; Stupid.
No one can See the initials.
That man saved lives.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

Thesh
Posts: 6537
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:55 am UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

Japanese Monkeys are having sex with deer:

https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way ... -with-deer
Summum ius, summa iniuria.

CorruptUser
Posts: 10472
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:12 pm UTC

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

As a kid growing up, I learned that the sign of the end times was rampant bestiality even among the animals. This is clearly proof that we are doing something wrong.

Anyone got any sacrifices? Don't need to be a virgin; my volcano god prefers a sacrifice with experience.

Posts: 10143
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:44 am UTC
Location: Oregon Coast: 97444

### Re: In other news... (humorous news items)

CorruptUser wrote:As a kid growing up, I learned that the sign of the end times was rampant bestiality even among the animals.
This is clearly proof that we are doing something wrong.

Anyone got any sacrifices? Don't need to be a virgin; my volcano god prefers a sacrifice with experience.
Church?
Christian Church?

Those People!?!
Any surprise they gave us Trump?
Spoiler:
I've heard he was the product of bestiality.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
by mr. Oscar Wilde.

Those that want to Know; Know.
Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.