xkcd

by **Rodan** » Fri May 18, 2007 10:37 am UTC

granted, but now you are colmatose and in a vegetative state.

I wish I was back in Europe.

by **ArchangelShrike** » Fri May 18, 2007 10:39 am UTC

Granted, courtesy of the USA and Romania.

I wish I was more witty.

by **Rodan** » Fri May 18, 2007 10:40 am UTC

Granted, but now your friends hate you for it.

I wish I could draw well.

by **SpitValve** » Fri May 18, 2007 10:48 am UTC

Granted, but now you can only draw wells.

I wish I understood perfectly the purpose of life.

by **GhostWolfe** » Fri May 18, 2007 10:56 am UTC

Granted, now you're depressed and disillusioned.

I wish I wasn't addicted to forum games.

by **ShadeWolf** » Fri May 18, 2007 10:58 am UTC

Granted, You are now addicted to all forums

I wish i could teleport to anywhere in the world

by **Rodan** » Fri May 18, 2007 11:10 am UTC

granted, but the world ends tomorrow.

I wish I was better at Nethack...

by **Gelsamel** » Fri May 18, 2007 11:30 am UTC

Granted, but The Game Nethack is removed from the world.

I wish this particular wish is corrupted.

by **GhostWolfe** » Fri May 18, 2007 12:09 pm UTC

Granted.

I wish that I had more friends.

by **Edna** » Fri May 18, 2007 12:25 pm UTC

Granted but in the myspace sense of the word.

I wish I wasn't here at work.

by **ShadeWolf** » Fri May 18, 2007 12:40 pm UTC

Granted, working is your only goal, and can not sleep with out working.

I wish i could deal with problems

by **PatrickRsGhost** » Fri May 18, 2007 1:11 pm UTC

DarkWerewolf wrote:I wish i could deal with problems

Granted, but they're all complex algebraic or calculus problems.

I wish I could go to college.

by **Tractor** » Fri May 18, 2007 1:17 pm UTC

Granted, you now go there every day...to clean the toilets.

I wish I had minions.

by **GhostWolfe** » Fri May 18, 2007 1:28 pm UTC

Granted, but they're all gerbils.

I wish I wasn't so tired.

by **Belial** » Fri May 18, 2007 1:50 pm UTC

Granted. Now you're dead.

I wish I had won the game.

by **bigglesworth** » Fri May 18, 2007 1:50 pm UTC

Granted. You will never need to sleep again, being dead.

I wish that you wouldn't corrupt my wish

by **The LuigiManiac** » Fri May 18, 2007 1:51 pm UTC

Belial wrote:I wish I had won the game.

Granted, but then you are reminded of it.

I wish for fish.

by **PatrickRsGhost** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:09 pm UTC

The LuigiManiac wrote:I wish for fish.

Granted, but you're deathly allergic.

I wish I had some more tea.

by **GhostWolfe** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:18 pm UTC

Granted, you have now drowned.

I wish so many wishes didn't end in death.

by **Belial** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:21 pm UTC

Granted. All of yours will end in eternal torment.

I wish I was the last man alive after a nuclear holocaust, alone with my books, because I locked myself in a bank vault to read.

by **Token** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:25 pm UTC

Granted. However, I don't corrupt your wish in the expected way, even though I know what it is, leaving you empty and unfulfilled.

I wish that I had a witty talking animal as a sidekick.

by **GhostWolfe** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:25 pm UTC

Granted, but your sidekick only knows German swearwords.

I wish for a packet of Tim Tams that never runs out.*

*I never understood this ad... personally I'd prefer a bank account that never ran out, but what they hey, in the name of fun

[EDIT due to simultaneous posting:

Granted, your eyes fall out and your hands fall off (have you seen The Scary Door?)]

P.S. I already have eternal torment, can I have something else? >.>

by **PatrickRsGhost** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:26 pm UTC

Granted, but they taste like anchovy paste.

I wish I had plastic surgery.

by **Belial** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:26 pm UTC

Granted. However, I don't corrupt your wish in the expected way, even though I know what it is, leaving you feeling unfulfilled.

CURSE YOU! That was my favorite episode.

I wish that I had a witty talking animal as a sidekick.

Granted, but he has a nasty habit of killing hookers and leaving them on your doorstep.

I wish for a packet of Tim Tams that never runs out.*

Granted. The room overflows and you have to eat your way out. Your stomach ruptures.

I wish I coud get plastic surgery

Granted. All of your action figures are surgically modified.

I wish I had more clothes.

Edited to get this all on one track.

by **The LuigiManiac** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:29 pm UTC

Granted, but they are too big.

I wish I had some of those Peanut Butter M&Ms. I loved them.

by **PatrickRsGhost** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:30 pm UTC

Belial wrote:
Granted. However, I don't corrupt your wish in the expected way, even though I know what it is, leaving you feeling unfulfilled.

CURSE YOU! That was my favorite episode.

As was mine...

by **saxmaniac1987** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:30 pm UTC

EDIt: Granted, but they're made with chunky peanut butter, rendering them not much better than Peanut M&M's

I wish i didn't have to practice to get good at something.

Edited for lateness..

by **pete** » Fri May 18, 2007 2:49 pm UTC

saxmaniac1987 wrote:I wish i didn't have to practice to get good at something.

Granted, you now have to practice to get mediocre at everything.

I wish I hadn't found this forum.

by **ZeroSum** » Fri May 18, 2007 3:12 pm UTC

Granted. You now lose the wit and entertainment of XKCD and cannot find a suitable substitute.

I wish I had a two kittens and a hedgehog.

by **Belial** » Fri May 18, 2007 3:15 pm UTC

Granted. By a blender.

I wish I had a sandwich.

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 3:25 pm UTC

granted, but it's made out of concrete

i wish i had a pound of tritium.

by **pete** » Fri May 18, 2007 3:27 pm UTC

Phenriz wrote:i wish i had a pound of tritium.

Granted, in exchange for a pound of flesh.

I wish I was god.

by **gmalivuk** » Fri May 18, 2007 3:27 pm UTC

Granted. You now have absolute control over a completely empty universe.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner.

by **Belial** » Fri May 18, 2007 3:29 pm UTC

Granted. Now everyone is in love with you. EVERYONE.

I wish for more wishes.

by **LE4dGOLEM** » Fri May 18, 2007 3:32 pm UTC

granted, you may now grant as many wishes as you want.

I wish for a bathtub full of gold, created by fusing water near the bottom of the sea, to be in my bathtub.

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 3:36 pm UTC

LE4dGOLEM wrote:I wish for a bathtub full of gold, created by fusing water near the bottom of the sea, to be in my bathtub.

Granted, but the gold is in a constant molten state.

I wish for all of Belial's wishes to forfeit to me!

by **ZeroSum** » Fri May 18, 2007 3:54 pm UTC

Granted. Unfortunately he only makes masochistic wishes.

I wish for a paper airplane.

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 3:58 pm UTC

granted, but the paper is soaked with motor oil.

I wish for infra-red vision.

by **sayheykid999** » Fri May 18, 2007 4:04 pm UTC

Granted, but it only works when it's light out in the Saharan desert.

I wish $17.82 in Turkish Lira

by **Phenriz** » Fri May 18, 2007 4:25 pm UTC

Granted but the Lira just fell below the Mexican peso in terms of value.

I wish for a monkey tail, so i can catch myself if i fall from a tree.

xkcd

Corrupt-a-wish

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