xkcd

by **timonan** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 8:27 pm UTC

What are the worst song lyrics you've ever heard? I'm talking about the ones that give you the stupid chills, cause you to cringe, and make you groan in outrage all at the same time.

I'll get the ball rolling...

Gloria Estefan, "1-2-3"

"One, two, three, four, come on baby say you love me
Five, six, seven times
Eight, nine, ten, eleven,
I'm just gonna keep on counting
'Til you are mine."

Really? Counting as lyrics? How much thought went into that? And you're really going to keep counting until he's yours? Yeah, that'll work.

by **Oflick** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 4:38 am UTC

Here's some from Slipknot:

"I didn't need to leave to stay right here" (Three Nil)

"I haven't slept since I woke Up" (Everything ends)

"If your 555 than I'm 666" (The Heretic Anthem)

by **Cpl. Octopus** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 6:03 am UTC

Apocalyptica - "I Don't Care"

Okay, first off Apocalyptica, seriously?

Chorus:
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care x2
Just go and leave this all behind
'Cause I swear
I don't care

You obviously DO care if you wrote a fucking song about not caring. Man, I want to strangle that guy so badly, then his violin player for being a member of a generic rock band. I don't understand why people actually like this song. It gets played ad nauseum on the 'real rock' station that my friends insist on listening to whenever we're in a vehicle. And when I try to explain the complete lunacy of writing a song to your ex telling them you don't care about them; I just get blank stares.

by **TaintedDeity** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 9:57 pm UTC

I thought Apocalyptica were pretty famous for the fact the whole band played cellos, but yeah, silly lyrics.

by **SirMustapha** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 10:53 pm UTC

"Blow, baby, blow!" -- Staying Power, Queen

"Speak to me, like the very first speak" -- Innocent, Mike Oldfield

"Blasting, billowing, bursting forth with the power of ten billion butterfly sneezes!" -- Higher and Higher, The Moody Blues

by **Cpl. Octopus** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 3:24 am UTC

TaintedDeity wrote:I thought Apocalyptica were pretty famous for the fact the whole band played cellos, but yeah, silly lyrics.

Ah, so they do.

I checked them out on Youtube and I found out why that song bothers me so much.

"Apocalyptica featuring Adam Gontier of Three Days Grace - I Don't Care"

by **Midnight** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 4:56 am UTC

highway star

"it's got everything
its got the driving power
big fat tires and everything!"

but i still love the song, however silly the lyrics are. or how they rhyme everything with everything.

by **BenTheCarotte** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 5:37 am UTC

Anything by Simple Plan.

by **timonan** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 1:12 pm UTC

Gwen Stefani, "Holla Back Girl." The whole song is unbelievably horrible. I actually get angry listening to it.

Probably the worst line in the history of music: "This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S."

by **pavel** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 7:06 pm UTC

A remix of some Lady Tigra song with a Justice song.

"I'm the Lady Tigra,baby, don't you know?
Here to bring the bass in case you didn't know."

When you rhyme a word with itself, it's time to take your rhyming diploma off the wall, and hand it to a hobo so he can keep himself warm at night.

by **Sorroth** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 8:35 pm UTC

"My global position systems are vocally addressed" from Spaceman, by The Killers.
In general, it's not a bad song, but I have no idea how they got away with essentially saying "My GPS has voice recognition" in a song.

by **kaniman2** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 2:38 am UTC

I wish I had a GPS with voice recognition... (*coughnothingtocontributecough*)

http://www.last.fm/user/Someguy1332 · by **Someguy1332** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 10:35 am UTC

Walking in the cool night air without underwear

Sonata Arctica - Last Drop Falls

by **OmegaLordX** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 7:00 pm UTC

Sorry-Buckcherry.

I cannot find out why wonderful indie bands cannot get signed when these guys can.

A nine-year old probably wrote:Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
[Pre-Chorus:]
Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die
[Chorus:]
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry:
This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame
[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]
Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry!
[Chorus]

Bolded excessively ridiculous parts.

by **TaintedDeity** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 7:04 pm UTC

Did you read the rest of the terrible lyrics in this thread?
Those are pretty standard, not the worst.
Come on

by **OmegaLordX** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 7:08 pm UTC

OK, mine are cliché, the others are just... odd.

by **billiamo** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 1:28 pm UTC

"Are we human or are we dancer", anyone?

by **Clumpy** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:09 pm UTC

Both the popularity and sheer lyrical badness of "The Reason" by Hoobastank are off the charts.

Plus every damn Evanescence song that writes "real" with "feel." Bad enough lyrics even if you don't consider that Linkin Park and a dozen other bands had already made it a cliche.

by **O'Malley** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:23 am UTC

No way, guys. THESE are the worst song lyrics ever:

Bow down, mortals, to MACARTHUR PARK!

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed,
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

[Chorus]
MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees
The birds, like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing checkers by the trees

[Chorus]

There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
And never let you catch me looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You'll still be the one.

I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky.
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
I'll be thinking of you
And wondering why.

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!
Oh, no
No, no
Oh NO!!

by **malec2b** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 6:04 am UTC

I really like Emerson, Lake and Palmer, but some of their lyrics are quite cringe-worthy:

"Will you still know who you are
when you come to who you are"

"But josie wasn't like the rest
He don't like bullet holes in his vest"
(what, as opposed to everyone else who finds getting shot a pleasant way to spend an evening?)

by **smw543** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 6:37 am UTC

SirMustapha wrote:"Blow, baby, blow!" -- Staying Power, Queen

There's a special place in hell for you, sir.

Fiddy cent wrote:I love you like
A fat kid loves cake.

'Nuff said.

by **sje46** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 6:42 am UTC

Oh, the rich people want what the poor people's got
And the poor people want what the rich people's got
And the skinny people want what the fat people's got
And the fat people want what the skinny people's got

You can never please anybody in this world

The short people want what the tall people's got
And the tall people want what the short people's got
The little kids want what the big kid's got
And the big kids want what the little kid's got

You can never please anybody in this world

Oh, the girls with short hair want long hair
And the girls with long hair want short hair
Oh, the boys with cars want motorcycles
And the boys with motorcycles want cars

You can never please anybody in this world

It doesn't matter what you do
It doesn't matter what you say
There will always be
One who wants things the opposite way

It doesn't matter where you go
It doesn't matter who you see
There will always be
Someone who disagrees

We do our best
We try to please
But we're like the rest
Whenever at ease

Oh, the rich people want what the poor people's got
And the poor people want what the rich people's got
And the skinny people want what the fat people's got
And the fat people want what the skinny people's got

You can never please anybody in this world

By the Shaggs
I quite enjoy the song, really.

by **ParanoidAndroid** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 7:05 am UTC

I now present the worst song lyrics ever, mostly due to the face that "hump" is one of the least sexy words ever.

"My Humps" by Black Eyed Peas

Spoiler:

by **smw543** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 7:24 am UTC

ParanoidAndroid wrote:I now present the worst song lyrics ever, mostly due to the face that "hump" is one of the least sexy words ever.

"My Humps" by Black Eyed Peas

I trust you are familiar with the Alanis Morissette cover?

That video is like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife... preferably a very sharp one.

by **Clumpy** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 7:52 am UTC

No fair breaking out "MacArthur Park." Is this a good time to recommend Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs?

by **Bubbles McCoy** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 7:53 am UTC

America, anyone?

The line "the heat was hot" should be enough to put "A Horse with No Name" on here, but oh no they're just gettin' started -

America wrote:On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings
The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz
And the sky with no clouds
The heat was hot and the ground was dry
But the air was full of sound

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
...
<I think that's enough>

by **Phill** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:38 am UTC

I don't know whether this really counts because the song can't really be called "Music" in any real sense of the word. But I find it quite amusing.

The song is "Love Me For a Reason" by some 90s boy band (Boyzone maybe?)

I'm just a little old fashioned
It takes more than a physical attraction
My initial reaction is
Honey give me love
Not a facsimile of

Should at least have a nomination for most bizarre use of words (facsimile? I don't think that word means what you think it means!)

by **fyrenwater** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:53 am UTC

ParanoidAndroid wrote:lovely lady lumps

I call your Black Eyed Peas and raise you one Britney Spears. She seems to think breathing is considered lyrics.

[edit]
I completely forgot about Nine Inch Nails. Specifically "Closer", a.k.a. the "f*ck you like an animal" song. Spoiler'd for NSFW and utter wrongness.

Spoiler:

by **TaintedDeity** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 3:42 pm UTC

Come on fyren, those lyrics by NIN rhyme and make sense.
Worst indeed...

by **Clumpy** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 3:55 pm UTC

Strangely enough, my friend made the comment yesterday that anybody could have written the lyrics to that song. I haven't thought of NIN in years. (Still, I think the line "I broke apart my insides" is an interesting one.)

by **TaintedDeity** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 4:09 pm UTC

Oh yeah, they're bloody weird, but not the worst.
This is my favourite part

"Through every forest, above the trees
Within my stomach, scraped off my knees"

by **LSK** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 8:27 pm UTC

I believe that lyrics I wrote for a Songfight competition hold their own among the worst lyrics ever:

I want you to know
How beautiful she is
Yeah, I want you to know
How beautiful she is
I think you should know
How beautiful she is
Yeah, I think you should know
How beautiful she is

It went on like that for a little while.

by **TaintedDeity** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 8:38 pm UTC

There are a lot of songs like that, that go on for sooo long.

by **uknowurright9** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 1:45 am UTC

nothing can possibly be dumber than:

uno, dos, tres, catorce
hello, hello, hola

first of all... one, two, three, FOURTEEN?!?! yea nice counting there im gonna go with that being stupid
second: hello, hello, hello (in a different language because using just one gets boring?) ok its a nice idea to use multiple languages in a song but when you repeat the same word in a different language just because you think its cool that just isnt all that special
all things considered: these lyrics are so deep you would break your neck if you were diving into them

by **TaintedDeity** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 8:10 am UTC

What song is that?

by **smw543** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:46 am UTC

Clumpy wrote:Strangely enough, my friend made the comment yesterday that anybody could have written the lyrics to that song. I haven't thought of NIN in years. (Still, I think the line "I broke apart my insides" is an interesting one.)

I have a way better story. In high school, I had a job "inserting"* newspapers with my friend's mom (while my friend worked with his dad.) We worked from midnight to 6AM, during which time they play unedited music on the radio. One night, they played this song three times over the course of two hours. Of course, she couldn't change the station, nor could I ask her to, because then we would be acknowledging the awkwardness, thereby increasing it. The first time, I thought she couldn't understand the lyrics because she didn't react at all. But the second time, she started a conversation in order to give an excuse to turn down the volume. For six fucking minutes (and twenty-six fucking seconds,) there wasn't a single moment of silence.

*You know that section in the Sunday paper that contain the Arts section (or whatever your paper calls it) and all the ads? You would think they are put in the middle of the newspaper in the same automated process that puts the rest of the bundle together, but not so. Some jerkoff (i.e.: me) sits in the back of the delivery van, putting the "inserts" into the "mains" one by one. A typical route has 800-1200 papers.

EDIT: @TaintedDeity: Agreed. The lyrics may be crude, but they make sense. I might even go as far as to say they're good.

And "Uno, dos, tres, catorce" is from U2's Vertigo.

@Phill: It's fairly obscure, but facsimile can be used that way. It's used as a more poetic sounding alternative to "imitation" (often in reference to faked emotions.) It plays off the definition; a facsimile is an exact copy, a "facsimile of love" would then be when someone acts exactly like they would if they were in love. I'm pretty surprised to see that show up in Boy Band lyrics.

by **Wardial3r** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 10:29 am UTC

I have to mention lil wayne for his ridiculously over the top anything to rhyme lyrics.

Mr. Carter.

Spoiler:

Really weezy. Really.
A Milli

Spoiler:

by **casiguapa** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 11:16 am UTC

If I could fall, into the sky.
Do you think time, would pass me by?

Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles

How the hell does one fall into the sky?

by **SecondTalon** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 7:58 pm UTC

Though that musical comedian guy already covered it.. ..

I'll Be There For You, also known as the Friends Theme Song.

Spoiler:

by **Chfan** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:12 pm UTC

"Vertigo" by U2, TD.

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