Logical fallacies/douchebaggery in commercials.

[Delbin]

I've been more annoyed than usual with commercials lately. The first are the Progressive Car Insurance ads. The spokesman says that your rates won't go up if you have an accident. The little white letters at the bottom say that you'll lose your "safe driver bonus". Which means your rates will go up if you have an accident. I'm tired of companies trying to get away with this semantical bull.

The other one is the commercial for Oust Air Sanitizer. It's bad enough that some kids are growing up with stunted immune systems and allergies due to oversanitization. I can't believe this company is trying to convince mothers that they need to spray chemicals into the air to make the kids safe. This is all beside the fact that spraying fifty-thousanth the volume of alcohol into a room isn't going to do much of anything.

So, yes. Ranting over. Any of you have anything similar to share?

[ArchangelShrike]

Ice Cream commercials are yummy?

Especially the Cold-Stone ones, where they ask a person if they love it, or LOVE IT love it. That rich heiress one gets me every time.

PS: I don't watch TV, and have only seen all of the ads you and I mention once. Except the GEICO and AFLAC, they're everywhere.

[bbctol]

I saw a Pepsi ad with this tagline:

56% of drinkers say Pepsi-Cola has more cola taste than Diet Coke.

Now, naturally, this is skewed woefully in favor of Pepsi. What was amazing is that even with all this clear bias, they could only get 56% to agree! Come on, guys, that's pathetic!

[ArchangelShrike]

It also had the puppies.

*Cut for cute puppies*

56% of people like Diet Pepsi. It has more "cola."

What defines cola?

[Eleven]

Those "Make a lot of money from the comfort of your own home!" commercials. They always show some happy smiling idiots with shiny cars and big pools, like that's what you'll have. And then in the tiny, TINY print at the bottom of the screen it says something like "Actual results may vary" or "Your success may differ". My favorite, "Paid testimonials". If they're getting paid up the wazoo, why do they need to be paid for their cheesy grins and income statements? They should be so thrilled that they're rich that they can say six words without getting royalties.

Anyway, only really good prostitutes make that much "from the comfort of their own home". Or someone else's home.

[Delbin]

Haven't seen the cold stone one. I guess they're not very big around here.

At least geiko is straightforward and entertaining. Aflac sounds too much like they're giving away free money.

Edit/update:
I'm just wondering why pepsi and coke still spend so much on advertising. Our grandparents drank the stuff when they were kids. It's not exactly something new.

Can you imagine the marketing presentation for that campaign? "Guys, look. We can totally convince these people they really like pepsi instead of coke. We've even got /scientific proof/ that more people like pepsi. We just need to attach it to 90210 to make them all nostalgic and gooshy and they'll be ours!"

[warhorse]

I got a chuckle when I read this wiki page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non_sequitur_%28logic%29
"Advertising typically applies this kind of 'deduction'."

Here's my peeve:
Such and such detergent is n% stronger!"
Stronger than what?

I also like the ones that say something like, "don't you hate when X happens? Our product does Y!" and when I think about it, I would rather have X to Y. I can't think of an example offhand, but they make me laugh.

These days when I see a commercial that insults my intelligence, I go out of my way to avoid buying the product. I've come to associate the over-hyping TV commercials with the meaningless miracles described in spam emails.

[Tractor]

I also like the ones that say something like, "don't you hate when X happens? Our product does Y!" and when I think about it, I would rather have X to Y. I can't think of an example offhand, but they make me laugh.

Even better are the meds that have worse side effects than the stuff that they cure.
Your allergies will be lessened, and the chest pains, diarrhea, vomiting, and blindness are totally worth it!*



*Exaggeration for effect, obviously.

[Princess Marzipan]

http://www.tatermitts.com


Peel potatoes in just 8 seconds of ACTUAL TIME!!!

[warhorse]

They always show some happy smiling idiots with shiny cars and big pools, like that's what you'll have.

Hah! This reminds me of when my friend and I would watch Star Trek TNG on Spike on weekday afternoons. There were 2 or 3 firms advertising lump sums of cash in exchange for structured settlements, lottery winnings, or annuities. They always had images of Hummers, bikini babes, and swimming pools.

We'd always laugh because, while they were obviously targetting the deadbeat adult male who watches tv instead of getting a job, my friend and I were the ones watching the show while at work in a research lab in school. We couldn't decide if that meant that the advertisers were really dumb, or that we had unwittingly become their demographic!

[SecondTalon]

I also like the ones that say something like, "don't you hate when X happens? Our product does Y!" and when I think about it, I would rather have X to Y. I can't think of an example offhand, but they make me laugh.

Even better are the meds that have worse side effects than the stuff that they cure.
Your allergies will be lessened, and the chest pains, diarrhea, vomiting, and blindness are totally worth it!*



*Exaggeration for effect, obviously.

I can't remember what the medication was actually for, but I do recall one that, as the first side affect listed, caused what it was trying to stop.. like an anti-nausea medication causing nausea, which makes me wonder what the difference is between a side-effect and not working.

[warhorse]

Even better are the meds that have worse side effects than the stuff that they cure.

Good one! I love taking medical advice from my TV set. My doctor doesn't know anything!

[Fantastic Idea]

I also like the ones that say something like, "don't you hate when X happens? Our product does Y!" and when I think about it, I would rather have X to Y. I can't think of an example offhand, but they make me laugh.

Even better are the meds that have worse side effects than the stuff that they cure.
Your allergies will be lessened, and the chest pains, diarrhea, vomiting, and blindness are totally worth it!*



*Exaggeration for effect, obviously.

You're really only barely exaggerating. The amount of times I hear 'Common side effects may include headache, nausea, dizziness, dry mouth, constipation, and abdominal pain' lead me to believe that medications are getting out of hand.

[Delbin]

You're really only barely exaggerating. The amount of times I hear 'Common side effects may include headache, nausea, dizziness, dry mouth, constipation, and abdominal pain' lead me to believe that medications are getting out of hand.

I don't think medications have gotten worse over time. It's more that the symptoms, even if they're rare, are all laid out in front of you in the commercial.

Although I do have have to wonder about one commercial that said "some patients felt that the benefits outweighed the side effects." It's a medicine that does so little that most people don't even bother.

[Oort]

I find myself enjoying the occasional ad. For example:

A large carrot (a guy in a carrot costume) was appyling for a job at a juice company. He supplied them with a "sample of his work"- carrot juice. Considering that this was an anthropomorphic carrot, where did the juice come from? What bodily fluid is it? My guess is blood. The interviewer brought it to the company's "research department" where a bunch of children sampled the juice.

I thought the ad sucked, but then a little girl said "more reasearch, please!" and that saved it.

[CorranH]

Even better are the meds that have worse side effects than the stuff that they cure.

Good one! I love taking medical advice from my TV set. My doctor doesn't know anything!

Stolen from a Bill Maher: "I love the drug commercials that describe their product, then cap it with, 'Tell your doctor about Vaxadrin'. Shouldn't your doctor be telling you? Tell your doctor? When you're telling your doctor, isn't he just a dealer at that point?

[Delbin]

Stolen from a Bill Maher: "I love the drug commercials that describe their product, then cap it with, 'Tell your doctor about Vaxadrin'. Shouldn't your doctor be telling you? Tell your doctor? When you're telling your doctor, isn't he just a dealer at that point?

I don't remember the exact number, but something like 40% of people who ask their doctor for a medication end up getting it. It's why you see so many commericals now for drugs. It's increased sales dramatically for drug companies. So, yes, doctors are in effect slightly-more-ethical drug dealers.

[Mighty Jalapeno]

Bill Hicks - Drink Coke

'Camera starts out on this girl, zooms back and she's topless. It zooms back some more and whoa, she's totally naked. She's got two fingers here, and it says "Drink Coke." Now, I don't know the connection. But I'm drinking lots of f*cking Coke.'

Heheh Classic.

[warhorse]

I just remembered one that plays almost every commercial break during baseball games (radio). The commercials are why I don't listen to games anymore.

Middle aged authority-sounding male simulating a boss talking to his secretary: So Rachel, tell me about this.. Highmark.. "Blue".. account (punctuation added to simulate his stumbling over the word Blue like he's illiterate)
Peppy youthful woman, obviously reading from a script: **unintelligable diatrabe about insurance products, saving money for the business, and giving the employees the power of choice. She talks about HSAs and HRAs. I remember this because I have no idea what those are and it isn't explained**
boss: huh! good to know! Now tell me why I wasn't invited to the corporate golf outing?
woman: you still haven't corrected that slice
boss: it's an educated fade.

I feel dumber every time I hear this, and there are about 3 different versions!

[warhorse]

To prove that I'm not entirely bitter, here's a cool one I read about once.

In some town, the police were trying to spread the word to drug dealers that an unlicensed gun meant 5 years in jail. They realized that a lot of drug dealers would cook up their product with the TV at full blast while basically ignoring what the TV was actually saying and so the initial commercials were not effective.

The police then produced a commercial that was completely silent. When it came on, the drug dealers would instinctively look up to see why their TV was screwed up and focus entirely on the commercial.

Win!

[liza]

Here's my peeve:
Such and such detergent is n% stronger!"
Stronger than what?

Gah, me too. "Twice as much cleaning agent!" Twice what? Twice... half of what the product already has? Twice that found in the horn of a unicorn? And WHAT cleaning agent?!

I also like the ones that say something like, "don't you hate when X happens? Our product does Y!" and when I think about it, I would rather have X to Y. I can't think of an example offhand, but they make me laugh.

Even better are the meds that have worse side effects than the stuff that they cure.
Your allergies will be lessened, and the chest pains, diarrhea, vomiting, and blindness are totally worth it!*



*Exaggeration for effect, obviously.

I can't remember what the medication was actually for, but I do recall one that, as the first side affect listed, caused what it was trying to stop.. like an anti-nausea medication causing nausea, which makes me wonder what the difference is between a side-effect and not working.

Real commercial line (circa 2004; don't remember the product exactly, sorry):
"Call our toll-free hotline if you experience any of the following symptoms:

Nausea
Migraines
Death"

Oh, anyone watch the Colbert Report? I love the Vaxadrin bit ^_^

What I despise is this credit card commercial (and those like it) that is doing something charitable and ends the commercial with "Be a good person. Be a card member." or "Make a difference, be a card member." as both blatantly imply those who don't get their effing card are bad people who don't care. That's practically extortion.

[PatrickRsGhost]

Two commercials (or set of commercials) I find very annoying:

First the "Meet Bob" commercials. You know the ones I'm talking about. Yes, those.

Second, the commercials warhorse was talking about. They don't just show those commercials on Spike TV. Whenever I'm home from work due to it being a holiday, or I've taken the day off I'd see the same commercials.

Would also see countless commercials for some correspondence school that seemed to change their name more frequently than the seasons change.

Would also see commercials for local or nationwide attorneys talking about getting settlements for worker's comp, auto accidents, etc. Saw ads for lawyers for DUI convicts, divorce attorneys, everything. "One call, that's all."

Then there's the ads for nursing school. Usually shows two women, one wearing scrubs, looking happy and cheerful, and the other wearing just a jeans and t-shirt, looking like she wants to either jump off the nearest overpass, or choke the scrub-clad woman, or do both. She talks to the scrub woman, asking her why she's so happy, and the scrub tells her "oh, I got my nursing degree at Rip-Off U" and spiels all about the wonders of nursing. The non-scrub would say "what's that number again?" or "what's that website again?" and the scrub would begin to tell her, but the voice-over would interrupt.

One that annoyed the hell out of everyone I think: "Head-On applied directly to the forehead."

[Owijad]

*Owijad, after first read through*

"What? Why would drug dealers cook with the TV on?"

[Mighty Jalapeno]

Don't forget the Axe advertisments.

"Axe body spray.... turns women into retarded whores."

[Azrael]

Gah, me too. "Twice as much cleaning agent!" Twice what? Twice... half of what the product already has? Twice that found in the horn of a unicorn? And WHAT cleaning agent?!

My fig newtons now proudly advertise 100% MORE REAL FRUIT!

... than Nutra-grain bars.



ALSO: Note how Pepsi is making such a HUGE DEAL about 56% of diet soda drinkers thinking that diet Pepsi has "more cola taste" than diet Coke.

They couldn't even get the test group to say that diet Pepsi tastes better.

[warhorse]

What is cola taste, anyway?

If you say "orange flavor" then my brain can evoke the taste of oranges as a base metric. If you say "cola taste" then my brain says: "eh?"

[Rodan]

I dunno about diet pepsi, but normal pepsi is better than coke.

EDIT: For some reason I always thought cola was a type of bean. According to Wikipedia, it isn't...

[athelas]

I hate hate hate the Splenda commercials that claim it "tastes like sugar because it's made from sugar." Whoever wrote that line should go eat some nitrocellulose.

[Morbo]Chemistry does not work that way! Good night![/Morbo]

[Mighty Jalapeno]

I hate hate hate the Splenda commercials that claim it "tastes like sugar because it's made from sugar." Whoever wrote that line should go eat some nitrocellulose.

[Morbo]Chemistry does not work that way! Good night![/Morbo]

More to the point, it.... uh... doesn't taste like sugar.

"Guns are made of chocolate because they LOOK like applesauce!" is about as true.

[warhorse]

I dunno about diet pepsi, but normal pepsi is better than coke.

I prefer pepsi to coke, but when I read the labels, they both turn me off. My new love is for root beer made with real sugar. Yum!

[Phenriz]

I dunno about diet pepsi, but normal pepsi is better than coke.

I prefer pepsi to coke, but when I read the labels, they both turn me off. My new love is for root beer made with real sugar. Yum!

come to texas sometime and get dr. pepper made with real sugar, it's teh win, tastes so much better than the stuff you can buy at most grocery stores.

Dublin Dr. Pepper

there's a gas station relatively close to my place that carries the stuff, it's the best, ever.

[Xial]

What is cola taste, anyway?

If you say "orange flavor" then my brain can evoke the taste of oranges as a base metric. If you say "cola taste" then my brain says: "eh?"

My brains tends to evoke the taste of coca leafs and their more refined counterpart, but thats just me.

[Mighty Jalapeno]

Cola taste = burnt caramel. However, if you wanna get FANCY:

The main ingredients in a cola's flavour base generally comes from a mixture of citrus flavorings such as orange, lime and lemon and spices such as cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla. The name comes from the kola nuts that were originally used in early soft drinks as the source of caffeine.

[SpitValve]

For some reason we are pretty much a Coke nation. The only time I get pepsi is because it's what pizza hutt and kfc do. Whenever anyone goes out to buy some soft drink, they buy coke. Not necessarily because anyone prefers coke particularly, but it's just what you do. Coke and Sprite.

But when I was in Thailand they drank pepsi and 7-up. Coke and sprite were available, but they just didn't think to get them.

Truly, theirs is a foreign culture.

[saxmaniac1987]

Side effect of sleeping pills? Drowsiness!

[Rodan]

I dunno about diet pepsi, but normal pepsi is better than coke.

I prefer pepsi to coke, but when I read the labels, they both turn me off. My new love is for root beer made with real sugar. Yum!

Well, yeah, they're both kinda nasty... don't know what's in it, but my preference is IBC's Cream Soda and Root Beer

[Princess Marzipan]

OH MY GOD. WHAT I DESCRIBE BELOW HAS AGGRAVATED ME SO MUCH FOR SO LONG THAT IT REQUIRES REAL EFFORT TO TURN OFF MY CAPS LOCK TO SPEAK OF IT.


Those F*CKING yogurt ads that show some gorgeous woman in her late 20's gently laying down on her beautiful seat in her palatial god damn living room, and then she pulls her knees to her chest so that we can see that she's barefoot and therefore relaxing, and she decadently places her mouth around a spoonful of yogurt and smiles as if her tongue has its own clitoris that can only be activated by yogurt.

This also sometimes occurs with healthy frozen dinners.

I hate that.

[MFHodge]

OH MY GOD. WHAT I DESCRIBE BELOW HAS AGGRAVATED ME SO MUCH FOR SO LONG THAT IT REQUIRES REAL EFFORT TO TURN OFF MY CAPS LOCK TO SPEAK OF IT.


Those F*CKING yogurt ads that show some gorgeous woman in her late 20's gently laying down on her beautiful seat in her palatial god damn living room, and then she pulls her knees to her chest so that we can see that she's barefoot and therefore relaxing, and she decadently places her mouth around a spoonful of yogurt and smiles as if her tongue has its own clitoris that can only be activated by yogurt.

This also sometimes occurs with healthy frozen dinners.

I hate that.

Too long to sig, and it doesn't work without the whole thing, but the is fuckin' golden.

[GhostWolfe]

In the same vein, I hate those "orgasm" shampoo commercials. If washing your hair is that satisfying you need to get some loving into you. NOW.

[ArchangelShrike]

Politician ads during election years. Anything for the children is idiotic, because if it's not for the children you aren't doing your biological/social/moral duty to help the human race survive. Or your children survive.