[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby abitha » Mon Jul 06, 2009 4:03 pm UTC

Jessica wrote:My coming out was like aardvarks


...don't you mean armadilloes?

EDIT:
I've just figured out what you meant - you meant, "like that of Virtual Aardvark", which of course made a lot more sense than what i read it as. We used to have an advert here for Dime Bars that said they were "like armadilloes - soft on the outside, crunchy on the inside", and your post had a similar phrase to that so i thought you were referencing it. :D
Last edited by abitha on Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:23 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:48 pm UTC

Jessica wrote:My coming out was like aardvarks, horrible on the inside but relatively pain free on the outside. Everyone was "ok" with it. I put that in quotation marks because... well there are different degrees of OK. one degree being "I'm socially required by my beliefs to accept you, but you still kind of freak me out by being here". Which kind of sucks. I really hate seeing friends have that reaction (or... well technically you can never tell if someone has that reaction. I mean, it looks obvious to me, because some people, you tell them things and they just don't talk about it, and they seem cold and distant, and others are happy, and like to talk about it.)

I'm straight and friends with queer and trans people...what advice would you give for the "cold" friends syndrome? I truly am okay with queerness and trans-ness and everything else, it's just that sometimes I have no idea how to talk about things like sex or dating with my friends who have radically different frames of reference or experiences than me. I don't want to avoid the topics and seem like I'm avoiding it out of discomfort, and I also don't want to talk too much about it and seem like I'm overcompensating. I just want to be me, but sometimes I talk about straight sex a lot (being that is my preference and experience) and I'm not sure how to...open up my conversation gracefully?
tenet |ˈtenit|
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a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Mon Jul 06, 2009 7:09 pm UTC

I'm almost always accepted as lesbian and have run into direct homophobia a few times, especially during No on 8 rallies. What I run into a lot though is the "lesbians are sexay". I don't like being treated like a porn star or exhibitionist, and believe me, people have asked. It was especially bad when I was fifteen and finally 'developed' and my girlfriend was particularly beautiful (not that my others weren't its just that she met a very wide set of standards, big boobs, tiny waist etc..). I'm not bragging but I don't think I looked half bad at the time, and was so proud of finally having a large chest that I was showing off quite a bit. We got actual requests from people to watch us have sex. We were very out and would often kiss in the hallways. Not make out, kiss. We would actually have kiss wars so we would be kissing each others cheek, forehead, nose... I would probably consider that pretty damn adorable if I saw someone else doing that, but not sexy. But because we weren't scared to be out as girlfriends people seemed to assume from our rather innocent kisses in public that we would do a lot more behind closed doors and would be completely fine having sex in front of them. It was made worse by my 'friends' who had probably never seen a lesbian couple andwould often make lewd remarks along the same vein. My bi lady friend, her boyfriend and her brother would intervene on our behalf but it rarely worked.
Sorry for the angry text box.

I often think it might be more difficult for bi people, especially girls, to come out. Because of the "bi" girls who just make out at parties to attract boys some people think bi girls don't exist, or that their all sluts, or that they're always up for a threesome. I know a lot of girls scared to come out for that reason. It's also not that great for boys because, especially if they have a girlfriend, they are often met with incredulity. It's as if people only understand gay and lesbian because they are both absolutes. I imagine its much the same for bigendered people.

Sorry for any lack of sense. My meds make me really high and incoherent.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:26 pm UTC

Virtual_Aardvark wrote:I often think it might be more difficult for bi people, especially girls, to come out. Because of the "bi" girls who just make out at parties to attract boys some people think bi girls don't exist, or that their all sluts, or that they're always up for a threesome. I know a lot of girls scared to come out for that reason. It's also not that great for boys because, especially if they have a girlfriend, they are often met with incredulity. It's as if people only understand gay and lesbian because they are both absolutes. I imagine its much the same for bigendered people.


I've heard the same things, and seen people who were pretty bisexual (and knew it at the time) pretending to be straight or lesbian just to avoid disbelief. It's far easy to think in black and white than grayscale, which is unfortunate as there are many gray areas in most things. I've also heard (again, rather anecdotal, haven't had this problem personally) of bigendered people being denied their identity by individuals, both cissexual and transsexual, in ways rather similar to people that are denied their orientation.

(Of course, there are bisexual and bigendered people who deny that ANYONE can be straight up heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual or cissexual. Which is kind of silly, really, as I don't think anyone knows what another feels.)

I don't make a big show of my gender identity to anyone except people I'm relatively sure won't treat me poorly because of it, so I haven't really run into anyone aggressively telling me what I feel (a friend almost did accidentally, but given the context it was clearly just her trying to understand or asking poorly worded questions out of ignorance.)

Tangentially, I think I may be bigendered, androgyne, or genderfluid (inclusive or, it's possible I'm a combination). Some manner of genderfluid seems most likely. I still haven't really figured it out though.

And wow, I love parenthesis. Yay parenthesis.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:53 pm UTC

I like parenthesis too.

Personally I think most (not all) people are bisexual in some way. Its obvious in my case, I LOVE making out with guys, maybe more than with girls and it usually goes with a bit of groping; but when it comes to sex (which includes oral and fingering) I have no desire for men. With some people its a little more subtle like maybe, sometimes, almost never they'll be attracted to the sex/gender they aren't usually. And some people there may be the potential for a bisexual act/desire/curiosity, but it'll take very specific circumstances. And some people are just plain gay or straight.

Whats interesting for me is that bigendered people are incredible attractive to me and tend to blur the line when it comes to which sex organs I'll get close too. Its weird and doesn't occur often but its pretty cool when it does. But it also only happens if I meet them when they're presenting as themselves.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby tetracontakaidigon » Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:21 am UTC

A (male, straight) friend once argued to me that bisexuality was a myth because people only did it for the attention. My reply was something along the lines of: 1. I don't get attention, what do you mean? 2. Gender seems irrelevant a lot of the time, in fantasies 3. It doesn't mean I can't have a preference...
I'm not complaining about the conversation because talking about it was an excuse to get my girlfriend to ask me out.
(I am female and halfway through high school)
I agree that most people are at least a little bisexual- it's a sliding scale- but I think most of them repress it because of the binary which is expected.
More people would stare at us than would stare at straight couples, but I hope that's mostly because of the relative prevalence. I'm not sure it is.

I've never met anyone bigendered, but it sounds kind of awesome. Are there longer phases of being, or is it like- today I feel like I'm two-thirds male, and one fifth female, and the rest androgynous. Or am I completely misinterpreting?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby functionally_stupid » Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:31 am UTC

:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

BIGENDERED!

There's a word?! There's really a word for that! Fuck yeah! I have an adjective! Yaaaaaay!

:D :D :D :D :D

Thx for solving one of my incessant and distressing life questions u gaiz. Have some hugs.

*hugs*

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby InfamousAnarchist » Tue Jul 07, 2009 3:01 am UTC

functionally_stupid wrote:There's a word?! There's really a word for that! Fuck yeah! I have an adjective! Yaaaaaay!
Yay. In the future, children, if you feel the need to have a word to describe you, make one up.
We have words like androgynosexual (attracted to ladies who look a little like dudes) and pansexual (attracted to people, not danglies/lack thereof). I think the English language can make a little more room if you decide you're gynoandrogynosexual (attracted to ladies who look like effeminate men) or pangynosexual (attracted to all ladies regardless of orientation) or panhomosexual (attracted to anyone who identifies as the same gender, regardless of genitalia) or antiandrogynogynosexual (attracted to ladies except for for ones that look a little like dudes).

Making up words is fun. Anyway, I hope this doesn't come out as a random rant at anyone. If I'm angry at anyone, it's those people who don't think that there are people like the above. The original Rule 34, as I understand it, was that if you can think of it, it's someone's fetish. That rule 34 : The new rule 34 :: l o l : lulz. (or l o l : lol)

If you need need need a word and can't be bothered to string prefixes together, tell us who you are in your own words, i.e. "I like dudes a little more than women, but I like my dudes to look rather effeminate and guyliner is awesome" and we'll come up with something together.

Anyway, it's time for a group hug. I love all of you.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Tue Jul 07, 2009 3:59 am UTC

So Vista's pretty cool. Based mostly upon the fact that if you have half of a reply written up, and a cat steps on the power button on the chassis, it'll keep the reply in memory. Just thought I'd share. Anyway....

tetracontakaidigon wrote:I've never met anyone bigendered, but it sounds kind of awesome. Are there longer phases of being, or is it like- today I feel like I'm two-thirds male, and one fifth female, and the rest androgynous. Or am I completely misinterpreting?


My extensive research indicates that it's primarily someone who feels different gender based upon the situation. But note the section in that article that says the term doesn't have a well defined meaning. People who are shifty are genderfluid. At least, all the people I've interacted with that are call themselves that (including me, I suppose). For me, anyway, some days I feel very jealous of girls and a huge urge to be one, and a little annoyed at not being as feminine looking as I want to be. Other days I don't really think about it much. Some days I'm fine the way things are. I don't think I've ever really felt a split, though I might have. I'll pay more attention to that now. In general, though, I get large mood shifts that seem to correlate with the gender I feel. I somewhat ironically tend to feel happiest when I'm most disappointed at not being feminine enough. When I'm depressed I don't care as much. I wonder why. It's possible I just feel numb when I'm depressed... So I don't notice. Though I don't know if I should take that as me feeling comfortable with my sex or as me being ungendered or disconnected with my feelings.

Hmm, that turned into a small story about me pretty fast. Anyway, I don't think you can be part male, part female, and part androgynous as androgyny is defined as being part male and part female :P . But if someone said that was how they felt, and insisted it wasn't part of a third gender they were feeling, they're probably right. They know themselves, after all.

Hmm. Genderfluid.

*Goes off to think*

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Carnildo » Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:49 am UTC

InfamousAnarchist wrote:...pansexual (attracted to people, not danglies/lack thereof).

You need to be careful: I've also seen "pansexual" used to mean "will do anything warm and willing".

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby DJorgensen » Tue Jul 07, 2009 7:21 am UTC

Yeah for me growing up I was afraid of dating or making connections and attachments to people because I grew up with many hick kids that just didn't get it.
Whenever I was asked by someone if I way gay or straight I'd reply "Probably bi, but I've just never really had any had sex yet".
Somehow it sufficed for most people. I did date a few girls (well 6 from the ages of 5 - 16), but any crushes I had on guys just stayed with me.

When I did start serious relationships at 19, wellllllll.... yeah everyone was very confused by it as I was dating a transguy and they had no idea what to think of it.
My parents wouldn't even accept me as bi when they forced me to talk about it. They still don't know about any guys I've dated because it was just easier. Much to the point while I admit to being somewhat attracted to some guys, I simply say that I'm a lesbian. It's easier. There are very few guys I am interested in, and pretty much all of them I'd bail on before making it to sexy times.

Oh and on the basis of being a lesbian in public I've been offered money by strangers to make out with my girlfriends too... Then again I've had male prostitutes try and take me home at the bar (as in for free because he liked me) and had many a person shout "show us your tits" while driving by. Funny enough I was presenting as male back then too. ._.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby InfamousAnarchist » Tue Jul 07, 2009 3:17 pm UTC

Carnildo wrote:
InfamousAnarchist wrote:...pansexual (attracted to people, not danglies/lack thereof).

You need to be careful: I've also seen "pansexual" used to mean "will do anything warm and willing".

That's unfortunate, and not quite how I've seen it (which in no way means it's wrong).
Wikipedia wrote:Pansexuality, or omnisexuality[1] is a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire for people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others. For others, an individual's sex, gender expression, or gender identity can be a key factor of attraction, despite the pansexual individual's wide range of sex and gender attractions.
From this, I get the impression that it's not "oh hey a person/(dog?)" but is instead, as the rest of the article read, "a way to skip the binaries and essentialism of bi." BUT: I base my opinion strictly on this article and a very few other people. If you want to redefine words to fit you or another, you're capable and completely allowed to do so.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby H.E.L.e.N. » Tue Jul 07, 2009 9:05 pm UTC

I believe people who use the word 'pansexual' intentionally use it to the definition InfamousAnarchist brought up: because "bi" implies that there are only two sexes/genders.

@Carnildo, just because you've seen it used in a negative context doesn't mean that's a common usage. At all. There are plenty of sex-negative shame words out there; this isn't one of them.

Edit: re: harassment of bi/lesbian women: I feel pretty strongly that it's a culture that objectifies women that contributes to making it difficult for queer women to come out -- not that there's girls "just doing it for attention," but that accusation/situation only exists because there is a social environment that reinforces the idea that female sexuality only exists for the entertainment of straight men. (Because you don't know if that girl kissing a girl is struggling with her own stuff, either.) If people stopped harassing/hating on women, more women who might lean towards women could be open about it, they would be more able to have fulfilling experiences with other women, and those things combined would make the world I live in so much better.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:25 am UTC

I've never been asked to make out with a girl, but I've thought of a response if I ever am: I will demand that the guy who asked make out with another guy for my pleasure first.
tenet |ˈtenit|
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a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aetius » Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:32 am UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I've never been asked to make out with a girl, but I've thought of a response if I ever am: I will demand that the guy who asked make out with another guy for my pleasure first.


Be ready though. I've seen guys make that trade.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Wed Jul 08, 2009 2:05 am UTC

Well then, that's fair. I will also demand that they put effort into it, though.
tenet |ˈtenit|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Wed Jul 08, 2009 2:29 am UTC

If you ever go to fanime or something similar, just hold up a "yuri for yaoi" sign. The results are pretty cool.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Wed Jul 08, 2009 2:49 am UTC

Haha, nice.

...I'll probably get above-average results, too, being as I'm Asian.
tenet |ˈtenit|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby [.root/fail] » Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:25 am UTC

*pokes head in and looks around* um, hi.

Wait... I know that freaking cueball anywhere *pounces on* HI!

Anyways, I thought I should join in this topic. I confuse myself, I'm like bipolar about an issue, like Gender Identity issue. But it's on and off. I will go one day really masculine and scary intimidating, then the next be feminine and cute and loving. =~.~= needless to say, this can be troublesome. What is worse is like... fear about coming out about it to anyone, and also wanting to dress as a girl more. But, being biologically a guy, going around and being known and seen as a guy, the thing of... people (unless they are close friends) knowing I'm a guy when I dress up.... is sadddening.

o////o *hides behind cueball* I misses you cueball. *hugs*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Cytoplasm » Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:11 pm UTC

I don't know if I've said this yet, since I was unsure at the time, but I want to start a LGBS Alliance at my school for my Driven Project.
I just don't know if I'll still be able to stay in Driven because I didn't pass a class (for the very first time ever by less than three points. I've never had a 'C' as a final grade either..)

Any things I should keep in mind when attempting to start one up in a small-minded town (that somehow is gradually excepting homosexuals of any nature)?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby sophyturtle » Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:30 pm UTC

When I started a GSA in high school some of the girls in it became 'bold' and held hands in the hallways. They were harassed a bit (like spit on :( ). But it can vary a lot.

I faced more crap for being bi (pan is more accurate, but often I don't have the energy to get into it with people). People accused me of not making up my mind, or thought I was faking because I only had relationships with males (when really, the females I was attracted to were straight or not interested in me, I thought I would have better luck with my new hair, but no luck).

Anyway, good for you for starting things! Even if they don't last increased awareness often leads to increased acceptance.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:52 pm UTC

It's very important to stress that not everyone in it is gay. And that there are gay people in it. What really helped the GSA at my old HS was to have several students of every sexuality, boy and girl, who had been out for a long time. There was even a newly out bigendered person and a new student who was starting transition and though she was pulling it off was clearly a bioman. This is obviously not feasible everywhere but make it clear that there are people of various sexualities that are up for giving advice. We would also send the gay members around various classes before day of silence to talk about coming out and a few straight kids to talk about finding out that a friend or SO wasn't straight.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby stockpot » Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:01 am UTC

Hi thread!
So in addition to being a useful stainless steel kitchen item, I happen to be a lady. And in addition to being a lady, I happen to like other ladies. And here or there, really very, very infrequently, a few gentlemen as well. I'm pretty okay with this.

The weird thing is, way back when, the first couple years after I hit puberty, say from ages 11 to 13, I liked boys quite a bit more. I had a couple crushes on my male classmates, and I got obsessed with all the same "hot" actors that my friends were obsessed with. I remember replaying sections of movies over and over again just to watch this attractive minor character deliver his one spoken line.

But somewhere, I lost the touch. Now, all grown up, I can't even tell what male movie stars/dudes on the street/men in magazines are supposed to be good looking and which ones are mediocre. It's like I've been a Kinsey 6 all my life even though I distinctly remember otherwise. My tastes have changed so much that I can't even see the traits that I used to find attractive. What gives? It's pretty weird for me. Has anyone else had a similar change in preference?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Carnildo » Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:54 am UTC

stockpot wrote:The weird thing is, way back when, the first couple years after I hit puberty, say from ages 11 to 13, I liked boys quite a bit more. I had a couple crushes on my male classmates, and I got obsessed with all the same "hot" actors that my friends were obsessed with. I remember replaying sections of movies over and over again just to watch this attractive minor character deliver his one spoken line.

But somewhere, I lost the touch. Now, all grown up, I can't even tell what male movie stars/dudes on the street/men in magazines are supposed to be good looking and which ones are mediocre. It's like I've been a Kinsey 6 all my life even though I distinctly remember otherwise. My tastes have changed so much that I can't even see the traits that I used to find attractive. What gives? It's pretty weird for me. Has anyone else had a similar change in preference?


Straight presently-male here, but I've noticed something similar. A couple months back I found my porn collection from a decade ago, and it doesn't contain any women I'd consider attractive today, but the fact that I saved them indicates they were the best-looking ones I'd come across. The interesting thing is that they all fall into what seems to be considered highly attractive by society at large.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Delalyra » Mon Jul 20, 2009 10:59 am UTC

Mmmmm. I think society plays into... our (everyone's) expectations of ourselves, and then the way we live, much much more than we think it does, especially while we're growing up. Kinda creepy.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby FurbyFubar » Mon Jul 20, 2009 12:38 pm UTC

Hi thread!

I'm a gay guy in Stockholm and I've been semi-lurking around here for quite a while now.

So, Stockholm pride is starting next week and I just know I can't be the only one here attending. I'll be working for Pride selling tickets and exchanging tickets for bands. No, I can't get you in for free, but come up and say something xkcd-esqe to me anyhow? I'll be the blonde guy with a scar or a plaster on my forehead. (Apparently you shouldn't juggle knives when it's dark..?)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:24 pm UTC

Have fun at pride, or as I like to call it, Gay Christmas. :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Lord Aurora » Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:22 pm UTC

sophyturtle wrote:I faced more crap for being bi (pan is more accurate, but often I don't have the energy to get into it with people). People accused me of not making up my mind, or thought I was faking because I only had relationships with males (when really, the females I was attracted to were straight or not interested in me, I thought I would have better luck with my new hair, but no luck).
My roommate's gay twin brother is adamant in his belief that there's no such thing as a bisexual, just someone who isn't ready to admit that they're 100% gay.

This belief...is...well. Yeah. You know.

Weird kid.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:35 pm UTC

I've heard the "They just haven't picked" opinion a number of times. It's a crock of shit.

Of course, I'm wary of dating bisexuals. Mainly because I've had my heart broken by more than one of them, who chose the more important men in their lives over me. But that's my cross to bare.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:38 pm UTC

I never understood the bisexuals don't exist belief/prejudice. I wasn't even aware that prejudice existed until I read about it in the fora. For me, once I'd switched over from believing "gays go to hell" to "really, everything is pretty okay" it was just really self-evident to include bisexuals in that. I mean, I've encountered people who had less problems with transpeople than with bisexuals. WTF?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby The Spherical Cow » Mon Jul 20, 2009 11:06 pm UTC

When I was younger (i.e. three years ago), I bought into the whole "bisexuals don't exist" thing - so I came out as gay. And then realised* that I'd actually quite liked the lady-folk too, all along. Retroactively half-de-coming-out is made horribly difficult by people's reluctance to accept that you exist.

*And by "realised", I mean that it I realised it was completely stupid to ignore the fact I was attracted to women too. Rather than waking up one morning to discover I was aroused by women.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby H.E.L.e.N. » Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:02 pm UTC

Jessica wrote:Of course, I'm wary of dating bisexuals. Mainly because I've had my heart broken by more than one of them, who chose the more important men in their lives over me. But that's my cross to bare.


The thing is, this is one of the broadest labels there is. I've been burned by "I have sex with women, but I don't have romantic/relationship-worthy feelings for them" bisexual people, but that's only one facet of what that label might mean. So I have to pay attention to people and their attitudes toward same-sex/queer relationships, not their assumed labels.

But. I don't like the label for me because I feel it assumes an availability to straight men that doesn't really exist in my case. And I'm a bit more comfortable with women/queerpersons who openly assume the label "queer," because if that does happen to mean they have relationships/attractions to either/any sex, it still signals they take their non-heterosexual relationships/feelings seriously.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Wednesday » Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:10 pm UTC

Oh, man, getting turned down by lesbians because of being bisexual. If I had a nickel...

It really is unfortunate. It just doesn't make sense to me. I won't date another girl who isn't completely sure of her sexuality, or guy for that matter, as the chances of getting dumped because of 'not being attracted to girls' are much higher, and I don't want to take the chance getting attached to someone and then it dying a horribly fiery death.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby EmptySet » Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:06 am UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I never understood the bisexuals don't exist belief/prejudice. I wasn't even aware that prejudice existed until I read about it in the fora. For me, once I'd switched over from believing "gays go to hell" to "really, everything is pretty okay" it was just really self-evident to include bisexuals in that. I mean, I've encountered people who had less problems with transpeople than with bisexuals. WTF?


It might be similar to the way some people believe agnostics are either wishy-washy fence sitters, or just strong atheists with a different label. Some people just get all upset when things don't divide into binary categories.

Of course, it might also have something to do with certain portrayals of bisexuals. Or it might be something to do with homophobia, since it means you may not be "safe" from homosexuality even when hanging out with an apparently straight man and his girlfriend.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:27 am UTC

I know. Bisexual and Pansexual are both labels which can range from "I'm married to a man and like to fuck women on the side" to "I'm attracted equally to both, and want to have both in my life" to "I'm attracted to a person, regardless of their gender" to any number of other possibilities. I shouldn't be against bi (or pan people... but I'll give my pan rant in a second), and I'm really not... I just... I've been burned, more than once, by a bisexual woman, so it makes me wary. Sorry helen and horis...

And yeah... my pan rant. Of course, this isn't against everyone who identifies this way, and as a rule I like the word pansexual more than bisexual as it acknowledges there's more than two options. What I don't like is when bisexual people encounter trans people, then get confused if they should be pan instead. Like they say "I like men, and women and trans people". Which, well, pisses me off (and yes, I've encountered this. More than once, in fact. People who questioned their bisexual label because of me, a woman). I'm a woman. I recognize the gender binary isn't binary, but I am firmly in one camp. just because my assigned sex and my subconscious sex do not match doesn't make me less of a woman, in the same way as having small breasts doesn't make you less of a woman.

Sorry. Rants are done.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Wed Jul 22, 2009 5:41 am UTC

To be fair, sometimes the attraction is to gender, sometimes it's to physical sex. It really depends on the person.
Personally trans people confuse the hell out of me. I've never been able to figure out what makes me attracted to girls instead of boys. I've dated one transman and one bigendered person. My relationship with the boy was awkward as hell except when we were having sex. My relationship with the bigendered person wasn't awkward at all even though hir was biologically male. I'm not honestly sure what will happen if I ever date a transwoman. I'm lesbian but seem to be all over the map depending on the person and their physical sex. I honestly don't know. I have a kinda weird sexuality anyways.

I'm not sure how coherent that was, I hope you can decipher it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Hyphe » Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:33 am UTC

horisustar wrote:Oh, man, getting turned down by lesbians because of being bisexual. If I had a nickel...

Amen. Well, I'd have one nickel... >_> My opportunities with ladytypes have been limited.

My mother is one of the 'bisexuals don't exist' people and the gist of her argument is that everyone, one day, will pick one person and stick with them; that means you've picked a gender to be attracted to. Which is rubbish - I can have boyfriend and still like looking at women, if I'm 60 and with the woman of my dreams I'll still be up for a threesome with Arthur from bingo nights. But, well... she's my mother, and I'm not going to discuss my sexual proclivities with her. (It's hard enough telling her I'm in an LDR - she still doesn't know.) At least she's not very judgmental about it - she wouldn't mind what I am, just so long as I 'make up my mind'. :|

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Plasma Man » Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:22 pm UTC

Virtual_Aardvark wrote:To be fair, sometimes the attraction is to gender, sometimes it's to physical sex. It really depends on the person.
This. I'm predominately hetero: That doesn't mean I'm attracted to all females, it depends on the person. I don't get why anyone would expect it to be different for bi / pan people. Possibly there would be more people where there is the potential for attraction, but at the end of the day it's going to come down to the person.

I like your retirement plans, Hyphe.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:27 pm UTC

My boyfriend talks about the amazing sex he's gonna have when he's in a retirement home. :|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQ Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Plasma Man » Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:30 pm UTC

Hopefully he'll wait until he's old as well.
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