I Shouldn't Have To Say This

[Pez Dispens3r]

-Yes, I am old enough to work here. Not everyone who looks young is actually as young as they look.

-Yes, I'm old enough to serve cigarettes. That's why I'm the one working at the only counter that serves cigarettes.
-If I card you, and you don't have ID, don't tell me you're going to get your friend to buy them for you. Now I can't legally serve your friend either. Well, exercise some subtlety next time, I'm not losing my job for you.

[ethraax]

"Stop shouting 'BANG BANG BANG' at my friend who just lost his friend to getting shot in a robbery."

[poxic]

If I am asleep, or giving all appearances of being asleep, I do not want you to jump onto the mattress beside me and meow loudly. Not once. Not three or five times a night, either.

/

[Sungura]

"For the vacuum to work, you need to plug it in" (To....myself)
"Don't point that laser pointer at my face" (To some jerk dunno his name)
"You need to change the default password when you set up your wifi. I just got onto your system in less than a minute." (To my friend who was saying what a wonderful job her fiance did with setting up their internet)

[Magilla]

"You need to change the default password when you set up your wifi. I just got onto your system in less than a minute." (To my friend who was saying what a wonderful job her fiance did with setting up their internet)

Something that I have to tell people a lot is "if you found setting up your wifi easy, but you can't differentiate between the internet and Internet Explorer, then you've probably done it wrong."

[Amarantha]

Bacon is not a drink.

Lies! Also...

[Plasma Man]

Getting up in the night means I need the toilet or a drink. It does not mean I'm stealing from you or am secretly on medications.

[abitha]

"No, Jimi Hendrix was a musician."

I think I can beat this with "No, Michael Jackson was a singer."

[Mighty Jalapeno]

"Michael... Bolton? Like the pop singer?"

[Plasma Man]

"It's in the instructions" is not a helpful response when the instructions are 80 pages long.

Also, if you say you're going to do a job, do the entire job. Don't leave half of it undone as a surprise for me the next day.

[Magilla]

"I need the exact error message. Yes, word-for-word. `There's an error on my computer` is not useful."

[the_bandersnatch]

... but you're an adult now, so stop saying "totally" all the bloody time. Like, totally.

[Mighty Jalapeno]

"This isn't a movie, it's a play."

[kapojinha]

"Don't touch that. See how it's in a locked cabinet? Yeah, that means I don't want people touching it. I don't care if you 'found' the key. Put it back and don't touch my stuff."

[Fantastic Idea]

You cannot start an idea with 'In other words...'
THERE HAVE TO BE OTHER WORDS FIRST.

[mochafairy]

"Don't put the electrolytic capacitor into the circuit backwards!" (me to my TA...fyi, it explodes if you do that)

edit:
disclaimer, I am not responsible if you go out and try it. I take no responsibility for your stupidity.

[Shro]

At work: "Yes of course this 2 month old puppy is going to get bigger."

Seriously? Are you going to ask if a 2 year old is going to "stay the same size" or "not get any bigger?" It's a damn baby dog.

[parkaboy]

Espresso is coffee. "Quad" means 4, as in "a quad espresso is 4 shots (ounces) of espresso, which is coffee, so yes it has caffeine. Anything else?"

why is coffee so difficult for some people?

[velvet_octopus]

While working in a drive-through once, I handed a guy a Coke and a blue Powerade. He asked me how he could tell which one was the Powerade.

Me: It's the blue one. Have a nice day.

(Now I wonder if he wasn't colorblind . . . maybe I should have said the Coke was the fizzy one?)

Also, when you are in a drive-through, why are you telling me you want your order "to go"? Seriously?

['; DROP DATABASE;--]

More of the driving ones. I'm glad I'm not the only one with these problems.
-"Turn at the stop sign/intersection" doesn't help me when half the time it means after the sign or through the intersection, and half the time it means into the road just before it. Along the same lines, "the intersection" doesn't tell me a whole lot when there are several up ahead. You might assume it's the nearest, but no.
-Yes, I see the other cars. Yes, I am aware of my speed. Yes, I know how to operate the headlights. Yes, I signalled. No, I am not an idiot.
-Crushing someone emotionally is not funny. Claiming to be joking when you really aren't just so they won't be (as) hurt also is a bad idea. It's not as if they won't find out eventually.

[lulzfish]

There's two highways near my house, and I live a few blocks from their intersection.

I shouldn't have to say, "Which highway, X or Y?" in response to your silly direction, "{Turn onto | Go straight past} the highway."

There's 2 of them, and because of the highway system's pathetic lack of support for bicycles, I have no sense of direction while driving on either of them.

[phlip]

"I need the exact error message. Yes, word-for-word. `There's an error on my computer` is not useful."

Oh my, yes. A large majority of the error messages from our software are of the form "There was an error: <actual error message>. Please contact us." (but slightly more verbose)... it's amazing how many people only quote the first and last bits over the phone, which narrows it down to almost anything.

[zug]

Believe it or not, not wanting to be at your beck and call doesn't mean I hate you. It means you need to leave me the hell alone for more than 5 minutes of an entire day, because yours are not sane expectations for a human over the age of 10.

[NightStar]

"You should probably reattach the access cover to the wind tunnel before we begin this test at approximately Mach 1.5."

[GhostWolfe]

I shouldn't have to say this, but...

About half of the people posting in this thread seem to be lost. You're looking for the common misconceptions thread, perhaps rants.

This thread is for things you've said, not dumb things that annoy you.

/angell

[SummerGlauFan]

When I was working at a gas station, a customer asked for a purple lighter. I have partial color blindness, and my manager managed to hang the purple and blue lighters right next to each other.

Customer: "Look, it's right there. What are you, colorblind?"
Me: "Yes."
Customer, embarrassed: "Oh."

In other words, if I am having trouble finding the color, I am probably colorblind and it would help to do more than gesture vaguely and get mad.

[ssbookyu123]

Do not by any means try to take apart a bullet with a drill. (had to say that one to myself.)
Don't eat any thing that says super and laxitive in the same sentance. (to myself again.)
To start scan press start scan. (to my brother.)
A paper an bug sandwitch is not tasty (to my 5 year old sister.)
When you light a fire with gasoline don't slosh it around.(to my dad after he acedently set me on fire.)

[Plasma Man]

"The sun's not still up. Those are floodlights."

[tin]

This morning, I had to utter this to my Papa.

"You can't use ground coffee as instant"

He did anyway, because he's stubborn as hell.

[Plasma Man]

Yuck!

From earlier today: "You might need to use both hands to pick up that lead-lined box. It will be heavy."

[SummerGlauFan]

No, not wanting eight children does NOT mean I am selfish. It means I'm smart. - To an idiot I will not name.

[Vohu Manah]

"Actually, I do see a problem with denying health care coverage to make money."

"Yes, I'm pretty sure that tube of anti-itching cream is not toothpaste."

"You're not giving me a better price for my trade-in if you raise the price of the new car."

"You're not saving me any money by lowering the price of the car if you lower the value of my old car, that's the same thing!"

[Mighty Jalapeno]

"A sanitizer company in Ohio was raided because it's sanitizer was contaminated with bacteria."

[TheKrikkitWars]

"Under no circumstances are you to poke the snake to determine if it's a mamba or an emerald tree snake" to my friend's brother and 5 minutes later,
"Nor is it wise to try to catch a monitor lizard, in fact Jack just avoid reptiles in general"
"Space cake won't mix well with Lariam" (unheeded, this lead to paranoid delusions amusing to all but the person experiencing them.)

[The Utilitarian]

(I am a dude)
"No, my long hair does not mean that I am in a band, I just like it this way" -To many customers at my work
"No, my long nails do not mean that I play the guitar, I just like them this way" -To just about as many customers
"No, my long hair and nails do not mean that I cross dress" -To one perticular customer
"Yes, I am sure that I don't cross dress" -To the same customer five seconds later

[PatrickRsGhost]

Some of these I've actually said, but in various other forms.

"Of course Xena's got worms. She was born outdoors, and her mother, a feral, has worms. Plus, I believe my mom told you Xena may have worms when you got her" - to a co-worker who adopted one of our kittens a month ago, the other day

"If she doesn't have a title in the file drawer, then we don't have the title. Don't ask me if I show a title on the status report. If she doesn't have the title, we don't have the title" - to every agent who's asked me to check the status report after going to the assistant paralegal for a parcel title, only to find she didn't have it.

"You are not excused from providing me with status updates, just because you're a contract agent vs. the salary or hourly agents. Everyone is required to provide me with weekly status updates, regardless of how much work they've done. Maybe I should let the bos know you're really not doing any work. It sure as fuck seems that way, if I'm not getting any updates from you. Maybe he'll put you on furlough and take someone who currently is off, someone who's actually doing their fucking job and providing me with weekly status updates." - To an asshole agent who makes it easier to extract teeth from a crocodile than to update my status report on all road projects we're trying to buy property for.

"Let me explain the process for the millionth time. You e-mail the counter offer letter to E. E then checks it for maths and makes sure the areas are correct. He then e-mails it to J. J checks the justification of the counter offer. Once he's satisfied, he e-mails it to me. I check it for grammar, spelling, and other little nitpicks. I then save it to the network where it's easily retrievable if needed, and then I print it out and give it to J to sign. You do not take it straight to J." - to a couple of agents who still do things the old-fashioned way when it comes to counter offer letters.

"Quit saving your fucking counter offer letters to your fucking hard drive. I have to waste precious time retyping it from scratch if I have to make corrections to any errors brought up by our paralegal." - to any agent who doesn't save it to the network drive, after having been instructed to do so 794,351,042,354 times. This happened before the above process/policy was implemented.

"I don't have time to fucking sit down to enter info in the status report as you tell it to me. Just type it up or write it up, and place it in the appropriate basket. I will enter it when I have time, and it will be done before I have to print it for J." - to a couple of agents who insist on sitting down and telling me their status updates, instead of e-mailing me or writing them up

"Do not place any shit in my chair, or on my desk in front of the keyboard. It goes in the appropriate basket, over there (point to table with five or six baskets). As you can see, each one is clearly labeled with what belongs in it." - to every agent, or anyone else in my department who insists on putting things in my chair or on my desk, especially if it needs immediate attention. It will get immediate attention if placed in the basket.

[rogerwillson]

You know that you should not have to say this, then why you said this type on things on this forum?

[phlip]

Because the whole point of the thread is that there's a difference between "shouldn't have to" and "don't have to".

And I really shouldn't've had to point that out.

[Aetius]

"Yes that is your hand."

[Ouch.jars]

All today...
-"No, video game piracy isn't charity."
-"Someone chewing gum does not affect your ability to talk to them."
-"We need to collect the orders before we can count them."