xkcd

by **mosc** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 5:50 pm UTC

Both watchmen endings are fear of the unknown and fear of the known. Neither is more one way than the other. Whatever, I really enjoyed that movie. Really. One of the most thought provoking movies I've seen in a while while still being a whole lot of fun. That coming from somebody who read the novel before the movie.

by **Bhelliom** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:27 pm UTC

Southland Tales

Two words: Car Sex

by **mosc** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:36 pm UTC

That charlie sheen movie had car sex while in a high speed police chase. I don't think that exclusively makes a movie the worst ever.

by **headprogrammingczar** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:20 pm UTC

Car sex during a high speed police chase? I want to see this movie!

by **Zorlin** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:26 pm UTC

mosc wrote:Both watchmen endings are fear of the unknown and fear of the known. Neither is more one way than the other. Whatever, I really enjoyed that movie. Really. One of the most thought provoking movies I've seen in a while while still being a whole lot of fun. That coming from somebody who read the novel before the movie.

I think if I'd read the comics beforehand I'd know what the fuck was going on. The film sort of assumed that you had - and bleh, I don't know. I really wanted to enjoy it, but I think I needed to be a fan, y'know?

by **Amnesiasoft** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:51 pm UTC

Well, the thing is, the movie was targeted at fans of the comic. The problem is, nobody in the marketing department seemed to understand that.

by **Midnight** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 5:10 am UTC

Phrozt wrote:
michaelandjimi wrote:The Number 23

Jim Carrey might have broken into the realm of not-comedy is this damn film wasn't such a joke.

Really?? I rather liked that movie. Not one of my top favorites, but I definitely felt satisfied after having watched it.

Are you MAD?! Topsy Kretts? There was a character NAMED "Top Secrets". Only it was ACTUALLY HIM... maybe.

ALSO: Tattoos and saxophones? FROM WHENCE DID THEY COME?!

Additionally: Horrible acting (which is a SHAME because Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind was brilliant), interleaved with a plot that's at best illogical and at worst laughable, with a twist that doesn't really exist and was pretty much revealed to anyone who saw the trailer.

No less than thrice did I say "okay they could make this movie a lot better if the random drum&bass started up, everything went slow-mo, and he kills everyone".

BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. YURGGHHHHHHH.

by **Zorlin** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 6:02 am UTC

Amnesiasoft wrote:Well, the thing is, the movie was targeted at fans of the comic. The problem is, nobody in the marketing department seemed to understand that.

I was made to watch it by a close female friend, who I spent most of the movie glaring at. At least the couch was warm and comfortable, pleh. I think being faithful to the comic series as much as possible is a good thing, even when it alienates people (me) who would otherwise enjoy it, but telling them is also good.

by **Intercept** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 6:59 am UTC

SexyTalon wrote:
McCaber wrote:Except for Toy Story 2, which was an awesome movie but started the whole sequel craze.
.. no, it didn't. As near as I can tell, the first of the crapfest that is the Disney direct to video sequel would be The Return of Jafar in '94.

Return of Jafar was a goddamn classic. I'm not sure if you're saying it's not, but it is.

And I hadn't read the Watchmen but I was able to understand it pretty well and thought it was a very good movie.

by **michaelandjimi** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 7:50 am UTC

Midnight wrote:
Phrozt wrote:
michaelandjimi wrote:The Number 23

Jim Carrey might have broken into the realm of not-comedy is this damn film wasn't such a joke.

Really?? I rather liked that movie. Not one of my top favorites, but I definitely felt satisfied after having watched it.
<Awesome ranting>

I actually couldn't believe the twist. I heard them say it and I was like "...Oh, I love the skilled way they broke the drama with such a well-timed joke! Any second now, someone's going to burst out laughing, and then stop and everything will be eerily quiet".

It never came.

by **mosc** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 3:13 pm UTC

headprogrammingczar wrote:Car sex during a high speed police chase? I want to see this movie!

The Chase. See buffy get it on in a car

Not anywhere near worst movie ever, just referencing it to refute that all car sex implies crap movie.

by **mikhail** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 3:34 pm UTC

mosc wrote:
headprogrammingczar wrote:Car sex during a high speed police chase? I want to see this movie!

The Chase. See buffy get it on in a car

Not anywhere near worst movie ever, just referencing it to refute that all car sex implies crap movie.

Pah, wrong Buffy.

by **mosc** » Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:08 pm UTC

mikhail wrote:
mosc wrote:
headprogrammingczar wrote:Car sex during a high speed police chase? I want to see this movie!

The Chase. See buffy get it on in a car

Not anywhere near worst movie ever, just referencing it to refute that all car sex implies crap movie.

Pah, wrong Buffy.

1994 man, 1994. Sarah Michelle Gellar was not even legal.

by **GhostWolfe** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 9:07 am UTC

michaelandjimi wrote:
Midnight wrote:
Phrozt wrote:
michaelandjimi wrote:The Number 23

Jim Carrey might have broken into the realm of not-comedy is this damn film wasn't such a joke.
Really?? I rather liked that movie. Not one of my top favorites, but I definitely felt satisfied after having watched it.
<Awesome ranting>
I actually couldn't believe the twist. I heard them say it and I was like "...Oh, I love the skilled way they broke the drama with such a well-timed joke! Any second now, someone's going to burst out laughing, and then stop and everything will be eerily quiet".

It never came.

I really enjoyed The Number 23, but I was perfectly happy to accept in the nigh-parody film noir setting of the book's story-line, a name like Topsy Kretts would be perfectly acceptable, as would be the heavy tattoos and sax-playing. Also, Jim Carrey pulls off a perfectly acceptable sexy, which I enjoyed.

/angell

by **micco** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 12:30 pm UTC

Mortal Kombat.

by **Phen** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 3:02 pm UTC

Zorlin wrote:
Amnesiasoft wrote:Well, the thing is, the movie was targeted at fans of the comic. The problem is, nobody in the marketing department seemed to understand that.

I was made to watch it by a close female friend, who I spent most of the movie glaring at. At least the couch was warm and comfortable, pleh. I think being faithful to the comic series as much as possible is a good thing, even when it alienates people (me) who would otherwise enjoy it, but telling them is also good.

I was watching it with a friend who didn't know anything about the comic and he seemed to get the story. I had explained a little bit beforehand, but not much. Take that, anadotical evidence!

by **GhostWolfe** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 11:02 pm UTC

Phen wrote:I was watching it with a friend who didn't know anything about the comic and he seemed to get the story. I had explained a little bit beforehand, but not much. Take that, anadotical evidence!

Neither I, nor my ex, had read the comic before we went to see the movie, and we both followed the storyline perfectly well, and we both enjoyed it.

I read the comic afterward, and I think I appreciated it more, having seen the "stripped down" movie version before-hand.

/angell

by **Midnight** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 11:39 pm UTC

If the number 23 was intended to be a parody, if it gave a HINT of parody besides how horrific it was, I would have considered it genius. Like Hot Fuzz--that movie was either an acceptable action flick or an incredibly clever and hilarious comedy riffing on action flicks--and that movie was fairly lighthearted about it, and didn't take itself as seriously as some other parodies.

Not 23.

by **GhostWolfe** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 10:20 am UTC

I didn't say it was a parody. I said "nigh-parody". The idea was that in the dank recesses of his mind, the film noir aspect is so exaggerated that it (and he) almost become parodies of themselves.

Also, I now have the urge to watch this again.

/angell

by **mosc** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 4:53 pm UTC

micco wrote:Mortal Kombat.

What? It's like, the ONLY mediocre video game movie I can name. All the rest were far worse. Even if we're just talking fighting video games turned into movies, I'm going to have to 1-up you with street fighter: the movie

by **jaap** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 5:08 pm UTC

mosc wrote:
micco wrote:Mortal Kombat.

What? It's like, the ONLY mediocre video game movie I can name. All the rest were far worse. Even if we're just talking fighting video games turned into movies, I'm going to have to 1-up you with street fighter: the movie

Or Super Mario Bros.
Or any of the others in the Time Top 10 Worst Video Game Movies.

by **mosc** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 6:27 pm UTC

wing commander was so bad...

by **Enuja** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 7:08 pm UTC

The worst film I've ever seen was, hands down Echoes of Innocence. The theme of the film is to celebrate naive, young marriage (promising yourself at the age of 12, then getting married at 18, and the film ends with an awful 18 year old just-married sex scene), and the film was extremely poorly done. I learned to never let anyone drag me (even when the film is free) to a film that I don't expect to be very well done and that I know is abhorrent to my morals.

My spouse didn't hate it like I did, but I love his review.

my spouse wrote:a mishmash of Heathers, Scream, and The Craft with a thin Christian veneer
Clearly a lot of care went into making this. Technical credits are solid, and most of the acting is at least competent. However, the script is a mess, and the editing is downright incompetent. Each character is a walking cliché that can be described with one adjective. The ending is simultaneously ludicrous and painfully obvious. While much of what occurs on screen is more than a little silly, the tone is uniformly somber throughout. There is almost no dialogue between the two lead characters, but we are treated to TWO lengthy montage sequences of them in "deep meaningful conversation." Yet we are supposed to believe that they are soulmates. There is NO insight into the lives of teenagers, and no serious or reflective discussion of faith. Mysteries (of the mundane rather than the spiritual variety) are brought up and then never explained. The sneering no-dimensional villain is taken out by a deus ex machina that's a cow.

There is no sense of artistry or style. The music is repetitive and swells overdramatically even when nothing much is going on. Transitions are abrupt and jarring. Every time the film starts to get going, with a scene that's genuinely unnerving or beautiful or somewhat authentic, the moment is killed by a cut into numbingly clunky, meandering, and/or unaffecting drivel. And then there's the very last scene, which looks like something out of a soft core porn film.

What kills me is that they had the material here to make a daring and original Christian film. Really deal with teenage alienation, moral choices and their consequences, the power of faith and love to save us from the very real darkness that inhabits everyday life ... but it's just not here.

The cow (or bull?) bit is not, unfortunately, a joke.

by **Phrozt** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 4:18 pm UTC

jaap wrote:Or Super Mario Bros.
Or any of the others in the Time Top 10 Worst Video Game Movies.

Princess Daisy was one of my first celebrity crushes as a kid.. haha...

by **PossibleSloth** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 7:14 pm UTC

The only movie I ever walked out on was I (heart) Huckabees. I don't remember precisely why, but my friends and I got fed up with it about 20 minutes in. Then we went home and watched Blade Runner.

by **Mo0man** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 7:19 pm UTC

"I'm sorry... I don't remember any of it. For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me... it was Tuesday."

<3 Raul Julia
If you think Street Fighter was the worst movie you've ever seen, you just haven't seen enough terrible movies

by **MaybeAndroid** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:24 pm UTC

Most of the movies featured in MST3K are almost by definition awful, but usually the commentary is enough to make the experience of watching them fun. However, Manos, Hands of Fate is so appallingly bad that even MST3K could not improve it.

by **kristacanton** » Sat Aug 22, 2009 7:49 pm UTC

This may seem random, but Pocahontus 2.

by **InfiniteLoup** » Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:52 pm UTC

Tommy2995 wrote:Some people will probably disagree, but I think West Side Story is the worst film ever. The gangs are supposed to be all butch and strong, but all they seem to do is dance. They don't walk their dogs. They dance their dogs! They don't drive their cars. They dance their cars! It's just a load of rubbish!

I can't believe no one else has objected to this. I mean, I understand not liking musicals - they're not everyone's cup of tea - but to call West Side Story the worst film ever? The thing won ten oscars! The musical was compelling and ahead of its time, and the film deserves standing as one of the best ever made. I question whether Tommy2995 has even seen West Side Story. There is not a single instance that I can recall in which any of the gang members drive or interact with any dog. As for dancing, what did you expect? It's a musical!

As for the worst film (or at least most disappointing) I've ever seen, I would have to say Open Water. I admit I haven't seen any of the really bad B-movies mentioned, but Open Water is still terrible. I didn't care for the characters in the slightest and the camera cuts were baffling. Like, it would be really intense with the sharks circling and all, and then there would be a random shot of a lizard on a branch, and then a random shot of palm trees in the wind. I think the film was trying to be artsy, but failed, and sadly wasn't bizarre enough to be "so bad it's funny". It was just bad.

by **Jesse** » Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:57 pm UTC

I believe he was being sarcastic, and amusingly so.

by **InfiniteLoup** » Sun Aug 23, 2009 11:31 pm UTC

Jesse wrote:I believe he was being sarcastic, and amusingly so.

I do hope so, for the sake of the survival of good taste, but I know people who believe more facepalm-worthy things (such as "there is absolutely no reason at all for any film not to have a happy ending"). That, combined with pessimism, led me to at least point it out.

by **Bhelliom** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:53 pm UTC

Folks, I have absolutely nothing against car sex.

But, I DO take issue with cars HAVING sex. With each other.

by **10098** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:58 pm UTC

Mulholland Drive.
It really sucks balls.

by **jaap** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 1:23 pm UTC

I don't think anybody has mentioned Highlander 2 yet. So bad that Highlander 3 pretends that it never happened. Even Highlander 5 was still better than this.

by **Duende** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:44 pm UTC

I actually enjoyed I heart Huckabees. It does start off kind of slow, and the plot is pretty strange, since it's based around philosophy, but I like weird things.

I will probably take a lot of flack for this, but I seriously hated Moulin Rouge. I couldn't make it through the first 20 minutes. Pretty sure that the modern songs are only thrown in to get younger kids to watch it. I'd rather watch La Boheme, and I don't even like opera that much.

by **Kizyr** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:31 pm UTC

Mo0man wrote:"I'm sorry... I don't remember any of it. For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me... it was Tuesday."

<3 Raul Julia
If you think Street Fighter was the worst movie you've ever seen, you just haven't seen enough terrible movies

Oh yes. Raul Julia made that movie watchable. It's proof that he has the rare ability to make any line, no matter how cheesy, sound good.

There are many video game-based movies that are much, much worse than Street Fighter. Street Fighter is probably above-average in that regard.

Duende wrote:I will probably take a lot of flack for this, but I seriously hated Moulin Rouge. I couldn't make it through the first 20 minutes. Pretty sure that the modern songs are only thrown in to get younger kids to watch it. I'd rather watch La Boheme, and I don't even like opera that much.

I loved it the first time I watched it. Hated it the second--couldn't even get through the first half hour. No clue what happened in the interim... I just found myself incredibly bored the second time around. KF

by **Occams_Razor** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:07 pm UTC

So far the worse movie I've seen is that damn Eragon adaption, having loved the books I thought it would be brilliant I was not so presently surprised, I then went out and bought the PSP game which was slightly better.

However I am now holding in my hands a film I picked up for 99p in my local supermarket called 'Mortal Kombat Conquest: Kreeya'.
I'm kind of unsure whether I can bring myself to watch it but IMBD's users gave this thing a 9.7 so it could go either way.

by **TheTedinator** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 12:49 am UTC

Occams_Razor wrote:So far the worse movie I've seen is that damn Eragon adaption

This. They absolutely butchered the book. Left out major plot points, major characters and killed the wrong people. They can't even make a second one.

by **GhostWolfe** » Mon Aug 31, 2009 4:14 am UTC

TheTedinator wrote:
Occams_Razor wrote:Eragon
They can't even make a second one.

Well, that's just dandy with me, cause I couldn't even finish the second book

/angell

by **kinigget** » Tue Sep 01, 2009 2:21 am UTC

I don't know if I can say what the worst movie I've ever seen is, but I can tell you that Babel is near the top. I don't think I've seen a movie that wove multiple storylines well, and Babel is no exception. I'm not sure why they decided to include the Japanese girl instead of her dad, seeing as her dad actually had some relation to the main plot, albeit incredibly tentative. The movie came across more as 3 different movies, I say 3 because the pakistani kids and the tourists actually have meaningful relation to each other. The other two just seem like excuses to explore cultural issues in their own right.

The other movie I should mention here is Love Actually, that movie was supposed to be about how complete strangers affect each others lives, it accomplished by showing us about 5 sets of complete strangers who don't really affect each other at all.

And I'm done.

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