Corrupt-a-wish

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Jedifreak
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Jedifreak » Tue Nov 17, 2009 2:42 am UTC

Granted, but it makes Bush President again.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Sodium Hexametaphosphate » Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:11 am UTC

Granted, the other Bush regains the spotlight.

I wish for a fresh subway chocolate chip cookie.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:32 am UTC

Granted but, first, surrender your mom.

I wish I were then best rock keyboardist in the world.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:30 am UTC

Granted! Too bad your arthritis means it is too painful for you ever play a note on any instrument ever again.

I wish Obama had not been elected President.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:46 am UTC

Granted, but McCain dies shortly after being inaugurated; his organs went into retirement. Sarah's first order is to change the national motto to "You Betcha!"

I wish that Kucinich had won.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:08 am UTC

Denied! Instead, a second Civil War starts! Nukes are fired, which triggers a launch of Russia's nukes, which triggers a launch of China's nukes, which triggers a launch of more American nukes, which triggers a launch of... Yeah. You get the idea. Nuclear holocaust wipes out most of Western civilization. OTOH, African nations now have a real chance to seize power!

I wish everyone but me would die and that I had enough batteries.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Balesk Baj, Timeburner » Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:16 am UTC

Granted, but the batteries overheated and they exploded, killing you

i wish that everything in the world was like Schrodinger's box thingy...
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Max2009 » Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:27 pm UTC

Granted. You go shopping and get mauled by a very irritated cat.

I wish I had the power to stop procrastinating.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby mieulium » Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:29 pm UTC

Granted, you do everything prematurely now. Nice try trying to save the world, you were too fast to save it.

I wish I was more loving.
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Phrozt
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Phrozt » Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:14 pm UTC

Granted, you are now more loving... to dead and rotting cats...

I wish I could play w/Paramore

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:25 pm UTC

Granted! (Yes, that alone is the best way to corrupt your wish.)

I wish I could play with Dream Theater. Or with Rammstein. Or with any band that actually rocks.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Pryomancer » Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:54 pm UTC

Granted, but you commit some awful faux pas and really piss them all off.

I wish I could speak all languages fluently.
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Phrozt
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Phrozt » Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:12 pm UTC

Granted, in the most fluent and eloquent voice possible, you boldly speak the words, "all languages."

I wish these tickets would take care of themselves.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Pryomancer » Tue Nov 17, 2009 9:13 pm UTC

Granted, they become sentient and realise they've had enough of your shit.

I wish for a nice bag of sweeties.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:38 am UTC

Granted, but these are laced with cocaine. You become so addicted to these sweeties that your mouth becomes a cavity-ridden cesspool of pain and misery.

I wish that I knew every single rock pun ever made, and each one was gneissly worded.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Wed Nov 18, 2009 12:35 pm UTC

Granite! But a crew of groaning geologists stones you before you can use any more of them.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:10 pm UTC

Granted, but to afford that, you will have sold (awesome, future perfect!) your family, friends and everything else you cared about.

I wish nothing in particular. Corrupt this!
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Random832 » Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:17 pm UTC

Sometimes people corrupt their own wishes - you get nothing.

I wish, I wish, I hadn't killed that fish.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:23 pm UTC

Granted! You get absolutely nothing! A complete absence of sound, a sensation of touch, no light and no dark, no pull of gravity, no sense of space or freedom, no sense of time passing, and no smells or tastes either. After around a day or so, you will not feel thirsty or hungry. You are unable to sense your body or even determine if you have one in this place. You live in a nightmare of nothing, feeling no weakness, hunger, thirst, or sensation, but, rest assured, you will die before too deep a madness sets in.

Damned ninjas... Mine was better anyway. LoL

Instead, the fish kills you.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:43 pm UTC

Indeed, RedBandit, I preferred the way you corrupted my wish. Anyways, back to your wish...

Granted. Did I mention that I ran out of water and used a mix of jizz and piss instead?

I wish I could make a living out of selling a mix of jizz and piss passed as water.
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Charlielechat » Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:56 pm UTC

Granted, but you have to "retrieve" both from another.

I wish I could get Spotify Premium without paying for it.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:54 pm UTC

Granted. But now your personality belongs to someone else and he charges you for being yourself.

I wish I could travel back in time.
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Jedifreak » Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:08 pm UTC

Granted, but it's a minimum of 65x106 years, and you can never travel forward.

I wish I had the Skills to be Batman.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby RedBandit » Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:30 pm UTC

Granted! However, in order to receive the required training for said skills, your parents must be brutally murdered in front of you, and you must sacrifice hundreds of hours at the gym. Ultimately you acheive the Skills, but never the equipment, funds, sidekick, or butler needed for true greatness. After a month of success fighting crime, a bad guy shoots you in the head. You are dead. WYLYPI?

I wish for greatness.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:57 am UTC

Granted. There will be greatness in the way you will be tortured and killed.

I wish I could formally learn German.
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Vohu Manah » Thu Nov 19, 2009 5:32 am UTC

Refusé! Vous allez apprendre à parler français à la place.

I wish for a croissant.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:32 am UTC

Vohu Manah wrote:Refusé! Vous allez apprendre à parler français à la place.

J'ai étudié le Français il y a longtemps. Je n'ai pas besoin de l'apprendre de nouveau.

Refusé! Tous les croissants du monde vont être miens!

I wish I could learn all the Germanic and Slavic languages.
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

asiekierka
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby asiekierka » Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:44 am UTC

Granted, but you don't remember English and can't relearn it, then another World War comes and you're stuck in central Europe without any help. Then you die.

I wish that nobody ever corrupted wishes again.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Max2009 » Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:42 am UTC

Denied!

I wish I had a time machine.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Thu Nov 19, 2009 11:33 am UTC

asiekierka wrote:Granted, but you don't remember English and can't relearn it, then another World War comes and you're stuck in central Europe without any help. Then you die.

English is a Germanic language. If I know all Germanic languages, I know English. I said nothing about Latin languages, though so I could have forgotten Spanish (which is improbable in real life, because it's my first language; but very possible in a wish grant-and-corruption), French or even both. Or I could have been trapped in an increasingly nationalistic Japan, India or China (although the latter seems improbable, since I'm ethnically half-Chinese). Japan (with all due respect to Japanese folks here, who in my opinion are great) would have been particularly fun.

Back to Max' wish:

Granted. The machine allows your spacial-temporal being to travel in spacetime freely. The problem is... how do you get to return to the exact original position? You were attached to your previous "present" (or whatever that means) by the rules of space travel in general relativity. Now you have been detached from it and can't return to it. Hell, even the notion of a "present" you can return to doesn't make sense!

By the way, here is an even bigger problem: Rotation. Since relativity makes things hard, we could say for the sake of simplicity that we live in a Newtonian space with linear time (a 4D, with the restriction that we can only travel time linearly). The temporal dimension of your space-temporal being could rotate and become a part of the spatial dimension of you, and vice versa. I don't want to know how the deformation of spacetime due to gravity actually makes this worse, I'm not a friggin' mathematician.

I wish I could come up with simpler ways to corrupt wishes. (Hey, dude! Corrupt my wishes, not my brain!)
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Under A Pale Grey Sky
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Under A Pale Grey Sky » Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:48 pm UTC

Oh, you can corrupt wishes simply alright. All you can say is "corrupted" when someone wishes for something.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Random832 » Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:54 pm UTC

Granted. Specifically, it kicks your ass.

I wish there were more original ideas on this thread.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:21 pm UTC

Granted. A half-velociraptor half-snake (?) will fly to your place (??) and stick its finger in your ass (???).

I wish you corrupted this wish. If you corrupt it, it will be not corrupted; and vice versa. Liar's paradox for the win, biatches!! (Yes, two exclamation marks, like T-Rex from Dinosaur Comics!!)
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby thicknavyrain » Thu Nov 19, 2009 10:30 pm UTC

Your wish is granted, I begin to corrupt,
As I begin to speak you immediately interrupt
"Ah, but you cannot corrupt because,
If you corrupt you'll grant what the wish originally was!"
So your corruption is you can no longer feel the glee,
Of creating a paradox and besting me,
And you'll say out loud that you feel okay,
But inside your happiness begins to decay,
Until there is not an iota of elation
From creating paradoxical situations,
And life becomes empty and meaningless for you,
And everyone you love starts to feel it too.[1]

I wish I could win this year's fancy dance competition,
For 3 years now that's been my mission.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby MildCore » Thu Nov 19, 2009 10:43 pm UTC

Granted. You will carry the title "Fancy Dance Champion" everywhere you go, forsaking your birth name. You will die lonely, I assure you.

I wish that nothing terrible would ever happen to me.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby EduardoLeon » Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:05 am UTC

Granted. You will become a stone without noticing it, and nothing will be terrible for you from now on, since nothing can be terrible for a stone, for it doesn't live.

I wish I hadn't eaten that much.
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein!

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Charlielechat
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Charlielechat » Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:05 am UTC

Granted.
You ate more.

I wish for my friend to stop being so homophobic

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e^iπ+1=0
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:34 am UTC

Granted, now they're heterophobic.

I wish for the number 7.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby .cheeseofdoom. » Sat Nov 21, 2009 2:50 am UTC

Granted. That's the only number you'll ever have of anything, ever.

I wish that I had a donut.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Roĝer » Sat Nov 21, 2009 3:50 pm UTC

Granted, a bunch of teenagers steal your car, burn a donut in your lawn (if you don't have a lawn, in your living room) and drive away, vehicle killing your parents in front of your eyes. The car is later found back burning and because no one believes your story you are held responsible for all damage. You are sentenced to death for a double homicide. After years of prison rape your execution by electric chair fails and you suffer horrible pains. You are crippled and die from your injuries months later.

I wish for two donuts.
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