Rap Battle Thread!

[Vohu Manah]

Good try Toker Mac,
But there's something you just lack,
You're just missing the knack,
Damn, I need some more crack.
There aren't any commas,
No insults to your mommas,
Need to work on your prepositions,
Trying to change my dispositions,
Yeah I just insulted your grammar,
Throw you in the sentence slammer.
'Cause B Ditty's here and he's here to stay,
I was born in the month of May,
It doesn't matter 'cause I don't care;
Some just say I'm laissez-faire.

Economics and grammar in the same sentence.

[FCN]

Grandmaster Function is joining the tussle
Against folks who bite their style from the Super Bowl Shuffle.
I step in the ring while you say goodbye,
MC Rain (or is it Samurai?).
To introduce myself, I'll keep it simple:
I spit rhymes so sharp that they pierce your temple.
So if any of you hacks
Want proof you're wack
Then bring your attack
And I'll flip it back
With such intricate smack
That I'll leave you thinking that my hat was black.

[neoliminal]

You've stepped in the shit
rookies to the side
cuz I'm hard when I hit
don't let a fool slide

it's criminal how subliminal
the message from neoliminal
get's into your brain
like you just lost the game

you say you're on a boat
but you're just a refugee
lost all your hope
to find a land that is free

'round your neck is a note
"Please look after this bear"
but you look like a goat
with nappy ass hair.

[Plasma Man]

If I'm a goat
It's you I'll eat
I'll chew you up
When you drop the beat.
You know I don't care, I'm an animal
An' I hang out with Felltir - antelopes are cool.

[felltir]

Thank you Plasma, I must say,
My tribute to you I pay today,
your beat is fly, your hats are cool,
with them on your head you're too epic for school,
I reckon that Plasma man's the best guy here,
except my man CueBall, I fear.

[FCN]

You're just a billy goat, I'm the greatest of all time.
You spit a silly flow, I spit like I've got spine.
You run with an antelope, but you've reached a stop sign.
Now I'll cut you down with my ratatat lines
My mad phat rhymes
My black hat crimes
Send you back to the Midlands in a crate of limes.

[neoliminal]

F-C-N, you had your chance
but like a baby you wet your pants
I don't know my own power when I'z start my rants
but the crowd keeps me going with their hard boyz chants

that black hat lacks credibility
your head's too small to harness it's ability
like the HLC, you're lacking in stability
and all the girlz in the house know about your civility.

So put down the mic and hide your face
your words are so bad you make rap a disgrace
the spaghetti monster asked me to put you in your place
and he lent me a rocket to get you lost in space

[FCN]

My thoughts crash together with high-energy collisions
They approach the speed of light and combine with precision
Unleash forces so strong that they'll rule you like the crown did,
Forces so strong they'll have your spaghetti monster grounded.

But you're right, neo, my mind's unstable, it's twisted
It could blow up at any moment and end your existence.
I own a black cat and have a black soul
And my black hat could collapse into a black hole.

My flow is liquid
Emitted from this sick head.
It fills your ears, your brain, your mouth
Fills you with fears, with shame, with doubt
Leaves you coughing and wheezing
It'll put you in a coffin if you give me a reason.

Then I'll take your corpse and inject it
With cryoprotectant
Have you frozen
So they can hear wack rap in twenty four ten.

[neoliminal]

You think you can scare me with the darkness you spread
like hot tar smelling up the highway of thought
but the truth is, brotha, that it's all in your head,
a pot hole you smokin' is all that you got.

put down the mic cuz you just a fake
you working late shift at burger king
knowing you can't rap is more than you can take
from your BK Crown to your onion ring

Your flow is liquid brown
and we know from what hole
take the bus outta town
and leave that hat that you stole.

[FCN]

I'm like La Brea, you can struggle and toil
But you can't escape this - you'll drown or boil
Or else I'll slice you up like a disgruntled mohel
Because my black flow is straight gold like oil.

I could get as high as I like
You still can't take me
Cause I'm fly as a kite
With fresh rhymes like a bakery.

I am an asshole, but at least I have class
I spit shit on the mic, while you just pass gas
My epic word flow, call it logorrhea
Verse your tepid nerd flow, better turn the heat up
It's barely flowing, your rhythm's stagnant
You repulse the crowd like a same-sex magnet.

[boring bore]

Oh crap—What's this thread gotten to?
You call your posts rap, but that ain't even slightly true
MC Camouflage wanted real smack,
But y'all's lame-a** rhymes hardly resemble an attack
It may start up a fight, but I gotta drop this in,
If y'all are rappers here, then let rapping be a sin
And yo, it seems that GM Function doesn't know what to say
Just gives crap like "I got black, 'k I'll be on my way"
Now if this thread is gonna have any value at all,
You'll watch The Notorious B.O.R.E. step out from the hall.

[FCN]

Bore enters the thread spitting asterisks
You'd be better off practicing rap abstinence.
You can clad yourself in vestal white
Cause rapping ain't a sin unless you're doing it right.

You think you have the wild style but you sound like a tame one
If you want to step to me you need to step up your game, son.
Reach deep down and find something darker
Cause your rhymes sound like they were written in magic marker.

[boring bore]

You tell me to get dark, but I'm no goth,
I don't got the zombie instincts that'll make me froth
And if you wanna cast some black magic, go ahead,
But I doubt that you'll be any cooler with the dead
So I'm sorry if you feel I'm not offensive enough,
But at least I'm not havin' to fake and bluff
'Cause we all know that Functional is no way to play,
When you're tryin' to be cool and knock me 'cause I pray
Boy I don't know if you see and it may hurt to check,
But I think you'll find your rhymes are just a big, burning wreck.

[Kat.Petronia]

Oh my lord would you look at this shizzy?!
K-Pizzle in the forums and she straight gettin' busy!

[Plasma Man]

Busy? No way. That's just two lines.
There's no hard work going on in your mind.
If you think we'll respect that, then you're insane
'Cause me and the Bore are gonna eat your brains!

[boring bore]

Like I said, Toker Mac, I ain't no zombie,
But I'll true dat: K, if you from Abercrombie
Then GET OUT of this hizz, you as welcome as s**t,
Last thing we need here is f***in' dumba** clit
New rappers comin' in won't have a chance
Unless they prove that they got skill—you've 'ready wet yo pants
I'd tell you to go cryin' home complainin' to yo momma
But she's too busy hittin' town, givin' drunks a panorama.

[Plasma Man]

You don't have to be a zombie some brains
Cannibal style, that's how I'm playin'
The Bore can rule when it comes to dissin'
Keep this thread real, that is the mission

[FCN]

When Plasma raps
It sounds like he's having an asthma attack
If anyone doubts that he's wack
Then his style must be an acquired taste
Cannibal, man? You're more like vampire bait
When they catch ya, I'm sure you'll get along great
They'll suck you, you'll suck too
Then you'll hold each other tight
Sparkling in the sunlight
Even purple dinos'll say
That it seems kinda gay.

You team up on K-Pizzle
And drop flows like a drizzle
With no steak and no sizzle
Do you just lack the skizzill
To do more than fizzle?

[Plasma Man]

There's more to rap
Than alliteration
You gotta have rhythm
For a reputation
You fail with that
There's no-one dumber
Well, yeah, there is
But it's your momma

If you try to diss me
You've got to get my name
I'm Toker Mac, you fool
You're gonna suffer pain

Now you better listen
And listen good
I'll bust a cap
If you come in my hood

There's no-one better
With a quick comeback
Than me, the gangsta
Toker Mac

[FCN]

Poor Toker Mac
Believed his own rap
His head got too big
And he busted his cap.

This Toke Mac, he talks smack,
Desperate like he smokes crack,
Fiending for a rep
It's too bad this bloke's wack.

Acting hard, like you packin' a Mac-10
Prowling the streets of Northampton.
I don't have a gun, don't need no knife
But step to me - you'll fear for your life

I just pack heat
Into this fly flow
That disarms you
Like the Venus de Milo

I spit shit, the mic turns molten
You just suck on the mic, and leave it soakin'.

You can't prepare for the force of my rhyme
I could be dumb as a rock, I'd still rip you in mime.

[Vohu Manah]

You can do better Function,
Got no style,
never walked a mile,
all you do is walk to a luncheon.

Spend your day in the rat race,
never at the right pace,
only heat you got is mace,
carry a band-aid just in case.

When B-ditty arrives he carries Glocks,
All you have are socks,
maybe throw some rocks,
But then you'll just scream--

Cockroaches all on the floor,
when you try to leave the front door,
people just say you abhor,
Others will just shake you to the core.

[FCN]

Some folks abhor me, some adore me,
But when Ditty rhymes, they just ignore B.

You're bragging about glocks, thinking you're so hot --
Well I'll rock you and sock you like a fucking robot,
Knock you out so fast, they'll think that you were in the tank,
But maybe you really are -- you know you're only firing blanks.

You front like you're bringing hardcore grime
When all you got are dollar store rhymes
From the discount bin, eight bars a buck fitty.
Your skills? They're all in your head like Walt Mitty.
You've got the opposite of game, it's like you flee titties.
My rap's the main attraction, while you're crooning B ditties.

[Vohu Manah]

Go ahead, sit and toil,
So while you simmer and boil,
Looking like soil combined with Susan Boyle,
Your brain is derived from tinfoil while mine is royal.

Say my lines and timely rhymes are too generic,
Yet your future rests on openings on an oil derrick.
Mine are polished, prime, and perfected,
Yours the result of brain cells that aren't connected.

So please, take this into consideration and get a new vocation,
While you're rumbling through your elations and ruminations,
Think about it; change your location away from a psycho nation.

[Brouhaha]

It was so great to hear from the hip-hop bourgeois
You made noise, but it's time for the real Brouhaha
Fresh rhymes and new beats: yeah, that's my guarantee
Keep my nunchucks in my backpack so the po po don't see

When the mic's in my hand, fool, the room comes alive
Man, you guys should have waited for me to arrive
Now I'm late, but I'm here, and I'm hotter than lava
Just sit back and watch as I school you in Java

import java.rhymes.*;
import java.beats.*;
//You think you can mess
//With my programming feats?

public static void main(double[] GM Function) {

//Trick, I'll shoot you down without a bit of compunction

public boolean yourRhymesJustFailed = true;

//Now hold on B-ditty, 'cause I'm hittin' you too

while (youKeepStandingUpAndContinueToFight) {

Me.LaughAtYourSpits();
Me.KeepYouInFright();

}

try {
//to stand up against me? You don't stand a chance
//You'll fall like the rest as my armies advance
} catch() {
//the mud that you're slinging, and throw it right back
//Man, I'll stand up against any verbal attack
}

}

[FCN]

Alright, B-ditty, you want another ass kicking?
(You're next, Brouhaha, the clock is ticking.)

I'm tight as a coil, spit like a gargoyle,
You shrink from the pressure like you follow Boyle.
When I'm under pressure
I just bring more heat,
Flow over a hot beat
Until your mind is blown,
Like MC Escher
Rhymin' on a Shepard tone.

You can polish your rhymes until they glisten,
But that throne of yours is the pot you piss in,
And you don't know the first thing 'bout dissin':
If you ain't saying shit no one wants to listen.

I belong with the psychos,
With tantrums like a tyke throws;
Delve into my brain - you see my mind's uncanny,
I wouldn't touch your mom but I fucked your granny.

[SiriusBeatz]

Check it.

They call me Sirius, and y'all must be delirious
To seriously think that you can hear me with your weariness.
My rhymes are straight deleterious, and you're so wack
It's like you stepped out the Age of A-Queer-ius.

Yes, I am so lyrical; my flow is straight empirical.
Dropping science on you clowns is straight satirical.
When I provide this insight into misguided
Attempts to take me down, man, you know that I just schooled you clowns.

I got my degree in Hater Education.
Change the station; tune into your verbal elimination.
Disintegrating all these wack cats with class acts
Of lyrical improvisation and verbal innovation.

So quit rapping, kid, just give up the mic,
You're just no match, your syntax is too uptight
And I cut loose when I flow, it's uncontrollable
You know I ride the beat like a mother loving rodeo.

[boring bore]

Sirius, li'l boy, you might want to get outta here
You don't want to stand around just tremblin' in yo' s**tpantsfear
You can leave right now, we'll act real nice
'Cause we don't want to see no wannabes start whinin' fo' some ice
If you try to be a G you'll just get yo' hands all bloody
And from what you've shown us, you would cry if you got muddy
Your rap is all messed up, filled with crap that don't make sense
What's the matter with you? Did you jump and land a fence?
You got no rhythm, you got no rhyme
You use the same d**n words all the time
If you hope to ever rise and make it to the top
Then don't—it'd be better for you to give it up and stop.

[SiriusBeatz]

Calling me a wannabe? Trick, you ain't got spit on me.
Flow's so immature, man, you're nothing but a kid to me.
Honestly, ain't hard to see you're lyrically in poverty.
This economy of sick rhymes is my monopoly.

I don't have to try to be a G; it comes so naturally
'Cause actually, my superiority is factually
Proven. And you know my words will get you groovin'.
So sit back, and shut up, kid, 'cause here's my movement.

I won't hesitate to eliminate
Player hatin' instigators with a mic and an 808
Devastate the competition, smoke 'em from the starting gate
Bass booms like an earthquake - straight Richter 8.

You think I'm lacking rhythm? I think you're lacking brain.
If you can't count to 4, hip hop just ain't your game
Boring Bore, living up to his name
Can't touch this MC spitting white hot flames

Punk.

[GreenwichMeanRhyme]

The name's GMR, and to be honest so far
the name SiriusBeatz ain't even on my radar.
To my disappointment the constellation sensation
is like one of those boy bands, touring 'round the nation
and by that I mean cheesy, commerical and cheap
like whatever Black Eyed Peas single of the week.

Monopoly? Don't lie to me, you're crashing the economy
a hit and run like GMC for your straight hip-hop sodomy
I'm like the antidote to MTV, a cure for mediocrity
and when you go and train some more then maybe you can rock with me.

Some artists dabble in oil but I work with my phrases.
Go ahead, spit flames, let's see if it even phases me.
Like Monet and Manet, my style's impressionist.
And when my bass rocks if you're lucky, I'll leave some ground to kiss.

[SiriusBeatz]

Greenwich Mean Rhyme, stepping on the scene like
He's my equal 'cause he spits in his free time
While I spit lines that split time and hit minds
Like trip mines. Yeah, trick, you know I've got to get mine.

Although it's nice to see an MC try to fight with me,
He's bitin' me. Then he tries inviting me to rock upon the mic
Which he can't quite manage when the time's right,
Leaving me to shine so bright in the limelight.

Callin' me a GMC, I'm built Ford tough
Even-up-the-score tough, make-you-kiss-the-floor tough
So rough, have-you-crying-Uncle-when-you've-had-enough
Slap-you-in-the-face-knock-you-out-to-outer-space tough.

Out to outer space to the place where I demonstrate
The lyrically superior realm where I originate
Hip hop is my domain, this is my home
And I know I'll send you back crying to your time zone.

[GreenwichMeanRhyme]

Call me trick again, 'cause I'm a performer
a real magician artisan fire-stormin' this forum
friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears
cause I've got the beat that resonates for years.

Centuries and eons fallin' throughout the ages,
these peons are getting rocked straight Cretacious.
Jurassic, it's classic what I do with a mic
bringing some Technicolor up in your limelight.

You demonstrate, but too late, this is my Final Frontier
blasting through the starscape while you bring up the rear.
Incandescence, luminescence, I glow on my own,
and when my success is all around me you'll be cryin' alone.

[GreenwichMeanRhyme]

Call me trick again, 'cause I'm a performer
a real magician artisan fire-stormin' this forum
friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears
cause I've got the beat that resonates for years.

Centuries and eons fallin' throughout the ages,
these peons are getting rocked straight Cretacious.
Jurassic, it's classic what I do with a mic
bringing some Technicolor up in your limelight.

You demonstrate, but too late, this is my Final Frontier
blasting through the starscape while you bring up the rear.
Incandescence, luminescence, I glow on my own,
and when my success is all around me you'll be cryin' alone.

[Vohu Manah]

Famous last words; blasting through the final frontier,
Drunk on beer, nothing to fear 'cept all of your peers,
When I go down I sizzle dizzle dizzle, you just sear,
No one will shed a tear cause it's your last year.

Your words don't rhyme; mic and light, ic and ite
Just cite and get out of sight tonight, alright,
I'm composed of gold, 24 carat, your just pyrite
Sure that's a tongue twister, you just missed her,
When you arrive they wait for shipments of Lister.

We can do it in Geology terms,
With biology and germs,
I'm an immature river, fast and furious,
you are mature, serious, slow and curious

[GrantSolar]

B-Ditty, who you think your trickin'?
Wanna play with the big guns? You must be trippin'!
Anything you can do, I can do better,
Gettin' socks for christmas? I'm gettin' a sweater

Okay, so I'm here without my motley crew
(Of which the members are growing in powers of 2)
My name's GrantSolar, I'm going GrantSolo
I'll still kick your ass, I know and you know

I'mma wrap things up, I've got to run
Not wussin' out; It's 'cos my tea is done
I'll be right back, after my eats
Just don't mess with me. You ain't that 1337.

[Asmodieus]

A-mod, up in here coming to tear this shit up.
Demon of lust, I drink from the dark lords cup.
You best not trifle with me
Or I'll have your soul as a fee.

Trolling is the buisness and the name of the game.
It is to what I owe my forum-wide fame.
Come crashing drunk into a thread.
Throw some non-sequitors and leave it dead.

Who did you think you were dealing with?
I'm a master wordsmith.
Did you think you could win?
And with that it is the fin.

[thecamoninja]

You think you're hot shit
Tone it down a little bit
You're just a small child
Watch the big boys go wild!

You know what they say, right?
A-mods can't win a fight
Reputations precede
Time now to make you bleed!

[Asmodieus]

Just like John McClane,
I'll make you feel real pain.

I'll kill all your dudes and throw you down a buildin*.
Yipee kay yay mother fucker, glad we've been minglin'*.

Cuz now you're dead and I stand victorious.
Drive away into the distance, oh so glorious.


This is so damn fun.
Edit, for the willful ignorance.

[thecamoninja]

Building and mingling don't rhyme, ya asshat
Learn to rap for real, ya can't flow like that
And if you wanna fight me, let me tell ya this
I'll give you 'bout five seconds of undisturbed bliss

Then, like a bullet, whoosh bang, mother fucker
You'll be at my feet, so your lips better pucker
I'm so goddamn fast you won't know what hit you
But you'll be near dead, and this day you'll fuckin' rue

[Asmodieus]

You're closed minded in regards to my rhyme,
and I do say, I respectfully disagree
with the rest of your statement, you're just wasting your time
challenging me, from the rest of your body I'll set your limbs free.

With the swish of my blade
I'll make your blood spill
You're going to wish you'd never been made.
I'm ill...
with delight
You didnt even put up a fight

I'll mail your pieces to your family
distraught they will be
to find what was made of their son
he should have thought twice before messing with this de-mon.

[thecamoninja]

Ha! Don't make me laugh
You claim you can cut me in half?
Not by a longshot, not really at all
In a fluid motion I dodge, punch, and make you fall

Then I can sell your body out to be whored
Or perhaps you'd prefer to be carved by your sword?
Maybe a curb stop would be for the best
I would crush your skull at my own behest