xkcd

by **Max2009** » Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:43 pm UTC

Ocean wrote:I wish for slimy things! =)

Granted. And you have to eat them.
Re laptop with Vista: I had a laptop with Vista, and I promptly formatted the hard drive and installed Linux.

I wish people would use the quotes properly.

by **chridd** » Sun Nov 22, 2009 9:45 am UTC

...
Max2009 wrote:"'\"I wish people would misuse the quotes properly\"'."
...

Granted.

I wish that smiley would stop laughing at me. :lol:

by **Max2009** » Sun Nov 22, 2009 4:19 pm UTC

chridd wrote:I wish that doll would stop laughing at me.

Granted. Now he's grinning maniacally.

Spoiler:

I wish I had telekineses.

by **boring bore** » Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:01 am UTC

Max2009 wrote:I wish I had Pelican Cheez-its.

...Uh, granted.

=too bad I don't have and don't know how to use photoshop.

I wish for a bunch of awesomeness.

by **Max2009** » Tue Nov 24, 2009 3:29 pm UTC

boring bore wrote:I wish for a hunch of awesomeness.

Granted. You get his.

Spoiler:

I wish for a coffee machine.

by **boring bore** » Sat Nov 28, 2009 10:54 pm UTC

Max2009 wrote:I wish for a lofty rat spleen.

Here. I think I'll let you pick it out yourself...(warning: huge, slightly disgusting image)

Spoiler:

I wish for a less destructive wristwatch than I currently am wearing.

by **Hale** » Sat Nov 28, 2009 11:51 pm UTC

boring bore wrote:I wish for a more destructive warship than I currently am worshiping.

Why you want that, I don't know, but sure.

I wish for another day off.

by **eaglef2** » Sun Nov 29, 2009 12:16 am UTC

Hale wrote:
boring bore wrote:I wish for a more destructive warship than I currently am worshiping.

Why you want that, I don't know, but sure.

I wish for a dead badger.

granted, you get a quote chain

I wish for a quote chain

by **chridd** » Sun Nov 29, 2009 4:16 am UTC

[quote=eaglef2]I wish for a quote chains to be banned.[/quote]
Granted. They enact this ban by disabling the quote feature, and now no one can quote anyone.

I wish my web browser were a bit less slow.

by **Max2009** » Sun Nov 29, 2009 9:13 am UTC

chridd wrote:I wish my web browser were a bit more yellow.

Granted. A yellow theme is installed in your browser, but it's one of those sickly, puke colored yellows. Unfortunately you cannot change this. Ever.

I wish for a fresh cup of coffee.

by **Vohu Manah** » Mon Dec 07, 2009 5:02 am UTC

Max2009 wrote:I wish for a Marrakech lump of poppy.

Granted; a guy from Morocco brings you some poppies. Two weeks later, the DEA arrests you for trying to grow heroin.

I wish for a hot cup of espresso and a copy of Windows 7.

by **chridd** » Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:08 am UTC

Vohu Manah wrote:I wish for an overused expression and a copy of Windows 7.

Granted. At least it's better than Vista.

I wish I had a cat.

by **Max2009** » Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:34 am UTC

chridd wrote:I wish I had a bat.

Granted. And it brings all of its relatives and they set up a permanent residence in your belfry.

I wish for a new laptop.

by **Loke** » Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:07 pm UTC

Max2009 wrote:I wish to know to lapdance.

Granted, you must now practise with fat greasy creepos at some indecent strip-club in Mexico =D

I wish I was a raptor and could eat all my teachers.

by **boring bore** » Tue Dec 08, 2009 1:19 am UTC

Loke wrote:I wish I were on a rap tour and could defeat all my haters.

Granted. You now have to talk bad and take steroids to live up to your hype. Being intelligent (I assume), you realize that your life has gone too far downhill and eventually commit suicide.

I wish for some colored pens.

by **FCN** » Tue Dec 08, 2009 6:27 am UTC

boring bore wrote:I wish for some collard greens.

Granted, you are served a plate of greens, but they are overcooked and oversalted, and you must finish them so as not to insult the cook.

I wish that Saturdays came on Tuesdays, and that Tuesdays only happened every other week, but twice in a row.

by **guyy** » Tue Dec 08, 2009 7:58 am UTC

FCN wrote:I wish that sunny days came on toads' birthdays, and that toads happened to be twice as weak during a row.

Granted; toads now end up in fights on their birthdays because the sun comes out, which they hate. And they all get injuries because they're extra-weak. Jerk.

I wish for all bombs to be suddenly replaced by candy.

by **Phrozt** » Tue Dec 08, 2009 6:29 pm UTC

guyy wrote:I wish for all boobs to be suddenly replaced by Carrot Top.

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!@??!@? NOOOOOO!! DENIED!!!

I wish for peas on my hearth and good illnesses towards whores.

by **boring bore** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 6:31 am UTC

Phrozt wrote:I wish for cheese in my heart and STDs galore.

Granted. You die from the cholesterol of the cheese and from the shame and pain the STDs bring you.

I wish I had a better memory, as well as fingers that are more adroit than mine are.

by **chridd** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:00 am UTC

boring bore wrote:I wish I had a bitter memory, as well as fingers that are more jointed than mine are.

Granted. You now have a strong urge to use those double-jointed fingers to hurt the subject of your bitter memory.

I wish it were warmer outside.

by **Max2009** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:51 am UTC

chridd wrote:I wish it there were a farmer outside.

Granted. And he's chucking things at your window because you stomped through his corn field.

I wish I was telekinetic.

by **Loke** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 2:45 pm UTC

Max2009 wrote:I wish I was a spaghetti

Granted. You can also speak italian. Not that bad if it weren't for the plumber about to eat ya =D

I wish more wishes.

by **Vohu Manah** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 5:15 am UTC

Loke wrote:I wish albacore dishes.

Granted; Every meal you eat from now on must contain tuna.

I wish that everything I say becomes grandiloquent.

by **Max2009** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 8:39 am UTC

Vohu Manah wrote:I wish that everything I pay becomes exorbitant.

Granted. You go bankrupt fairly quickly.

I wish I would do my assignments before the last minute.

by **Under A Pale Grey Sky** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:06 pm UTC

Max2009 wrote:
Vohu Manah wrote:I wish that everything I pay becomes exorbitant.

Granted. You go bankrupt fairly quickly.

I wish I would do my assignments before the last minute ever.

Granted, you leave your assignments 'til the last minute of the universe's life, but by then, you've already failed everything, long ago died, and don't really care anymore.

I wish the Question of Life, The Universe and Everything made more sense.

by **kaimason1** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 8:05 pm UTC

Under A Pale Grey Sky wrote:I wish the Question of Life, The Universe and Everything made more cents.

Granted; Everyone has just bought a copy of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I wish I didn't have to do homework.

by **Loke** » Fri Dec 11, 2009 1:58 pm UTC

kaimason1 wrote:I wish this was Ankh Morpork.

Granted. You get lost in the shades at night and they find your corpse ~~floating~~ standing on the ankh river.

I wish for more quiet weeks like this!

by **Vohu Manah** » Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:45 am UTC

Loke wrote:I wish for more quiet leeks that diss!

Granted; a bunch of leeks will come into your house a 3 a.m. and start rapping.
"Yo, we just came from your fridge,
it terrible, should adopt the Beveridge,
your as economically successful as Coolidge,
On the stain of life you're just a smidge,
last night we saw you trying to binge,"
be more like us leeks or we'll have to singe."

I wish that I could rhyme all the time and make it sublime without a climb or a dime.

by **Max2009** » Mon Dec 14, 2009 12:19 pm UTC

Vohu Manah wrote:I wish that I could whine all the time and make it supine without a fine or a mime.

Granted. Eventually the mime gets fed up with your supine whining and throws you out. You end up drunk, in the gutter and picked up by the cops. You try to explain the curios course of events that led up to this and end up confusing them even more. They throw you out (without fining you) but you are now broke and homeless and have nowhere to go.

I wish I could fly.

by **boring bore** » Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:29 pm UTC

Max2009 wrote:I wish pIe could fry.

Granted, a fried pie is requested for you, but is phrased as a Crab Lantern, which is taken literally. Choose one:

or

which I guess is supposed to be a Jack-O-Lantern Crab. Click for bigger picture.

I wish for truth.

by **Vohu Manah** » Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:33 am UTC

boring bore wrote:I wish poor vermouth.

Granted; you get a bottle of wine made from dishwater and turmeric.

I wish for a Filet Mignon au poivre with bananas foster for dessert.

by **chridd** » Tue Dec 22, 2009 3:58 am UTC

Vohu Manah wrote:
boring bore wrote:I wish poor vermouth.

Granted; you get a bottle of wine made from dishwater and turmeric.

I wish for a minion of waffles with a banana's deserted foster child.

Granted. However, they have been sitting around in the open since the last post in this thread and have probably gone bad by now.

I wish the smilies didn't look so weird. :cry:

by **Vohu Manah** » Tue Dec 22, 2009 6:05 am UTC

chridd wrote:I wish the Riley's didn't have a beard.

Granted. Every family with the name of Riley inherits a genetic disorder that prevents hair growth.

I wish the sequel for Avatar came out tomorrow.

by **chridd** » Tue Dec 22, 2009 6:27 am UTC

Vohu Manah wrote:I wish the avatars worked tomorrow.

Granted. However, everyone now has to re-upload their avatars, and some posts were deleted.

I wish it would snow here.

by **Max2009** » Tue Dec 22, 2009 2:52 pm UTC

chridd wrote:I wish bits were slow here.

Granted. You now live your life at 8Kb/s.

I wish upon a star.

by **Loke** » Tue Dec 22, 2009 10:52 pm UTC

Max2009 wrote:I wish there was a fire.

There is one now. Your pants are now on fire.

I wish for a penguin.

by **Phrozt** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 5:06 pm UTC

Loke wrote:I wish for a batman.

Granted!! You should wish for a penguin too, so they can have battles!

I wish people would use this thread instead of the corrupt a wish thread :/. I like this one better.

by **Internetmeme** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 5:11 pm UTC

Phrozt wrote:I wish people would use the corrupt a wish thread instead of this thread :/. I like the other one better.

Granted. This thread dies, and Belial turns the corrupt-a-wish thread into a "Post here and get banned" thread. You post, and are banned.

I wish for some candy.

by **Phrozt** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 5:16 pm UTC

Internetmeme wrote:I wish for a carney.

Granted. Some toothless skank rocks your world and you now have STDs that aren't even medically classified yet.

I wish for to put it in the butt of Taylor Swift.

by **Crazyjosh** » Sun Jan 03, 2010 4:03 pm UTC

Phrozt wrote:I wish for my foot to be in Doug Naylor's S***.

granted, your foot now stinks of poo from a creator of Red Dwarf, good on you

I Wish for three half buckets of pens, two half filled holes and a noodle incident.

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