ITT: We make lame threads.

[Internetmeme]

You do that and I'll unscrew all of the lightbulbs in your kitchen and hide them in your cabinets!

[Max2009]

I will unscrew all of the screws from your cabinets and put them in your fridge.

[Internetmeme]

I will sell your old fridge for scrap, buy a brand new fridge exactly like the old one, and put all your food back in.

[Roĝer]

Then I will make you watch all Die Hard movies, without sound.

[Brouhaha]

I will use Audacity to edit all of your songs so that they are slightly higher-pitched.

[Asmodieus]

I'm going to drink cold soda on your table. Without a coaster.

[Brouhaha]

I'm going to go through your phone's contacts and change all of the L's in your Asian friends' names to R's.

[Max2009]

I will remove the insoles from your shoes, making walking uncomfortable.

[boring bore]

I will waste a few seconds of your time by presenting a different pair of shoes as my own to confuse you.

[FCN]

I will take the laces from your shoes and replace them with shorter ones - short enough to make them somewhat difficult to tie, but not so short that you would replace them right away.

[King of Frogs]

In my now uncomfortable shoes, I will stomp around your house making a really big racket and annoying your neighbors.

[shalbamo]

I will stare at you unblinkingly for hours until you get very uncomfortable and start to wonder how I got in your house.

[boring bore]

I will make a sudden noise, causing you to blink and ruin your threat.

[mieulium]

I will suddenly point a memory eraser gun at you while in the midst of making the loud noise, which would leave you uncomfortable and awkward, wondering how you got there in the first place.

[Vohu Manah]

I will steal one sock from your wardrobe, forcing you to spend several minutes wondering where it went to, followed by a quick thought on all of the secret activities socks due when they're rogue.

[SlyReaper]

I'm going to sneak a single red sock into your whites laundry.

[Max2009]

I will score your desktop with random scratches in random directions, so that when writing on paper it gets annoying and difficult to make straight lines.

[boring bore]

I will use your eraser to erase a mistake on my paper. Because you know that's rubber you'll never get back.

[King of Frogs]

I will sing your favourite songs at you. Did I mention I am not a very good singer?

[e^iπ+1=0]

Worse yet, I'll get the Jonas Brothers to do covers of all your favorite songs.

[boring bore]

I will suddenly become obsessed with a piece of classical music such as Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet (which I am currently learning) (one part, NOT the full score), making it extremely difficult if not impossible to sing!

Uh, scratch that. I will get ninja'd and cause confusion amongst readers of this post!

[King of Frogs]

I will ignore the post that ninja'd you, thus removing the sting from your second threat!

[Brooklynxman]

I will post embarrassing pictures of you on the internet, all of which are impossible to identify as you.

[Max2009]

I sit next to you on the bus and quote an entire movie by heart (I'll let you choose which).

[SlyReaper]

I will choose "The Burning of the Red Lotus Temple" (Huo shao hong lian si). It's 27 hours long. It also happens to be a silent film.

[CueBall]

I will turn on the subtitles the next time you watch it! You won't notice till later.

[mieulium]

Hah! I will do even better, scratching the cd/ruining the tape that the film was on.

[Max2009]

I will file down the gear heads in your VCR so it eats your tapes.

[CueBall]

I will demagnetise all your tapes.

[Max2009]

I will magnetize your jewelry (rings, watch etc'). Be careful next time you pick up your laptop.

[ttnarg]

I will magnetize your jewelry (rings, watch etc'). Be careful next time you pick up your laptop.

if you do that I'll have to make a de-magnetizer to un do it and if I have to make one I'll use it on your frige magnets

[snowolf]

I will stick bubblegum underneath all your chairs.

[Brouhaha]

I'll tie you to a chair and force you to listen to this on an infinite loop.

[thicknavyrain]

I will permanently fix your webcam lens to be ever so slightly but noticably unfocused.

[Oh sweet Murphy, why did they add a lyrics page? That's not a lame threat, that's a very effective threat]

[shalbamo]

I will make annoying remixes of all your youtube videos featuring lazy dissolves and busta-rhymes songs.

[I followed that link. Nearly catapulted out of my chair ]

[Max2009]

I will link you to the original songs for all of those.

[Internetmeme]

I will make links that do not work.

Oh, and by the way: I found this cool site that grants wishes!
Link

[Yarn]

I will post FiRst1!!1

(oh god, I'm so sorry...)

[boring bore]

I will haughtily point out that you are not first, but 1,677th (in replies).

[Yarn]

I will reply with "Thats what makes it so horrible" and cry, making you feel bad.