Awesome Student Quotes

[hintss]

watch the movie after, then read the restaurant at the end of the universe. the restaurant at the end of the universe is funnier

[Carlington]

Then continue on and read So Long and Thanks for All the Fish; Life, the Universe and Everything; Mostly Harmless; and And Another Thing...

In that order, please and thankyou.

[kaimason1]

I am reading them in that order; I own the 'Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'. Isn't 'And Another Thing' the Eoin Colfer book six? Also, I'm on 'Resteraunt at the end of the universe' now.

[lemurdoom]

Dragging this thread further off topic: I recommend Salmon of Doubt, almost made me cry.

QQ

[Thurid]

In biology class today:

Teacher: You seem like the kind of student that good have fun in any situation.
Bobby: Oh, I am, you drop in a jungle and I'll make me some monkey friends!
Casey: But won't the monkeys attack you?
Bobby: No, cuz if they attack me then I'll sick my gorilla friends on them
Teacher: Okay! Well back to the warm-up....

Later in the same class...
Bobby: I'm gonna buy me a barge, and get a bunch of rocks and then go out into the bay and drop all the rocks in a shallow part and make myself an island!
Teacher: Well you have some interesting ideas....
Bobby: Oh I do! And on my island I'm gonna pour a bunch of sand on it and then get some grass and make a little golf course and get some Iguanas and my monkey friends and a palm tree and a cooler of beer! And then I'll get a bunch of women on my island
Teacher: Oh, I was worried about how you were going to reproduce....since you only had monkeys and iguanas hahaha
Casey: But won't you get bored and have nothing to do after awhile?
Bobby: No cuz if that happens I'll just get some more women haha
*whole class starts laughing*

[hintss]

teacher: you all need to show confidence in your work
me: or competence

[Monika]

The bad thing is that's the way it still works at work, too.

[hintss]

teacher: so are you all sure you'll all get an A on the final?
other student: its a possibly

[Whelan]

Teacher: You've used this equation since the dawn of time, when dinosaurs ruled the Earth
Student: Dinosaurs were significantly after the start of time...
Teacher: Good point, well made.

Teacher: taking the piss out of [student] for having a tiny head.
*Headmaster walks in*
Student:Hello sir!

Student: I'm probably going to drop physics
Teacher: but, you're my favourite
Student: That's it, I'm definately dropping physics.
Teacher: Fine then, your target in physics is to grow a larger head.


Teacher: Say you're a big corporation and you want to make the most money from your enzyme, what do you do?
Student: Patent it!
Teacher: Not quite, you increase it's effectiveness.

Teacher: How do you stop an enzyme denaturing at high temperatures?
Student: Laminate it!
Teacher: Close enough...

[Monika]

Teacher: How do you stop an enzyme denaturing at high temperatures?
Student: Laminate it!
Teacher: Close enough...

That one's good

[kapojinha]

AP Biology - talking about circulatory systems.

Teacher: So.. what doesn't have a circulatory system?
Student1: Echinoderms?
Teacher: Yep!
Student2: Wait.. birds don't have circulatory systems?!

[kernelpanic]

AP Biology - talking about circulatory systems.

Teacher: So.. what doesn't have a circulatory system?
Student1: Echinoderms?
Teacher: Yep!
Student2: Wait.. birds don't have circulatory systems?!

I guess that being in an AP Bio class, he should know, but it isn't a crime to not know what an echinoderm is.

[kapojinha]

I guess that being in an AP Bio class, he should know, but it isn't a crime to not know what an echinoderm is.

I never meant to imply that. It was just funny at the time because he usually doesn't participate in discussions.

[Buddha with a bra on]

From a 'Race, Crime and Criminal Justice' Seminar yesterday discussing stereotypes Afro-Carribean youth culture in Britain:

Lecturer: So, we've got guns, drugs, and women from rap music, but what else could the youth culture get from rap music? Perhaps moreso from older music...
Me: Hammertime?

That's more or less it, I'm fuzzy on the details.

[Slpee]

Ok spoiler alert, both of these are me, but they were suitably hilarious and should be shared:

Last year I was in a US history class, it essentially covered 1877 to present (we had all taken the colonial era to 1877 the previous year)
we were somewhere in the 1960s i think or maybe just finishing the 50s and we had a test on that time period, while we were doing this the teacher was setting up a video for us to watch on the early 60s, namely the Kennedy administration
So there we all were, completely quiet, working away, when out of nowhere the computer that the teacher was setting up decided to turn on its speakers for about 2 seconds while the teacher was getting to right point in the video
video- "...and at 2:00 in the afternoon President Kennedy was shot and killed by a sniper.." (teacher quickly turns it off)
Me(before anyone can even react)- "Spoiler alert!"
*insert hilarity here*

that same year in my algebra II class, a few weeks later
*students all working on whatever worksheet'
teacher- "..and I expect very good grades on tomorrow's test."
me- then you will be sorely disappointed."

[Monika]

me "then you will be sorely disappointed."

Teacher is a hard job

[Ironicism]

In my biotech class class year my teacher decided the easiest way to teach us about the basic shape, construction and general molecules that make up DNA was for everyone to get in groups and build perfectly scale models of DNA (we also had to make a poster-board about important facts or a powerpoint but that not important). Being the genius I am, I decided to make it myself and make it a 1 angstrom = 1 centimeter scale. The model was 10 feet tall and scraped the ceiling. I got to school early and had to store it in another teachers class for like 15 minutes. Here's the conversation I had with my partner while I was trying to move it.
Me: Ok now slowly pick up your end and twist it a little so we can get this thing to safety.
Friend: Ok I got it.
Me: Be careful
Friend: (about 2 seconds later when the hall were crowded and a majority of the people in the hall had no idea what was going on) BRENT YOUR TWISTING IT THE WRONG WAY!!! (sorry aboiut the caps but he really did yell it)

Needless to say we got many strange stairs, and my teacher didn't let that one go for the rest of the day. =/

[Impulse97]

You spelled 'stares' wrong.

[kernelpanic]

Being the genius I am

Shut up. Seriously, stop being a self-important asshole and get the hell out of here.

[joshz]

Being the genius I am

Shut up. Seriously, stop being a self-important asshole and get the hell out of here.

...you do know that was sarcasm, right? Especially considering that it was followed with him making a 10-foot high model that was completely impractical. So just chill on the rage, OK, dude?

[thicknavyrain]

Friend: All right she's about to do it!
Teacher:Ok, so this is how you do 5a...
Friend: DAMN IT
Teacher: Problem Luke?
Friend: No...
Teacher: This is how you do 6a...
Friend: DAMN IT.
Teacher: As for question 7, you do this and then...
Friend: Wait, miss, what part is that you're doing?
Teacher:Part a
All of us: WOOOOO! PAAARTAAAY.

We were REALLY fucking bored.

[yokdvd]

lab student 1: Move your acetone!
lab student 2: Don't use that acetone with me!

[Carlington]

Chemistry Student: "The name is Bond. Ionic Bond."

[JamesMusicus]

Sex Ed Week:
Teacher: so class, what is sex... *2 minutes of awkward silence*
Me: Sex is when you stick the db in the parentheses.

Lunch: "WTF PETER??? THATS NOT WHERE YOU PUT THAT!!!" *room goes silent* and it was about THAT too, he doesn't understand

Band:
A guy stole my new drumstick so i took him down... Im 5-6, hes about 6-6... not sad enough on its own?..then someone shouts: "hes better than the football team" which is sadly true

Piccalo1: Low brass love guys *HUGS*
Clarinet2: Dude... were the fucking WOODWINDS
Euphonium1: STFU dude, every body deserves a...HEY GET OFF ME [Euph2] I'M NOT LIKE THAT!

(after a friend uploaded a virus to the computer that opens and closes the cd drive repeatedly)
Me: Im being molested by a CD drive!!!!

and finally, LATIN:
Teacher: no skylar, you aren't allowed to do that
Sky: but what if the creepy stoner (me) gets high?
Teacher: HES NOT A STONER
ME: I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND!!! IM NOT A TAXI DRIVER!!! (i was asleep)

And last but not least, my signature, it speaks for itself.

*Edit, some friends reminded me of something i left out.

[Monika]

Chemistry Student: "The name is Bond. Ionic Bond."

Sex Ed Week:

Teacher: so class, what is sex...
*2 minutes of awkward silence*
Me: Sex is when you stick the db in the parentheses.

What does db stand for? And will I understand the joke when I know this?

I can't even read the rest of the quotes.

[mmmcannibalism]

What does db stand for? And will I understand the joke when I know this?

also written as qp it looks like a penis.

[lulzfish]

What does db stand for? And will I understand the joke when I know this?

also written as qp it looks like a penis.

Oh.
I usually call that a Eight-Equals-Equals-Equals-Equals-Capital D.
Looks more proportional.

[kapojinha]

AP Biology.

Girl: Aww, that's so sad. Sharks don't have penises.
Me: You don't either.
Two guys: PENIS ENVY!

[hintss]

more of a dumb student quote, but I asked a teacher what a certain paper looked like, she told me to look at a particular person's paper, because that was what he was working on, he sees me and tells me to stop copying his answers.

the teacher point out that his paper was blank.

[hintss]

dumb student quote: my friend (after teacher said AU was Earth's average distance from the Sun): wouldn't the AU change throughout the year?

today:

person: Is that an iPad?!
kid with iPad, sacastically: no, its a giant iPhone
original person: really? Can I make a call on it?

[Rikuchu]

Teacher: You got a 40 on your test.
Student: Did that affect my grade?

[Monika]

Teacher: You got a 40 on your test.
Student: Did that affect my grade?

LOL, did someone really ask that? Is it, like, unusual that the outcome of tests affects grades?

Why do you have a Chinese 9 with an infinity symbol as your avatar, i.e. what does it symbolize?

[kapojinha]

Why do you have a Chinese 9 with an infinity symbol as your avatar, i.e. what does it symbolize?

That's not a nine, it's the character for strength.

[the tree]

Teacher: You got a 40 on your test.
Student: Did that affect my grade?

LOL, did someone really ask that? Is it, like, unusual that the outcome of tests affects grades?

Depending on the course, it can be fairly unusual. Many tests are just there to indicate how you're doing before you come to an exam that's actually weighted.

[Monika]

Why do you have a Chinese 9 with an infinity symbol as your avatar, i.e. what does it symbolize?

That's not a nine, it's the character for strength.

Oh, the little foot goes to the other side.

[mmmcannibalism]

Teacher: You got a 40 on your test.
Student: Did that affect my grade?

LOL, did someone really ask that? Is it, like, unusual that the outcome of tests affects grades?

Why do you have a Chinese 9 with an infinity symbol as your avatar, i.e. what does it symbolize?

It could be possible they only meant did it change the letter, which it may not have if the total number of points was very large in comparison to the value of the test.

[Rikuchu]

Teacher: You got a 40 on your test.
Student: Did that affect my grade?

LOL, did someone really ask that? Is it, like, unusual that the outcome of tests affects grades?

Depending on the course, it can be fairly unusual. Many tests are just there to indicate how you're doing before you come to an exam that's actually weighted.

Well, this is highschool I'm talking about, where tests are pretty much exams (Except midterms or finals). Tests usually consist of 30-50% of the final grade (I think it was 50% for that particular class).

It could be possible they only meant did it change the letter, which it may not have if the total number of points was very large in comparison to the value of the test.

Nah, here in New York, we don't get letter grades in highschool.

And, yeah, my avatar is supposed to symbolize "infinite strength".

[Whelan]

We had a sub with no eyebrows.
Friend: He used to be my teacher at my last school, he didn't have eyebrows then either
Me: I noticed that when I went to hand in my test! I was thinking "Don't mention it, don't mention it"
Friend: Why the hell would you mention it?
Me: I don't even know!

[Secateurs]

Teacher: You know Alcoa, right? One of America's largest producers of aluminium?
Student: What? Al-Qaeda produces aluminium?

[hintss]

On school bus yesterday:
*Me and friend discuss batch files and viruses*
Friend: what if there was a virus that deletes other viruses except for itself?
Me: Norton