Awesome Student Quotes

[DNA]

This wasn't me and it was in an auditorium of like 700 people so it may have already been posted already:

Prof: The three things that Canadians have in common are hockey, a smug sense that the American health care system sucks, and its identity as a peace keeping nation.
Guy: And milk.
Prof: You have to stop bringing up milk, sometimes it fits sometimes it doesn’t.
Girl: That’s what she said.


This guy was a genius

Prof: Angela Davis will be here on Friday to give a talk… Now, does anyone know who Angela Davis is?
Student: Isn’t that the woman who was raped and killed?

[Turtle_]

My friend: Hey can I borrow a pencil.
Me: Sure. (gives him a pencil)
Him: (Snaps it in half, then gives it back) Thanks.

Student: How do you type Roman numerals?

Student: (Says some stuff)
Teacher: I'm sure you would know Quizmaster
Student: Hey, at least you know I didn't cheat

[Meerqat]

One particular person in my history class seems prone to coming up with these kinds of quotes. Some of the highlights:

"Africans don't have emotions!" [He's from Nigeria.]

A later date:
Him: (something about being angry at his brother)
Someone else: "I thought Africans didn't have emotions."
Him: "Anger isn't an emotion; it's a way of life."

"No one cares about women!" [During a debate on Reconstruction strategies, when someone brought up women's rights]

Teacher: "If I had a terrorist organization it would be called 'The Black Hand'."
Student: "Mine would be called 'The Flamingo'."
Teacher: "No one would take you seriously."
Student: "Exactly! Then you could kill everybody!"

"That is the worst noose I have ever seen. It couldn't even hang a squirrel!" [This one was actually in art class, when we had to do some project with a rope and someone decided to tie theirs into a noose.]

Teacher: "I was watching James Bond..."
Student (interrupting): "Mr. Triple Nipple!?"

Also "I love skin grafts" because he likes to talk about how he watches surgery videos online and wants to be a surgeon.

[rigwarl]

If I had to join a terrorist organization, I'd definitely go with The Flamingo.

[G-zus]

While discussing a Pendulum lab in Physics:
Teacher: "How can we change the Experiment?"
Student: "We can change Gravity"
Teacher: "How do you propose we do that?"
Student: "Get everyone in the room to be in one spot"
Teacher: "How about we change the length of the string holding the ball?"
Student: "oh, so then we could change gravity, so the string is gravity."

*Sigh* My physics class...

[PossibleSloth]

In high school English, we were going over vocabulary:

Teacher: The next word is "Jeremiad"...
Student: (interrupting) WAS A BULLFROG!!!
Rest of Class: WAS A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE! Never understood a single word he said... (and so on)

By the time we stopped singing, two other teachers had left their classrooms and looked in our window to see what the hell we were doing.

In a high school literature class we had just finished reading Tale of Two Cities.

Teacher: Any last questions before we begin the test?
Student: What exactly is a guillotine (pronounced it "gill-o-teen")
Class: Stunned Silence
Student: I know it's something bad...

And this was the honors class.

To be fair you are in Texas... and that's how yall say it down there.

It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me...

[wst]

How is guillotine pronounced as anything other than gill-o-teen, unless you are French?

[Vox Imperatoris]

How is guillotine pronounced as anything other than gill-o-teen, unless you are French?

Giy-uh-teen... I live in Alabama, and I've never heard anyone call it a gill-o-tine. That's odd.

I guess it could just be the infrequency of the word's use in casual conversation.

[Walter.Horvath]

I know I consider it improper unless pronounced the French way, even when speaking English. Rarely do I hear 'gill' anymore.

While discussing a Pendulum lab in Physics:
Teacher: "How can we change the Experiment?"
Student: "We can change Gravity"
Teacher: "How do you propose we do that?"
Student: "Get everyone in the room to be in one spot"
Teacher: "How about we change the length of the string holding the ball?"
Student: "oh, so then we could change gravity, so the string is gravity."

*Sigh* My physics class...

His idea was awesome, if he just kept his mouth shut and the total mass of your class was at least that of a planet

Edit: A rememberation from 6th grade:
[Teacher finishes talking about how certain molecules are always in motion]
Student: "Ohh, is that why, like, my pencil moves if I look at it really hard?"

[greatscot]

I'm Dutch and went to a Dutch high school.

When the history teacher was talking about the UN (United Nations in English, but Verenigde Naties in Dutch) it turned out
one of the girls in our class tought the UN was a an organisation formed by Hitler and was still happily holding meetings.

Verenigde Naties.
Naties in Dutch is pronounced as Nazis.

She tought we were part of the United Nazis.

We managed to enlighten her a bit.

Still, it was in our 4th year and it kind of made me laugh and feel depressed at the same time.

[Vieto]

I'm Dutch and went to a Dutch high school.

When the history teacher was talking about the UN (United Nations in English, but Verenigde Naties in Dutch) it turned out
one of the girls in our class thought the UN was a an organization formed by Hitler and was still happily holding meetings.

Verenigde Naties.
Naties in Dutch is pronounced as Nazis.

She thought we were part of the United Nazis.

We managed to enlighten her a bit.

Still, it was in our 4th year and it kind of made me laugh and feel depressed at the same time.

70 years ago, she'd be right. You, sir, have met a time traveler. I would advise stealing her blueprints when you have the chance.

[handiangel]

First seminar of university, lecturer asks:

"Anyone know what a suppository is?"

Silence for a few moments. Finally, a student pipes up:

"Bum pill!"

That about epitomises my degree thus far...

[Slpee]

Ok, this one happened a month or so to be fair, but i only just recently remembered this thread and thought to post it here. Here we go, (and really prepare yourself, this one is out there).

So first off I have to give some background info on this girl. She is in high classes, but frankly, she is absolutely retarded , and I mean REALLY retarded. She once, while I was discussing the concept of time as a linear dimension with some friends, she interjected with "NOOOO!! Time is round because clocks are circles!!" (Note you have picture this with her having a very odd voice, kind of like the stereotypical teenage girl, with her voice rising and falling in its emphasis rapidly in random ways, adding strange exhaling syllables at the ends of words etc. We make fun of her for it, anyway on with the story).

So in my English class we had a project in which we split up into small groups, maybe 4-5 per group. We had a month to read a certain novel (I read A Farewell To Arms in case anyone cares) this girl was in a group of 5 with four other girls (I pity them). They read a book, (can't remember the title)about four sisters that were living in the Dominican Republic as a part of the underground resistance trying to overthrow the dictator. Very inspiring I am sure.

So the month was done and these five girls get up to give their presentation. As part of it, they each had a little part where they talked about how they were like one of the sisters in the story. Now lets pause and do some math here: 4 sisters is less than 5 students.

Well yup, sure enough this idiotic girl gets up last and says something to the effect of "I didn't connect with any of the sisters, instead I found myself connecting with the dictator." Now I know what you are thinking, probably something like 'lolwut." but wait one second, it gets better. Now since the novel was based on a true story, this girl decided to get a picture of the dictator, but she couldn't find one. So she decided to instead go with the obvious second choice, you guessed it: Hitler.

So alright fine one dictator is as bad as another, whatever. but wait there is more. She decides to dress up like Hitler to make her point. yes you read that right. So now we have this teenage girl wearing a Hitler mustache and hat, standing in front of the class. At this point we are all a bit concerned, but hey, one almost could have predicted something like this, so fine, we go along and listen, definitely creeped the heck out though.

It is important to note that at this point my friend, who sits in front of me in the front row, wakes up from having been asleep.

So now, still dressed as Hitler, this girls begins to talk about specific ways in which she was like the dictator. For one, she gets angry when she doesn't get her way. To demonstrate this, she gives an example. (Warning the upcoming bit is really pretty out there) She talks about how she has had many pets, including a few hamsters. She then says, and i quote,

"So I had this hamster, and he was my favorite hamster, but he wasn't doing what I wanted him to do. And, well, I am not going to say what i did because its a bit too violent for school, but..."

Well the class just about lost it to the point of her being unable to finish what I am sure would've been an amazing story. The teacher was just about speechless, and thankfully the bell rang right about then, saving the teacher from having to comment. This did however, spark a slight meme in our class, wherein one of us would just come up and say, "So i had this hamster..."

[Monika]

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

[Cynical Idealist]

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Why not do both?

[stardragon]

Question in a test: The Geneva conference happened after which major battle in Vietnam ended?
One student's answer: The battle for middle earth.
If I remember correctly he may have gotten a mark for it.

[pseudoidiot]

A friend of mine is a computer science teacher and recently showed me this picture

[Monika]

They teach PHP

[Tiem]

When we were in class one day, one of our annoying, unusually quotable teachers told one of the students "*student*, if you won't be quiet, I'm putting you up in the rafters." The next day, he was absent, and apparently it had rained the night before, so there was a leak in the ceiling. Our teacher got hit by some of the leak, and she looked up and said, "What was that?!" and my friend replied, "It's probably *student*, peeing from the rafters."

[maxh]

Random kid in Spanish class: "I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!"
I, of course, have added "...or I would if you had one, anyway" to it for my list of quotes to use.

[B.Good]

Keep in mind, this is a calculus class.
I think this was when we were going over second derivatives.
Teacher: When the Y value is increasing as the X value is increasing, the function itself is said to be increasing.
Me: My mind has been blown.

This was during an honors level 11th grade history class. We were basically playing a game were the teacher gave us multiple choice questions. Unfortunately, everyone in the group had to answer a question.
Teacher: What was a symbol of hope during the Great Depression?
A. Calvin Coolidge
B. The Empire State Building
C. Hoovervilles

Student: Hoovervilles.

Me: Your idiocy is unparalleled.

This is a combination of something I thought was funny that I said and a funny thing the teacher said. My calculus 3 professor was a character to say the least. He has a laid back and slightly raspy quality to his voice. The background for this is that we had to do a particularly nasty line integral problem for a non-conservative field.
Me: I integrated this by hand, you better love me!
Professor: I love you anyway.

My most recent physics teacher loved to absolutely confuse the shit out of us by doing demonstrations. So tricking us was the norm.

Teacher: So, do you think this will work?
Student: Of course!
Teacher: Why?
Student: Because it would be totally uncool if it didn't!

[Cnvvj]

So sometimes in Maths, our teacher gives us these codes that we solve equations to figure out (each answer is assigned a letter)

The most recent one was a "joke", and I use the term very loosely.

Q- What has long hair and purple feet?
A- A lion that makes it's own wine!

As people solved it you could hear a groan travel around the class.

When I figured it out, (I was messing around first) I said:
Me- "Hey Mr. Harris? This isn't a joke. That's not funny at all."
Mr H- "Well why dont you find me a joke then?"
Me- "Okay. What do you call a teacher who can't tell jokes? Mr Harris!"

I'm surprised I didn't get in trouble to be honest.

EDIT- Another one, this one from science class.

(on the subject of fungi)
Teacher - Blah blah blah hyphae blah blah blah
Student A - So, when you die, does stuff grow on you?
Teacher - Yes, it's a natural process.
Most of class - Ewwww!
Student B - Can coffins grow into trees? Y'know, cause they're made of wood?
Me - *facepalm*

[tastelikecoke]

On Values Education.

Teacher: So this is the IUD. It won't affect the women's pleasures.
Student: But teacher, won't it be puncture the penis?
Teacher: What?
Student: Wait, the penis doesn't reach the cervix?

[The Scyphozoa]

Freshmen English finals included every student playing a part in Romeo and Juliet. One guy said a line as "Nay, I do not bite my thumb, sir, but I do bite my thumb, sir." (It's supposed to be "I do not bite my thumb at you, sir....)

In an advanced geometry class in 8th grade, my friend was doing a semi-complicated problem on the board. It eventually boiled down to a few simple calculations, one of which he unnecessarily wrote out:

10
+20
30
While saying "So, zero plus zero is zero, and then the one plus two is three, so it's thirty."



I told this story in the Awesome Thread as well, but it's also an Awesome Student Quote. My friends and I were messing with this girl we sometimes mess with. (Mostly my friends. I don't say that to make me seem more innocent, but I'm just admitting that I'm not very good at it.) One of them hid one of her books. Another one then said "We can read you like an open book." This started others saying things like "It certainly is a novel idea." "It's like we're living in a novel." The one who hid it even said "You know, if I took someone's book, I would hide it in my jacket. On the left side." (which is where he hid it) It took forever for her to notice it was gone.

...sorry.

[Kirby]

In band, we were rehearsing Radetzky March, when our director felt like going off on a tangent.

"Radetzky March was written in 1848. Now, I just want you to think of everything that's happened since 1848, and then I think you'll gain a whole new appreciation for this march."

And then, from the end of the trumpet section, comes the distinctive grimace, "Women can vote."

[Meem1029]

Well, I have a couple of decent ones, mostly from our HS Calc 2 class and math team, with largely the same people.

So Chase goes up to the board while explaining a problem and puts it up there, and then looks and sees that part of it doesn't work while he is talking about it, so he just waves his hand and says "So there we just do some illegal algebra ..." Illegal algebra kind of became a catch phrase of our group.

Also, TI-89 Magic!!!!

Ok, so those weren't that great if you weren't there, but there were some hilarious moments I can't remember. Also, random xkcd references that about 4 of us in the class would get, although I'm not sure if they read the fora, so Nick, Chase, Ryan, and Dylan, if you're here you better post some more awesome quotes.

[TheChewanater]

A while back a seventh grader took out a deck of Flux and said, "Who wants to play fux? ...I mean, Flux."

Someone else said sarcastically, "Sure, we'll play fucks with you!"

[pseudoidiot]

I've got the Zombie Fux deck!

[Secateurs]

Today we were changing a car tyre for physics. As we headed back to class, I got entrusted with the keys to the lab so the teacher could drive the car back to the carpark.

Student: "Hey, can we take the keys for a minute?"
Me: "Sure... but what for?"
Student: "So we can set something on fire."

(No, I didn't give the keys to them. I told them they could light a fire once we all got up there.)

[rath358]

A friend in calc class, today: "I'm too tired to pass the vertical line test..."

[Jahoclave]

Student: "I wrote the essay in my mind."
TA: "We'll I'm not a mind reader so that means you didn't write it. "

Student (after two weeks in class talking about essay related things): "We're writing an essay, but it's not on blackboard?"
TA: "Yes, well, that's because it's a trick assignment designed to make students fail the course."

[chridd]

A friend in calc class, today: "I'm too tired to pass the vertical line test..."

Wouldn't it be easier to pass the vertical line test if one is tired? Tired people have a tendency to be horizontal, whereas wide-awake people are often at least partially vertical. Vertical lines don't pass the vertical line test (since for each vertical line there's a vertical line (itself) that crosses it at infinitely many points), whereas horizontal lines do.

(though technically humans have a nonzero width in all dimensions, and thus could never pass the vertical line test...)

[rath358]

A friend in calc class, today: "I'm too tired to pass the vertical line test..."

Wouldn't it be easier to pass the vertical line test if one is tired? Tired people have a tendency to be horizontal, whereas wide-awake people are often at least partially vertical. Vertical lines don't pass the vertical line test (since for each vertical line there's a vertical line (itself) that crosses it at infinitely many points), whereas horizontal lines do.

(though technically humans have a nonzero width in all dimensions, and thus could never pass the vertical line test...)

According to my highly rigorous scientific diagram, you are wrong.

Spoiler:

sleeping digram.png (2.98 KiB) Viewed 3312 times

[maxh]

A friend in calc class, today: "I'm too tired to pass the vertical line test..."

Wouldn't it be easier to pass the vertical line test if one is tired?

The joke is that they're too tired to be a function(al person).

[hintss]

teacher passes markers and plastic sheets out for no apparent reason
teacher: A few years back, a kid went a bit crazy with the markers
my friend: oh, every time I get near markers, I start doing this crazy indian trance...

the girl next to him believed him...

also, we were outside at lunch, and were telling lame jokes, and i said:
"did you know gullible is written on the ceiling?"

[Whelan]

also, we were outside at lunch, and were telling lame jokes, and i said:
"did you know gullible is written on the ceiling?"

It actually is in my Common room, and the school library.

[Monika]

What's a common room?

[Macbi]

What's a common room?

One owned communally. Anyone (in the school) can hang out there.

[Baldur]

Actually, that's not what a common room was in my school. The common room was one reserved for the use of the sixth (final) year students. It was basically an area to relax and spend time with friends, in between classes and in free periods.

[Whelan]

Actually, that's not what a common room was in my school. The common room was one reserved for the use of the sixth (final) year students. It was basically an area to relax and spend time with friends, in between classes and in free periods.

We have it for just the Sixth form, i.e. school years 12 and 13.

Oh, and both the 'gullible' s are due to me; I was making the world weirder.