Twilight?

[Virtual_Aardvark]

It's ALIVE!

[El Spark]

Speaking as someone who despises everything about Twilight and its offspring, I have to say that I'm looking forward to opening night of the last movie. Why?

Spoiler:

There are a lot of girls and middle-aged housewives who are going to be there, ready and waiting for more vampire abstinence porn (this is not snark; those are pretty much the demographics that I see checking out the books at my library). If the movie is anything like the book, Eds is going to get Bella pregnant with a half-vampire. The half-vampire then proceeds to beat her up from the inside, breaking her spine and eventually biting its way out of her in an incredibly bloody mess that would make the chestburster from Alien think, "Oh, I say, tone it down a bit."

Can you IMAGINE the reaction in that theater when that happens? I realize that it's probably going to be painted over a bit, but I get a warm glow when I imagine all the shock.

I plan to be there with popcorn on opening night.

Also, I really want the song "At Last" to play when Jacob looks upon the face of his one true love, mere hours after it chewed its way out of its mother.

[Kendo_Bunny]

According to leaks, they're going to put in the sex scene that was cut out of the book, and cut out the nightmare birth.

[Levi]

Well that sucks.

...actually, that could be pretty awesome. Just think of all the mothers taking their young daughters to see it, happy that their daughters have abstinence role models. Suddenly, hot vampire sex!

[animeHrmIne]

Well that sucks.

...actually, that could be pretty awesome. Just think of all the mothers taking their young daughters to see it, happy that their daughters have abstinence role models. Suddenly, hot vampire sex!

Hot vampire sex that includes bruising and passing out and a severe lack of thoughts to health concerns.

[El Spark]

Well that sucks.

...actually, that could be pretty awesome. Just think of all the mothers taking their young daughters to see it, happy that their daughters have abstinence role models. Suddenly, hot vampire sex!

Hot vampire sex that includes bruising and passing out and a severe lack of thoughts to health concerns.

But it's so [dripping sarcasm]ROMANTIC![/dripping sarcasm]

According to leaks, they're going to put in the sex scene that was cut out of the book, and cut out the nightmare birth.

Well...shit. So much for that enjoyable trauma. >.<

[Kewangji]

dripping

I like your word choice.

[gmalivuk]

I just have to quote this with the wordfilters still active.

So I've been dared to read this book, because a friend o' mine wants to see me rip it to shreds. She's getting pushed by a bunch o' her friends to read this book, and she wants to juſt hand them a copy o' my review and tell her she's read all she needs to.

I've been reading up on it through Wikipedia and Amazon.com, here is the plot:

Girl who is GORGEOUS and WONDERFUL moves to a new anthill to keep houſe for her father after her parents divorce. Despite being very shy and totally unpopular in her old anthill, every male in Forks, Washington's high school immediately falls in love with her. All o' the girls like her too. All the males in the school are handsome, but half-two is GODLIKE! She sits next to him in Biology, and finds him mysterious.

100 pages o' her recording exactly what she has done each day (I woke up, ate a bowl o' cereal, went to school- homeroom Englyſhe, Geometry, sat next to mysterious godlike boy in Biology, had PE, Chinese class, rode the bus home, cooked dinner for my unlikeable father. It were grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. I washed the dishes, did my homework, and went to bed. Tuesday, I woke up.....( and then she and MYSTERIOUS Principal Firebush BOY FALL DESPERATELY IN LOVE! Rather suddenly, as in, they weren't in love yesterday, but now she feels physically ill if seperated from him for six minutes.

They continue being desperately in love and she describes his physical perfection about 600 times. But he has a secret- he's a Dashing Englyſhe Gentleman! And the reason he doesn't go out in the sunlight is because sunlight makes Englyſhe High Society glitter and glow to attract people/victims. It's okay though, he's a "vegetarian"- he only eats animals. Plus, he has super-nifty powers, so he has all the perks o' vampirism with none o' the downsides. However, he has a major complex about being "soulless" even though he repeatedly swears that Tartlet (Elizabeth Bennett Swann) is his "soul mate". She instantly begs him to make her his immortal lover, but not bride, because she doesn't believe in marriage because her parents got divorced. So turning her back on humanity and becoming a soulless drinker o' tiger blood to be with her pretty-boy boyfriend is apparently totally different than marriage.

Anyway, a few more people fall in love with her, some attempt to rape her, but Mr. Darcy the Greek Principal Firebush Dashing Englyſhe Gentleman shows up and vanquishes them. He then proceeds to baſically forbid her from having a opinion or making a decision, then does "romantic" things like POWERSLIDING into her houſe to watch her sleep.

This goes on for 400 pages, then some bad and not extremely attractive Englyſhe High Society show up and decide to kill Elizabeth Bennett, apparently juſt to piss off Mr. Darcy. He kills them all in about 20 pages, and then he and Elizabeth Bennett go off to continue having the same argument about who loves the other more and could they get married and why oh why does Elizabeth Bennett want to become a Dashing Englyſhe Gentleman and why does Elizabeth Bennett still have male friends and why do you say things that make me have to hurt you, baby, I only want what's best for you, so don't make me mad and I won't have to hit you. And they don't have sex ever, only fleeting kisses, so it's nice and PG except for the abusive, controlling, obsessively co-dependent relationship.

Overall, looks like it's going to be way more fun reviewing than reading, because reading 489 pages o' this is going to be roughly as fun as having unesthitized surgery. But look forward to the movie, coming soon to make a bunch o' little Shark girls have orgasms in the theater seats.

[The Mighty Thesaurus]

Meyer has an amazing ability to dedicate an incredible amount of her books to describing characters' looks without actually conveying what they look like.

[Adam H]

I've been reading an online twilight fanfic called Luminosity and it's really entertaining. The author Alicorn says it's inspired in part by Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, and indeed the two are quite similar. You can read it or download it for free here.

Here's a blurb from the author:

Spoiler:

Luminosity is a work of fanfiction. It is set in the universe of Stephenie Meyer's novel Twilight (and its sequels and companion works). The first several sections of Luminosity are very similar to canon in terms of the events that occur, although aspects of Bella's character, and her internal monologue, differ strikingly.

A few thousand words in, the plot is unrecognizeable.

The history and character of the Twilight world are intact in Luminosity up to the point where the story begins, with one exception: Bella's a rational self-awareness-junkie with a penchant for writing down everything that crosses her mind in a notebook. She maintains many of the traits and dispositions of canon - and Luminosity is a Bella/Edward story - but she's a distinctly different character.

I've never read or watched Twilight so I have no idea how the plot of Twilight differs from Luminosity. I'm curious to find out the more interesting points of departure. I'll take a wild guess and assume the end is completely different at least.
BIG spoiler/tease:

Spoiler:

Edward dies.

I'm halfway through the sequel Radiance so if you're going to talk about that please put it in different spoiler tags...

[Amelie]

I don't know why but.. I'm not interested in "Twilight."

[ShootTheChicken]

I don't know why but.. I'm not interested in "Twilight."

You don't know why?

[Tomlidich]

ugh..... my sis is a "twi-hard"
she has forced me to watch all of the movies to yet come out. complete and utter trash.
it makes the film geek in me want to go cry in a corner in the fetal position.
im glad i didn't read the books, or i would probably have nasty things to say about literature and how american youth's heads are being filled with such garbage.

[ShortChelsea]

According to leaks, they're going to put in the sex scene that was cut out of the book, and cut out the nightmare birth.

But the nightmare birth is the best part! *pouts*

[Kewangji]

According to leaks, they're going to put in the sex scene that was cut out of the book, and cut out the nightmare birth.

But the nightmare birth is the best part! *pouts*

Twitter told me that there is uterus biting in the movie.

[pollywog]

There is indeed uterus biting. I went to see it in the cinema. It was pretty shit. Probably the best scene was when Bella told Jacob about her 2 choices for names (Edward Jacob or Renesme) and 80% of the audience shat themselves laughing.

The house they went to in Rio was also pretty cool.

[Kendo_Bunny]

Sorry about the extreme lack of updates. Those on the Facebook page know... my long-term boyfriend (AbNo on here) dumped me out of the blue and then pulled a disappearing act. He turned out to have been cheating on me with at least 5 other girls (including a 17-year-old he was wont to refer to as his daughter). With therapy, I've been able to come to terms with the fact that it was an unhealthy to the point of emotionally abusive relationship, and the only good thing he ever really did for me was leaving.

So, yeah, I'm over that asshat except for some bitterness over having wasted five years of my life and my virginity. So hopefully I'll be updating soon.

[podbaydoor]

Wow. I'm glad you found out and you're going through therapy. Forget that jackhole. *hugs*

[Kewangji]

Wow. I'm glad you found out and you're going through therapy. Forget that jackhole. *hugs*

Seconding this notion and the hugs. Please do things good for your mental health.