xkcd

by **cjdrum** » Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:45 am UTC

I like trains.

by **thorgold** » Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:55 am UTC

A locomotive blasts through the prison, killing not only the guards sent to capture you, but pretty much everyone else as well. As an added bonus, there's a gaping hole in the prison wall!
A) Walk on out
B) Bum a ride on the train and live as a hobo
C) Go back to your cell

by **Kromix** » Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:44 pm UTC

B) Bum a ride on the train and live as a hobo

by **LucasBrown** » Fri Feb 25, 2011 5:13 am UTC

Living as a hobo generally means you get caught by inspectors at a train stop at some point, unless your jumping-off-train skills are as good as your jumping-on-train skills. They aren't, so you ride the train to the stop. The inspectors find you and put you back in the prison, whose wall's hole has now been fixed.

In a nice/cruel twist, the prison authorities send you to Aperture Science. You awake in a typical Aperture Science cell with a portal gun.

A) Shoot portals above and below you to get into an infinite loop and just... you know... fly!
B) Shoot a portal outside the cell and a portal below you to escape
C) Shoot portals onto yourself

by **Kromix** » Fri Feb 25, 2011 2:00 pm UTC

B) Shoot a portal outside the cell and a portal below you to escape

by **thorgold** » Sat Feb 26, 2011 1:05 am UTC

Well, this is nice. You, Companion Cube, and GLaDoS all working together to get through the test course. But... OH NOEZ! You have to ethuanize your weighted companion cube!

A) Ethuanize
B) Portal in a portal, jump in

by **John Citizen** » Sat Feb 26, 2011 10:24 am UTC

B) Portal in a portal, jump in

by **cjdrum** » Sat Feb 26, 2011 10:33 am UTC

Due to the inability of portals to be on moveable surfaces, your experiment fails and you look kind of moronic as you shove two pieces of wall together, then jump onto it. Actually, really moronic. And, you still have to euthanize a Cube. Do you:

a) Euthanize your Companion Cube
b) Euthanize a cake
c) Use cheats to create a Weighted Storage Cube, incinerating it instead, like so many Companion Cube fans did to pass the level.

by **John Citizen** » Sat Feb 26, 2011 10:37 am UTC

b) Euthanize a cake

by **cjdrum** » Sat Feb 26, 2011 11:11 am UTC

The cake you found in a Storage Cube earlier plummets into the incinerator. There is a faint sizzle, and you hear the easily recognizable voice of GLaDOS: "The cake you provided is... <<garbled>> delicious. Now, please euthanize the Weighted Companion Cube.". Do you:

a) Euthanise the Companion Cube

b) Wait. Why walk when there's noclip? Kind of... Glide to GLaDOS.
c) Use noclip to escape!
d) Place a portal on the ground, use noclip to escape, then place a portal above ground. Then, retrieve your Companion Cube!

by **John Citizen** » Sat Feb 26, 2011 11:17 am UTC

d) Place a portal on the ground, use noclip to escape, then place a portal above ground. Then, retrieve your Companion Cube!

by **cjdrum** » Sat Feb 26, 2011 11:37 am UTC

Freedom! You walk past the somehow destroyed body of GLaDOS, and wonder what could possibly trigger this kind of an event. Oh well. Do you:

a) Hunt down the investigators and see how they like Aperture Laboratories
b) Go back to the jail and send everybody to Aperture Laboratories
c) Perform fellatio on yourself using The Device
d) Profit in other ways using The Device

by **John Citizen** » Sat Feb 26, 2011 11:42 am UTC

d) Profit in other ways using The Device
(ie. free energy)

by **thorgold** » Tue Mar 01, 2011 11:46 pm UTC

Due to the violation of the Laws of Physics, you are now being haunted by the ghosts of physicists past. Sir Isaac Newton is an asshole, to boot.

a) Appease the ghosts by destroying the device
b) Portal on the ground, then fire into the air randomly - you'll hit something, somewhere.
c) Who ya' gonna call?

by **cjdrum** » Tue Mar 01, 2011 11:54 pm UTC

c) Ghostbusters!

by **thorgold** » Wed Mar 02, 2011 11:33 pm UTC

Oh shit. That just pissed them off. Now, Newton is spawning apples (!@#$ conservation of matter!) and hitting you with them, and Einstein's doing some shit with relatavistic time dilation.

A) Cross the streams!
B) Screw it, let's play Yahtzee.

by **TheSweetKill** » Wed Mar 02, 2011 11:42 pm UTC

cross the streams

by **thorgold** » Thu Mar 03, 2011 4:25 am UTC

FUUUUUU-*poof*
In the absence of a trans-dimensional portal, crossing the streams only results in a polar inversion of everything in existence. For a brief instant, your world is unimagineable pain before every particle in the universe is torn apart.

...oh, wait. It turns out that Mal was right, we have been dreaming the entire time! How convenient.

A) Fall back asleep
B) Find Mal

by **cjdrum** » Thu Mar 03, 2011 6:39 am UTC

b) Find Mal.

And hope she doesn't stab me.

by **thorgold** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 5:36 am UTC

Your hope is misguided. Mal stabs the shit outta you.

A) Find a hospital
B) Reciprocate

by **cjdrum** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 5:39 am UTC

B) Reciprocate!

by **thorgold** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 6:04 am UTC

You stab the shit out of Mal. Being a psycho Russian chick, she dies pretty quick. You, on the other hand, are bleeding out (deja vu!).

A) Hospital
B) Adminster personal first-aid.

by **John Citizen** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 11:53 am UTC

B) Adminster personal first-aid.

by **Ansain** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 5:41 pm UTC

All you have to help the wounds is the clothes you are wearing, a pack of chewing gum, and the knife you used to stab Mal.

Do you?
A) Tear a strip off your shirt and tie it around the wound
B) Use the chewing gum to stick the wounds closed
C) Stab the wounds closed

by **mmark9094** » Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:33 pm UTC

A) Tie off with shirt.

by **thorgold** » Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:34 am UTC

Okay, you've covered up a few of the stab wounds, and the pressure will keep them from bleeding. But you have many, MANY stab wounds.

1) Tear off all your clothing for use as bandages.
2) Go to the !@#$ing hospital
3) PILLS.

by **cjdrum** » Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:47 am UTC

3) PILLS

I'd choose the hospital, but this sounds more fun.

by **Ansain** » Sat Mar 05, 2011 7:11 pm UTC

You have 2 pills, the red pill, and the blue pill
A) take the red pill.
B) take the blue pill.
C) take both pills

by **cjdrum** » Sat Mar 05, 2011 8:34 pm UTC

Can't I crush them together and snort them?

If I can't, then A, the red pill.

by **John Citizen** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 6:51 am UTC

You begin to hallucinate vividly, and suddenly find yourself levitating fifty metres above the ground. A plane is coming towards you. Do you:

a) Do nothing
b) Flail wildly
c) Take blue pill

by **cjdrum** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:04 pm UTC

c) Take blue pill!

by **mmark9094** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:32 pm UTC

The blue pill does nothing. Do you:

a) Do nothing
b) Flail wildly

by **cjdrum** » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:52 am UTC

If c) does nothing, isn't it automatically a)?

Anyway, b) Flail wildly

by **John Citizen** » Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:15 am UTC

Your flailing attracts the attention of the aircraft, and it quickly veers away from you. However, you are now falling from a great height. Do you:

a) Scream
b) Flail wildly
c) Use your clothes as a parachute
d) Spot your long-lost wallet in some bushes

by **TheSweetKill** » Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:51 pm UTC

by **Burgerman** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:56 pm UTC

You suddenly realize something: you have missed the ground completely and are now floating instead of falling.

Do you:
A) freak out
B) don't worry about it
C) chase the airplane

by **John Citizen** » Sat Mar 19, 2011 12:24 am UTC

C) chase the airplane

by **TheSweetKill** » Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:57 pm UTC

you chase the plane and then you close your eyes and when you open them again you are in bed and it's 6 in the morning and you say to yourself "well that was one messed up dream"
What do you do:
A) get out of bed and have breakfast
B) work out what day and year it is
C) go to the toilet
D) try to go back to sleep

by **Lorenz** » Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:27 am UTC

by **a-wan** » Wed Jun 22, 2011 12:47 pm UTC

You look around the room. You see a large black pot hanging over a smoldering fire and a bathtub on legs, but you don't see a toilet. In fact, you don't see any rooms that could be a bathroom and are starting to dance around a bit trying to hold it in, when you glance outside. In the pale light of early morning you can see that the ground is covered in at least a foot and a half of freshly fallen snow. About 50 feet from the house you are in you see a stand alone stall with a moon carved in the door signifying an outhouse. You're barefoot and have no shirt on, but the pressure's building up and it's getting hard to think clearly, so you:

A) Charge out the door into the snow for the outhouse.
B) Search for something warm to cover yourself and some shoes to protect your feet. You really have to go, but it's not worth freezing over!
C) Relieve yourself in the corner. You're pretty sure it's not your house anyway.

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