After searching for a time, I spot a good thick branch. Probably some sort of hardwood, hell if I know. I pick it up, it stands about three inches taller than I do, which is probably good enough. Never trained with a staff. Commander Whitten would likely be great with something like this. She seems to know all about various ninja weapon shit. Oh well. Make do with what you have, could be worse. Could have nothing at all.
I sit down with my back against a particularly large tree, and begin shaving off the bark, and trimming down the knots and stubs to create a smoother surface. Gotta do something to keep my mind off the moans. Should think about something. I spot a smaller zombie. Not a child...too oddly proportioned. Just an extremely small adult. Funny. That is actually funny. I hadn't thought about it like this. The zombies have managed a sort of equality. Managed it in...hell months, where we humans couldn't do that in a couple of tens of thousands of years? "Huh...may as well talk to you." I smiled and waved. It drooled at me and groaned. "Oh good, we can talk now."
"Black zombies, white zombies, brown zombies, yellow zombies, green zombies, purple zombies, male zombie, female zombies, tall zombies, short zombies...I wonder if that was the point of all of this. Mom telling us that we weren't getting the message, and spanking the lot of us and sending us off to our room to become dinner. I remember hearing about a cult of vegans, Alvarez ran into them. It's where she found that little brunette, yeah...crazy fuckers swore that the zombies were nature's way of punishing us for eating meat. Poor little brunette...what the hell is her name? Tammy? Tanya? 'T' something..."
"Poor girl got dragged into it. The leader was a real charasmatic asshole. They were living in peace somewhere in Arizona, just doing their vegan thing. I remember spending a night on watch with her. She said that they weren't always a "cult". They really just kind of banded together as friends, and took up living as vegans because they really did believe that meat was murder. Didn't bother me none, I believe that meat is delicious. Anyway, she said that the guy who became their 'leader' after the initial outbreak was always a little off. Always jabbering about how the animals were one day going to rise up. None of them took him very seriously, he was good at poker, and always found ways to amuse them so they kept him around."
"After the outbreak, he pointed out that there were no zombie animals. They were 'immune', because they were 'pure'. 'Course, stupid fucker didn't notice that there were no zombie animals because the instant they became infected, they died a violent, painful death as their muscles contracted so hard their bones shattered. But hey, you know, crazy is crazy. He had all these grand ideas about how to survive. Was going to lead them out to the coast in California, set up a commune. Alvarez was headed away from San Diego, and had just gone through some serious shit when she came across them 50 miles from the Cali-Zona border."
"She saw them walking along, out in plain sight, and from what I understand her damn jaw hit the ground. She had just managed to barely squeeze her way through some of the thickest fuckin' combat she'd ever seen. Here they were, walking along like it was a spring fucking picnic. She sprints over, and asks them where they think they are going, didn't they know that there was a herd hundreds of miles across heading east right towards them? The leader says 'I'm not worried, we're pure.' Alvarez, again, almost has to smack her own mouth to get over the fact that they were clearly deranged. Man, I love that little girl though, the brunette swears up and down that Alvarez says this, even though Alvarez don't remember saying it. 'Are you fucking deranged? Pure? Zomboni back there don't care if you're a fucking virgin or not, he's gonna eat you, shit down your nose, and then teabag you until you rise up and become another fucking zomboni just like him!'"
"See, from what I understand, at this point the 'leader' takes a swing at Alvy. Now, I'm a brave man, don't get me wrong. But I'd never take a swing at Alvy. Lady's had more shit happen to her than is fair. Father was a drunk, beat her every other day. Mother was a user, beat her on her father's off days. Brother tried to protect her, got killed when her father hit him hard enough to drive his skull through a window. Father went upstate for a spell, mother went through the phone book finding every drunk, abusive, pusher she could. Alvy was abused every which way she could be. Learned how to survive though. Damn that lady is a survivor."
"According to the police report, Alvy got tired of it one day. Mother took a swing at her, and Alvarez slipped around the blow, clotheslined the bitch into a wall, then swung her mom into the abuser du jour as he tried to intervene. Knocked them both out. She called 911, sat there, and asked to be arrested for domestic abuse. SHE asked to be arrested. The cops laughed at her, and arrested the adults for drug abuse. This lady cop, real nice lady, took Alvy to the local child services. Placed her in foster care. Lady she ended up with was a real religious sort. Took real gentle care of Alvy. Never broke her of her survival habits, just smiled and soothed her. Alvy loved that lady something fierce."
"Anyway, so this leader takes a swing at her. She blocks his punch with the butt of her weapon, whips him in the damn face with the nozzle, puts two in his head as he hits the ground, and takes two steps back aiming her weapon at the crowd. Brunette- Tamara! That's her damn name. Tamara swears, again, that Alvy says, 'Next fucker takes a swing at me is going to get real intimate with a fuckin' cactus. Now, I'm willing to help you vatos survive. But you gotta come with me now, because when I lower this weapon, I'm leaving.' Tamara was the only one to take her offer. She followed Alvarez, never complained, never whined. Alvy swears this lady has 'cojones'. Real tough girl, you'd pro-"
At this point, my new friend slipped and fell off the cliff. "Well, nice talkin' to you."
- Ochigo the Earth-Stomper
The EGE wrote:
Mumpy wrote:And to this day, librarians revile Oregonaut as the Antichrist.
False! We sacrifice our card catalogues to him in the name of Job Security!