xkcd

by **cjdrum** » Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:17 pm UTC

chridd wrote:I wish to be in first place in the Thread Necromancy RL game.

Granted. Congratulations, though, you necro'd the real life thread! (an impossible feat, duh)

I wish for an incorrect BBCode tag.

by **Nautilus** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:06 pm UTC

cjdrum wrote:I wish for an incorrect Barbecue tag.

Um, okay.
I wish for a better search algorithm.

tagged: barbequeue

by **chridd** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 10:41 pm UTC

I wish for a better sort algorithm.

tagged: barbequeue[/quote]You can't. Mergesort is already optimal.

I wish it were still spring break.

by **John Citizen** » Sun Apr 10, 2011 2:56 am UTC

chridd wrote:I wish my springs would break.

Granted, every item you own containing springs stops working.

I wish for good weather.

by **asiekierka** » Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:50 pm UTC

John Citizen wrote:
chridd wrote:I wish my springs would break.

Granted, every item you own containing springs stops working.

I wish for good feathers.

Your room is now filled with feathers. What will you do with them?

I wish someone donated to my Bitcoin account.

by **SmoothBlade** » Mon Apr 11, 2011 3:56 pm UTC

asiekierka wrote:I wish someone hacked my Bitcoin account.

Granted, you have lost all your bitcoins.

I wish I was a ninja

by **asiekierka** » Mon Apr 11, 2011 5:35 pm UTC

SmoothBlade wrote:
asiekierka wrote:I wish someone hacked my Bitcoin account.

Granted, you have lost all your bitcoins.

I wish my neighbour was a ninja

Granted, your neighbour is a ninja. One month later, you get into an argument with him and he uses his ninja skills to brutally murder you. Oh my...

I wish Randall made xkcd strips more frequently.

by **KrazyerKate** » Mon Apr 11, 2011 5:42 pm UTC

asiekierka wrote:I wish Randall made cupcakes more frequently.

Granted, but he doesn't want to share any with you.

I wish I could fly.

by **Kromix** » Mon Apr 11, 2011 6:43 pm UTC

granted, you grow wings, only problem, they are rotten.

i wish for coffeeeeeeee

by **chridd** » Mon Apr 11, 2011 6:51 pm UTC

Kromix wrote:e eeee eee eeeeeeeeeeee

Granted. However, now it's harder to communicate because 25 of the letters of our alphabet are gone.

I wish I didn't have to go to class today.

by **SmoothBlade** » Mon Apr 11, 2011 9:32 pm UTC

chridd wrote:I wish I could grope my class today.

Granted, you have been arrested for sexual harrasment

I wish I had more doritos

by **AvatarIII** » Tue Apr 12, 2011 12:43 pm UTC

SmoothBlade wrote:I wish I had more door eaters

granted, you are now being sent an additional door eater, it will begin eating your doors immediately on arrival.

I wish to be the world's greatest!

by **FCN** » Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:15 pm UTC

AvatarIII wrote:I wish to be the world's gravest!

Granted, if someone comes to see you tomorrow they will find a very grave man.

I wish to make a comment so witty that all forumites will stand in awe of my superior cleverness.

by **KrazyerKate** » Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:35 pm UTC

FCN wrote:I wish to make a comment so shitty that all forumites will stand in awe of my inferior cleverness.

Granted, but it actually ends up being pretty entertaining.

by **FCN** » Thu Apr 14, 2011 3:52 pm UTC

KrazyerKate wrote:I wish for a ham sandwich so big that it would go rotten before I could finish it.

Granted, but you keep eating it after it starts to taste funny and get an upset stomach.

I wish that I always had fresh batteries available for anything that needs them.

by **KrazyerKate** » Thu Apr 14, 2011 5:15 pm UTC

FCN wrote:...

Granted, but remember to leave a wish next time.

I wish Justin Bieber would grow some facial hair.

by **SmoothBlade** » Sat Apr 16, 2011 1:12 am UTC

KrazyerKate wrote: Justin Bieber would give me his pubic hair.

Granted, in the middle of the night, Justin Bieber breaks into your house, shaves his pubic hair with your razor, and puts it on your face.

I wish I wasn't nauseous

by **AvatarIII** » Tue Apr 19, 2011 2:14 pm UTC

SmoothBlade wrote:I wish I wasn't a nautilus

granted, you are a human being

i wish that the day was over

by **SmoothBlade** » Thu Apr 21, 2011 6:19 am UTC

AvatarIII wrote:i wish that my dating years were over

Granted, you have aged to the ripe old age of 97, you have become incontinent, and have advanced Alzheimer's syndrome, Your dating years are long gone.

I wish I had a cupcake!

by **Nautilus** » Thu Apr 21, 2011 10:33 am UTC

SmoothBlade wrote:I wish I had a cupcaker!

Granted, a swedish pastry chef is now living in your kitchen. He has no idea how he got there.

I wish for better sleep patterns

by **AvatarIII** » Thu Apr 21, 2011 2:41 pm UTC

Nautilus wrote:I wish for better sheep patterns

granted, ironically, the sheep are now patterned with wolfstooth

i wish for more time

by **SmoothBlade** » Thu Apr 21, 2011 7:04 pm UTC

AvatarIII wrote:i wish for more thyme

Granted, before every meal you eat, some random person dumps a load of thyme on everything you eat and drink

I wish my calculator cover was fixed

by **FCN** » Thu Apr 21, 2011 9:12 pm UTC

SmoothBlade wrote:I wish Calculon was fixed

Granted. Incapable of love, his acting suffers and All My Circuits is taken off the air.

I wish for a slice of pizza.

by **SmoothBlade** » Thu Apr 21, 2011 10:26 pm UTC

FCN wrote:I wish I sliced my penis off

Granted. That is all I have to say

I wish I had something to drink

by **AvatarIII** » Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:10 am UTC

SmoothBlade wrote:I wish I had something to think

granted, from now on you think that all politicians are reptiloids from the hollow earth!!

i wish that my wish was quoted imperfectly

by **JamesP** » Fri Apr 22, 2011 12:42 pm UTC

AvatarIII wrote:i turnip that my turnip was turniped imturniply

granted

I wish someone would re-make Blazing Saddles

by **a-wan** » Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:25 pm UTC

JamesP wrote:I wish someone would re-release a slightly worse version of Return of the Jedi.

Granted.

I wish for a chocolate cake with ice cream.

by **chridd** » Mon Sep 26, 2011 6:03 pm UTC

a-wan wrote:I wish for a chocolate to be cake with ice cream.

Granted. Now all bakeries and ice-cream makers get stuck due to recursion, because they need to have cake and ice cream before they make chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream.

I wish it were still summer vacation.

by **a-wan** » Wed Sep 28, 2011 1:00 pm UTC

chridd wrote:I wish it worse till summer vacation.

Granted. Everything is worse until Summer vacation.

I wish I didn't have to keep waiting.

by **chridd** » Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:10 pm UTC

a-wan wrote:
chridd wrote:I wish I didn't have to keep weighing.

Granted. You are weightless and you float out into space.

I wish I could think of a wish.

by **a-wan** » Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:14 pm UTC

chridd wrote:I a shy kid, thin, kind of a wuss.

Umm...granted?

I wish I could sleep right now.

by **Red Hal** » Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:18 pm UTC

a-wan wrote:
chridd wrote:I a shy kid, thin, kind of a wuss.

Umm...granted?

I wish I could beep right now.

You turn into a horn.

I wish that I could bring happiness to the world through the medium of song.

by **xX17GHDUDE17Xx** » Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:58 pm UTC

Red Hal wrote: I wish that I could bring happiness to the world through songs of mediums.

Granted but eventually everybody gets tired of listening to songs about psychics.

I wish for the majority of the voting population to be rational, well-educated individuals.

by **Tomlidich** » Wed Sep 28, 2011 5:18 pm UTC

xX17GHDUDE17Xx wrote:I wish for the majority of the voting population to be bashful, well-endowed individuals.

granted, but voting is now down and everyone seems to be locked in their bathrooms......

i wish windows would go die in a fire.

by **SmoothBlade** » Sun Oct 02, 2011 6:11 am UTC

Tomlidich wrote:i wish i would die trapped in a window in a fire.

Granted, that's probably one of the worst ways possible of committing suicide, though i supposed if you want some one to get the life insurance for it, its a pretty good method.

I wish for a tazer and a chainsaw

by **Thesh** » Sun Oct 02, 2011 6:58 am UTC

SmoothBlade wrote:I wish for it to be possible to put a laser sight on a chain gun

Well, I guess I can grant this wish, but I don't see why it wouldn't be possible anyway.

I wish it was possible to see all the stars in the night sky from where I live.

by **Tomlidich** » Mon Oct 03, 2011 3:05 pm UTC

Thesh wrote:
I wish it was impossible to see all the movie stars in the theater from where I live.

granted, but now you are bored because there are no movies.

i wish i had a Running car, like maybe a 69 impala with a diesel engine.

by **Randomizer** » Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:21 pm UTC

Tomlidich wrote:i wish i had a Running car, like maybe a 69 impala with a weasel engine.

Granted. Your car is literally powered by running animals.

I wish for someone else to do my laundry for me.

by **Tomlidich** » Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:56 pm UTC

Randomizer wrote:
I wish for someone else to make laundry out of me

granted, you are now a t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of socks.

i wish i had a computer that didn't suck.

by **Kromix** » Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:05 pm UTC

Tomlidich wrote:i wish i was gay.

well you are

nothing to grant...

i wish for a wishy wish to wish for more wishes!

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