In other news... (humorous news items, etc)

[Hawknc]

(This thread is for all the little news articles that might get overlooked in the debates about the big issues and are just worth posting for a bit of a laugh.)

First up: a Queensland woman is offering a reward for catching a wild rat that stole her false teeth.

Spoiler:

An outback Queensland town is offering a reward for a native rat that has stolen a woman's set of false teeth.

Native rat numbers have exploded in parts of western Queensland due to the exceptional wet season.

Stonehenge resident Margaret Pidgeon, south-west of Longreach, says her teeth disappeared from her bedside table and she is certain a rat is to blame.

"When I look up, there's this rat looking at me and I had nothing there to hit him with," she said.

"Anyway, when I went to get my false teeth the next morning, they are not there, they are gone.

"He didn't want my glasses, all he did was take my teeth, the bloody thing.

"He didn't waste his time the bugger, he just wanted my false teeth - probably took them back to his nest to see if he could chew them up.

"Put up a reward, 'wanted dead or alive: rat with false teeth'."

Ms Pidgeon says the reward is light-hearted but it is hard to smile without teeth.

Rat havoc

Other residents say the native rats are chewing their way through everything from walls to hats.

Stonehenge grazier Karen Emmott says she gave up counting after relocating 120 rats.

"They have 12 young every three weeks so there's probably lots more out there," she said.

"They've certainly wreaked havoc in the house.

"They've chewed the nose rest on your glasses, they've chewed those off a pair of glasses, they've eaten the crown off my Akubra hat, which was hanging on a wall.

"They chewed a very large hole into our pantry through a chipboard from underneath the pantry.

"We put a large besser brick to block it and they chewed an archway next to it and just kept coming."

Anyone who's ever kept a pet rat could probably testify to the likelihood of this story being completely true. They are devious little bastards.

[Izawwlgood]

I like how she woke up in the middle of the night, saw a rat holding her teeth, and said 'meh, nothing I can do' so went back to bed.

But yeah, rats are devious little buggers.

[CorruptUser]

Maybe it plans to build a human suit that it can use to infiltrate our society?

[Adacore]

Maybe it plans to build a human suit that it can use to infiltrate our society?

Maybe the teeth were the final piece! There could be rat-people walking among us!

[sourmìlk]

Yet another reason to have vuvuzelas.

Apparently they spray germ aerosal more effectively than screaming and shouting and such.

[Felstaff]

Cartoon Situation Happens In Real Life

A New Zealandarianer fell on a compressed gas hose, and it inflated his buttocks like a balloon. The actual story itself is incredibly painful and squicky:

He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air - pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in - had separated fat from muscle.

but it has a chuckle-worthy final paragraph.

[sourmìlk]

Cartoon Situation Happens In Real Life

A New Zealandarianer fell on a compressed gas hose, and it inflated his buttocks like a balloon. The actual story itself is incredibly painful and squicky:

He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air - pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in - had separated fat from muscle.

but it has a chuckle-worthy final paragraph.

There is nothing about that story that isn't disgusting.

[the_bandersnatch]

There is nothing about that story that isn't disgusting.

I know what you mean, everytime I even think about New Zealand I feel the nausea rising.

Anyway, have an "awww" story:

Kind-hearted cat adopts baby chicks

... Stupid animals.

[Роберт]

Yet another reason to have vuvuzelas.

Apparently they spray germ aerosal more effectively than screaming and shouting and such.

From the link:

We recommend, as a precautionary measure, that people with respiratory infections should be advised not to blow their vuvuzela in enclosed spaces and where there is a risk of infecting others.

What the heck? I recommend that NO ONE blow a vuvuzela in an enclosed space when others are present.

[the_bandersnatch]

I recommend that NO ONE blow a vuvuzela.

[Роберт]

I recommend that NO ONE blow a vuvuzela.

I suppose if it's between consenting adults it's okay, but doing it in an enclosed space? Not my taste anyway.

[Роберт]

...

[The Reaper]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-13520472

Ligers in china being fed by a dog because the tiger wont raise them anymore.

[big boss]

Cartoon Situation Happens In Real Life

A New Zealandarianer fell on a compressed gas hose, and it inflated his buttocks like a balloon. The actual story itself is incredibly painful and squicky:

He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air - pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in - had separated fat from muscle.

but it has a chuckle-worthy final paragraph.

I was hoping for a picture

[Gellert1984]

Not sure if this shouldnt have its own topic, not sure if it doesnt already...

Flammable tap water, holy fracking hell!

[Angua]

Israeli couple names child 'Like' after facebook statuses.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-13417930

[broken_escalator]

What happens if you like Like, will he steal your shield or tunic?

Spoiler:

[Hawknc]

Not sure if this shouldnt have its own topic, not sure if it doesnt already...

Flammable tap water, holy fracking hell!

Finally, water that we might actually be able to power our cars with.

[bentheimmigrant]

One of the more suspicious police reports I've seen...
http://updatednews.ca/2011/05/25/assail ... from-fall/

Spoiler:

Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple concussions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.” According to a police report.

For some reason the phrase "told police he observed a male customer" is missing from the link, but I added it from a picture I've seen of a newspaper article.

[johnny_7713]

One of the more suspicious police reports I've seen...
http://updatednews.ca/2011/05/25/assail ... from-fall/

Spoiler:

Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple concussions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.” According to a police report.

For some reason the phrase "told police he observed a male customer" is missing from the link, but I added it from a picture I've seen of a newspaper article.

Guess they have really high curbs in Augusta, huh?

[sourmìlk]

Guess they have really high curbs in Augusta, huh?

With jagged rocks at the bottom.

[SlyReaper]

Jagged rocks made of fists.

[bentheimmigrant]

And combat boots.

[Kulantan]

Looks like a combat related accident. Almost as if he fell down a flight of punches.

[Deep_Thought]

I am so happy this thread has been posted. Wanted to post this since Monday but it doesn't really deserve an entire thread to itself:

Obama's armoured car defeated by ... speed bump.

Did this make the news in America? Supposedly the Beast has been airlifted back over the Atlantic because the damage is so expensive. Oops.

[zmatt]

yeah it did. Freaking Europeans and their obnoxious "sleeping policemen".

[sourmìlk]

he fell down a flight of punches.

Somebody needs to make this their signature. Not me, because mine is too busy bragging about how people don't like me.

[The Reaper]

Fisticuffs with a rabid bobcat
Man: 1, Bobcat: 0.

[Manial]

One of the more suspicious police reports I've seen...
http://updatednews.ca/2011/05/25/assail ... from-fall/

Spoiler:

Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple concussions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.” According to a police report.

For some reason the phrase "told police he observed a male customer" is missing from the link, but I added it from a picture I've seen of a newspaper article.

Unfortunately, the last paragraph never actually happened.

[sourmìlk]

One of the more suspicious police reports I've seen...
http://updatednews.ca/2011/05/25/assail ... from-fall/

Spoiler:

Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple concussions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.” According to a police report.

For some reason the phrase "told police he observed a male customer" is missing from the link, but I added it from a picture I've seen of a newspaper article.

Unfortunately, the last paragraph never actually happened.

D'oh! Also I didn't think snopes was that fast.

[LaserGuy]

Angry beaver rampages through Canadian town.

[SlyReaper]

Funny how a lot of the funny news stories involve animals.

[bigglesworth]

This one didn't!

[Angua]

It's old, but I found it under related stories - two gay penguins rearing a chick (and great for anyone to rebuff gay adoption as unnatural).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8096453.stm

[bentheimmigrant]

One of the more suspicious police reports I've seen...
http://updatednews.ca/2011/05/25/assail ... from-fall/

Spoiler:

Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple concussions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw … injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.” According to a police report.

For some reason the phrase "told police he observed a male customer" is missing from the link, but I added it from a picture I've seen of a newspaper article.

Unfortunately, the last paragraph never actually happened.

At least I wasn't the only one fooled.

[SlyReaper]

This amuses me.

[bentheimmigrant]

How does a guy clamp the car while the policemen stand next to it, and nobody stops him?

[broken_escalator]

Very sneakily.

Though the article sounds like police vs clamp guy in an ego battle; still it was a good laugh.

[bentheimmigrant]

Aside from being a generally bad man, Robert Mugabe appears to be excessively protective of his toilet.

[Eseell]

Horse herpes outbreak forces rodeo queens to ride stick ponies. This story is SFW, despite any evidence to the contrary.