It's official, Hollywood is fucking with us

[philsov]

Monopoly

Jude Law would make a great shoe.

[ATCG]

As noted by jakovasaur, Battleship isn't the only Hasbro-board-game-inspired movie in the works. While waiting to see when (and if) Monopoly makes it to the big screen, we can enjoy the faux trailer for a film that might have been made by Oliver Stone (and hope the real thing is as good).

[emceng]

I suspect(or hope) that this will go the way of Snakes on a Plane. Terrible concept, terrible movie, no reason for anyone to watch it. Even with the 'ironic' and alternative marketing being done, it will lose money.

[ShootTheChicken]

Snakes on a Plane was one of the better pieces of obviously trash entertainment I've seen. I enjoyed it and didn't feel disgusted with myself at the same time.

[IcedT]

I'm just hoping that they have Liam Neeson karate-chop enough Albanians to make this thing watchable. I definitely don't care about the aliens with the weirdest, most elaborate rules of engagement in galactic history.

[podbaydoor]

Monopoly

Jude Law would make a great shoe.

Well, he already did sex robot, I'm sure a shoe won't be much of a stretch.

[Technical Ben]

Spoiler:

Here is what almost certainly happened: the studio optioned the rights to Battleship at some point when they had some spare cash and wanted to buy some rights, as often happens. Come 2008 or so, someone started to put together a story treatment for a movie about the Navy fighting aliens. Some studio head noticed they had the rights to Battleship, and said "Hey, guess what! You're writing the Battleship movie!" At which point they got some dude at Hasbro to make some changes, and they'll add a handful of token references to the game (I'm betting there will be scenes where they fire missiles around the aliens to determine their location and also someone will say "They sunk my battleship!").

This is essentially the story behind Starship Troopers.

Nope. After Transformers, Universal and Hasbro made a deal to make multiple board game movies.

Spoiler:

ETA: Here's the link. They agreed to make 4 movies, drawing from such source material as Battleship, Monopoly, Clue, Ouija Board, Candyland, Magic: The Gathering, and Stretch Armstrong.

HAHAHAHA!
I can imagine the discussion now.
Universal Studios CEO: We made a ton on Transformers. So we signed up for a 4 movie deal with Hasbro.
Universal Studios Film director: You do realise Transformers were the only toys they make right?
Universal Studios CEO: Huh? So what is their catalogue full of if not toys?
Universal Studios Film director: Board Games.
Universal Studios CEO: ...

Oh, you do realise the Hollywood "credit default swap" equivalents are now traded on the stock market? Movie failures are now a real investment scheme (see double, triple or infinite insurance claims on flopped ticket sales). It's a non sustainable model, but it never stopped the credit default swaps on bad mortgages making a killing. Now the do the same with films.

[podbaydoor]

Oh, you do realise the Hollywood "credit default swap" equivalents are now traded on the stock market? Movie failures are now a real investment scheme (see double, triple or infinite insurance claims on flopped ticket sales). It's a non sustainable model, but it never stopped the credit default swaps on bad mortgages making a killing. Now the do the same with films.

...


......



...Germany was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me

And now it's...
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay!
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Rhineland's a fine land once more!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Watch out, Europe
We're going on tour!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany...

[Xeio]

ETA: Here's the link. They agreed to make 4 movies, drawing from such source material as Battleship, Monopoly, Clue, Ouija Board, Candyland, Magic: The Gathering, and Stretch Armstrong.

You know, a Magic: The Gathering movie could be quite good (the books are, if nothing else).

I have no idea how they could possibly choose only one of the worlds to base it in though, or around which character...

[Izawwlgood]

You know, a Magic: The Gathering movie could be quite good (the books are, if nothing else).

I just want to give you a hug, because you're the first person I've encountered that has read them. I'm talking about the first four or so: Arena, and the three or four (can't recall how many) that follow Gull and Greenie.

[Xeio]

I've only read Onslaught block which were good. I had been meaning to get another set of them, but then I stopped playing the game so my interest faded. :X

[Jahoclave]

I'm going to pitch them an indie film. It's two and a half hours of me punching anybody and everybody responsible for crap like this in the face. I'm fairly certain it will be a hit.

[Thesh]

Looks like someone was watching this:
http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicke ... ovies.html (People out of the US might not be able to see this. Sorry, can't find a better link)

[Triangle_Man]

Looks like someone was watching this:
http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicke ... ovies.html (People out of the US might not be able to see this. Sorry, can't find a better link)

I remember this sketch!

Kind of sad that they've managed to predict the future so well.

Also, I'll be busy mourning the death of creative thought and the arts on this planet.

Seriously, I pretty much hate just about everything now.

[Eseell]

Here is what almost certainly happened: the studio optioned the rights to Battleship at some point when they had some spare cash and wanted to buy some rights, as often happens. Come 2008 or so, someone started to put together a story treatment for a movie about the Navy fighting aliens. Some studio head noticed they had the rights to Battleship, and said "Hey, guess what! You're writing the Battleship movie!" At which point they got some dude at Hasbro to make some changes, and they'll add a handful of token references to the game (I'm betting there will be scenes where they fire missiles around the aliens to determine their location and also someone will say "They sunk my battleship!").

This is essentially the story behind Starship Troopers.

Starship Troopers would make an awesome movie. I hope they make that someday.

[Dream]

I'm going to pitch them an indie film. It's two and a half hours of me punching anybody and everybody responsible for crap like this in the face. I'm fairly certain it will be a hit.

I've got ninety million dollars for you if you can work in a Buckaroo angle.

[Eseell]

I'm going to pitch them an indie film. It's two and a half hours of me punching anybody and everybody responsible for crap like this in the face. I'm fairly certain it will be a hit.

I've got ninety million dollars for you if you can work in a Buckaroo angle.

The responsible parties are red leptons lectroids? (I knew I was misremembering that.)

[Technical Ben]

Quoted Some Stuff, then said some stuff I have no clue as to the meaning of.

Sorry, you lost me there. Is that some sort of musical based on the topic of a way out of a bad economy?
The Producers perhaps?

[Dauric]

Quoted Me, then said some stuff I have no clue as to the meaning of.

Sorry, you lost me there. Is that some sort of musical based on the topic of a way out of a bad economy?
The Producers perhaps?

"Springtime for Hitler" was the show the producers in "The Producers" were making, specifically in the hopes that it would bomb and the machinations of the accountant-half of the duo would mean they'd rake in the money. Podbaydoor was transcribing the lyrics to part of Springtime for Hitler, since we're obviously on our way to seeing it produced un-ironically (IE: without the context of "The Producers") in theaters any day now.

[Dream]

I'm going to pitch them an indie film. It's two and a half hours of me punching anybody and everybody responsible for crap like this in the face. I'm fairly certain it will be a hit.

I've got ninety million dollars for you if you can work in a Buckaroo angle.

The responsible parties are red leptons lectroids? (I knew I was misremembering that.)

No,

Spoiler:

[CorruptUser]

I'm going to pitch them an indie film. It's two and a half hours of me punching anybody and everybody responsible for crap like this in the face. I'm fairly certain it will be a hit.

I've got ninety million dollars for you if you can work in a Buckaroo angle.

The responsible parties are red leptons lectroids? (I knew I was misremembering that.)

No,

Spoiler:

Make it $105M, and I can do Ants in the Pants. 80 minutes of boring backstory, and 10 minutes of people being devoured by ants. Fire ants. Meat-eater ants. Army ants. Bullet ants. Those ants from Crystal Skull. Also, a scene underneath Los Angeles (complete with Wilhelm Screams) as a shout-out to "THEM!". Maybe a few termites too; viewers are morons and won't know the difference.

[Jahoclave]

Also, just once I'd like to see the female in the relationship actually have something to do other than fuck the main character before he goes off to war.

[Dream]

Those ants from Crystal Skull

Sold!

Spoiler:

[Thesh]

Also, just once I'd like to see the female in the relationship actually have something to do other than fuck the main character before he goes off to war.

We Were Soldiers

[Triangle_Man]

I'm going to pitch them an indie film. It's two and a half hours of me punching anybody and everybody responsible for crap like this in the face. I'm fairly certain it will be a hit.

I've got ninety million dollars for you if you can work in a Buckaroo angle.

The responsible parties are red leptons lectroids? (I knew I was misremembering that.)

No,

Spoiler:

Make it $105M, and I can do Ants in the Pants. 80 minutes of boring backstory, and 10 minutes of people being devoured by ants. Fire ants. Meat-eater ants. Army ants. Bullet ants. Those ants from Crystal Skull. Also, a scene underneath Los Angeles (complete with Wilhelm Screams) as a shout-out to "THEM!". Maybe a few termites too; viewers are morons and won't know the difference.

And yet it would still be entertaining than the fucking battleship movie, which seems like the type of thing you'd see mocked in a stop-motion satirical cartoon.

[CorruptUser]

Mr Bucket, Harbinger of Doom. "The balls, they popped out of his mouth!"

[ConMan]

You guys are going to love my new movie - an alien race is moving these huge technological devices around, and the humans have created a device that counters them, but they have to move fast. Because if the aliens ever get four of their devices in a straight line, it's all over.

[poxic]

Ooh, call it "Bejeweled"!

[Jahoclave]

Ooh, call it "Bejeweled"!

FUCK YOU!
It's Connect Four!

I loved that game when I was little!

[Griffin]

I would like to second the a Magic the Gathering movie having potential - A lot of their fiction is terrible, but a lot (particularly the ice-age era comics, imo, though the Arena and Gull&Greensleeves stories were decent too) was pretty damn good.

Boardgame movies I would like to see, though?

BANG! - Wild west with tons of booze, interesting characters, where no one can be trusted because the thieves have infiltrated town so well? What's not to love!

Chrononauts - Time traveling, history rewriting, sounds like fun, right?

Gloom - Schadenfreude ho!

Dominion - Err, okay, I've got nothing on this one, but I'd certainly like to see them try!

And, of course, Go: The Movie.

[poxic]

Go: The Movie.

I think they called this one "Run Lola Run".

[Felstaff]

We're losing ships, sir. What are your orders?

Increase speed, drop down and reverse direction!





I've still got a trick or two up my sleeve. Watch, as I fire upwards through our own shields!

Gasp! He's a madman!

[Plasma Man]

Kerplunk could make a good film. There's been some kind of disaster, and now the survivors are trapped under an interlocking web of girders that are holding up a load of rubble. Can the girders be extracted to free them without letting the rubble fall?

[emceng]

Kerplunk could make a good film. There's been some kind of disaster, and now the survivors are trapped under an interlocking web of girders that are holding up a load of rubble. Can the girders be extracted to free them without letting the rubble fall?

Holy crap, I was going to make a joke about this game, but couldn't remember the name.

[Lostdreams]

Mouse trap. It's pretty much already been done anyway.

[broken_escalator]

Bop It: A nuclear bomb will self-destruct if it is not continuously bopped, twisted or pulled. Throw keanu in there and it'll be just like speed! The sequel can be that more advanced looking bop it...

Don't Wake Daddy: A thriller movie where "daddy" is a murderous psychopath and/or possessed by a demon. Young adults are repeatedly dragged away while trying to escape out a door hidden behind the refrigerator.

[tzvibish]

Pictionary: A moving biopic of mute politicians who make all their arguments in furiously erratic pictures.

Trivial Pursuit: See - Slumdog Millionaire

Trouble: A documentary about corporate culture. No matter how close employees are to success and promotion, they can't win because they are victims of success. They keep rolling too high and being barred from entry into the elitist culture of upper management.

[Dauric]

I'm going to pitch them an indie film. It's two and a half hours of me punching anybody and everybody responsible for crap like this in the face. I'm fairly certain it will be a hit.

I've got ninety million dollars for you if you can work in a Buckaroo angle.

The responsible parties are red leptons lectroids? (I knew I was misremembering that.)

No,

Spoiler:

Make it $105M, and I can do Ants in the Pants. 80 minutes of boring backstory, and 10 minutes of people being devoured by ants. Fire ants. Meat-eater ants. Army ants. Bullet ants. Those ants from Crystal Skull. Also, a scene underneath Los Angeles (complete with Wilhelm Screams) as a shout-out to "THEM!". Maybe a few termites too; viewers are morons and won't know the difference.

If you've got any of that 105M left over we can have a tie-in video game that's nothing but a rehash of the "Those" mission from Fallout 3 (and has no bearing on the "Ants in the Pants" movie despite sharing the same name), 'cause every movie has to have a themed video game to be released alongside it.

So, the Battleship movie's companion video game: Any bets it'll be a First Person Shooter? (RTS would clearly be too appropriate a choice for it to actually happen...)

[jakovasaur]

I'm sure one of these movies will be My Little Pony, unfortunately. That shit needs to stop.

[Triangle_Man]

Risk - A mock documentary about a war in the far future where various nations attempt to expand their borders to take over the entire world.

Guess Who - A film about a young criminal profiler as she is forced to identify all of the people involved in a terrorist plot via process of elimination and a series of yes-no questions.

Also, Jakovasaur, I am fairly certain that a lot of people on the internet would intensely disagree with you, myself not included.