0310: "Commitment"

[ErinnDruid]

Meanwhile, rationalizing your way into a marriage is not the way to go. Even in the first panel, he was having his doubts. But still. Poor blonde woman.

Does it make me a really mean (brunette) woman that I'm really rather happy it was the blonde he realised he'd made a mistake with?

[Ketzerei]

In hindsight, maybe, in my current sight, not so much. However, I like the situation as it is as well (unrequited semblance of love may not be fun, but having a good friend who understands you and you can share anything with is, so it all balances out).

It's kind of awkward when the good friend is also the one you're in love with.

[mostlygrounded]

This happened to me almost thirty years ago. With a few twists that might make it less believable.
My fiance D was over at our best people's house complaining that we couldn't find anybody to marry us in the arroyo as we wished. Well, Best Person's brother was in town and was volunteered by the brother's wife "He is an Universal Life minister, if it is legal here he can do it." It was legal so it became the plan.

D and I planned a very small wedding, two sets of parents, the best people/witnesses and the minister. The day of the wedding the best person's brother had to go out of town to look at a VW bus so he sent his wife, S, (also a Universal Life minister) to marry us. I took one look at her and "Oh, Shit" was the first thing I thought. Followed closely by, "I am marrying the wrong person."

You like to think that you are a brave person but sometimes the world takes the time to illustrate how that may not be true. I could not find it in myself to stand up and say something like, "Thanks for coming everybody but I have realized that this is not a good idea and maybe we should just go right to cake." Instead, I thought, "If this is what I think it is I can let it go and it will come back." So I let her go. She and her husband were passing thru town and I avoided getting any contact information. That fall D and I moved to a city in another state.

A couple of years later D and I drive back to town to repair a sculpture. The sculpture has been destroyed by the gallery and there is nothing to repair. We go to a local mexican restaurant to celebrate my 27th birthday anyway. Best Person is waiting tables there. D was very jealous and I had learned over the years to recognize those women that would mean trouble. A glance, a casual smile, could mean great strife. Well, one of those women was sitting at a little table behind the register. No clue as to who she was, just- trouble. My only hope was that she would not look over. Even a "Hi!" from a stranger could lead to a painful fight.

While I am saying my prayers for a quiet evening, Best Person is talking to S, "Do you know who is on table 12? You married them! You should say hi." S did come over and say, "Hi!". I stared at my plate, D and S had a made small talk. I did not have a quiet evening and about 3-4 mos. later D and I split and I moved back to town.

The story of how S and I finally got together is a long and difficult one but it is in the past nearly twenty years. Is it silver for the twentieth? I need to know by next May.

[Wade M]

This happened to me almost thirty years ago. With a few twists that might make it less believable.

WOW!, Epic story dude!

(after a long time reading the forums, this post got me to pull the trigger and register)

--Wade

[TheKhakinator]

MostlyGrounded - Very epic indeed. Congrats!

[SecondTalon]

I felt compelled to come comment on this one, because it hit close to home - I had a boyfriend in college who was terrified of committing to anything or anyone, because he was afraid that something better (or in his words, "the right one") would come along.

I think I dated the same guy!
He was always, and still is, looking for the 'right one' or the 'perfect one' but of course he's perfectly happy to sleep with as many 'not quite right' ones along the way as he can...

Wow! This guy really gets around! My last bf was like that, too.

Interesting. Obviously, at some point, he got a sex-change as I dated her.

[zenten]

mostlygrounded: Did D show these signs of jealousy before you got married?

[bbctol]

mostlygrounded wins the thread. That is an awesome, awesome story.

[Murgatroyd]

The story of how S and I finally got together is a long and difficult one but it is in the past nearly twenty years. Is it silver for the twentieth? I need to know by next May.

Silver is 25, gold is 50, all others vary from source to source and are a relatively recent invention by the anniversary gift industry.

[froth]

Would this comic have been better had Hat-man been the minister?

Yes. Definitely.

[une see]

In hindsight, maybe, in my current sight, not so much. However, I like the situation as it is as well (unrequited semblance of love may not be fun, but having a good friend who understands you and you can share anything with is, so it all balances out).

It's kind of awkward when the good friend is also the one you're in love with.

xkcd fora drama...? functionally_stupid, yes? YES?

Okay, that was probably not very cool of me. But I am a very nosy person. Nosy as Indiana Jones...Charlie Brown? Encyclopedia Brown!

That took altogether too many tries to get.

[Unsanity]

Not only is the topic fairly, well, topical, but "well, shit" (the comma is crucial) is by far my favorite phrase in the english language. I use it all the time, and it works in every situation that is somewhat negative.

Excellent comic.

Also: that's an amazing story mostlygrounded, glad everything worked out.

[hestia]

In hindsight, maybe, in my current sight, not so much. However, I like the situation as it is as well (unrequited semblance of love may not be fun, but having a good friend who understands you and you can share anything with is, so it all balances out).

It's kind of awkward when the good friend is also the one you're in love with.

That sort of thing can work out too though, there is a reason you're friends. My fiance was my best friend for a long time. He had fallen pretty hard for me but I had another boyfriend at the time. A lot of awkwardness and drama later, I saw sense.
Good luck with that though, it can be rather tough.

[Master Gunner]

In hindsight, maybe, in my current sight, not so much. However, I like the situation as it is as well (unrequited semblance of love may not be fun, but having a good friend who understands you and you can share anything with is, so it all balances out).

It's kind of awkward when the good friend is also the one you're in love with.

That sort of thing can work out too though, there is a reason you're friends. My fiance was my best friend for a long time. He had fallen pretty hard for me but I had another boyfriend at the time. A lot of awkwardness and drama later, I saw sense.
Good luck with that though, it can be rather tough.

You got it. The thing between my friend and I isn't that she isn't interesting in me, but that she isn't interested in a relationship with anyone, and I am perfectly fine with that. If she eventually becomes interested in a relationship, that's great, if not, she's a great friend, which is just as good (and under some circumstances, even better. When the angel choir appears, it's much better to have a best friend than a significant other). In any case, I dare not say anything further, for she might prowl around here in secret, and I do not want to dare a confrontation (she bites).

[Elfenmaedchen]

Silver is 25, gold is 50, all others vary from source to source and are a relatively recent invention by the anniversary gift industry.

Not quite. Just imported from Germany by them. Or from Poland? We got names for all possible anniversaries. No clue why silver and gold got popular and paper, leather etc. didnt

[la parizienne]

Aniston-Pitt-Jolie AGAIN ??

[PandaFluff]

Silver is 25, gold is 50, all others vary from source to source and are a relatively recent invention by the anniversary gift industry.

Not quite. Just imported from Germany by them. Or from Poland? We got names for all possible anniversaries. No clue why silver and gold got popular and paper, leather etc. didnt

I'm having a huge party for my Thorium anniversary!

By the way, the situation in this comic is like my worst fear.

[keithc]

This is interesting, considering today in my Intro to Philosophy class we started talking and watching a documentary on Jacques Derrida. One of the things he talked about was how our eyes and our hands are things that can only be truly seen by The Other--the person(s) that are part of the future and are unexpected in our lives...

Which just goes to show what a load of bollocks Derrida spoke.

[keithc]

This happened to me almost thirty years ago. A couple of years later D and I drive back to town to repair a sculpture. The sculpture has been destroyed by the gallery and there is nothing to repair. We go to a local mexican restaurant to celebrate my 27th birthday anyway.

That makes you older than me. Hah! there had to be someone!

Is it silver for the twentieth? I need to know by next May.

No, twentieth is generally china. Other people have said twenty-fifth is silver. I have to know that by next July

[bbctol]

That makes you older than me. Hah! there had to be someone!

Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet. By which I mean, "talked to Hammer or the Cow".

[Hammer]

Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet. By which I mean, "talked to Hammer or the Cow".

If mostlygrounded got married for the first time 30 years ago, he's got a few years on both Cow and myself.

[the Cow]

Not combined.

[Chocobean]

My fiance was my best friend for a long time. He had fallen pretty hard for me but I had another boyfriend at the time. A lot of awkwardness and drama later, I saw sense.
Good luck with that though, it can be rather tough.

=D That happened to me!!
I was dating a guy in a hopelessly-doomed relationship wherein he was happy to have someone to love and be loved, but obviously no Angels sang for him, and I am/was a commitment freak, convinced that I should throw my life away just because at one point in my life I promised to myself that I'll "see him to the end" because I make him happy, and not many people do.

Well, one year at a school winter retreat I met my now husband. The Angels didn't sing -- they shouted. It wasn't love at first sight: our puny optical nerves and visual processing units are too primitive to be trusted; it was love at first [everything]. The way he talks, the way he reminds you of yourself as a reflection in the mirror does, the way he makes casual allusions to something that happened when he was young, which makes you think you could've also been there, with him, in another universe.

In short: Things make sense. There's no head-bashing, there's no talking yourself into staying, there's no feeling of emptiness and anger at yourself after each meeting.

Thanks msfayzer, I'm glad it worked out for you too.

[grim heart]

Re: OP

Definite LOL moment. I mean, what are you gonna do? Either way someone gets hurt, and in that way the comic is so very true to life.

[mostlygrounded]

I knew I was old when I wrote the thing. Glad everybody is feeling better about themselves.

[jakinator]

I lol'd at this comic. One of my favorites.

[BethComesFromAbove]

Has anyone else noticed that this comic is eerily similar to the plot of the new Ben Stiller movie, "The Heartbreak Kid"? The main guy finally breaks down after being single for a long time and marries a blond girl, only to become annoyed with her and fall in love with a brunette on his honeymoon.

Uncanny, no?

[mrmanme]

I believe it was the comic strip "Fisher" that taught me the first anniversary is the paper one. He and his wife exchanged little pieces of origami.

[Rummy]

Good to know some people really do hear the choir of angels... Gives me some solice that maybe I'm not just a screw-up or commit-a-phobe.

[russianspy1234]

I'm lucky I don't have to worry about this. I met the right person a little while ago, but I can't be with her. So, no matter who I end up marrying, I won't have to worry about suddenly meeting someone who will make me regret it.

[chaval]

Dude, even if you don't believe it you understand life better than most people.
I'm glad I'm not married yet
I'm just sad about what this girl will have to go through...

[Lode Runner]

I think I am going to win.

[Lunch Meat]

As far as wondering if it's the right person, or wondering if someone better is going to come along, I think it's generally a good sign when the choir of angels doesn't go away. In my experience it's not difficult to fool yourself into thinking you hear it, or to fool yourself into thinking that you're scared of being alone and you'd better hold onto what you have, even if it's not what you really wanted, so you decide you must have heard it at the beginning and just didn't notice.

In my case, anyway, it was rather difficult to hear the choir on the first day of freshman year, because there were so many people it would have been impossible to determine for which one they were trumpeting. Also, my own internal wondering and overanalyzing would have drowned out any choir.

But it was there the first time I had a real conversation with him about our lives and futures and values. It was there when he told me about his girlfriend back home, with her lovelight shining in his eyes. It was there while I struggled to stick to my immature, going-nowhere relationship back home because I didn't want to end it over the phone. It was there every time we stopped to talk to each other for more than a few minutes, every time we sat in the cafeteria for half an hour after it closed arguing about theology and philosophy and music and theater.

And that stupid choir would not go away, so I learned to drown it out--throwing rocks to dent their trumpets, loudly humming notes dissonant to their beautiful triumphant chords. It was there when his girlfriend transfered to our school the next semester, and I realized that as much as I wanted to hate her, she was far too nice.

It was there, a little quieter, as I dated other guys and fell in and out of love and developed crushes that faded. It was there on days when I was homesick and heartsick and crying and he gave me huge hugs and told me that he cared. It was there when she left school and he followed her back home. It was there when they came back to visit and she showed off her ring and I smiled and told them how happy I was, though I couldn't hear them playing much more than a funeral dirge.

And the choir of angels was there when I learned through facebook that she'd broken up with him, and as I read the confused and hurting notes he posted, and they sang what I wanted to tell him but couldn't find the words to say--that I cared, that I was listening, that I was paying attention, that it would be all right. And it was there when I decided not to say anything because I didn't want to feel like I was just selfishly trying to get his attention.

It was there when he came back to visit--alone--and we sat and talked and connected again, but I knew they were "that kind" of couple who was destined to be together, and if they ever broke up it would only be a matter of time before they got back together, so I stayed back so as not to interfere. And it was still there months later when we happened to be online at the same time and chatted, and I said he had to come back for homecoming or else, and he laughed and said he would, and I told myself that he was just being friendly. It was there when he asked for my number and then we talked for 40 minutes, and I told myself that it was too soon, and he just wanted someone to talk to. And then it returned full force when I saw him across the room before the homecoming concert, and couldn't stop myself from running to him in heels to give him the biggest hug I could.

And then...well, he asked me out. And the choir hasn't gone away since. I've apologized to them for being rude, and they've forgiven me.

The point? Well, I'm young, and I don't know if it's going to last, but I know I'd have absolutely no problem if it did. I can't think of any way he could be more suited to me, and for that reason even if I did meet someone else I'd tend not to trust that feeling--because I think you shouldn't change decisions you've made just because you feel like you want to. I love this man even when I don't feel like it, and if I met another awesome guy and felt something for him, I'd take comfort in the fact that he's going to go make some other deserving girl happy. I wouldn't change a decision I made sanely, in the heat of the moment--or even in the heat of the first few months after meeting someone. I feel sorry for this guy in the comic, but he's got to remember that he made a promise to a girl, and he made a promise for a reason, and it wouldn't be worth keeping if it wasn't hard.

[meltingemail]

I'm only four years late to the party, but hey.

There is a movie that is pretty much exactly this, if you take the narration as the woman's rather than the man's (and it's possible to do so). It's called Imagine Me and You, with Piper Perabo and Lena Headey.

And I like this comic because my beloved partner of five years is blonde, I'm a brunette, and she was dating a guy when I met her. (The three of us are all still close. No, not that kind of close, you pervs. We're invited to his June wedding, to a lovely auburn-haired girl).

[BioTube]

And I like this comic because my beloved partner of five years is blonde, I'm a brunette, and she was dating a guy when I met her. (The three of us are all still close. No, not that kind of close, you pervs. We're invited to his June wedding, to a lovely auburn-haired girl).

So it's that kind of close.

[xkcdinspired]

This comic is epic. It can be funny, sad, twisted, or all of the above. I sometimes thought about these problems, and drew my own explanation of this sticky situation here. It's very tricky because you never know. You thought the Other was the One, until the One showed up...

[WhiteDragon]

The choir of angels reminds me of the animation sequences from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

[Yaranna]

I keep thinking of this comic in relation to my current situation...

I was living in a different city when I started talking to my ex-boyfriend (I'll call him Nick) again. One thing led to another, and we started dating again.
About three months later, I moved back to the city where he lived, and in with my best friends. That's when I met "him." He (let's call him Tom) was living with my best friends during summer semester, and within about a week of me living there, he was my best friend. I was looking forward to seeing him when I got home more than anything, and I was going out of my way to hang out with him. I didn't really realize what was going on until August came and he moved out, when I was terrified that we wouldn't see each other anymore because now I had no excuse. It was then that I realized what had happened... of course, I'd been immediately attracted to Tom, but it was when he moved out that I finally sat down and evaluated my feelings, and realized that for the first time I had a major regret; getting back together with my Nick before I'd met him.
We kept hanging out, only now everything was twinged with guilt. I felt enormously responsible for getting back together with my Nick, and felt like he was worth more than breaking up with just to be with someone else... even if that someone else seemed to be all I ever thought about. Anyway, at precisely the same time that Tom moved out, my boyfriend moved in under an agreement he'[d had with my roommates prior to me moving in. It put me in an awkward place. I originally intended to make him crash outside my room, but it offended him that I didn't want him to sleep in the same bed as me, even if it would have normally been okay. While Nick was at work Tom would come over and hang out, and I couldn't help but feel guilty every time my boyfriend came home from work to find us sitting out on the balcony talking (which was every night). I tried to stop thinking about it, but I was suffering, and everyone noticed.
Around this time, a new friend joined our little group (we'll call her Lauren), and started hanging out with us a lot. Lauren had become one of my female best friends, and I really enjoyed hanging out with her. What I didn't enjoy was watching as her and Tom steadily worked toward dating. I told myself repeatedly that it was best, that if he was in a relationship I'd feel a little better, that I wanted Laura to be happy too, but every time I saw them together I would be sick.
I started on a bit of a bender, trying to drink my way through the problem... of course, my boyfriend knew something was wrong... a few weeks later, he moved out to "give me space." I decided to give it two weeks after he moved out, and then break up with him. I wasn't going to leave him for Tom or anything, I didn't even know whether my feelings were reciprocated, and suspected they were not... All I wanted was to be happy again, and to be more fair to Nick. Fast forward a week and a half, and I get invited to this dance thing at the Uni. I figure what the hell and go, but seeing Tom and Laura together there just snaps something in me that night. My friends all agree to go back to my other friends apartment as usual, but I go home on the context of being tired. Of course, I actually go home and attack my vodka trying to tell myself everything will work out... when my phone buzzes. It's from Tom, and says "would you mind if I came over tomorrow and consumed a fair quantity of your alcohol?"
Oh irony.
I say yes, but that there may not be much left, which based on my bender was highly probably. He decides to come over immediately instead, and at this point the alcohol and bitterness has mounted to the point where all I can think is how pathetic I must look, at home on a Saturday night, getting drunk alone.
He comes over, and proceeds to drink pretty heavily, and is quiet the whole time, which isn't like him. We're sitting in our usual place on the balcony when Nick shows up, also drunk.
He's supposed to be at work, but was so messed up he called out to get wasted at his friends. He goes on a long rant about how he doesn't care what's wrong, we can work through it, and how I'm his forever girl, and all sorts of things that just make me feel terrible, and I start crying. He finally gives up, and says he "has to let me go," and walks off. I's like a huge weight off my chest, and at this point I can't help but be relieved and a little happy for the first time in a very stressful couple of months.
Still, I begin to avoid Tom, and it's a few weeks before I decide to go out again, when I go over to my friend's apartment, where he cooks dinner for me, Laura, and Tom. Laura is of course all over Tom, trying to hold his hand and fall asleep on him while we watch movies out on the balcony, but he doesn't seem much into it, and shakes her off more than once. I try not to pay any attention, but when it's time to fall asleep (we sleep on that balcony about once a week after our little dinner parties), he moves to my side of the balcony and she seems really hurt. Now, I have tried my best to avoid him for a good two weeks, so we hadn't done this in a while, but before that I'd more than once been forced to sleep next to him on that cramped balcony and let me just say you do not know hell until you've been in the truest love you've ever felt with someone you know you can't have, and been forced to sleep on the equivalent of a half a twin bed with them. Still, I didn't have to feel guilty now, and it wasn't unusual for us to sleep like this, so I lay down. Our arms somehow end up pinned pretty close, and all the sudden we're holding hands. He doesn't even pretend to acknowledge it, so I assume he's just being friendly, I mean we all sleep pretty close normally so it's likely he's just holding my hand for expedience.
I can't sleep the whole night, and spend the next 6 or 7 hours just thinking about the feeling of his hand around mine... eventually our friends both have to leave for class, but Tom and I stay there enjoying the nice weather as the sun comes up. We start talking. And talk. And talk. And talk. We've spent a lot of nights staying up late just talking, but not like this. We lay on that balcony, holding hands and talking for about 5 hours. And finally, he kisses me.
Three months after I first realized I loved him, and barely 4 since I'd met him...
I never used to believe in love at first sight, but from the moment we met, something clicked between Tom and I.
And there's no better feeling in the world than when I'm with him.

[scarletmanuka]

That's a heck of a de-lurk there, Yaranna.

Sounds like you've wound up where you need to be, even if the two of you seem to have picked the longest and hardest way to get there. So congratulations, and I hope it works out well for you.

[UniqueScreenname]

Ok, I have been thinking about this a lot, and I now have a problem with this. This is all based on finding the one person that is most compatible with you, not someone that is adequately so. If you find someone that is compatible with you, and can make you happy, then why should you worry about finding someone else that can make you moreso? It sounds selfish, especially if you're already married to someone. Is it really a good excuse to leave someone you're happy with just so you can be with someone that makes you elated, especially when doing so will make your current mate absolutely miserable? If I were the blond in this situation and the next frame had him walking off with the brunette and me standing alone, I would immediately become an alcoholic and then kill myself. The point, my friends, is if you are married, you should want to put the other person ahead of yourself, be willing to compromise, do anything to make it last. It isn't loving to be constantly looking for someone else you might be better off with, because as you go forward, you don't realize what you leave in your wake, which is basically a lot of tragedy.