xkcd

by **Brace** » Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:51 pm UTC

The people who work at the comp sci major's computer lab are all pretty transphobic, and this is upsetting to me. Especially since one is gay. Admittedly that's prison gay (and in a somewhat literal rather than just derogatory sense also as he has felonies), but still. This is upsetting because two of them are star students and this makes me think: these people are representative of the sort that would be my coworkers after graduating. In which case, I probably couldn't even get a job in spite of my stellar academic record because I wouldn't pass the interview process.

Spoiler:

Edited to expand spoiler for violence/self-harm trigger. -Lanicita

Second edit this time good news! My financial aid appeal has been won but not finalized. They could still cut my hours or restrict the degrees I can pursue. Still incredibly relieved though.

by **PM 2Ring** » Mon Aug 22, 2011 10:14 pm UTC

Hello everybody. I was basically offline for about 9 months. I've been back online for a little while but I haven't posted in this thread, since I feel that I ought to catch up on the posts I missed while I was away. Unfortunately, I haven't yet made the time to read all of them, but I have read the last 5 pages or so. But I really want to make a few comments. So I shall.

Firstly, a big congratulations to Aaeriele for her recent legal victory.

superglucose wrote:I guess that's why I don't really identify with the "community." I don't feel like it goes about it the right way and I don't feel like there's a cohesive community. I feel like whatever community is invented is really invented as a sort of "Us vs them" mentality which I think fosters resentment for people who don't think the same way you do (if straight people are "the enemy" then you start harboring resentment towards straight people). Heck, just look at the way certain camps within the so-called community treat other camps. Some LGBs don't accept the Ts, some LGBTs don't accept the As, and some LGBTAs don't accept the Ps. Then we're all boiled down to some letter.

[...]

Beyond that if you have questions, go ahead and ask them. If you want to know if I could be attracted to you or if I am attracted to you or interested in you? Ask. But don't label me and for the love of god don't hear what I say and then respond with "Ah, you're clearly X" or "Ah, well you're not Y but you could X." I'm Superglucose, that's the only label I can safely wear.

You make lots of excellent points, superglucose. The community is generally not very cohesive, apart from little pockets like this one. The sexuality / gender landscape just covers so much territory that it's hard to even get us all to agree on a common term to describe people like us, what to speak of sharing common goals, philosophies, etc. And while I totally agree with your statements about the "Us vs them" mentality and how it can lead to seeing straight people as "the enemy", I believe that at this stage we don't have a lot of choice. One of the main things we all have in common is that despite vast improvements in queer rights around the world in the last few decades we are still generally discriminated against in various ways by the majority straight society. So for political reasons we need to present at least the facade of a united front. As the great Benjamin Franklin said: "We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately."

As far as many straight people are concerned, they don't really see a difference between the different types of queer people, apart from differences of degree and differences due to our birth gender (ie what got written on our birth certificate). I've had conversations with well-educated straight people who firmly believe that trans is just a more extreme form of gay. :roll:

On the topic of labels, they have their good and bad points. If they are understood as ways of referring to regions of the sexuality / gender landscape, like signposts, they can be useful, as they can give us the points of reference we need to discuss this complex & subtle topic. Their bad side arises when we try to attach them to individuals because that is essentially an attempt to chain the person to the signpost. Actually, it's even worse that that because we all have different interpretations of what the labels mean, which just adds to the possible confusions & misunderstandings.

Kilroy(ZTC) wrote:The people who work at the comp sci major's computer lab are all pretty transphobic, and this is upsetting to me. Especially since one is gay. Admittedly that's prison gay (and in a somewhat literal rather than just derogatory sense also as he has felonies), but still. This is upsetting because two of them are star students and this makes me think: these people are representative of the sort that would be my coworkers after graduating. In which case, I probably couldn't even get a job in spite of my stellar academic record because I wouldn't pass the interview process.

*big hugs, Kilroy* Don't let them get to you. You will find transphobic people wherever you go (even among gay people). OTOH, there are also plenty of queer-friendly people in IT. Which makes sense, since one of the founders of computer science, A. M. Turing, was gay, and modern computer architecture & chip design owes a lot to the work of Lynn Conway, a trans woman.

It's unfortunate, but there's a long "tradition" of animosity between gay & trans. Of course there are plenty of gay people that are quite accepting of trans people & vice versa, but there are also plenty that are not. I suspect that the non-accepting ones generally have some issues with their own self-image and self-acceptance, and / or with the stereotypes inflicted upon us by straight society.

by **superglucose** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 6:40 am UTC

I saw a girl with a really cute skirt. I asked where she got it and she said "a thrift store." I would've taken the dirty looks she gave me and the "ewww what are you a creep?" but I just wanted a skirt that looked like that :cry:

by **Jessica** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 2:48 pm UTC

Thrift stores are awesome - though as you get to higher sizes that awesomeness decreases.
What did it look like?

by **superglucose** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:17 pm UTC

navy blue and whle not tight on the body was close to the body with blue... I dunno, ripples? horizontally circling the body ever few inches.

by **Jessica** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:36 pm UTC

I hope you don't mind if I try and figure out what kind of skirt it was.
Here are some A-line skirts, which sort of fit your description

Spoiler:

I think it's an a-line personally. But, it might be a bell-shaped skirt

Spoiler:

The horizontal circling makes me think maybe you mean a peasant or prairie skirt?

Spoiler:

It could also be a tiered skirt...

Spoiler:

do any of those look right

by **superglucose** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:40 pm UTC

Not quite. It's like a mix of the peasant skirt and the tiered skirt but it didn't seem to flare at all... or narrow.

EDIT: And I have no problems with this. Worst case scenario I just learn more about the kinds of skirts I want

by **Jessica** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 4:00 pm UTC

More looks under spoiler.

Spoiler:

by **superglucose** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 4:09 pm UTC

Gonna have to find some of those maxi skirts so I don't have to shave my legs.

by **Jessica** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 4:29 pm UTC

They are really pretty

by **superglucose** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 4:34 pm UTC

Oh so my friend's started HRT. I'm really happy for her: it's the first step towards SRS which is something she's really, REALLY wanted

Spoiler:

Spoilered for self-harm trigger. -lanicita

It's a pity she doesn't live closer.

Though I have to say her raging self-hate makes bedroom stuff a bit challenging for me

by **Chuff** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 5:28 pm UTC

Jessica wrote:More looks under spoiler.
Spoiler:
Broomstick skirt

That is fantastic.

by **superglucose** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 5:31 pm UTC

I'm going to hit up the SPCA thrift store today before class and see if they've got any cute skirts. How are skirts sized?

by **PictureSarah** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 6:40 pm UTC

Hahahahahahahaha....Oh. Sorry. I wasn't laughing at your desire for a skirt at all, just amused by the notion of there being some kind of standard sizing in the world of women's clothing (and I'm not laughing at the fact that you didn't know this, one wouldn't know it without trying clothes on, really). I have clothes that are all the way from size 8 to size 14, and it's different every store/brand. Here's a basic guide, though, so you know what ballpark you're in. http://www.womenssizechart.com/ The good news is that skirts are the easiest item of women's clothing to fit (for the most part), because, unless it's a tight pencil skirt, you really only have to get the waist right.

by **superglucose** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 6:43 pm UTC

14-16 then.

Aaaaaand now I feel fat.

by **Monika** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 8:57 pm UTC

superglucose wrote:14-16 then.

Aaaaaand now I feel fat.

That's not even XL. You're thin.

by **superglucose** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:09 pm UTC

On a side note it's really, really scary that I looked at the chart and saw where I was (which is healthy for a man my height, by the way) and have internalized the "size 6 = ideal" to the point that finding out I'm size 16 makes me feel really fat and actually hits my self esteem.

I'm a man.

What.

The.

Fuck.

by **podbaydoor** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:15 pm UTC

...the other day I had a moment of feeling awful because I fit more into size 2 than size 1. I hate to say it, but now I've taken up running again in part because of that. I know this sounds like bragging. It's not. I swear it's not. I can't control the moment of shame for realizing I've gone up a size.

Let us collectively slap the marketing, fashion, and culture industries for getting us to this state.

by **PictureSarah** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:18 pm UTC

I, meanwhile, celebrate when my size 8 jeans fit easily, rather than having to wedge myself into them. Also, I have seen pictures of myself in a bathing suit at a size 8, and I looked mostly pretty good? I feel downright hideous right now, and I'm mostly in size 10/12 pants. It's bizarre to me that I have felt more confident while weighing more. Sigh.

by **lanicita** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:50 pm UTC

After finding a pair of size 12 pants that look better on me than any 8s or 10s ever did, I think I have somewhat gotten over my concern with going up or down a size. Wearing clothes that fit correctly makes people look a lot thinner than wearing a smaller size does.

Sarah, you are definitely gorgeous no matter what.

by **Brace** » Tue Aug 23, 2011 11:27 pm UTC

Reading that chart, my waist would correspond to large, my hips to extra small, my bust to large, and my weight to extra large...

by **Jessica** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 12:17 am UTC

I'm just happy when I find clothes that fit.

by **superglucose** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 2:31 am UTC

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I bought skirts today. I will be posting pix of me in them later I need to shave first and the one I'm wearing now fits (though the elastic is a bit loose... thrift store...) but is very cute and I love it :lol:

by **Bassoon** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 4:07 am UTC

If you're any good with sewing or other such skills, fixing the elastic or replacing the band shouldn't be too difficult.

by **superglucose** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 4:11 am UTC

I have no skills and may just opt to safety pin it. It stays up but if I jump or walk too long it falls down.

by **poxic** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 4:45 am UTC

Safety pins work. Also, taking in a skirt (or stretchy pants and such as) is simple, if you don't require perfection:

Pinch up enough waistband (at the back works okay) to narrow the waistband to a good size. Use a safety pin, or a few straight pins, to anchor it. Make sure you can still get the garment on and off comfortably.

Got something that works? Good. Now remake that pinched part so that the bulb of extra fabric-and-elastic faces inward, if you first made it point outward. Because that's what I did the first time. :oops:

Add another pin or two to make the pinched part angle toward ending a few inches below the waistband. Something like this:

Spoiler:

Now sew along the new seam (as in the picture), trying at least a bit to make things line up nicely. Viola da gamba, it's done! (Unless the stitching comes apart in the wash, or something, but then you'll be better at it the next time. >.>)

by **superglucose** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 4:52 am UTC

... and now I feel stupid XD That's a pretty sweet plan.

by **poxic** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 4:58 am UTC

No need to feel stupid. I didn't figure this out until after I turned 35 or so. You have at least a few years' grace. :wink:

by **superglucose** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:41 am UTC

Since I know you were all waiting with bated breath to see me in my new skirts:

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=6318&p=2731222#p2731222

Sadly one of the skirts I got (this really cute catholic schoolgirl thing) wasn't ACTUALLY a skirt but one of those shorts made to look like a skirt. It's ok though because it doesn't fit me anyways... I'll keep it around just in case I lose like 30 lbs and 5" off my waist or, more likely, there's a hot girl in dire need for a plaid miniskirt for some roleplaying.

I want to leave you with probably my favorite set of conversation with the girl I really like that we've had so far:

"I guess for me crossdressing helps me keep in touch with my feminine side. Also it's a little fetishized."

"Good. Then I won't feel bad for talking about how hot you look."

<3

by **Jessica** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 3:20 pm UTC

Skort - shorts inside a skirt. They are pretty good for certain things, and not great for others.

by **Monika** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 3:22 pm UTC

For what things are they good and for what things not?

by **Jessica** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 3:28 pm UTC

*shrug* dunno...

I like my two skirts which are actually skorts. One is very much a cargo skirt, the other is less so, but still relatively sporty. Both probably are meant to be worn in places where a skirt is pretty, but shorts are necessary. I didn't realize either had the shorts inside until I bought them, but I'm not unhappy with it.

Actually, I like that skorts prevent "chub rub" - when my inner thighs get sweaty (from say walking a few blocks...) and rub against each other and cause a rash. Any fabric between my legs in that area prevents it. Thus, good.

by **Monika** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 3:34 pm UTC

I think I should get a skort. I have the same problem with chub rub. So currently I only wear skirts in situations where I don't have to walk more than a few steps.

by **Jessica** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 3:43 pm UTC

My skorts are the only skirts I wear these days, unless I need to look really ultra pretty, or femmed up for some reason (wedding, costume, etc). Usually in those instances, I wear either pantyhose (which helps a bit, but I ruin them after one use for some reason), or a spanx body shaper which goes to mid thigh.

by **Monika** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 3:47 pm UTC

Kilroy(ZTC) wrote:Second edit this time good news! My financial aid appeal has been won but not finalized. They could still cut my hours or restrict the degrees I can pursue. Still incredibly relieved though.

I only see this now. Congrats!

by **meridian** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 3:54 pm UTC

I also wear spandex shorts under all of my skirts to avoid chub rub! I do not own any skorts - or well, any daytime wear shorts for that matter too. The aforementioned chubbiness always bunches short material up in my groin and it feels uncomfortable and looks unattractive on me.

I felt this important to share.

by **superglucose** » Wed Aug 24, 2011 10:46 pm UTC

Girl I like giving me tips on how to dress

Is this love? If not, I'll take it.

On that note a couple of things worth mentioning:

Spoiler:

Similarly related:

Spoiler:

EDIT: Oh, and something that $girl can't really help me with: tucking. Anyone have good tips?

by **The EGE** » Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:26 am UTC

Yay for superglucose!

by **PM 2Ring** » Thu Aug 25, 2011 7:24 am UTC

superglucose wrote:Girl I like giving me tips on how to dress

Is this love? If not, I'll take it.

Sounds like you two will be having a lot of fun together.

In the words of Donovan:

Fly Translove Airways, get you there on time.
Fly Translove Airways, get you there on time.
He will bring orchids for my lady,
The perfume will be of an excellent style
And apart from that he'll be so kind
In consenting to blow your mind.
[...]
Fly Translove Airways, get you there on time.
Fly Translove Airways, get you there on time.
We'll be flying at an altitude of thirty-nine thousand feet
Captain High at your service.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=023ENkCFupY

superglucose wrote:EDIT: Oh, and something that $girl can't really help me with: tucking. Anyone have good tips?

Yes.

Spoiler:

by **NecklaceOfShadow** » Thu Aug 25, 2011 9:52 am UTC

So... apparently I've inadvertently outed myself as trans* already. Not everyone knows, I'm sure, but I feel almost... disappointed. I couldn't even pass that well for two days. It's the usual things, I guess --- broad shoulders, pointy face, deep voice, small boobs.

Oh, well. The feeling was good while it lasted?

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