0311: "Action Movies"

[TheKhakinator]

I thought Snatch was a lame movie, it was all stupid and junk. Just seemed to ramble around randomly.

[LE4dGOLEM]

I wouldn't complain watching 2 hours of River....

but give me 2 hours of Kaylee any day!

I grew up one bus ride away from where she grew up.

I am currently living within walking distance of where Sir Ian McKellen once lived.

[IrishFire]

The only thing wrong with this comic is that when the laughter and euphoria die away, I'm left with an insatiable burning desire to see something that does not exist.

Come to think of it, that's not so much a problem with the comic. If there's a benevolent being in charge of the universe, this film will be made!

[sketchyd]

I watched transporter 2 on my friends ipod on a roadtrip, while the rest of the car listened to Lewis Black and Dane Cook, and with one earbud in, I got both at once. Nothing quite like adrenaline in overdrive, laughing your ass off to hilarious comics. I highly recommend this experience.

[ScottTFrazer]

The way I saw it, Luke wasn't anything except earnestly good in the first movie, and then, bang, bitching to Yoda.

Heh, the way I saw it, Luke was a whiny bitch from beginning to end, and someone most of the characters should have wanted to slap around a bit.

"Uncle Owen... I don't waaaaana do my chores."

"We hit rats smaller than that from a land speeder back on the farm, that's totally the same thing as a strafing run over a moon sized battleship"

He doesn't man up until he loses an extremity.

[Teifion]

Why has nobody suggested True Lies? Granted it's not non-stop action but it actually weaves a very good story in and around the action. I've not seen Firefly yet but I'm looking to borrow it from a friend now that it's been suggested by so many people.

I disliked Crank quite a lot, it seems to be a love it or hate it movie, I've never heard anybody say it was "in the middle" as it were.

[Steve the Pocket]

Am I the only one who immediately thought of Xiao-Xiao when I saw the last panel?

[bbctol]

The way I saw it, Luke wasn't anything except earnestly good in the first movie, and then, bang, bitching to Yoda.

Heh, the way I saw it, Luke was a whiny bitch from beginning to end, and someone most of the characters should have wanted to slap around a bit.

"Uncle Owen... I don't waaaaana do my chores."

"We hit rats smaller than that from a land speeder back on the farm, that's totally the same thing as a strafing run over a moon sized battleship"

He doesn't man up until he loses an extremity.

My take on how "A New Hope" should have ended:

Luke is cruising through the trench, the last member of Red Squadron. Suddenly, Han comes back, tearful reunion-
And then Luke dies a sudden and painful death. Han shrugs it off, although there'll be an emotional scene with him and Leia mourning at the end, and proceeds to blow up the Death Star.

Seriously, wouldn't that be great?

[Clumpy]

Xiao Xiao indeed. Though XKCD has nearly totally replaced the image in my mind of stick figures as mindless fighting/killing machines, I'm afraid that they're not quite completely sensitive yet.

[TheKhakinator]

Am I the only one who immediately thought of Xiao-Xiao when I saw the last panel?

I did when people suggested this become a Flash-based fighting game.

Just watched Crank. I thought Crank was awesome. Could've used a bigger budget, especially as that last scene looked poor. Didn't feature a big explosion like action movies usually do... how odd!

I thought True Lies was kinda stupid.

Speed was fun the first time.

[lambage]

*waits for Darcey to write stories about all the beat up people*

[madjo]

My take on how "A New Hope" should have ended:

Luke is cruising through the trench, the last member of Red Squadron. Suddenly, Han comes back, tearful reunion-
And then Luke dies a sudden and painful death. Han shrugs it off, although there'll be an emotional scene with him and Leia mourning at the end, and proceeds to blow up the Death Star.

Seriously, wouldn't that be great?

quickly someone remove that post before G. Lucas sees it, we don't need yet another version of Star Wars...

[Erasmus]

Hey. Erasmus. Quiet, you. The Transporter was nothing compared to Crank, or Lock Stock, or Snatch. There were a couple of good action scenes in the Transporter. That's it. Crank gets a mention in the alt. text for a reason.

Lock Stock = Snatch.

Shooting isn't the only kind of action. Transporter had a dude cover himself in motor oil and beat people up with a bicycle. Transporter had a dude beat another dude up with nothing a bus, a t-shirt, and his powerful thighs. That, my friend, is action.

Snatch wasn't about the action. It was about being named after a plane crash.

[Sprocket]

Check your peep holes for River Tam folks. She's commin' door to door.

Hey. Erasmus. Quiet, you. The Transporter was nothing compared to Crank, or Lock Stock, or Snatch. There were a couple of good action scenes in the Transporter. That's it. Crank gets a mention in the alt. text for a reason.

Lock Stock = Snatch.

Shooting isn't the only kind of action. Transporter had a dude cover himself in motor oil and beat people up with a bicycle. Transporter had a dude beat another dude up with nothing a bus, a t-shirt, and his powerful thighs. That, my friend, is action.

Snatch wasn't about the action. It was about being named after a plane crash.

Lock stock does not equal Snactch. Lock Stock was WAY better. Funnier, better characters, more interesting, less reliance on poop and dick jokes. Better movie.

Also, am I wrong to feel that action movie and geek seem a contradiction? I mean not including ones from China or Japan ofcourse.

[RobKohr]

Torrent of Bruce Lee's fighting scenes

[japanese_jew]

Hey. Erasmus. Quiet, you. The Transporter was nothing compared to Crank, or Lock Stock, or Snatch. There were a couple of good action scenes in the Transporter. That's it. Crank gets a mention in the alt. text for a reason.

Lock Stock = Snatch.

Shooting isn't the only kind of action. Transporter had a dude cover himself in motor oil and beat people up with a bicycle. Transporter had a dude beat another dude up with nothing a bus, a t-shirt, and his powerful thighs. That, my friend, is action.

Snatch wasn't about the action. It was about being named after a plane crash.

The Transporter had action, it was just boring action, excluding the thing with the trucks and a couple of other scenes. The motor oil scene seemed like a slightly more masculine version of mud wrestling. Alternately, Crank was exciting as hell. "It's in the nasal spray."

Although, yes, Lock Stock and Snatch had too much talking for a pure action flick. I had somehow forgotten the context, and you're right, they don't fit. They're similar, but not equivalent. They're the same director. It would be like saying that Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction were the same movie because they were done by the same director.

[Mighty Jalapeno]

Torrent of Bruce Lee's fighting scenes

Unfortunately, it's three seconds long, because he's just that fucking fast.

[CameoAppearance]

Nice one dork! Personally, I always thought it would be neat if River was one of The Doctor's companions!

This idea is made of awesome. Were it not for my psychological inability to write fanfic, I'd start working on a fic of that right now.

[reach42]

wassup guys

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/18747.html

[Mighty Jalapeno]

I am so mad at my friend right now... he says he liked Serenity, but he thought "River was a little over the top".

....

Can I smite him?

[japanese_jew]

Good chance he was already smitten, but my vote is do it again.

[UmbralRaptor]

I am so mad at my friend right now... he says he liked Serenity, but he thought "River was a little over the top".

....

Can I smite him?

If you're a Paladin, yes.

[Mighty Jalapeno]

My Smitadin is only level 11, I need a rusher.... SOON!

[caliman83]

This one made me laugh, then it made me sad...
I miss firefly.

I liked True Lies, I found it funny. Of course I was 15 when I saw it so I dont know if its any good now.

[...]

Y'know what I'd like to see? First minute, we see some bad guy grab a little remote labeled 'time machine'. Good guy sees him and gets through the portal he makes. Rest of the movie is just huge race across an increasingly screwed up timeline with ninjas, robots, zombies ect. jumping out everywhere for no good reason, picking up other tirelessly entertaining characters along the way.

About five minutes from the end, the bad guy corners our heroes, but they all pull instruments out of nowhere and start rockin' out. While the bad guy is distracted, someone completely out of place sneaks up behind him, makes a funny quip and conks him on the head with a wrench. Black screen, roll credits.

That sounds about right, just needs to be filled out with some pop culture references.

[Bakemaster]

Versus was a lot like the action movie described, except hilariously cheesy.

[sparkyb]

From what I hear, it look like Shoot 'Em Up, which comes out tomorrow, will have the action ratio we're looking for, and the body count.

[Mighty Jalapeno]

And it's Clive Own, so it'll at LEAST be entertaining I'm not going to a movie about a homicidal British nanny which was originally conceived as an action sequence with plot added after with HIGH expectations....

[5th Earth]

Not sure if it's been mentioned, but Desperado also ranks high on my list of action films. Every action movie should have a guitar case full of guns.

[sparkyb]

And it's Clive Own, so it'll at LEAST be entertaining I'm not going to a movie about a homicidal British nanny which was originally conceived as an action sequence with plot added after with HIGH expectations....

I'm not sure if he's actually a british nanny. He says that in the trailer but I think it was a joke. I wouldn't expect much from plot but I thought the point was a movie that is just one big long action sequence. And I'll be that makes it damn funny. I've heard it opens with him killing a guy with carrot. In a clip I saw he shoots the bottom of a car during a gunfight so it leaks oil and so he can run and slide under the car on the oil slick and shoot a bunch of guys. awesome.

[bbctol]

And it's Clive Own, so it'll at LEAST be entertaining I'm not going to a movie about a homicidal British nanny which was originally conceived as an action sequence with plot added after with HIGH expectations....

I'm not sure if he's actually a british nanny. He says that in the trailer but I think it was a joke. I wouldn't expect much from plot but I thought the point was a movie that is just one big long action sequence. And I'll be that makes it damn funny. I've heard it opens with him killing a guy with carrot. In a clip I saw he shoots the bottom of a car during a gunfight so it leaks oil and so he can run and slide under the car on the oil slick and shoot a bunch of guys. awesome.

Rough plot:

Some hitman tries to kill the baby Clive Owen is a nanny for. He kicks ass.

So there is a plot, but not much of one.

[AndreGiant]

I saw an extended trailer where I gather that Owen is wandering along minding his own awesome business when a shootout erupts and he finds a woman going into labor, so he delivers the baby, shoots off the umbilical cord (you heard me) and then teams up with Monica Bellucci to protect it from a bunch of hitmen who have some connection to a senator.

How's that for plot development? See, it has a politician in it.

[dannerjan]

I did not particularly enjoy River's fight scenes in Serenity. The reason? Summer's had a couple months stage-fighting lessons. I can tell that she doesn't really know what she's doing. It's nothing like watching Michelle Yeoh, or Tony Jaa, or any of the martial arts greats. If we're gonna have a 90-minute fight scene, let's cast someone who knows how to fight.

[UmbralRaptor]

I did not particularly enjoy River's fight scenes in Serenity. The reason? Summer's had a couple months stage-fighting lessons. I can tell that she doesn't really know what she's doing. It's nothing like watching Michelle Yeoh, or Tony Jaa, or any of the martial arts greats. If we're gonna have a 90-minute fight scene, let's cast someone who knows how to fight.

How about the guy who played Seraph in the second and third Matrix movies?

[Mighty Jalapeno]

I did not particularly enjoy River's fight scenes in Serenity. The reason? Summer's had a couple months stage-fighting lessons. I can tell that she doesn't really know what she's doing. It's nothing like watching Michelle Yeoh, or Tony Jaa, or any of the martial arts greats. If we're gonna have a 90-minute fight scene, let's cast someone who knows how to fight.

Well, they cast someone who was a professional dancer, which is pretty much the same thing, on film.

Also, can anyone imagine the following movie?

Producer Ross Bell met with actor Russell Crowe as a candidate to portray Tyler Durden, ... Fincher also sought to cast Edward Norton as the narrator based on the actor's performance in The People vs. Larry Flynt, though the studio desired a "sexier marquee name" like Matt Damon to improve the film's visibility. Sean Penn was another candidate for the role of the narrator. Actresses Courtney Love and Winona Ryder were considered to portray Marla Singer

I honestly can't.

[gtkarber]

I saw Shoot Em Up. It is awesome: a full film with NOTHING but ridiculous action, scene after scene after scene. It's like a Looney Tune, and there are actually references to that, as such.

The movie is amazing, but not at all serious. It makes Smokin' Aces look like a realistic film (not joking). I haven't seen Crank, so I can't vouch, but I guarantee, I promise, I'll bet $10, that Shoot Em Up is more over the top.

No, actually, if you'll bet me before seeing Shoot Em Up, I'll bet $25.

It's so over the top, so cram packed with action, that I wanted to pay the theater more money after the first scene. It's...

Wow, if you think one long action shot would make a great movie. See it.

[Mighty Jalapeno]

Wow, I can actually HEAR you sucking that movie's ____.

[TheKhakinator]

Producer Ross Bell met with actor Russell Crowe as a candidate to portray Tyler Durden, ... Fincher also sought to cast Edward Norton as the narrator based on the actor's performance in The People vs. Larry Flynt, though the studio desired a "sexier marquee name" like Matt Damon to improve the film's visibility. Sean Penn was another candidate for the role of the narrator. Actresses Courtney Love and Winona Ryder were considered to portray Marla Singer

I honestly can't.

if Sean Penn is the guy from Spaced, then that would have ROCKED SO HARDER. Though Fight Club was pretty good anyway. Not really action though.

[Mighty Jalapeno]

if Sean Penn is the guy from Spaced, then that would have ROCKED SO HARDER. Though Fight Club was pretty good anyway. Not really action though.

.... WHAT? Simon Pegg != Sean Penn. Sean Penn = I Am Sam.

[gtkarber]

Wow, I can actually HEAR you sucking that movie's ____.

You talking about me and Shoot Em Up? If so, then you have good hearing, because that's exactly what I was doing.