xkcd

by **Cathy** » Fri Sep 16, 2011 9:38 am UTC

I'm missing this thread.

My personal pet peeve: Infomercials that talk all about the FREE products you can get because medicare/medicaid/social security is paying for them. Free isn't free. There's no such thing as free. If it looks to good to be true, it PROBABLY IS!

Edit: Holy crap page topper

by **Chen** » Fri Sep 16, 2011 1:29 pm UTC

Cathy wrote:I'm missing this thread.

My personal pet peeve: Infomercials that talk all about the FREE products you can get because medicare/medicaid/social security is paying for them. Free isn't free. There's no such thing as free. If it looks to good to be true, it PROBABLY IS!

Well in any advertising sense Free generally means you're not paying out of pocket for it. Its unlikely that if this product wasn't around you'd have MORE money due to medicare/medicaid or whatever having reduced how much they're taking from you.

by **Cathy** » Fri Sep 16, 2011 5:31 pm UTC

Very true. It just grumps me a bit that there's so much "Free" crap that's really not free and really is crap. :roll:

by **cephalopod9** » Fri Sep 16, 2011 8:09 pm UTC

Don't forget FREE!! with enrollment in our program (probably not free)

Why are all the cosmetic ads also apparently also for some kind of science fiction movie?
Future technologies! made up numbers! DNA!!

by **folkhero** » Sat Sep 17, 2011 12:15 am UTC

cephalopod9 wrote:Why are all the cosmetic ads also apparently also for some kind of science fiction movie?
Future technologies! made up numbers! DNA!!

Top scientists in the field of faceyology* have taken the face of a beautiful Hollywood actress in her late twenties and removed all the wrinkles with gene therapy techniques and anti-matter**. Now these Nobel-prize winning*** procedures have been made available outside of advanced particle colliders**** and in your home.

* faceyology is not recognized as a scientific field outside of Bausch and Lomb offices
**Gene therapy refs to the therapy of skin cell which contain genes, no DNA is actually changed in any way. Antimatter is not a thing that Bausch and Lomb has the capability to create, nor the good sense to use properly.
***pending
****none of this is true

Edit: I guess Bausch and Lomb makes contact lenses not cosmetics, but I still think their name still sounds like a futuristic make-up company.

by **podbaydoor** » Sat Sep 17, 2011 12:51 am UTC

I do actually enjoy the commercials that portray toothpaste/mouthwash as a series of silvery men who wage awesome futuristic warfare on the evil that covers your teeth. I totally wish there was an epic battle in my mouth every time I brushed.

by **The Scyphozoa** » Sat Sep 17, 2011 1:16 am UTC

Dish soap commercials too. I wonder if they use Massive for those.

by **EmptySet** » Sat Sep 17, 2011 3:39 am UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I do actually enjoy the commercials that portray toothpaste/mouthwash as a series of silvery men who wage awesome futuristic warfare on the evil that covers your teeth. I totally wish there was an epic battle in my mouth every time I brushed.

In a decaying world where innocent teeth live in fear of the evil Plaque horde, only you can stop the rot. Colgate: London, coming to a PC near you in 2012.

by **folkhero** » Sat Sep 17, 2011 8:17 am UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I do actually enjoy the commercials that portray toothpaste/mouthwash as a series of silvery men who wage awesome futuristic warfare on the evil that covers your teeth. I totally wish there was an epic battle in my mouth every time I brushed.

When I was a kid I used to imagine that the plaque and bacteria in my mouth were building infrastructure, like in a real time strategy game, and I would have to destroy their cities by brushing my teeth before they could get their borehole mines built.

by **felltir** » Sat Sep 17, 2011 8:41 am UTC

folkhero wrote:
podbaydoor wrote:I do actually enjoy the commercials that portray toothpaste/mouthwash as a series of silvery men who wage awesome futuristic warfare on the evil that covers your teeth. I totally wish there was an epic battle in my mouth every time I brushed.

When I was a kid I used to imagine that the plaque and bacteria in my mouth were building infrastructure, like in a real time strategy game, and I would have to destroy their cities by brushing my teeth before they could get their borehole mines built.

Stealing this.

by **Magnanimous** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:14 am UTC

This cheese is advertised as "vegetarian". I don't... They couldn't've meant vegan, since it's still dairy. Apparently there are cheeses with bits of meat in, and now we have to start differentiating.

by **gingermrkettle** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:24 am UTC

Magnanimous wrote:Apparently there are cheeses with bits of meat in

I have eaten some apparently Bavarian smoked cheese with bits of ham in it. About as authenticly German as John Cleese with a headache.

Edit: and then there'shttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

by **Cathy** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:33 am UTC

gingermrkettle wrote:
Magnanimous wrote:Apparently there are cheeses with bits of meat in

I have eaten some apparently Bavarian smoked cheese with bits of ham in it. About as authenticly German as John Cleese with a headache.

Or a head cold?

by **Giant Speck** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:42 am UTC

Cathy wrote:
gingermrkettle wrote:
Magnanimous wrote:Apparently there are cheeses with bits of meat in

I have eaten some apparently Bavarian smoked cheese with bits of ham in it. About as authenticly German as John Cleese with a headache.

Or a head cold?

Or a head cheese?

by **Burgerman** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:27 am UTC

Do radio commercials count? if they count, do in-store radio commercials count? If no, then disregard this. If yes, then continue on reading.

Is it really necessary to play an advertisement on the in-store radio for the store you are already in? For example, I was in a big-lots the other day, and they went through their whole blasted jingle over the radio. I just couldn't figure out why they were advertising in-store. That is the point of advertising, right? To get you to buy there product/service or visit their store? If I'm already there, then they really shouldn't need to continue advertising.

I thought it was an isolated incident, but I was in a friendly's and they played their jingle over the radio as well!

Do companies really need to assault our ears inside their stores as well as outside? It is illogical.

by **Shivahn** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 6:16 am UTC

Magnanimous wrote:This cheese is advertised as "vegetarian". I don't... They couldn't've meant vegan, since it's still dairy. Apparently there are cheeses with bits of meat in, and now we have to start differentiating.

Cheese is made with rennet which is usually taken from infant animal stomachs. There are plant enzymes that can be used instead, which makes the rennet vegetarian.

by **Magnanimous** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 6:45 am UTC

Shivahn wrote:
Magnanimous wrote:This cheese is advertised as "vegetarian". I don't... They couldn't've meant vegan, since it's still dairy. Apparently there are cheeses with bits of meat in, and now we have to start differentiating.

Cheese is made with rennet which is usually taken from infant animal stomachs. There are plant enzymes that can be used instead, which makes the rennet vegetarian.

Huh... I didn't know that; thanks!

by **Giant Speck** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 6:47 am UTC

That is strange and interesting!

by **Shro** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:53 am UTC

Yeah, it makes me wonder how humans decided cheese was a think worth eating. Everyone's heard that comedy bit about egg comes from a chicken butt thing? Humans probably observed other animals eating those things, and decided to try them too or something. Not that weird- I hate humor that requires some level of ignorance. If you had more information the joke would be less funny (Don't get me started on the "Why don't they just make the whole plane out of the black box stuff?" joke).

Anyway: cheese: "Hey, so we just tossed a pile of curdled milk and animal stomachs together and let it sit, and it make this chunky, smelly stuff. We should eat it!"
(Obv not how it happened. My hobby: Thinking about origins of different food in human diets)

by **TaintedDeity** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 11:04 am UTC

I thought this about bread. Flour is not an easy thing to accidentally stumble upon.

by **SecondTalon** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:45 pm UTC

Shro wrote:Yeah, it makes me wonder how humans decided cheese was a think worth eating. Everyone's heard that comedy bit about egg comes from a chicken butt thing? Humans probably observed other animals eating those things, and decided to try them too or something. Not that weird- I hate humor that requires some level of ignorance. If you had more information the joke would be less funny (Don't get me started on the "Why don't they just make the whole plane out of the black box stuff?" joke).

Anyway: cheese: "Hey, so we just tossed a pile of curdled milk and animal stomachs together and let it sit, and it make this chunky, smelly stuff. We should eat it!"
(Obv not how it happened. My hobby: Thinking about origins of different food in human diets)

One of the ideas I've heard is that way back in whenthefuckever, they used animal stomachs essentially as canteens, and someone at some point was wandering around with milk in theirs, probably in the heat, and it turned into a chunky mess.... and the dude shrugged and ate his fluid anyway, deciding that it wasn't half bad... experimentation happened, fast forward a bit and we have stuff we'd recognize as cheese.

...

Either that, or.. you know some guys (and gals, probably) who have a habit of just taking the most god-awful nasty shit and mixing it in a glass, daring someone to drink it? Maybe that.

by **pseudoidiot** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:49 pm UTC

So, cheese happened because of some sort of initiation into a fraternity or some other sort of group/organization... I could see that.

by **SecondTalon** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 2:37 pm UTC

"Why does the Serpent Eye always have so many people trying to join their cult? What do they have that we don't?"
"Solid milk, apparently."
"What?"
"Look, know how we make our initiates drink week old ox blood? They make their initiates eat rotting milk that's been mixed with some SEEKRIT MAGIC and it's now solid. Apparently it actually tastes really good, and no one's died from poisoning as a result."
"...huh. They still taking applicants?"

by **JudeMorrigan** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 4:21 pm UTC

Burgerman wrote:Do radio commercials count? if they count, do in-store radio commercials count? If no, then disregard this. If yes, then continue on reading.

Gosh, I hope so. My current pet peeve is radio commercials with a fake DJ "on the phone" talking with someone about the product being advertised. For some reason, I find this inherently doucebaggy, but there's one that's been playing locally that I find particularly egregious. The fake DJ asks the VP of some tourism board (who, to be clear, sounds like a 60 year old good-ol'-boy) about their "Girlfriend Weekend", the VP responds with something along the lines of, "That's right, girlfriends, it's your turn. You can come down, get a pedicure, maybe do some shopping..."

Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing inherently wrong with pedicures or shopping. But the *way* the guy said it was so jaw-droppingly patronizing I couldn't quite believe it the first time the commerical came on.

by **Tomlidich** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 4:57 pm UTC

well set up, well filemd, well edited commercials by reputable companies that are somewhat humurous and may actually make me want to buy the product i have no problem with.

but you ever see those commercials normally on your local news station, that look like someone threw together b-roll footage from a sony handycam, messed with it in windows movie maker, yammers on about how great their "used car lot" or what ever is, repeats teir phone number like over 9000 times, and reminds me of spam emails?

yeah those ones get on my nerves.

then there are the ones where they probably hired random people off the street to come up with an annoying jingle for something i would never want, but stick in my head anyways. i don't need to think about "freecredit report.com" while trying to work on routing tables.

also, the first guy who drank milk, what the hell was he doing down there?

by **Decker** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:46 pm UTC

Tomlidich wrote:also, the first guy who drank milk, what the hell was he doing down there?

"Well, this baby cow seems to be doing okay for itself drinking this stuff. I guess I'll give it a go."

by **pseudoidiot** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 6:02 pm UTC

Tomlidich wrote:also, the first guy who drank milk, what the hell was he doing down there?

His mom was probably holding him there so he could breastfeed.

by **Tomlidich** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 8:31 pm UTC

Decker wrote:
Tomlidich wrote:also, the first guy who drank milk, what the hell was he doing down there?

"Well, this baby cow seems to be doing okay for itself drinking this stuff. I guess I'll give it a go."

well on that same note, what would he think if he saw monkeys doing some of the things they do?

hmmm....

by **Magnanimous** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 5:41 am UTC

The how-did-people-start-drinking-milk-did-somebody-say-to-themselves-lets-yank-on-the-cow's-dangly-parts-and-drink-what-comes-out joke has always been my least favorite joke. Mostly because it glorifies ignorance of basic biology.

by **Shivahn** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 6:42 am UTC

Shro wrote:Yeah, it makes me wonder how humans decided cheese was a think worth eating.

Yogurt is the same way.

"Hey this milk is rancid. And it smells funny!

..

I will eat it anyway!"

by **tastelikecoke** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 9:49 am UTC

I deduce it's human nature to make something stale and eat it. What's that food again that smells like a corpse and tastes like a corpse?

by **skippysheila** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 10:33 am UTC

tastelikecoke wrote:What's that food again that smells like a corpse and tastes like a corpse?

Any meat, really.

by **Menacing Spike** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:34 am UTC

Magnanimous wrote:This cheese is advertised as "vegetarian". I don't... They couldn't've meant vegan, since it's still dairy. Apparently there are cheeses with bits of meat in, and now we have to start differentiating.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

by **TaintedDeity** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 1:02 pm UTC

tastelikecoke wrote:I deduce it's human nature to make something stale and eat it. What's that food again that smells like a corpse and tastes like a corpse?

There's the durian fruit which is bigger than your head, spiky as fuck and really really tough to get into. Plus they smell anywhere from "generic fruit smell" to "public bathroom", the fruit has the consistency of fungus and apparently tastes like "fruit, but I don't know which".

by **Decker** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 1:43 pm UTC

TaintedDeity wrote:
tastelikecoke wrote:I deduce it's human nature to make something stale and eat it. What's that food again that smells like a corpse and tastes like a corpse?
There's the durian fruit which is bigger than your head, spiky as fuck and really really tough to get into. Plus they smell anywhere from "generic fruit smell" to "public bathroom", the fruit has the consistency of fungus and apparently tastes like "fruit, but I don't know which".

There are a lot of things you would try to eat if you were hungry enough.

by **Fantastic Idea** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 1:47 pm UTC

I think Talon is on the right track with his origins of cheese. I don't think I've met too many people that will throw something out rather than at least ponder the likelihood that it's totally still edible. Solid milk? Well, if you're hungry enough...

by **pseudoidiot** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 1:49 pm UTC

Gives it a nice texture.

by **Angua** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 1:55 pm UTC

I think cashew nuts are more puzzling. You have a tree, that gives a fruit (which is edible), so you're already getting something, and some nuts, which are poisonous. You then burn them, and the smoke is highly irritating, possibly causing severe damage to your eyes and airways. Then you decide to eat the nuts once they come out of the shells anyway.

by **emceng** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 2:50 pm UTC

Shivahn wrote:
Shro wrote:Yeah, it makes me wonder how humans decided cheese was a think worth eating.

Yogurt is the same way.

"Hey this milk is rancid. And it smells funny!

..

I will eat it anyway!"

Yeah, this is the one that gets me. Mainly because of what expired yogurt did to my GI tract. "Hey let's eat this rancid dairy product! It may be tasty, or it may give you such horrific pain you want to die!"

by **tastelikecoke** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 2:54 pm UTC

TaintedDeity wrote:
tastelikecoke wrote:I deduce it's human nature to make something stale and eat it. What's that food again that smells like a corpse and tastes like a corpse?
There's the durian fruit which is bigger than your head, spiky as fuck and really really tough to get into. Plus they smell anywhere from "generic fruit smell" to "public bathroom", the fruit has the consistency of fungus and apparently tastes like "fruit, but I don't know which".

It taste like custard, but despite being few blocks away from a durian tree I never tried it

Not unlike a corpse pretending to be food.

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