xkcd

by **chridd** » Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:24 pm UTC

Kromix wrote:i wish for a fishy fish to wish for more wishes!

Granted. The fish now has more wishes, but it can't use them because it can't talk.

I wish for fewer wishes (because I can't think of any good ones at the moment).

by **Tomlidich** » Thu Oct 06, 2011 9:11 pm UTC

Kromix wrote:
Tomlidich wrote:i wish i was gay.

well you are nothing to grant...

see thats less of a misquote then outright cruelty. - 9001 internets to you.

chridd wrote:I wish for no wishes (because I can never of any good ones that are not boring).

granted, you can no longer wish for things

by **Demosthenes** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:46 am UTC

I wish Tomlidich wrote a wish.

by **Randomizer** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:59 am UTC

Demosthenes wrote:I wish Tomlidich wrote to the make-a-wish foundation.

Granted. He does so on your behalf.

I wish to know what the average human lifespan would be in a disease-free environment.

by **eculc** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:39 pm UTC

Randomizer wrote:I wish to know what the average human lifespan would be in a disease-saturated environment.

granted. you are placed in a disease-saturated environment, and promptly die within minutes.

I wish I knew how to make a wish without it being misquoted.

by **Adam H** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:36 pm UTC

eculc wrote:I wish I knew how to make a wish without it being misquoted.

I'm sorry, this wish cannot be granted. Try another thread.

I wish that the next poster will have a life filled with eternal happiness.

by **chridd** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:54 pm UTC

Adam H wrote:I wish that the next ten posters will have a life filled with eternal happiness.

Granted. However, one of those posters will be the only person who can save the world, and ze didn't notice the world was in trouble because ze was too happy.

I wish the previous post had actually misquoted the post above it.

by **Adam H** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:26 pm UTC

chridd wrote:I wish the previous post had not actually misquoted the post above it.

Granted. You have no idea how hard this one was. I had to learn how to time travel safely and set up a stable time loop. To give you an idea of how difficult this was: this thread was originally called "quote-a-wish". Man I'm good.

I wish that this thread will never die.

by **chridd** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:08 am UTC

Adam H wrote:I wish that this thread will eat a pie.

Granted. However, since threads can't eat, it just makes it sticky.

I wish to know the secret to time travel.

by **Arlick** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:18 am UTC

chridd wrote:I wish to know the secret of mime travel

Granted, you realize it's similar to clown travel, except with less people and a smaller invisible car.

I wish I had a part-time job.

by **Adam H** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 5:08 pm UTC

chridd wrote:I wish to forget the secret to time travel.

Granted.

I also wish to forget the secret to time travel.

by **orangedragonfire** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:05 pm UTC

Adam H wrote:I also wish everyone to forget the secret to lime travel.

(Granted. The environmentally friendly, cheap and effective lime motor no longer exists, and mankind has to make due with much more primitive methods.)
Lime travel? What the hell is that?

I wish that this wish would be granted almost correctly in accordance to wish-misquote laws 26-b to 27-f.

by **eculc** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:49 pm UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:Lime travel? What the hell is that?

I wish that this wish would be granted incorrectly in accordance to wish-misquote laws 26-b to 27-f.

Granted; a team of wish lawyers sues you over misusing and abusing the wish-misquote rules, citing rules 16-D and 38-Q. you are sued out of your incorrectly-granted wish, as well as all of your personal belongings.

I wish I had a sandwich.

by **orangedragonfire** » Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:26 am UTC

eculc wrote:I politely request a food item, typically consisting of two or more slices of bread with one or more fillings between them, or one slice of bread with a topping or toppings and also poison.

Granted. However, the poison makes you ill, and so you have to spend a few weeks in the hospital.

I wish there was world peace.

by **SmoothBlade** » Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:02 am UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:I wish i had squirrel pee.

Granted... have fun with that

I wish for more doritos

by **orangedragonfire** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:36 am UTC

SmoothBlade wrote:I wish for more doritos and also poison.

Granted. However, the poison makes you ill, and so you have to spend a few weeks in the hospital.

I wish for a nice wish to misquote.

by **Nautilus** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 3:43 pm UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:I wish for a nice wish to misquote. And poison.

Granted. The nice wish that you may later use is "I wish for a tropical vacation." You also receive poison. In your bloodstream.

by **orangedragonfire** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 4:06 pm UTC

Nautilus wrote:I wish for a topical variation."

Granted. The new topic is icecream.

I wish for icecream for children in Africa.

by **Adam H** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:01 pm UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:I wish for icecream for Adam H in wherever it is Adam H lives.

Granted. Mmmmmmmmmmmm!

I wish for someone to invent the most delicious icecream flavor in the history of icecream flavors, and give me a lifetime supply of it.

by **orangedragonfire** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:07 pm UTC

Adam H wrote:I wish for someone to invent the most delicious icecream flavor in the history of icecream flavors, and give me a one second supply of it.

Here you go. Enjoy it while it lasts. Also note that you didn't ask for icecream, just the flavor.

I wish I had icecream with the flavor mentioned above.

by **peri_renna** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:05 pm UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:I wish I had icecream with the flavor Mint Fanta Soda.

I don't know why you would want carbonated ice cream, but granted!

I wish I had a computer version of Avalon Hill's "Dispatcher".

by **matt96** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 5:20 pm UTC

peri_renna wrote:
I wish I had a computer version of a board game that is just merchandising for Hannah Montana: The Movie.

I am sorry, I can't grant anything that horrendous to anyone on this forum.

I wish I knew more cool looking emoticons.

by **chridd** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:33 pm UTC

matt96 wrote:I wish I experienced more cool looking emotions.

Granted. However, it turns out that sadness and anger are much more cool-looking than happiness, so you experience them much more.

I wish for this wish to be misquoted.

by **peri_renna** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:36 pm UTC

chridd wrote:I wish for this wish to be mistaken.

It is kinda a mistake - is that good enough?

I wish I had more Car Wars stuff.

by **ostrichguy** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 11:19 am UTC

peri_renna wrote:I wish I had more Cat Wars stuff.

Granted, buy you are a terrible monster for sendng those innocent cats into the horrors of war.

I wish for an ostrich.

by **orangedragonfire** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 11:45 pm UTC

ostrichguy wrote:I wish I was an ostrich.

Granted.

I wish that this wish shall be slightly misquoted while still preserving the essence of what I was going to formulate in this wish.

by **peri_renna** » Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:36 am UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:I wish that this wish shall be slightly misquoted while still preserving the existence of wheat I was going to formulate in this wish.

Granted - 97 percent of your wish is unchanged, and the wheat remains!

I wish I had another external hard disk drive.

by **orangedragonfire** » Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:40 am UTC

peri_renna wrote:I wish I had a smaller computer.

Granted. It's so small that you can't even find it.

I wish to become president of the world.

by **matt96** » Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:55 am UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:I wish to become president of the whirled

Granted, you are now in charge of all dizy people.

I wish I could get some sleep.

by **peri_renna** » Mon Mar 26, 2012 4:11 am UTC

matt96 wrote:I wish I could get some sleet.

Granted. There is a sudden, unexpected cold snap that brings wintry precipitation with it.

I wish I knew how to drive.

by **matt96** » Mon Mar 26, 2012 4:14 am UTC

peri_renna wrote:I wish I knew how to dive.

granted, you know how to dive! You like diving a lot. You try diving into an empty pool, and crack your skull open, and now you can't dive any more

I wish I was more populous.

by **peri_renna** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 3:28 am UTC

matt96 wrote:I wish I was more fabulous.

Granted - pink makeup, glitter, and everything. David Bowie looks like Henry Rollins by comparison.

I wish I had a Mk. 1 Austin-Healy Sprite.

by **orangedragonfire** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:44 pm UTC

peri_renna wrote:I wish I lost my Mk. 1 Austin-Healy Sprite.

Granted. It's gone now.

I wish I made this wish.

by **peri_renna** » Fri Mar 30, 2012 10:33 pm UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:I wish I made the swish.

Granted! Nice three-pointer - how long have you been playing basketball?

I wish I had a new iPhone.

by **Badion** » Mon Apr 02, 2012 6:29 pm UTC

peri_renna wrote:
I wish I had an original gameboy.

Granted, you use it as a doorstop.

I wish for more dolphins in tuna fish products.

by **LOLBeth** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:37 am UTC

Badion wrote:I wish for more dolphins in my bathtub.

Granted, but Animal Control, PETA, and your landlord all want to talk to you.

I wish I had a hammer. I'd hammer in the morning.

by **Ken_g6** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 9:06 pm UTC

LOLBeth wrote:I wish I had an MC Hammer song. I'd play Hammer in the morning.

Granted. Just don't play it around me. :roll:

I wish somebody would do something about global warming.

by **orangedragonfire** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 9:18 pm UTC

Ken_g6 wrote:I wish something would warm the globe.

That's what we have global warming for.

I wish for something to write on.

by **Ken_g6** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 10:34 pm UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:I wish for some rights to think on.

Granted. (Long ago.)

I wish for free pizza!

by **LOLBeth** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 10:36 pm UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:I wish for something to write about.

Granted. Your life has become a disaster: you lost your job, your significant other dumped you, the roof leaks, your computer fried, your wallet was stolen, your car was repossessed, and your dog died. And you've got LOTS of material for the blues, or possibly Country & Western.

I wish for fame and fortune.

ETA: dang, double posted.

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