xkcd

by **Monika** » Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:26 am UTC

Sounds like a fun class

by **studyinserendipity** » Sat Dec 11, 2010 2:01 am UTC

The after-school children were out on the playground as I was leaving the other day...

Child 1: I choose you! Charmander!
Child 2: I choose you! Boba Fett!
Child 1: Hey, Boba Fett isn't a Pokemon.
Child 2: He sounds like one.
{beat}
Child 1: [shrugs] Good point.
Child 2: (in the bulbasaur voice) BOBBBAAAAA FETTTTTTT!!!!

Quite possibly best crossover ever

by **Foremorrow** » Sat Dec 11, 2010 12:26 pm UTC

studyinserendipity wrote:The after-school children were out on the playground as I was leaving the other day...

Child 1: I choose you! Charmander!
Child 2: I choose you! Boba Fett!
Child 1: Hey, Boba Fett isn't a Pokemon.
Child 2: He sounds like one.
{beat}
Child 1: [shrugs] Good point.
Child 2: (in the bulbasaur voice) BOBBBAAAAA FETTTTTTT!!!!

Quite possibly best crossover ever

I quite enjoyed that thought. I used to watch Pokémon in the morning before school and when the whatever-generation series was when the male guy from Team Rocket had that bluish blob thing that saluted and said its name, I always used to think that it said, "BO___BBA FE____TT!!"

by **Zarq** » Sat Dec 11, 2010 1:04 pm UTC

^Wobbuffet

by **Foremorrow** » Sun Dec 12, 2010 7:13 am UTC

Zarq wrote:^Wobbuffet

Well that explains it. I never knew that thing's name anyway. I still maintain there were only ever 151 Pokémon.

by **hintss** » Tue Dec 14, 2010 3:39 am UTC

"you're the most evolved person I'd call a noob"

also, once the teacher was asking these random, difficult to answer questions, and my friend just kept looking them up with his iPhone without anyone noticing...

by **existential_squirrrel** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 11:54 pm UTC

I was feeling cheeky near the end of my chem final, so I wrote "Got mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-1023!" on the last page of my final exam.
I wonder if my professor saw it...or if my final has even been graded yet.

I work in the science department at my university. My chem lab professor asked me to get a bottle of hexanes. I said, "You want me to get those out of Dodo or Fozzi (our flammable cabinets have names)?" she said, "did the organics make you ins-ane?" I replied back- "We'll see how insane I am when we get to organic chem."

by **osiris32** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:45 pm UTC

This gem provided by a ditz after the teacher had been lecturing on Manfred von Richthofen, also known as the Red Baron, and his skills as a fighter ace for Germany during WW1:

Dumb Ditz: So, was the Red Baron Italian? Because pizza is Italian and there's Red Baron pizza.

During our Constitutional Law final, half of which was taken from the BAR exam. Room is silent:

Girl in the front of class: AAAAHHHH!!! This is really hard!!
Me and my frat brother in the back on opposite sides of the room: That's what she said
*laughter and stares of incomprehension ensue*

by **Impish** » Fri Dec 24, 2010 4:09 am UTC

While in Geo, we were watching a movie, and I'm afraid that this could go in both Student and Teacher Quotes, but here seemed more appropriate. I'm also afraid I'm self- quoting...

Narrator: While the crown of the Rainforest Hornbill looks very heavy, it is not. This is because it is filled with empty, honeycomb-like cells...

Teacher: Much like your head [me].

I waited and let him have his laugh.

Me: Yes, but that's because they're not being filled by your teaching.

by **ferrettt55** » Fri Jan 21, 2011 12:42 am UTC

We were learning about the Soviet Union a few years back. Our teacher always picked on dozing people so she called on a student who was barely awake.
Teacher: "Rodney, what is 'glasnost'?"
Rodney: It's... that frosty stuff you get when you press your nose to glass."

For a few days afterwards, everyone asked him what glasnost was.

by **The Scyphozoa** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:23 am UTC

ferrettt55 wrote:We were learning about the Soviet Union a few years back. Our teacher always picked on dozing people so she called on a student who was barely awake.
Teacher: "Rodney, what is 'glasnost'?"
Rodney: It's... that frosty stuff you get when you press your nose to glass."

For a few days afterwards, everyone asked him what glasnost was.

I was going to guess it was the fortress (ost=fortress in Sindarin) of the forum user Glasnt.

by **DavidSpencer** » Tue Jan 25, 2011 2:25 am UTC

One of the biology teachers at my high school was teaching his class Punnett squares. One of the students asked, not realizing what it would sound like, "Does it matter whether the mom or the dad is on top?"

The teacher had to excuse himself for a minute.

by **Krealr** » Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:54 pm UTC

A student who I was talking with earlier today: "I don't think the earth is even 1 light year old"

To be fair he did catch himself shortly after saying that.

by **Jof16's** » Sun Feb 27, 2011 5:33 am UTC

One of my fellow students in Sociology class said that the law should require gay people to be shot and killed (he's a homophobe).

I said he was gay to and I could prove it. The convo went something like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKB7vAFTdA8

by **BurningLed** » Sun Feb 27, 2011 6:28 pm UTC

Using the Ron White spiel on a homophobe has been on my bucket list for a while, I'm glad to see it happened elsewhere. Must have been a golden moment for you.

by **pianoelias** » Sat Mar 12, 2011 4:04 pm UTC

Oh there are so many...
Here are a few from my chem and AP chem classes (note the teacher is very obviously German):

"I did it right, just not correctly"

Teacher: "In what state is water below 0 degrees Celsius"
Student: "Alaska"

Student: (calling over teacher and whispering)"Mr. Konig, Mr. Konig. Can you tell me what the element tornobium looks like?"
Teacher: "That's not a real element"
Student: "I know. But if it were, what would it look like?"

Student: "Do they have electricity in Germany?"

Student: (during a particularly difficult monday morning class) "I think we're just too tired to understand this. I bet if we blew something up we'd be more awake."
Student 2: "It doesn't even have to chemistry related. Just burn a newspaper or something."

by **Kurushimi** » Tue Mar 15, 2011 9:10 pm UTC

Our school does this thing where we're partnered with a school in Turkey. Now all the Turkish kids are at least bilingual, they speak both Turkish and pretty good English. Twice a year they send some of their students down here for a week or so to experience Florida and we also send some of our students up there to experience Turkey. Each Turkish kid has a host whom they attend classes and go home with. One of the kids in my AP Physics class was hosting a Turkish guy so he was in class with us.

Student 1: *says something in Turkish*
Student 2: (to Turkish student) What did he say?
Turk: (translating) Uh, "I don't speak very good turkish."
Student 2: Well then, what do you speak? Well?"

by **muskr@** » Fri Mar 25, 2011 3:02 pm UTC

Most of mine are all from the same guy:
But, where did this get in here?
After a lengthy explanation of of the schedule of the school ski trip:
This is kind of off topic, but where's the fruits?
Also, in the middle of class, with no explanation, he turns to a guy in our class and says:
Eric, you're such a dildo.
With no emotion in his voice. Our teacher just sat there looking confused.
Also, someone else asked "Is new France in France?
To make it worse, it was Canadian history class.

by **zmatt** » Fri Mar 25, 2011 4:58 pm UTC

There is a New France? Do the French know?
[/sarcasm]

by **Little Richie** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:08 pm UTC

In the most serous manner ever, he says: "You can solve it if you just divide by Log!"

Edit: By the way, this is in a Calc 2 class.

by **a Person** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 3:39 am UTC

hintss wrote:dumb student quote: my friend (after teacher said AU was Earth's average distance from the Sun): wouldn't the AU change throughout the year?

The average distance wouldn't, obviously, but the Earth's distance does change throughout the year, with IIRC January 8th or 9th being the point where it's closest

by **Kurushimi** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 12:29 am UTC

Actually, wouldn't the average distance also change? I mean, obviously it won't change by much, but there other forces on Earth. than the Sun, and though they don't add up to much, they technically do affect the Earth.

by **TangoEight** » Sat Apr 02, 2011 8:30 pm UTC

I have more than I can remember from GCSE french

Je mange un poo (supposed to be peu, English: I eat little)

Le cabbaage (supposed to be chou, English: cabbage)

Je suis un chien (supposed to be J'ai un chien, English: I am a dog/ I have a dog)

And the other day: [maths teacher]:What were you doing in [english teacher]'s car boot?

Will post more if I remember any

by **Meem1029** » Wed May 11, 2011 4:41 pm UTC

So in Theory of Complex Variables today we were evaluating real integrals using complex integrals. We were evaluating dx/(1+x^3) from 0 to infinity by using 1/3 of a circle. Students were doing the problems on the board, and they were having trouble figuring out the integral along the theta=e^(2*pi/3) part.

Bryce: "You can assume that theta's constant."
Me:"Because it is."
Everyone: Bursts into laughter.

by **SuperTD** » Thu May 12, 2011 4:05 pm UTC

We were doing substitution in algebra, and the teacher says "Now what can we substitute in thsi equation?" My friend, in complete seriousness, said "We could substitute x for y." The whole class looked at him in bewilderment, and it took him him several seconds of thought before he realized what a futile operation this would be. All he then said was "Oh...wait...".

by **hintss** » Fri May 13, 2011 7:29 am UTC

*conversation about plans for summer break*
person a: I'm going to do this *fakes masturbating*
person b: Nah, thats boring. I'm going to do this *fakes masturbating* but I'm going to put my penis in my hands first.

on the board is a journal prompt: What did you do during spring break. Someone changes the what to a who. The teacher didn't notice.

*person c is gay, person d is popular with girls*
person c: do guys like cheerleaders?
person d: of course...
person c: I want to be a cheerleader!!

by **ferrettt55** » Mon May 16, 2011 4:36 am UTC

Not sure if it's a qoute but:
In class one day, I found out that the guy next to me had played Portal. We decided to wait for the room to get quiet. We then began to "doo" 'Still Alive' while everyone watched and giggled. Quite a bit of fun and totally worth the stern talking-to that we got after class.

by **Nat** » Wed May 18, 2011 10:41 pm UTC

When I was passing the seminar on class field theory:
Me: "this is finite, since b is has no value almost everywhere." (At this point, I just burst out laughing uncontrollably).
Professor: "you could just assume that by the previous line"
me: "yeah, but then I wouldn't get to insult b".

by **Krealr** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:24 pm UTC

African American Student got into a side conversation about people singing in his Baptist church.

Student: ... and it's not just the blacks that can belt it out there are some white chicks that can really blow.
Everyone else: *Bust out laughing*
Student: Not like that!!

by **Cloude** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 7:31 pm UTC

I had this years ago in an english class in high school...

Teacher: "Peter makes Jane a sandwich. Is this grammatically correct?"
Female Student: "Doesn't matter it's wrong no matter what."
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Female Student: "It should be, 'Jane makes Peter a sandwich.'"
*Silence*

The student ended up getting suspended for the "sexist" comment.

by **freakish777** » Wed Oct 12, 2011 7:25 pm UTC

In Math class, someone saying:

"Not exactly exactly, but exactly to a degree."

Kurushimi wrote:Actually, wouldn't the average distance also change? I mean, obviously it won't change by much, but there other forces on Earth. than the Sun, and though they don't add up to much, they technically do affect the Earth.

Also, the Sun loses mass (E=mc^2, it gives off energy, therefore it is losing mass), that will affect the gravitational power it can exert on the planets (it's not going to push them away or anything, but it's power to keep them locked in their orbit will very slowly weaken).

by **Nat** » Thu Oct 13, 2011 3:21 pm UTC

Cloude wrote:I had this years ago in an english class in high school...

Teacher: "Peter makes Jane a sandwich. Is this grammatically correct?"
Female Student: "Doesn't matter it's wrong no matter what."
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Female Student: "It should be, 'Jane makes Peter a sandwich.'"
*Silence*

The student ended up getting suspended for the "sexist" comment.

Seriously? that school sounds harsh.

by **rigwarl** » Thu Oct 13, 2011 7:08 pm UTC

Cloude wrote:I had this years ago in an english class in high school...

Teacher: "Peter makes Jane a sandwich. Is this grammatically correct?"
Female Student: "Doesn't matter it's wrong no matter what."
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Female Student: "It should be, 'Jane makes Peter a sandwich.'"
*Silence*

The student ended up getting suspended for the "sexist" comment.

Why sexist in quotes? It quite blatantly *is* sexist. Suspension is quite a severe punishment for that though.

by **TiLt** » Thu Oct 20, 2011 11:19 am UTC

To quote myself from a particularly interesting Study of Religion class.

"Religion is just the belief in someone else's magic."

by **tchapps** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 3:41 am UTC

Basically my entire pre-calc class is just people saying
Ass-ymptote bull shift mother function and various things
About Latus Rectums. It's pretty great.

by **kaimason1** » Fri Oct 21, 2011 4:39 am UTC

Kurushimi wrote:Actually, wouldn't the average distance also change? I mean, obviously it won't change by much, but there other forces on Earth. than the Sun, and though they don't add up to much, they technically do affect the Earth.

Yeah, but when we are talking about almost a hundred million miles, even an entire mile (a pretty huge amount) is minuscule. Yeah, it technically changes, but so did the length of a meter until a relatively recent redefinition.

rigwarl wrote:Why sexist in quotes? It quite blatantly *is* sexist. Suspension is quite a severe punishment for that though.

The student was female, and was probably making a satirical feminist comment.

by **Kirby** » Wed Nov 02, 2011 4:48 pm UTC

Prof doing demo lesson on "observing the unseen" objects in a brown bag: "In what professional fields do people need to make observations on what cannot be seen?"
Student: "Theology"

by **ArchaicHipster** » Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:30 pm UTC

In my (top set) physics class a while back, a friend of mine was asking a series of increasingly complex and interesting questions of the teacher, and finally the girl sitting in front of him turned round and said (rather exasperatedly) "It's PHYSICS, [name], okay?"

Every time she asks a question in any class, most people who were there have taken to saying "It's [NAME OF CLASS], okay?". She's quite annoyed at this point.

by **Catmando** » Sat Jan 07, 2012 10:09 pm UTC

I was told not too long ago in my AP Government class that World War II is an example of the invisible hand theory because it fixed the economy.

by **The Scyphozoa** » Sun Jan 08, 2012 2:22 am UTC

Holy crap I have to remember that.

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