Boris Veganofsky wrote:Monika, there is nothing wrong with you. Grief is a complex process. When my grandmother unexpectedly died I did not cry for a long time, then months later, out of nowhere I felt overwhelmingly sad and frustrated.
Thanks.
With my greatgrandmother it was like that. Some months later I dreamt of her, I basically met her alive in my dream, just sitting in a chair and I sat down next to her, feeling her physically. When I woke up I was very sad. Finally. She had been my most liked family member, even more than my grandparents.
I came out as pansexual in meatspace for the first time. My friend's reaction was: *high five* "Me too". <3
Oh wow, you're so lucky
.
That sounds really good.
PM 2Ring wrote:* big hugs * for Monika.
Thanks.
There's nothing wrong with you, Monika. People experience a whole spectrum of feelings at funerals. A lot of the males in my family have a weird tendency to giggle at funerals, but we try to keep it under control so we don't offend others who are in a more sombre mood.
We had some laughs. My sister accidentally took the small music book with her out of the chapel (we had sung from it at the end), and when she noticed outside she had to laugh and we, too.
Thanks for talking about the clothing stuff. It reminds us that people are not born with an innate fashion sense - it's something that has to be learned.
Oh yeah. Can I has a manual?
natashatasha wrote:*Hugs Monika* There's nothing wrong with you, we all deal with our grief in our own way. You're a beautiful person, and don't deserve how hard you're being on yourself.
Thank you. That's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am probably not going to tell my grandparents that I am bi (or pan ... or asexual ... not sure). Or that I am poly
. But in the last days I was thinking about that I would have liked to tell my greataunt. I wasn't planning to do that before. But now I was imagining how she would have reacted, what she would have said. Her reactions to everything were always positive, so I imagine they might have been to this, too. I think she would have said something like "Oh Monichen, everybody has to live their life in a way that they can be happy." *sigh*
Gender Bill of Rights
I don't think prisons should be completely desegregated by gender. People should go to the prison according to their gender identity. And desegregated prisons / sections of prisons should be an option so that genderqueer (= non-binary identified) people can be accommodated, with the prisoners choosing where they go (most likely some men and women would also want to go to the integrated/unisex prisons).
Same for bathrooms: male, female, unisex ... the latter already exist in many places, they are also good as family washrooms. That they might cost additional money in some places (mostly places like supermarkets that currently have exactly two bathrooms - not so much schools and workplaces with dozens of bathrooms, which could easy change a couple of them to unisex so that at least one of them is always within convenient walking distance) is not a valid argument. Bathrooms for the disabled also cost extra, but we don't let businesses or other places get away with not having one nowadays.
Only gender-neutral names for children: Well, this is the transanarchy blog, not the "let's find a common middleground" or "this is how reality is" blog. It's one end of a spectrum, with the other end being people who believe they have the right to use pronouns based on the genitals of the person they refer to. Reality is and should be somewhere in between. It should be closer to the transanarchy side than the triste current mainstream reality side ... but maybe not quite 100% transanarchic. (Is it even anarchy if parents are prohibited to use about 99% of given names for their children?) Apparently in Sweden people are allowed to add one given name for free (without administrative charges or any requirements) once they are over 18, and the requirement that this name fit their legal gender was dropped some time ago. That's already a reasonably good approach - could be better, the dropping of the wrong names should also be allowed easily (it is allowed, but with the typical requirements for name changes).
Jessica wrote:This week the National Post (a more conservative leaning paper in Canada) ran the advert talked about in
this article. It's pretty disgraceful that this sort of thing still happens. Pissed me off when I heard about it yesterday.
Stupid jerks. I'm glad people are bringing it to light, and doing something about it.
Eeek. How stupid can people get? Besides the obvious and blatant transphobia, they also show utter cluelessness: They don't even know how to spell transsexual and transgender. They seem to confuse intersexed with an androgynous gender identity. And the material they cite does not even seem to have the goal to get children to discover a possible transgender identity (even though it's probably beneficial for trans kids), its goal seems to be to get children to question gender roles in society - i.e. those fundamentalists are creating a strawman ("booo transsexual scary - if you let your son play with dolls he'll turn into a girl").
ZoraPrime wrote:if someone is androgynous in appearance, it would more likely than not be rude to go up and ask what their gender is
Well you don't go up to people and ask them anything except the time of the day or for directions, or in some cultures (e.g. in the US) where they bought those nice shoes or if and only if they have an accent where they are from.
If, however, this person is not going to stay a stranger and/or you will most likely have a need to refer to the person with pronouns later on (and you can't find out by listening to hir friends what pronouns they use to refer to hir) it is in fact completely okay and desirable to ask for the pronouns they prefer! Politely, of course.
TransWhat: A Guide Towards Allyship:
"What pronouns do you prefer?" or "How should I refer to you, gender-wise?" (Do this very politely, and in private if you can.) Don't ask something along the lines of "are you male or female?", because the person might be any non-binary option ... some genderqueer people love the question because it tells them they have achieved the androgynous look they are going for, but others completely hate it and are hurt (according to what some genderqueer people have written in their blogs and tumblrs about such situations). If the answer is e.g. "ze/hir/hir/hirs/hirself" or one of the variations or another set of genderneutral pronouns, don't ask them if they are androgynous, agender, two-spirited, multigender, multisystem, ... - unless they have already indicated they wish to discuss their gender identity with you. They might not even be genderqueer, but could be in the beginning or middle of transitioning to male or to female and only going by neutral pronouns temporarily. Or they could be questioning their gender. Or prefer to be "U" - unlabeled, unboxed, undefined. So really only ask for the pronouns.
In LGBT+ spaces it's great to ask everyone for their pronouns, no matter which gender presentation.
). They have had many successes, including being allowed to carry an SAP flag during the CSD (interesting side discussion about the machine-washability of flags) and the creation of a gender transition guideline in 2008 that tells managers how they have to support an employee who transitions their gender at work. I like this statement in the guideline: What should I (i.e. the manager) do if one of the other colleagues has objections to the transitioning colleague using the gender-appropriate bathroom? 1. (this is the same answer to basically all questions) Point the colleague to the non-discrimination policy that prohibits discrimination based on gender identity. 2. If they still object, advise that colleague (i.e. the cis / objecting colleague) to use a single-stall bathroom. 
