Awesome Teacher Quotes

[TheKrikkitWars]

This man is a: BSc(Eng) MSCE PhD DSc(Eng) DEng DIC FREng FCGI CEng CEnv FICE FCIWEM FASCE FRSA. I'm surpised there are any letters left for everyone else.

I find it quite hard to believe that one person is all this...

Some (many) of those could be honourary, and getting having more than one non-honourary doctorate isn't impossible, particularly in one's later years.

Doctorates:
PhD is standard for an academic,
DSc is awarded after you've produced multiple pieces of research which are independantly verified to be of a very high standard,
DEng is usually honoury
Fellowship of Royal Societies and the like is usually awarded to ordinary members, once they've done a couple of particularly notable things in their field; Some are much stricter as to the impact their fellows must have made than others.

[raike]

In my Argument/Debate class:

A take-home final would imply answers of a greater quality... but then again, coming from you guys...

[Sleepy]

One of my profs teaching Roman History did a very long speech that had about 80 students rolling. It was pretty much impossible to continue the class afterwards...
He spoke about the Epitoma rei militaris, a text by Flavius on the Roman army. It's full of awesome rants, stating explicitly which people shouldn't be allowed to serve in the army because they simply aren't worth it. So my prof was rolling with it, commenting on all entries. "Fishmongers? Well obviously they shouldn't be allowed to serve... we've all read Asterix and the fishmonger there is the biggest jackass." Stuff like that. But that was only the beginning.
He was reading from the official translation of the text, commenting here and there on the wording, but nothing serious... till he came to the confectioners. (Note: the whole thing happened on German, where the term was Zuckerbäcker, literally Sugar-baker, which made it even more hilarious and much worse.) "CONFECTIONIERS? CONFECTIONIERS??? Sugar-baker? What kind of fucktard translated this? There are really people translating Roman texts not knowing that the Romans didn't have sugar? How dense do you have to be to translate this as sugar-baker?" He actually shook his fist at the text, while the class, which was already pretty amused by his snide remarks, exploded in laughter.

He later explained that this had to be translated as "bakers who bake white bread (which is obviously for sissies) instead of brown bread, which is for real men..."

[avifors]

One of my funniest teachers was mr l, my biology teacher last year. This is more of a story than a quote but ir was pretty funny.
My class was working on a test when we heard a someone go down the hall banging on all the locker doors distracting everyone. Mr. L left the room and a minute later, he returned with a freshmen who looked terrified. He then proceeded to tell the kid off in front of the.whole class and we were all looking pretty shocked because he was usually really nice. He then told the kid to get out of the classroom and said that he would have detention if he ever did anything annoying again. The kid rushed out of the room and my class sat there in an awkward silence shocked by his outburst at the freshman. Mr. L. turned around and said "I really hate freshmen" and then burst out laughing, saying "did you see the look on his face" From then on, whenever we heard the freshmen coming back from lunch and being loud, we would convince mr. L. to go bring them in and shout at them. It was really funny, and one time when he was telling this girl off for shouting in the hall, my whole class burst out laughing and she took one look at all of us (we were juniors) and she ran right out of the room.
That class was fun, much better than the second half of that year where I was in a different class. Mt teacher in that class did accidentally open a porn site on the projector and that was hilarious, but I don't have time to tell that story now.

Ps: sorry for any grammar or spelling goofs I made, I typed this on my phone while on a bumpy car ride.

[drewerd]

I had a bad-ass tiny Romanian physics teacher in high school. One of the first days of class we had a small quiz and I forgot to add a unit to my answer. She picks up my quiz and says "Vhats dis? Chickens?" (doing my best to replicate her accent). I never forgot to label my answers again.

[maxh]

My maths teacher: "This shit's awesome!"

[DavidSpencer]

My calc teacher was talking about how dependence on calculators is increasing in American schools (not in a "Kids these days" kind of way, but just in general). I don't know if retelling something that actually happened counts as an "awesome quote", but he had a past calc student type "9x1" into his/her calculator!

[TGARCH-M]

My health economics teacher:

"I don't want to offend anyone from there...[pause]...but Mississippi is, in many ways... a developing country. "

[TheWhiteDeath]

[Going over vector projections in precalc]

Student: When are we ever going to use this in life?

Teacher: Never, but you signed up to take this class, so shut up.

Most beautiful thing I ever heard.

[Isotope_238]

[Going over vector projections in precalc]

Student: When are we ever going to use this in life?

Teacher: Never, but you signed up to take this class, so shut up.

Most beautiful thing I ever heard.

That is truly awesome.

Also, what does the French in your signature say?

[Rikuchu]

Student (Me): [In response to math teacher making a mistake on the board] Haha, fail.
Teacher: You're going to what?

[pizzazz]

My bio prof continues to rack up the awesome: [In English accent, because that's where he's from] "Sorry if I seem a bit tired, the in-laws came over last night, and anyone who knows them will, uh, well let's just say I was drunk last night."

Edit--I believe the French in that sig translates to (roughly), "I am not here to be lengthened, but shortened."

[B.Good]

In my electricity and magnetism class we have a little bit of extra time so we are talking about diffraction and interference of waves, specifically light waves. So someone asked what if there was a single photon and he mentioned that there would be quantum mechanical effects that you would have to take into account but . . .

Professor: If you consider a gazillion photons, then you will get a classical wave.

Me: But only if there are a gazillion?

Professor: Roughly a gazillion, yeah.

And in the same lecture I believe, the differential of the electric field at some point p has an imaginary exponential function (for those who don't know, from what my professor said, because of Euler's theorem it has a real cosine function and an imaginary sine function but we just consider the cosine function and we write it this way because apparently it's easier to work with) and when we got towards the end of the derivation he said:

Professor: In order to get the intensity of the beam, we just multiply the electric field by its complex conjugate, because it's the same thing and it gets rid of the imaginary part. -goes through the final steps of the derivation-.

Me: Oh god, this just got real. (Referring to http://xkcd.com/849/)

Professor: Get the hell out of my classroom.

[Slavaa]

My chemistry/biology teacher was showing us a video of man and a woman performing a duet, and while they're looking into each others' eyes (lovingly, you know), he tells us about the sort of things that go through peoples heads when this sort of thing happens:

"He's thinking 'Wow, she's pretty.'"
"She's thinking about what colour the baby's room will be."

And then, after stuttering through a more biological explanation, he definitely bursts out "She's ovulating!"

[Meem1029]

We're in my introductory computer science class. My professor was gone since he was attending an awards ceremony so our graduate TA was teaching. We were making some pseudo-random normal distributions for a project we were working on (since Scheme only provides not normal randoms). He's in the middle of explaining things when he asks what a function should be called. A student suggested pseudo-normal. This is what he wrote:

Code: Select all

(define (sudo-normal n)
...

A pointed this out to a friend who said "I think you've got the wrong sudo there." Half the class burst out laughing while the rest were confused.

[TheChewanater]

We're in my introductory computer science class. My professor was gone since he was attending an awards ceremony so our graduate TA was teaching. We were making some pseudo-random normal distributions for a project we were working on (since Scheme only provides not normal randoms). He's in the middle of explaining things when he asks what a function should be called. A student suggested pseudo-normal. This is what he wrote:

Code: Select all

(define (sudo-normal n)
...

A pointed this out to a friend who said "I think you've got the wrong sudo there." Half the class burst out laughing while the rest were confused.

But it's soo-doo. Not soo-doh.

[Meem1029]

Well, that may be, but everyone I've talked to around here calls it soo-doh. And it was still hilarious.

[Vangor]

Some entries from myself from today.

1st Student: And this one died from pneumonia.
Mr. V: You said you couldn't find any funny facts about artists.
1st Student: And his son died from pneumonia two weeks after.
Mr. V: Hilarious!
2nd Student: Mr. V, this says he died of syphilis and alcoholism; that's funny, right?

For a little context, this is a sixth grade Gifted class researching artists within periods of art. The sheet each has says to find "funny and interesting fact[s]" about the artist. Some are having hard times finding anything "funny", in particular with impressionists. Introduced them to the concept of black comedy to help.

Mr. V: Might be hard. Artists are serious people. Van Gogh cut off part of his ear, for instance.
1st Student: Why would someone do that?
2nd Student: Wow...this is going to be hard. That is really not funny.
Mr. V: I don't know about that. Maybe we just don't get the joke.

[manictheatrefan]

Some of you aren't wearing pants today.
-my Chemistry teacher

[TheChewanater]

Some of you aren't wearing pants today.
-my Chemistry teacher

I'm sure this has something to do with lab safety. Or not...

Anyways...

Me: The answer is B, since volume is inversely proportional to pressure, and we know that the...
Dr. L: Well, that's the kind of answer $(math teacher) would give. I mean, it's technically correct but you know that MY answer is that the gas molecules behave like..
Dr. L: *runs around the room screaming, "THIS!" and crashing into walls*
Me: ...

I hope that's an acceptable answer on the AP exam.

[Bonooru1234]

my favorite quote in a long time

" how to take the integral of Sec to and odd power and Tan to and even power

1.Do Magic
2.Integrate by parts
3.Massage (your hand)

"

[ibgdude]

One by my band director:
"Now play the chocolate cake section."
Context: this a percussion section of a song with no words.

[Adam Preston]

My chemistry teacher is the best, he has a phd and is the only 1 in my school with 1, but he seems our of touch with reality, so he says to me, what's the temperature of the room and I said around 20 something, he said no!, I didn't say what room, I could have been asking for a room in Russia. He always comes up with hilarious stories aswell, and jokes, I believe his thesis was on how to grow straight bananas aswell. A very funny man, I'm glad to have him at A level, as he surely knows what he's talking about, just doesn't seem to be conscience.

[Monika]

What do you mean, he's not conscience?

[Aodhan]

My medicinal chemistry lecturer today:

Germs. Germ is a word that means small things that we can't see. Like fairies.

[farnsworth]

my favorite quote in a long time

" how to take the integral of Sec to and odd power and Tan to and even power

1.Do Magic
2.Integrate by parts
3.Massage (your hand)

"

When writing on the board, my calculus teacher has a habit of dropping the "c" from "sec x."

When the bell rings, she says, "Let's just say the answer is magically 3."

The chain rule discussion had a couple of chuckles when we had to find f(u(x)).

[Alex-J]

Favorite from my high school Calc teacher. In our second week of class we were doing trig derivatives.

He was talking about how much fun and how cool math is, specifically trig derivatives. He told us we didn't need to be going out and drinking or getting (people) pregnant to have fun.
He summarized:
Don't do drugs; do calc derivatives.


Two weeks later he told us if we wanted to be cool and make friends we should invite people to our lunch table and show them inverse trig derivatives.
he straddled the fence perfectly between kidding and being completely serious

[Bakemaster]

What do you mean, he's not conscience?

It makes sense if you assume the word he was looking for was "coincidence"

[EnkiduEnkita]

My theatre tech teacher in high school was the technical director for Woodstock (the first one), so we all got many words of wisdom out of this guy. Some favorites regarding construction are,

If force doesn't work, you're not using enough of it.

Any tool, used incorrectly, is a hammer.

[Meem1029]

That is awesome. I feel that lots of theater tech stuff could fit into this category. A joke we had at our high school was that if you want to get the attention of Jake, one of our technical directors, you just need to say the magic words "Jake, I broke it."

[cjmcjmcjmcjm]

From a friend's oft-hated orchestration prof:

Portamento is like when you fart in an elevator.

This is unusual because the prof in question is suspected of not being smart enough to make this kind of humour.

[mathgeek17]

My marketing teacher said this jokingly in class the other day about a girl who complains a lot:
"If you were my wife, I'd beat you"

[Monika]

[felltir]

Fun fact. Awesome doesn't mean terrible in english. Perhaps you didn't know that.

"And if you were my wife, I would drink it." :p

[thekl0wn]

Prof walks into first day of Physics 101... "Suction cups don't work in outer space. Most of you are on the verge of aneurysm thinking about that at the moment, but by the end of the semester, each of you will be able to bust that out as a fun drinking fact, and more importantly explain why. You will also understand why my sister takes her clothes off while standing on a friction less pond."

[Yakk]

Fun fact. Awesome doesn't mean terrible in english. Perhaps you didn't know that.

Technically, awesome means something similar to terrifying in less ... modern English.

And that is a pretty terrifying quote.

[Monika]

Suction cups don't work in outer space.

Pretty obvious.

You will also understand why my sister takes her clothes off while standing on a frictionless pond.

That one I don't get.

[Whelan]

To get back to the shore. She can't walk on a frictionless plane, but by taking her clothes off she can use Newton's second and throw them, sending her sliding in the opposite direction.

[Monika]

Ah. I didn't get that she wanted to move somewhere.

[jawdisorder]

Wouldn't she have already needed to take the clothes off just to stop on the pond in the first place.