Sci-Fi Short Story

[BlackHatSupport]

I was writing up a short (40-page) story, and was wondering if this is A) A good starting point and B) somewhat scientifically correct?

U.N.S.C. Carrier Atlas on patrol in the Mars system

Atlas cruised along at a sedate orbital speed, dark except for the small lights twinkling like star in the black. In the pristine silence of space, she seemed peaceful, quiet.

Aboard, things were quite different. Crew floated about, readying the cryo pods for another 4-month journey to Earth. Since humanity had mastered space flight, they still were confined to their solar system. Small. Insignificant.

Atlas was almost new, on her first duty tour. Now, as she passed the outer reches of the Martian orbit, the watch officer, bored out of his mind, heard the "beep" of a radar contact. In fact, several radar contacts popped up, moving with alarming speed.

He tripped the alarm, and within 1 minute, Atlas came about to face this new contact.



March 13, U.N.S.C. cruiser Marathon, on patrol in the Mars system

Report from UNSC Marathon, currently deployed Mars system

Found what's left of Atlas. Nothing bigger than 1 square meter. It doesn't fit the rebels' weapons. It just doesn't sit right.

I don't like this any more than you do, Admiral, but we need to find out what could turn the heaviest vessel in our fleet into kibble.

Advice and constructive critisism are welcome.

[Xanthir]

Thrusters aren't needed if you're orbiting.

[Roĝer]

No orbit around a body will ever go through its L5 point.

About the thrusters: they may be needed to compensate for atmosperic drag, although around Mars that is really, really, small.

[Kang]

They could manoeuvre into the L5 point using those thrusters, though.

[scarecrovv]

as she passed the L5 point

The removal of these 5 words would make your story a lot better. Lagrange points are not specified relative to only one object (Mars). They are specified relative to two objects (the Sun and Mars, or Mars and Phobos). Any orbit around Mars would not come anywhere near the Sun-Mars L5, and Phobos and Deimos are so lightweight that nobody gives a rat's ass about the Mars-Phobos or Mars-Deimos L5.

Also, about those thrusters: I can only think of two situations where they would matter at all.

1. Atlas is propelled by a light sail that can't be retracted. The huge area and small mass might make atmospheric drag significant in low orbit.

2. Atlas, being a carrier, is carrying smaller vessels conducting operations against surface targets. They want to pass over the surface target on every orbit, so they have opportunities to move men and materiel to and from the surface as frequently as possible. Therefore they need to constantly adjust their orbit so that the rotation of the planet doesn't carry the target out from under them.

Explain why the thrusters are needed, or don't mention them at all. Explanation #2 sounds interesting. Perhaps you could spin a whole chapter out of it (why is Athens there in the first place?).

A word on radar: I don't know the nature of those radar contacts (presumably for dramatic purposes, which is a good thing). However, keep in mind that the heaviest vessel in the fleet is going to have really good radar. It's going to detect and characterize missile sized objects from ten thousand kilometers away at minimum. So you'd better have an explanation ready for why Athens got clobbered by surprise. Maybe the objects are stealth, so their radar cross section is really small. Maybe they were launched from the surface. Maybe they're moving really, really, really fast. But be sure to explain it at some point, because people will start wondering.

One more thing: if orbital mechanics are going to form a significant part of your plot or battle scenes, I strongly recommend you spend at least a week or two playing Orbiter. It's free (as in beer), it's very realistic, and it's well documented. Start by working through some of the tutorials in Go Play in Space. The Orbiter Forum is a good place to seek help.

[tomandlu]

Atlas cruised along at a sedate orbital speed, dark except for the thrusters that fired to keep the giant mass in orbit. Aboard, things were quite different. Crew floated about

I just picked out this bit since I can't quite make sense of it... "sedate orbital speed" + "thrusters" + 'keep the giant mass in orbit" implies to me that the ship is travelling slower than would normally be required for the orbital height and that therefore thrusters are required to stop her falling to the planet below... however, if that's the case, then there would be some gravity on board, so crew wouldn't float about.

Funnily enough, there's a thread about this somewhere... http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=68945

[idobox]

You need to explain why the Atlas didn't send some message before being destroyed, something like live surveillance data. Maybe not in this extract, but at some point.
One minute between radar detection and contact means the objects were detected only when very close, or travel much faster than the average asteroid
Also I have trouble imagining a weapon that would turn a giant ship in small pieces. Just think of what could happen to a naval ship under fire. You would need a large number of relatively low-power projectiles to shred the ship. Of course, it doesn't look like the rebel's weapon, so you probably have a pretty good idea of what did it.

[BlackHatSupport]

Ok, I'll make some of the changes. Though the 1 minute bit was only how long it took to respond, not the closing time.

[blademan9999]

Radar... seriously?
The signal strength is going to be much stronger for the enemy then for you, they'll detect you from larger distances.
http://www.projectrho.com/rocket/spacewardetect.php
Detect objects from their exhaust, or there thermal emissions, or reflected light, it'll have a much large range then radar, which drops of at d^4.