Awesome Teacher Quotes

[The Scyphozoa]

Maybe she parachuted.

[Meem1029]

No. She was clearly dropped on the pond from an airplane.

[mathgeek17]

When my chemistry teacher was explaining beta emissions to us, she told us that electrons freak out when they're in the nucleus and proceeded to demonstrate this by running out of the room screaming and didn't come back for 5 min.

This is the facebook page dedicated to quotes from one of our band directors, my favorite being, "If I were a dragon, you'd all be toast."
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Soucy-Say ... 0481433134

[jeorgun]

H.S. calculus teacher:

(while ranting about AAAHHHH THUMPY WOOBLE HARRRRRPINK!! in schools)
``The worst thing about public schools today is that we can talk about Lady Gaga but we can't talk about Hitler!''

(while discussing study habits)
Personally I like writing theorems down... not like a hobby or anything. I don't go home and write math theorems down in my spare time.''

[ibgdude]

"We don't use that tone in here"
In reference to the trumpet section's horrible sounds.

[gmalivuk]

(while ranting about AAAHHHH THUMPY WOOBLE HARRRRRPINK!! in schools)
``The worst thing about public schools today is that we can talk about Lady Gaga but we can't talk about Hitler!''

Do you go to school in Germany or something? Because otherwise this is just flat-out not true. Unless your teacher is actually a neo-Nazi and by "talk about Hitler" he means "promote Hitler's beliefs".

[Monika]

Talking about Hitler is not only allowed, but mandatory in German schools. And probably in most 20th-century history classes in schools around the world.

[The Scyphozoa]

Not unless you claim it was Charlie Chaplin who took over Germany...

[Kolko]

"This algebra handbook was written by an American. It will therefore be too easy for you."

[jeorgun]

(while ranting about AAAHHHH THUMPY WOOBLE HARRRRRPINK!! in schools)
``The worst thing about public schools today is that we can talk about Lady Gaga but we can't talk about Hitler!''

Do you go to school in Germany or something? Because otherwise this is just flat-out not true. Unless your teacher is actually a neo-Nazi and by "talk about Hitler" he means "promote Hitler's beliefs".

1) No, and
2) I certainly hope not.
I have absolutely no idea how he came to this conclusion (though admittedly Hitler is probably less of an appropriate topic in math classes than in history)

[RollingHead]

I have an awesome general physics teacher this year. Here are some roughly translated quotes:
On gravitational force: "The Earth is trying to drag me to Hell, and I'm trying to attract devils towards me"
On friction: "When meteors enter our atmosphere, because of friction they burn up causing a phenomenon where everyboby makes wishes that never come true"
He also made several examples involving dropping cats out of windows (wind resistance balancing gravitational acceleration [may not be the correct scientific terms in english]), then ended the lesson reminding us that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to try any of that at home.

[Nat]

In Ergodic Theory:
"So, XxY has this ergodicity condition for every Y if and only if it has it for Y=X. This is because, as in many cases, you are your own worst enemy. Or in less poetic terms, the Cauchy-Schwartz inequality"
Not sure why but it made me laugh.

[PossibleSloth]

He also made several examples involving dropping cats out of windows (wind resistance balancing gravitational acceleration [may not be the correct scientific terms in english]), then ended the lesson reminding us that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to try any of that at home.

My high school physics teacher spent pretty much an entire lecture talking about dropping cats out of windows to demonstrate everything from terminal velocity to rotational inertia. Our homework was to determine the greatest height at which a cat could be dropped out of a building without landing on its feet.

[The Scyphozoa]

If I understand the question correctly, then from personal experimentation I'd say about 1.5 feet, max.

[Nat]

In algebraic geometry:
Student: what's the deal with all this category stuff? can you give us some motivation for this?
TA: OK, I'd better give a my motivational speech now: In this course, we are going to spend enormous amounts of time and effort to prove things that seem extremely esoteric and pointless. That's pretty much the whole course.

[Krealr]

My high school physics teacher spent pretty much an entire lecture talking about dropping cats out of windows to demonstrate everything from terminal velocity to rotational inertia. Our homework was to determine the greatest height at which a cat could be dropped out of a building without landing on its feet.[/quote]


If you hold a cat upside down and drop it it will flip over to land on its feet. Do this several times in a row then hold the cat right side up and drop it, it will flip over onto its back. (Either that or my friend had a very dumb cat)

Any cat lovers out there please don't hurt me.

[TheChewanater]

If you hold a cat upside down and drop it it will flip over to land on its feet. Do this several times in a row then hold the cat right side up and drop it, it will flip over onto its back. (Either that or my friend had a very dumb cat)

I have to try this when I get home. For science.

[Monika]

May your cat scratch you.

[TheChewanater]

I was just kidding. My cat will almost certainly land upside down every time, anyways.

[Aiea]

If you hold a cat upside down and drop it it will flip over to land on its feet. Do this several times in a row then hold the cat right side up and drop it, it will flip over onto its back. (Either that or my friend had a very dumb cat)

I have to try this when I get home. For science.

If you stick a hair scrunchy around a cat's waist (one just tight enough for them to know it's there but not enough to cut off circulation) most cats will go limp and refuse to use their back legs...

[Nat]

"Love is like history class: either someone dies or it's boring as hell".

[RollingHead]

My chemistry professor, explaining gasses with a powerpoint containing this image:

"Avogadro is famous for many things, and really should have hired a better portraitist"

[doinkisaac]

A problem from my Calculus class yesterday went something like this:
"Jurassic Park has 200 feet of fence with which to enclose the velociraptors against the back wall of the lab. What is the largest area that Ian Malcolm make the enclosure?"
I probably forgot some parts.
She has a printout of 135 in her classroom: http://xkcd.com/135/

[Jimmy_kaine]

History teacher, while the class was discussing legal driving age in the U.S.:

Frankly,you guys are shitty drivers.

Spanish teacher:

don't worry guys, tomorrow is Friday!

( the latter wouldn't be so bad, but he says it almost every day of the week.)

[Herover]

Bioligy teacher:
"I didn't like her discussion... It wasn't very discussing"
"If there's something in a cell which you do not know what makes, then it makes proteines. (or enzymes or something else)"

Language teacher:
"Now imagine, you have to physicists, and one of them is having a affair with the other physicists wife. Do you think they would be discussing neutrally about 'the big bang' now?"

[Kick]

OH my! I totally should have joined the forums here sooner (or even looked at the forums sooner). I had been meaning to set up some kind of blog with just funny quotes taken out of context from my classes. I started writing them down in my notebook whenever I got the chance, here are a few:
My Security and Risk Analysis professor:
"When I went to school, the periodic table was a lot smaller...yeah, there were only three elements: earth, wind, and fire."
My CS professor (when teaching c++):
(he tries to use "real life" examples, but never uses a full analogy, just parts pieced together with code)
"You can't cout numWidgets because he's not in the phone book."
"Killing two birds with one loop."
"Professional programers are lazy..."
"When I do illegal stuff, I never do it on my new computer--I do it on an old computer...wait, not that I do illegal stuff."

I thought those to be humorous in the moment, looking back they are no where near as funny as I thought. Well, I've got a few more years.

[Monika]

What's the benefit from doing illegal stuff on old computers?

[The Scyphozoa]

You're likely to get viruses from trying to download illegal things because people can't report it, since that would mean you're doing illegal stuff.

[Gear]

My math teacher was born for this thread. Here are some of the best (not all by her, my sarcastic English teacher makes some appearances too):

Wow, it's almost like X reads things!

Alright Kumquats, back to math.

My math teacher has taken to calling us blueberries and kumquats.

Yes, this is what Ms. W does when she gets home - does thousands upon thousands of Range/Domain problems. No, I don't really, that would be sad . . . I make my cat do them.

And remember, if tonight's homework doesn't leave you sobbing in a corner, either I'm not doing my job, or you're doing the problem wrong.

And, of course, all my friends call me Ms. W too.

It might be a new concept to you people, but it's a bad thing when X gets the best grade on a quiz and she self professedly didn't read the text.

Go back to honors. We don't need your kind here.

Kid: If I did 'Y', will I get points off on the test?
Teacher: No, but I will laugh at you and write sarcastic comments next to the question.

You do realize that your test grades are really just a reflection of my mood while I'm grading them, not an assessment of your skills, right?

[TheChewanater]

You do realize that your test grades are really just a reflection of my mood while I'm grading them, not an assessment of your skills, right?

I bet this one's the English teacher.

[Gear]

You do realize that your test grades are really just a reflection of my mood while I'm grading them, not an assessment of your skills, right?

I bet this one's the English teacher.

Nope. It was the math teacher. The English teacher was 'It's almost like X reads', and the depressing quiz grades. I could see how you'd think that though - it's much harder (though not impossible) to justify failing a kid in Math.

[snoods]

My physics teacher is brilliant at getting us to understand things.

Imagine a bunch of bunny rabbits. Cute, little bunny rabbits. Get them all to stand in a long, fluffy white line. Then staple them all to the one in front. Pour molten iron under the feet of the one at the front. It starts to hop. If the one behind it wants to keep its nose, it also has to hop. And so all bunnies will have to hop at the exact same time or they will lose either their noses or tails. And that's how electrons in a circuit work.

He also head butted a door to demonstrate the conservation of momentum

[cjmcjmcjmcjm]

My P Chem prof discussed why Everclear is 95.6% (191 proof) EtOH instead of pure as an example of why high-boiling azeotropes are relevant to our daily lives.

[Monika]

You do realize that your test grades are really just a reflection of my mood while I'm grading them, not an assessment of your skills, right?

I bet this one's the English teacher.

For language teachers this is a fact, so it wouldn't be funny.

[ars111]

My teacher (that passed away) always mention us that "One good teacher in a lifetime may sometimes change a delinquent into a solid citizen."

And my favorite quote is "I have discovered such wonderful things that I was amazed… Out of nothing I have created a strange new universe."

[TheChewanater]

During chem the other day, the class was shouting out answers to a workbook question, but no one was getting it right.

Dr. L: "It's the K_a!"

T: But I said that like five minutes ago!

(Everyone was pretty much silent for a moment)

Dr. L: *Crawls on hands and knees, goes over to T, kisses his shoe, then gets back up.*

Dr. L: Now you will never forget this day.

There are a lot of crazy quotes and anecdotes from him that I should take the time to remember.

[Whelan]

And that's a picture of an elephant with a nice erection, showing it's not only Humans who have big penises.

[MisterCheif]

My physics teacher has some hilarious test and quiz questions. Here are some highlights from last years tests.

Hydrochloric Bob, the famous superhero, is running away from his arch-nemesis, the nuclear physicist Professor Quark, at 5m/s. If Hydrochloric Bob then gets tuckered out and slows down at 0.4m/s/s, what will his velocity be after 5 seconds.

He continued on with the Hydrochloric Bob questions throughout the year, with him doing things such as running to catch a twinkie falling from a building, falling from a plane himself and slowing himself by shooting hydrochloric acid downward, and culminating in this:

Hydrochloric Bob, the famous superhero, has just been released from the hospital following his rather exciting tumble from a plane. Eager to get back to his heroic ways, he tracks the movement of a robin as it ruthlessly 'trespasses' on one vehicle after another before flying away to a high voltage power line. Bob studies his adversary: the way the bird sits smugly on its perch; its glassy, uncaring eyes; the bluntness of its beak. There is no hope, he decides, of reforming the bird - it is too far gone. He must destroy it. He immediately unleashes a continuous stream of HCl at the bird. Though he narrowly misses the foul beast (not to be confused with a fowl beast), he does not miss the wire. The HCl immediately dissolves the insulating rubber and, because it is a continuous stream, allows a current to flow back through Bob and into the ground. [Information relevant to actually solving the problem here].

[Monika]

Hydrochloric Bob ftw!

[Spitz]

"That's right, when the zombie apocalypse happens, I'll be prepared."- My Oral Comm. Professor