xkcd

by **Monika** » Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:40 pm UTC

poxic wrote:sambot5, welcome to the thread. And, incidentally, to some of the more perplexing parts of being a human-that-doesn't-fit-in-a-box. There are tons of answers out there, most of them wrong for you (or any other particular person). Some of them might be right-for-you. Or hey, you might find a totally new answer for yourself, just by being open to your own thoughts and feelings and options.

Some say that life gets difficult when the path is muddy. Some say that that's where the fun starts. I like the second sentiment, but it scares my knickers off, most days.

poxic wrote:
Shivahn wrote:I really wish I'd done more stuff like this in college.

And the next-best time to learn is now. <3

It's like ... tearing off a mask, to go to this kind of meeting. It hurts, if the mask has been there for a long time. You feel the cold, fresh air, not on your face but on your heart. And it's like learning to walk again. And you can do it, because you've done it before. Not the same skills, not the same way of learning, but it's still just learning your way again. You've done that before, and you will many, many more times. If you're lucky, and willing.

<3

poxic, you write all these great things, and so poetically! <3

natashatasha wrote:Oma and Opa

Your using these words makes me think your family is partially German

.

Good luck with writing the letter to your dad. Now that you mentioned it here you have to do it, you know, right?

*hugs*

Did I mention I managed to go to the Rainbow Lunch at work? No? I managed to go to the Rainbow Lunch at work. It's every Monday. I tried before but failed because I did not recognize which people hanging around the canteen entrance might be the queer folk.
I am still nervous about this. I imagine the other people (not so many, about 6 people come to each lunch) are probably all gay or lesbian (well actually all gay as they are all men) and not bi, even though I have no evidence for this. So what will they think about the fact that I am married to a man? Or that I am poly?

Also I have completely new decisions to make

. Should I share the technology-related / geeky things I mostly share on Google+ with my girlfriend (who is in a circle on her own) even though she is the only non-geeky friend I have (on Google+, almost true in reallife, too) or not? I might bore her to death, but otherwise she will hardly see any posts from me and might even comment on how I write nothing, and then I would say I do, I just don't share it with you, and ... complicated.

by **poxic** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:17 am UTC

Monika wrote:and so poetically!

I can't not think in metaphors. Makes for some difficulty when writing business requirements. >.>

by **Brace** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 2:48 am UTC

It's the final week of class and I'm starting to fall apart. I'm submitting incomplete assignments and even incorrect work.

by **farnsworth** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 4:26 am UTC

Monika wrote:Also I have completely new decisions to make . Should I share the technology-related / geeky things I mostly share on Google+ with my girlfriend (who is in a circle on her own) even though she is the only non-geeky friend I have (on Google+, almost true in reallife, too) or not? I might bore her to death, but otherwise she will hardly see any posts from me and might even comment on how I write nothing, and then I would say I do, I just don't share it with you, and ... complicated.

There's no harm in asking if she cares to read the geeky things.

by **Shivahn** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:33 am UTC

poxic wrote:
Shivahn wrote:I really wish I'd done more stuff like this in college.

And the next-best time to learn is now. <3

It's like ... tearing off a mask, to go to this kind of meeting. It hurts, if the mask has been there for a long time. You feel the cold, fresh air, not on your face but on your heart. And it's like learning to walk again. And you can do it, because you've done it before. Not the same skills, not the same way of learning, but it's still just learning your way again. You've done that before, and you will many, many more times. If you're lucky, and willing.

<3

Yeah, it was... something. I don't know. Trigger warning for imagery reminiscent of suicide in the last few lines.

Spoiler:

Let's see if I can channel the confidence I had earlier...

Spoiler:

Now I just have to somehow internalize that. It's much easier to write and know than to read and feel.

by **poxic** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 7:01 am UTC

Shivahn, allow me:

*push*

<3

by **Monika** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 8:35 am UTC

farnsworth wrote:There's no harm in asking if she cares to read the geeky things.

Well there could be. She could be hurt because she might understand it as "you are not educated enough to understand these things" (she did not go to college).

by **Shro** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 4:15 pm UTC

Poppin' in with a bit of news from Georgia:
http://jezebel.com/5865848/court-rules- ... t-her-junk

by **Monika** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 4:57 pm UTC

by **PM 2Ring** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 5:32 pm UTC

Shro wrote:Poppin' in with a bit of news from Georgia:
http://jezebel.com/5865848/court-rules- ... t-her-junk

From the link:

Vandy Beth Glenn worked for one Sewell Brumby at Georgia's Office of Legislative Counsel. But Brumby fired her in 2007 after she began living openly as a woman. Brumby described Glenn as "a man dressed as a woman and made up as a woman," and explained that he fired her because "it's unsettling to think of someone dressed in women's clothing with male sexual organs inside that clothing." He might have dealt with this by not picturing Glenn's sexual organs, a courtesy he presumably extended to his other employees

I so want to add a [citation needed] to that last clause... and after reading the article I have Johnny Cash's A Boy Named Sue (well) running through my head.

To be fair, Mr Brumby probably can't help that he feels unsettled by gender incongruity, but perhaps he should consider how unsettling it must be for someone to have to spend their life dealing with an incongruity between their sex and their gender, especially when they live in a culture that overtly or tacitly encourages transphobia.

It's nice that Vandy Beth has got her job back, OTOH, I don't imagine that the atmosphere at work will be a bed of roses.

It's not easy to work with people that we feel uncomfortable around, but of course that's no reason to fire them. Perhaps he should've apologetically explained to Vandy Beth that his old-fashioned values made him uncomfortable in her presence, and that it was affecting his ability to work effectively with her. And then used his connections to find equivalent employment for her with someone who wasn't burdened with transphobia...
But of course, it's a bit unrealistic to expect that sort of behaviour from someone who describes a trans woman as "a man dressed as a woman and made up as a woman".

by **Роберт** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:05 pm UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:It's nice that Vandy Beth has got her job back, OTOH, I don't imagine that the atmosphere at work will be a bed of roses.

The person who fired her no longer works there. He retired.

by **Shivahn** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 11:50 pm UTC

poxic wrote:Shivahn, allow me:

*push*

<3

Thanks

<3

by **Triss Hawkeye** » Thu Dec 08, 2011 3:31 pm UTC

Hey guys, new person here...

So, I've come to the conclusion that I'm genderqueer (and also bi- and maybe a little bit pan-sexual). I'm in a female body and quite happy to be at the moment. However I have quite a masculine personality, and often find myself relating more to men than I do to women (although this is not always the case, and I have my feminine moments too - a fluid gender identity I guess).

Anyway, I'd quite like to start presenting a bit more masculine (or at least androgynous) for my more masculine days. Has anyone any advice for binding/other practicalities? And how best to go about explaining to people I know and people I just happen to meet what I'm doing and why, and that I'm happy with either set of gender pronouns, and that I'm not actually trans, just wanting to present myself differently today?

by **PM 2Ring** » Thu Dec 08, 2011 4:12 pm UTC

Hi, Triss Hawkeye. Welcome to the thread. You'll find some useful info by doing a search in this thread for posts from "teapot". Hopefully, teapot will see your post & respond.

Also have a look at this forum.

Sorry I can't give specific advice on what to say to people who ask WTF are you doing, but I find humour can be helpful.

by **Brace** » Thu Dec 08, 2011 8:30 pm UTC

Two quizzes and a programming assignment left to do. Minimum required grades for each to get all A's in my classes (with ungraded but finished work included)

Finished:

* Business class - Business paper, 7%<
* Game Design class - Final project, 50%<

Remaining

* Networking II - Final quiz, 66%<
* Network security - Final quiz, 47%<
* Unix Shell scripting - Final project, 76%<

wish me luck

by **Monika** » Thu Dec 08, 2011 8:36 pm UTC

Go girl

by **Shivahn** » Thu Dec 08, 2011 11:50 pm UTC

Good luck!

by **Wyvern** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:37 am UTC

Shivahn <3
Kilroy <3
Monika <3
Triss <3
PM 2Ring <3
Teapot <3

I currently have nothing to add but these hearts. cause I love you all.

by **Josephine** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 3:15 am UTC

Wyvern <3

by **poxic** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 3:25 am UTC

Thread <3

by **Brace** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 5:14 am UTC

#!/bin/bash
until ! read Name
do
echo $Name" <3"
done < xkcdNames.dat

by **natashatasha** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 5:23 am UTC

Alea iacta est, I guess:

Spoiler:

by **Brace** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 5:35 am UTC

*hugs*

Getting it out there is the hardest part.

by **Monika** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:38 am UTC

*hugs natashatasha* Good luck! I hope he takes it well.

*hugs Wyvern* Are you doing well?

by **Wyvern** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:42 pm UTC

*hugs monika*

I'm okay at the moment, but I was kinda tripping out when I made that last post. Cause my brain is funky like that.

by **Shivahn** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 4:47 pm UTC

Good luck natashatasha!

*hugs Wyvern*

<3

I came out to my sister last night. It was short and anticlimactic. She unfortunately doesn't have much advice for voice stuff though. I was hoping she would since she does a lot of acting, but eh.

by **matilda** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 6:35 pm UTC

hi everyone! and thank you for the welcomes. <3

also, I came out to my lit class yesterday (though by accident, I was feeling really comfortable and was overtired, so I mentioned my girlfriend without thinking) and ghaaa, it was amazing, I'm still floating on happiness from that. It was my first time coming out to anyone non-internet, and the reaction was just so incredibly positive, not the awkward-trying-to-appear-appropiately-liberal-and-tolerant crap that I was expecting. But everyone just smiled and said they wanted to see a pricture of her, and just told me really positive, comforting things.

by **Cathy** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 10:25 pm UTC

Yay Matilda! I'm glad it was a good experience. <3

I often "come out" by accident because I'll be talking about something or the other and say something like "a girl I used to date XYZ" occasionally I get a double take or three but usually since I regard it as such a normal thing the person I'm speaking to usually does too. And I really do see it as normal - I've known myself as bisexual for nearing 8 years now, it's not something I really think about. I hope that other people can see it that way too. Something I've found is the closer to my age (21) someone is, the more likely they are to just shrug and move on, agree with it or not. The only people who I've gotten vehemently negative responses from were all 40+. I'm hoping the trend of people growing up more tolerant to GLBTQ continues.

by **poxic** » Fri Dec 09, 2011 10:52 pm UTC

The last time I remember reading about public opinion of gay marriage was just before it was legalised in Canada. The poll results were 50% each way, with the yes-people heavily weighted to the younger half of the population. That was enough to convince the previous government to go ahead with it, reasoning that public approval would only increase with time.

by **FreyasSpirit** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 12:12 am UTC

*hugs natasha*

I really hope your dad reacts well and stays supportive.

*hugs kilroy*
*hugs Wyvern*
*hugs matilda*

I've been anxious the last few days. I didn't expect grad school apps to be this stressful or I'd have waited another week to start hormones. I'm also anxious about me being anxious even though I'm on hormones, making it even worse. I'm really hoping everything gets better after the 15th.

by **Brace** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 12:30 am UTC

*hugs Freyas*

School is unreasonably stressful. Speaking of which, my first A is now finalized. My business paper came back graded 100%. The professor wants to use it as an example for future classes for some reason >_<

I'm sure your grad school applications are going to knock 'em dead. Remember, we're all our own harshest critics.

by **Shivahn** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 12:40 am UTC

FreyasSpirit wrote:*hugs natasha*

I really hope your dad reacts well and stays supportive.

*hugs kilroy*
*hugs Wyvern*
*hugs matilda*

I've been anxious the last few days. I didn't expect grad school apps to be this stressful or I'd have waited another week to start hormones. I'm also anxious about me being anxious even though I'm on hormones, making it even worse. I'm really hoping everything gets better after the 15th.

*hug*

I'm not on hormones or anything, but I just finished grad apps and yeahhh, so stressful. I'm sure it'll die down once they're submitted.

And Kilroy is right, you're totally going to knock 'em dead

(And *high five* to you, Kilroy, that's pretty awesome about your business paper!)

by **matilda** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 1:07 am UTC

FreyasSpirit wrote:*hugs natasha*

I really hope your dad reacts well and stays supportive.

*hugs kilroy*
*hugs Wyvern*
*hugs matilda*

I've been anxious the last few days. I didn't expect grad school apps to be this stressful or I'd have waited another week to start hormones. I'm also anxious about me being anxious even though I'm on hormones, making it even worse. I'm really hoping everything gets better after the 15th.

*hugs freyas*
ew, I'm sorry, anxiety and school really suck.

by **Triss Hawkeye** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 9:22 am UTC

Thanks for the advice, PM 2Ring, I'll take a look at that forum.

<3 to you all. =)

by **natashatasha** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 12:40 pm UTC

How it went with father and brother:
^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^

I'm so relieved now, so that means BreadTop tomorrow in celebration!

by **RollingHead** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:23 pm UTC

That's great! (And your octopus is adorable)

by **natashatasha** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:32 pm UTC

Thank you! I found the octopus on National Geographic's Ten Weirdest New Animals of 2010: Editors' Picks and thought it was so adorable I had to have it. I love your turtle too, it's beautifully set-up shot ^_^

Also: <3 to you, PM, Freya and Monika, for making me send that e-mail and for your support.

by **animeHrmIne** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 8:25 pm UTC

I really need to come out to my father, but I'm at a loss as to how to go about it. The thing is, as a senior in high school, I'm filling out a ton of college apps, etc. And he's really invested in everything, meaning that eventually he'll see that I'm applying for queer scholarships (if I can find any that aren't exclusively gay/lesbian >.<). I've already written like 4 essays about being queer, but he hasn't asked to read my essays, so that's good.

I'm honestly kind of scared to tell him. He seems to think he's a calm, reasonable person, but I and everyone else I know can confirm that he can get irrationally dangerous about very little thing. He reacts unpredictably to things, and he can't seem to see that his emotional manipulation and extremely condescending, forceful manner could be damaging.

The worst part is that he's pretty much gay-friendly (still heterosexit/heteronormative, but nothing too awful), but he's incredibly cissexist, and I don't know how to deal with that part of coming out as pansexual. I've had discussions about trans* issues with him, but he's dismissive and hateful and it really sucks.

tl;dr: I still live part-time with my father, who supports me financially, but because I'm filling out queer scholarships, etc. I probably need to come out to him, but I don't know how/I'm scared.

by **sambot5** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 10:12 pm UTC

animeHrmIne wrote:I really need to come out to my father, but I'm at a loss as to how to go about it. The thing is, as a senior in high school, I'm filling out a ton of college apps, etc. And he's really invested in everything, meaning that eventually he'll see that I'm applying for queer scholarships (if I can find any that aren't exclusively gay/lesbian >.<). I've already written like 4 essays about being queer, but he hasn't asked to read my essays, so that's good.

I'm honestly kind of scared to tell him. He seems to think he's a calm, reasonable person, but I and everyone else I know can confirm that he can get irrationally dangerous about very little thing. He reacts unpredictably to things, and he can't seem to see that his emotional manipulation and extremely condescending, forceful manner could be damaging.

The worst part is that he's pretty much gay-friendly (still heterosexit/heteronormative, but nothing too awful), but he's incredibly cissexist, and I don't know how to deal with that part of coming out as pansexual. I've had discussions about trans* issues with him, but he's dismissive and hateful and it really sucks.

tl;dr: I still live part-time with my father, who supports me financially, but because I'm filling out queer scholarships, etc. I probably need to come out to him, but I don't know how/I'm scared.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm a senior filling out a bunch of college apps and I haven't come out to anyone IRL. While I'm not applying for any lgbt scholarships (I didn't know that there were any), your post reminded me of the following essay prompt:
"Discuss something you secretly like but pretend not to, or vice versa."

I immediately thought of writing about how I secretly *like* guys, but pretend to be straight. However, my parents are super-invested in my college apps (which is nice), and to write about that would mean coming out to them, which is something that I'm not entirely ready to do yet.

Hang in there; everything will eventually work out.

by **Vaniver** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 11:03 pm UTC

Yeah, you're in a tough situation and advice is hard to give. Being disowned can derail college, and so some recommend putting off coming out until you graduate / are financially independent. It may be wise to avoid applying for queer scholarships.

You can try to keep the essay / scholarship secret from your parents. I wrote about being gay for one of my applications and didn't show that to my parents (which was made easier by it being an online application).

There are upsides to coming out early, and so you may want to do it. It has about as much chance to work out well as it will if you wait a few years.

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