xkcd

by **Aaeriele** » Tue Dec 20, 2011 2:00 am UTC

XJ_0 wrote:Mew... v_v

Spoiler:
I was watching an anime called "Yu Yu Hakusho," and finding it humourous and amusing, until episode 24. In it, they main characters (both male) are having an argument about whether or not it's okay to fight girls, as they are up against a woman fighter. One of them says, "yes, because we are both fighters," but then goes to feeling her up. Also, to make this more awful, from this maneuver he finds out that she has penis and proceeds to call her a man. After he defeated her, the two main characters continue talking about how she's not a real woman. =_=;;

This instantly killed the enjoyment that I and my partners were taking from this show. I am so pissed, right now. >_<''

*hug*

by **Shivahn** » Tue Dec 20, 2011 10:53 pm UTC

I just accidentally signed an email to a trans group coordinator with my given legal name. I know it's not a huge deal, but I feel weird and bad and wish I hadn't. Habits die hard and are really annoying.

by **Jessica** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 2:22 am UTC

Saw this on my facebook and wanted to share.

One teachers approach to preventing gender bullying in a classroom.

by **Shivahn** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:35 am UTC

I came here to post that

by **Cathy** » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:37 am UTC

Jessica wrote:Saw this on my facebook and wanted to share.

One teachers approach to preventing gender bullying in a classroom.

I think I'm in love. I hope my (future) children have teachers like that. I hope that I teach them like that. <3

by **Monika** » Thu Dec 22, 2011 12:39 pm UTC

@above: That is a cool teacher.

--------

This may be relevant to some people's interest: http://pusheen.com/

by **Bassoon** » Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:24 am UTC

I feel like my despair and disdain towards the Holiday Season is directly proportion to the amount that I see my family.

by **XJ_0** » Sun Dec 25, 2011 11:34 pm UTC

Hi, Everyone! I took a good photograph of myself, and I feel like I want to show people.

Spoiler:

Also, I would like to give hugs to anyone who wants them. ^_^

by **setzer777** » Tue Dec 27, 2011 1:26 am UTC

Very handsome!
<tangent>Is it just me, or does nobody call guys handsome anymore? I've been called "cute" and "hot", but I can't recall anybody around my age calling someone "handsome".</tangent>

Was happy to see this story:
First same-sex homecoming kiss in the navy!

by **Triss Hawkeye** » Tue Dec 27, 2011 12:27 pm UTC

I've attempted to call guys or describe guys as handsome before, but it's always felt odd or garnered a bit of a weird look... I guess it just isn't common any more. Which is a shame, because I rather like the word and its connotations.

Also, yes, very handsome indeed!

by **Kewangji** » Tue Dec 27, 2011 12:49 pm UTC

setzer777 wrote:Very handsome!
<tangent>Is it just me, or does nobody call guys handsome anymore? I've been called "cute" and "hot", but I can't recall anybody around my age calling someone "handsome".</tangent>

Was happy to see this story:
First same-sex homecoming kiss in the navy!

I feel handsome when I'm wearing formal-ish male attire. So, at least I do it, I'm sure. I also sometimes have a thing for handsome women.

That story is excellent. ^^

by **meridian** » Tue Dec 27, 2011 1:57 pm UTC

I call my crushbuddy handsome all the time. I wonder if he notices.

by **XJ_0** » Tue Dec 27, 2011 4:18 pm UTC

Thank you! ^_^

About handsome: I have seen that it is been used less frequently. There used to be this rule: "girls are beautiful, and boys are handsome," and I would challenge that whenever I could. Frankly, there are a lot of boys that I would not be able to describe as "handsome," but "beautiful" would fit. I think that handsome has a certain subjective quality to it that disregards gender. On that note: I find Tilda Swinton to be very handsome. =3

And, I don't mind being called handsome or beautiful because I feel I can describe myself as either/both. Also, I like compliments! ^_^ hehe

Random: I like this cold weather because I wear enough layers to go without wearing my binder! =D It's been a few days, and it feels very comfortable.

by **TimelordSimone** » Tue Dec 27, 2011 4:46 pm UTC

setzer777 wrote:Very handsome!
<tangent>Is it just me, or does nobody call guys handsome anymore? I've been called "cute" and "hot", but I can't recall anybody around my age calling someone "handsome".</tangent>

I tend to be really picky about the specific connotations of the words I use. I don't use cute/hot/handsome/etc interchangeably. Handsome implies more angular features than cute, and hot refers to body rather than face (in my mind, at least).

by **podbaydoor** » Tue Dec 27, 2011 5:14 pm UTC

Actually, if you read literature from the 19th and early 20th century, people used to call women "handsome" all the time. And they would comment on a man's "beauty." I have no problem with using the two terms for either men or women.

by **Jessica** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 12:07 am UTC

I think you look awesome. Beautiful, strong and fantastic.

by **natashatasha** » Fri Dec 30, 2011 7:20 am UTC

Okay, now that I'm out to all my family that needs to know, I can really work on my transition. The issue I face, however, is I don't know how, so forgive me if I seem to be rambling ... it's easier to splat my thought on the page than it is to overthink it and not post at all. I think the biggest problem I face is that I'm shy, reserved, nervous and care extremely much what people (even complete strangers) think of me.

Body Image:

Spoiler:

Clothing:

Spoiler:

Make up:

Spoiler:

Hormones:

Spoiler:

Voice:

Spoiler:

Body Hair:

Spoiler:

I can't think of anything ese I wanted to say (undoubtedly I'll think of something later), but if anyone has any comments / advice that can help me I'd be extremely grateful.
Edit: Should probably mention, I'm in Australia (specifically Canberra).

by **Josephine** » Fri Dec 30, 2011 8:46 am UTC

You mentioned presenting as female before hormones. I'm not exactly sure how things will go for you, but I'm taking a kind of latent approach. I'm on hormones and except for here and a couple people in meatspace, I generally present as male. To me, it's less painful than feeling so exposed without being comfortable enough to present as female easily. I have tried that, it's... not fun. Over time, as my body changes, I get more and more people reading me as female. at the point when that's the normal case, I'll start really presenting as female. And voice, hmm. Voice is hard. For me, I have a hard time talking anyway. I can't use phones, I barely talk. So I don't get practice...

Wow, that ended up being really about me. Sorry about that. Surprise blog entry!

by **Monika** » Fri Dec 30, 2011 5:09 pm UTC

*hugs for natasha*
Congrats on being able to start transitioning!

Some thoughts:

natashatasha wrote:Body Image: I don't look at all feminine or even androgynous.

That will change with hormones

. It would be rather unusual if you looked feminine before.

have a bit of a belly

Healthy diet, exercise? Less fat is also better because fat stores estrogen so it can work less.

and a huge arse

That should actually be beneficial for presenting as female.

my hair is just ... unmanageable

So you are just another woman with unmanageable hair

.

I have a really receding hairline too

That should stop with a testosterone blocker, too.

I don't particularly like women's clothing

Welcome to the club - me neither.
(I kinda experiment with skirts and dresses this year ... doesn't work superwell, but also not superbad.)
For me, jeans and T-shirts are perfectly fine women's clothing.
But maybe you want to experiment with traditionally female clothing at some point, to look more feminine. If you do no dare to walk into a shop and buy some, yet, you could order something online.
How to figure out what to wear I am not sure yet myself. I guess I need to read more fashion magazines or something.

Make-up ... I don't know where to start

Cheeks, to try to cover up the cheekbones. This is what looks most masculine or feminine about a face, I think.
Or anything else. It doesn't really matter where you start. Try something in front of the mirror, see how you like it, try something else.

my reticence to go out shopping plays especially strong here, even though I'd only see the checkout person once.

See if make-up can also be ordered online.

I want to start hormones this coming year, but I don't know how to start

The standard way seems to be: Check lists online which psychiatrists or therapists other trans people recommend, go to one a couple of times until ze is convinced that you are really trans, get a transfer to an endocrinologist, first get hormon blockers against the testosterone and then gradually increasing doses of estrogene and progestogen ... or some variation of this.

I've been told I should be presenting as female before I do so, which leads to the vicious 'don't want to look like a man in a dress' loop.

Well that sucks. The US recently made huge progress so that now most trans women are able to get hormones without being forced to walk around looking like men in dresses first, but Germany is far behind regarding this and apparently Australia, too.
Check what other trans people in your area recommend, if there are any therapists that give you the transfer / letter that is needed for the hormones without having to go through this.
If it is not possible, lie. Go to the psychiatrist/therapist dressed in feminine clothes and claim that you wear them most of the time.

Body Hair: ... I intend to try the talcum powder & sensitive skin razors, and for some reason I have the same reluctance to purchase these as I do for any of the feminine things. Probably has something to do with I've never used a razor before, no idea how to use them. I've always had an electric razor (which doesn't shave very well), and don't like the idea of scraping sharp pieces of metal across my skin. Added to that, I'm rather squeamish about blood, and it's not exactly a useful tool for shaving my back either, which is unfortunately hairy too.

Facial hair: You will need to get over the fear of metal scraping across your skin and shave with such a razor, the electric ones are just not good enough. And/or start getting permanent hair removal, e.g. with lasers.
Body hair: An electric razor would be good enough. Or you could use chemical means to remove the hair (that's what I do) or sugar-based ones.

Good luck with everything! *more hugs*

by **Brace** » Fri Dec 30, 2011 7:19 pm UTC

Name change stuff finalized at the cost of way too much money. Going to have to sell a video card to subsidize all this. Oh well. Having two video cards is like having two kidneys, it's just pure vanity. But yeah, all I have to do is wait for the Denver Post to mail me a thing saying they ran a blurb three times about my name change, then I take that to court to get the official paperwork. Also my SSD arrived so I can finally go crazy with my laptop!

by **mstjarna** » Sat Dec 31, 2011 5:24 am UTC

Right, so, assuming (entirely correctly) that you don't remember who I am...this is a sock puppet account, and I came out as transgender+ (really, transsexual...thoughts of be(com)ing a woman are pleasant to put it mildly--heartrendingly pleasant, is there a word for that? --while the emotions wax and wane, and have yet to wax so brightly since last autumn, they still are very much in my sky) about 1.2 years ago. It has been a long, complicated, and generally fruitless year, so it took alcohol to get me to post again (though there has been plenty since). There have been a lot of accumulated thoughts and wonderings and complicated emotions and such, and confusions, and some therapy, which ended ~.8 years ago because it seemed to be getting nowhere. Though there were probably no more than five therapy sessions, she didn't have much to say and most was praising my intelligence, as if I needed to be told I am intelligent (could she have been insinuating the only appropriately-brain-empowered therapist would be marylin vos savant (not that she is one)? Doubtfully...I am NOT that brilliant. Not until I am approaching senility.). So, very confusing. I know it takes more than 250 minutes to get to know someone properly, but I make minimum wage, and she was asking seven times that (which was nice of her)...and life. And uncertainty can be a plague. Taking five months to consider dipping my foot in the water was silly, so instead of diving, I stepped away from the [body of water].

In a long despair, the emotions and thoughts almost seemed to vanish, but never completely...and, I suppose I am just extremely confused. I never felt out of place male-bodied (though it is so weird and unpleasant to be called 'sir'), but never happier either (though becoming older has brought me closer). But that uncertainty has only bred more uncertainty. But it doesn't consume my every waking hour anymore, just about ten minutes of each at this moment (which is more than over the summer).

But I'm not asking for you to say you understand where I am (though if you don't that's more than okay...I probably would love to see that), but I'm rather trolling for advice.

natashatasha wrote:Body Hair:
Spoiler:
Following the advice given to me earlier in this thread, I intend to try the talcum powder & sensitive skin razors, and for some reason I have the same reluctance to purchase these as I do for any of the feminine things. Probably has something to do with I've never used a razor before, no idea how to use them. I've always had an electric razor (which doesn't shave very well), and don't like the idea of scraping sharp pieces of metal across my skin. Added to that, I'm rather squeamish about blood, and it's not exactly a useful tool for shaving my back either, which is unfortunately hairy too.

I have been shaving with a razor basically since I started shaving (electric always seemed like a tremendous waste of time, like shaving with a plastic milk gallon jug, or a beer/soda can sliced in half), and as a general rule, the more razors a blade has, the less likely it is that you will cut yourself on it--exactly like the difference between stepping on a nail and walking on a bed of them. In the ten or so years I have been shaving, I've cut myself less than ten times, possibly fewer than five, and I've used a mach 3 since the beginning. Never tried anything with more razors than that. So, it isn't as scary after the first time. None of the cuts you may experience(in general) hurt that bad, nor do they gush. Bloody noses bleed way more profusely, if you get them. They sting for just a moment, as if getting a shot in your forearm. But you said you are squeamish about blood, not pain. So what am I on about? The bleeding is minor though, like a papercut. But it bleeds marginally more, and hurts considerably less, and as often as you get a papercut when you handle paper, you cut yourself on a razor still way less.

by **Josephine** » Sat Dec 31, 2011 10:51 am UTC

mstjarna wrote:I have been shaving with a razor basically since I started shaving (electric always seemed like a tremendous waste of time, like shaving with a plastic milk gallon jug, or a beer/soda can sliced in half), and as a general rule, the more razors a blade has, the less likely it is that you will cut yourself on it--exactly like the difference between stepping on a nail and walking on a bed of them. In the ten or so years I have been shaving, I've cut myself less than ten times, possibly fewer than five, and I've used a mach 3 since the beginning. Never tried anything with more razors than that. So, it isn't as scary after the first time. None of the cuts you may experience(in general) hurt that bad, nor do they gush. Bloody noses bleed way more profusely, if you get them. They sting for just a moment, as if getting a shot in your forearm. But you said you are squeamish about blood, not pain. So what am I on about? The bleeding is minor though, like a papercut. But it bleeds marginally more, and hurts considerably less, and as often as you get a papercut when you handle paper, you cut yourself on a razor still way less.

I've been using a 4-blade one. A few weeks ago, I was shaving my arm and cut the skin on the little nub of bone on my wrist from going too fast. It bled a little for a minute, and the shower water hitting it stung. But that was my first in months, and that's as bad as it gets, shaving cuts are not a big deal.

by **Brace** » Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:59 pm UTC

I cut myself pretty much every time I shave, but I only use a one-blade disposable razor.

by **Vaniver** » Sat Dec 31, 2011 8:09 pm UTC

The only razor I didn't cut myself with was an electric razor. I use a straight razor now, and while I'm not as deft with it as I'd like to be the cuts are infrequent and small.

by **Cathy** » Sat Dec 31, 2011 9:41 pm UTC

Brace wrote:I cut myself pretty much every time I shave, but I only use a one-blade disposable razor.

Yeah, there's a reason I don't use these. I use gillette 3 blade -- they are SO much better. So much less razorburn. (on my legs though, so YMMV)

by **sambot5** » Sun Jan 01, 2012 11:46 pm UTC

[deleted for IRL safety reasons]

by **Virtual_Aardvark** » Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:26 am UTC

Anxiety doesn't make you weak. You process a bit differently and have to lead your life a little more off script than some. I promise you're not the first to break down in a fitting room and you won't be the last.

Have you tried shopping on your own or with fun friends? My fear of clothes buying got a lot better when I started thrifting. There's a guarantee that you'll find something interesting and a whole lot more bizarre. My friends have a game where we challenge each other to wear the weirdest things we can find. It ultimately takes the stress off because you'll always look less ridiculous in street clothes than in a cable-knit bustier. Make shopping into a fun, silly thing. It's not about you or your body so much as finding something that would be fun to try on regardless of how you look. You'll be surprised how many clothes are flattering when you stop worrying about what you "should" be looking for.

Earlier someone mentioned makeup buying. You can totally buy makeup online. I recommend looking at blushes and eye shadows. These often come in palettes geared towards certain skin tones, eye colors, intended looks, etc... Buying a palette of eye shadow put together for your eye color gives you a lot more freedom in playing around because you can avoid worrying about it being "wrong" for you. As a bonus most of these little sets come with a guide of which colors should go where. Once you get a handle on it you can start to ignore these rules. Another thing to look for is black or brown eyeliner. Super generic and the color's never wrong. And if practicing at home is all you can do then that's cool. It took me years of practice before I felt comfortable going out in makeup. There's also a Makeup 101 thread in General you should check out and ask questions in.

by **Monika** » Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:04 pm UTC

*hugs* for sambot5. That sounds really stressful.

by **Triss Hawkeye** » Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:16 pm UTC

I have problems with picking things up to try on as well - a trick I found helpful the other day was to pick some completely generic jeans and a completely generic top, and sandwich whatever I actually wanted to try on in between them so it wasn't as visible. Obviously it depends on the shop and how closely you are wandering around with someone as to whether you can reasonably do that.

I say it went well - I tried on a couple of things, which was fun, but the original plan was to try on guy jeans to get a hold of what size would fit me. I chickened out because men's clothes were on a different floor. Next time! :s

EDIT: after re-reading I realise this wasn't the exact problem, but I hope it's helpful to someone...

by **sambot5** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 12:14 am UTC

Thank you all for the responses. I think next time I'll go with my friends. Also, I want to share the following article: http://thebloggess.com/2012/01/the-fight-goes-on/

I've been dealing with depression for the past year or so, and while I don't self-harm, I found that the post really verbalized how I feel. I especially resonated with this paragraph:

When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate. Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive. We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker…but as survivors. Survivors who don’t get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it. Survivors who wake to more work than before because their friends and family are exhausted from helping them fight a battle they may not even understand.

by **AnnaArmour** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 4:31 am UTC

sambot5 wrote:I went clothes shopping with my brother, which meant that we had to go the mall. I don't like places with a lot of people, and I do not like malls. Also, I'm really self-conscious about my appearance and have very low self-confidence. Clothes shopping has always made me feel awkward because I'm never quite sure what I want to get, and I'm always too embarrassed to get what I really want to wear. Therefore, I try to go as little as often.

Yeah, crowded stores freak me out too. All the noise, people and flourescent lights make me feel rushed and overwhelmed, so I can't think clearly. Buying stuff online is so, so much easier. No pressure, no judgement, no asthma attacks in abercrombie & fitch. You don't get to try things on first, but a lot of places have free returns.

by **lucrezaborgia** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 4:48 am UTC

Monika wrote:Facial hair: You will need to get over the fear of metal scraping across your skin and shave with such a razor, the electric ones are just not good enough. And/or start getting permanent hair removal, e.g. with lasers.
Body hair: An electric razor would be good enough. Or you could use chemical means to remove the hair (that's what I do) or sugar-based ones.

Magic Shave Cream is a really good chemical hair remover and it's made for the facial area. It's in the ethnic section of the personal care section. It's so gentle I actually use it on my genitals. :oops:

by **Nexan** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 6:59 am UTC

So, I just posted in the intro thread and figured I should introduce myself here as well.

I'm a 24-year-old male, about a four or a five on the Kinsey scale. I happen to be dating an awesome trans girl (ChimeraMica) right now, who should be along shortly. She's a bit nervous, but I've assured her you're all awesome and accepting and it's basically a big lovefest here, so please make her feel welcome!

As an aside, I wanted to thank you all especially. As my join date implies, I've been here a while, though off and on (and mostly off lately). I used to spend most of my free time browsing these fora, even though I didn't really post, and strange as it may sound, I feel like I grew a lot and matured as a person just through the influence of everyone here, especially in LSR and this thread. So thank you all.

Anyway, hugs to everyone who needs them, and I look forward to meeting you all properly!

by **meridian** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 2:49 pm UTC

I post rarely too! Though, it seems that I do a little more than you. Welcome (back?)!

by **Monika** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 7:45 pm UTC

lucrezaborgia wrote:Magic Shave Cream is a really good chemical hair remover and it's made for the facial area. It's in the ethnic section of the personal care section. It's so gentle I actually use it on my genitals.

Oh cool, I had no idea there are also chemicals that are good for the face, too. It's advertized for black people ... do you think there are reasons for white people not to use it?

by **Bassoon** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:37 pm UTC

Spoiler:

No. Under the spoiler is snarkiness about privilege.

by **lucrezaborgia** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 9:08 pm UTC

Monika wrote:Oh cool, I had no idea there are also chemicals that are good for the face, too. It's advertized for black people ... do you think there are reasons for white people not to use it?

It doesn't say it's not for white people but it's definitely not marketed to them. Ingrown facial hairs aren't considered to be a problem with manly white-men. :roll:

The product smells HORRID and the markings on the tube or bottle saying that it's "fragrant" are a LIE! It comes in two forms: ready-made cream or powder. The ready-made is very easy to use but the powder is a lot stronger and a bit messy. The ready-made is also a lot more expensive than the powder.

by **Vaniver** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 11:28 pm UTC

Um, folks? Hair and skin are determined by biology, and there are significant racial differences.

Africans generally have Afro-textured hair, which is very curly. Curly hair is somewhat more likely to become ingrown; when you shave hair with a razor, the end of the hair is sharp (and, if it points back into the skin, will pierce it like a needle). Curling makes it more likely to point back in. (Aftershave reduces ingrown hairs by pulling back the skin; it's also recommended to not stretch out your skin / pull your hairs when shaving them.) When you chemically attack hair, the part above the skin disintegrates (the part below is typically out of reach of the cream you're applying). African hair is thinner and tends to be weaker, meaning chemical approaches are more effective than they will be for others. (In general, chemical attacks should be more effective on curly hair than straight hair.)

So... don't expect it to be as effective if you don't have Afro-textured hair. I'm having a hard time finding anything on side effects- Magic Shave Cream will attack your skin as well as your hair, but your skin is far tougher. At worst you'll get a bit of irritation, but it's plausible that's more likely for some races than others. I'm not a dermatologist, though, so ask one if you'd rather do research than experiments.

by **Shivahn** » Tue Jan 03, 2012 11:53 pm UTC

I have another alphabet meeting tonight. I'm nervous all over again. Silly, I know, but eh. I'm sure it'll be fine. Like last time! I still feel all butterfly-y though. I didn't know I was THIS socially anxious >.>

by **ChimeraMica** » Wed Jan 04, 2012 12:51 am UTC

Hello, I'm Mica. It took a couple days for me to actually post on here, but I'm here now, and despite that I'm not good at handling these things, I'll do my best to reply promptly, and to kind of overcome my social anxiety to a degree. Thank you Shivahn. I know you didn't really do anything in specific, but it's good to know someone's here who also has social anxiety.

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