xkcd

by **Fire Brns** » Wed Jan 18, 2012 4:37 pm UTC

Revolt, the citizens are unhappy.
Choose new form of government.
0-Despotism
0-Monarchy
X-Republic
0-Communism
(Civ Refference)
Senate repeals law, raptors kill you.

I am a raptor, always was.
(just exploring every option down this road)

by **VBthesmall** » Wed Jan 18, 2012 10:01 pm UTC

The raptors get's hungry after hunting some humans so they decide to eat one of there ones. you all sit down and play a game of ludo where the looser gets eaten. you loose.

I was going to use the man that has only been beaten once and is like a god to us all but apparently the mod's don't like that so instead I find an army of daleks that begins to exterminate every raptor while I am sitting in the Tardis and chilling.

by **Bartimaeus** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:04 am UTC

The raptors are so powerful that even Daleks are forced to feel fear, and as a result the Daleks capture you and turn you over to the raptors in exchange for their lives.

I am the Dragon. Even if I die, I will only be woven back into the pattern at a later date. I will never truly die.

by **Fire Brns** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 4:36 am UTC

Inconsequential, biological death counts.

I make chainmail suit that is made of gold, convince the raptors I am sent by their god, and that they must obey my every word.

by **madjo** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:35 am UTC

Raptors aren't monotheists, and believe you to be the god of lies. Given that Raptors hate being lied to, they eat you out of spite.

I am Rand al'Thor, hear me roar.

by **pizzazz** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 5:16 pm UTC

The raptors keep charging until you and you're friends are exhausted from fighting them, and then devour you (I'm loving the Wheel of Time references, though).

I parkour my way out of danger so efficiently that I never get tired, even managing to eat and drink on the move.

by **Fire Brns** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 6:42 pm UTC

The raptors wait untill your brain need to sleep, then eat you.

I camoflauge myself to every organic sense and mechanical sensor. Sight, sound, smell, energy below radio and past gamma, even taste.

by **orangedragonfire** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 12:11 am UTC

You find no food because the raptors have eaten it. You starve.

I am a Weeping Angel.

by **madjo** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 1:39 pm UTC

The raptors trick you into looking at another weeping angel, using a blue box and two expendable human characters, which they will eat afterwards.

I am Adipose.

by **BlackHatSupport** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 2:27 pm UTC

The raptors find you slightly tastier than normal people.
(I'm missing a reference, so the raptors go back to being Boss.)

I take off in an X-wing, purge it of raptors and raptor-related stuff, and fly off into hyperspace.

by **orangedragonfire** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 3:00 pm UTC

Bad idea. You are quickly introduced to the concept of hyperraptors, and subsequently eaten.

I make a potion that can turn people into mice, and modify it so it works on raptors instead. Then I feed a drop of it to all the raptors. When they have turned into mice, I release the cats.

by **Fire Brns** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 3:20 pm UTC

The potion does not remove the raptor DNA, the mice mutate the cats into furred raptors who are immune to the potion and now cold.
You are eaten.

(If something is obviously a reference I leave it to other fans. This is to the Doctor Who people.)

I opt out of proposing a scenario therefore I am not in the raptor uprising universe.

by **bug sniper** » Sat Jan 21, 2012 4:11 am UTC

While watching TV one day, you see an ad for Jurassic Park 4. The ad is so lifelike that velociraptors literally jump out of the screen and eat you.
I bribe the Dungeon Master into getting rid of the raptors. With delicious ice cream sandwiches.

by **orangedragonfire** » Sat Jan 21, 2012 3:34 pm UTC

Turns out the dungeon master is a raptor. He eats you.

I teach raptors how to be civilized. As part of that program, I include orders not to eat any humans.

by **Fire Brns** » Mon Jan 23, 2012 2:46 am UTC

The Raptors experience 5 thousand years of history basically mirroring human history. After WW2 the greatest raptor generation raises the baby raptor boomers which devolve in to the raptor hippie movement. The raptor hippies will act like moral relativity is the greatest thing ever and shun civility. Unfortunately time travel is invented by then so they take a time machine back and kill you for introducing civility to their ancestors in the first place.

I seal myself in a stasis bubble with all I will ever nead to survive until well after the end of time so that I outwait all the raptors.

by **madjo** » Mon Jan 23, 2012 10:25 am UTC

Raptor Simon Cowell, with his sharp wit, bursts your stasis bubble, by calling you talentless. You are then eaten by the raptors in the audience of Food's Got Talent.

I accidentally digitize myself, and I get into a Tron-like world, with no way of getting back.

by **orangedragonfire** » Mon Jan 23, 2012 10:43 am UTC

There are digital raptors in the digital world, who digitally eat you.

I trap all the raptors as actors in a TV-show called "My little raptor: bloodlust is science". Thus I get a raptor-free world, lots of money from the show, and lots of fame for stopping the raptor invasion.

by **Fire Brns** » Mon Jan 23, 2012 2:42 pm UTC

The show is eventually cancelled as the writers run out of ideas and the original audiance finds the new episodes not true to the original. The raptors are let go and proceed with a delayed but equally unexpected invasion.

I escape (from raptors).

by **madjo** » Mon Jan 23, 2012 4:01 pm UTC

Sadly you missed the raptor that was hiding just around the corner, and he's now picking his teeth with a splinter of your ribs.

I'll just start a new life, where they'll never find... you know where? Underground!

by **WyldStallyns** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 6:29 am UTC

The raptors overpopulate, forcing them to move underground, where they find, kill, and eat you (Not necessarily in that order)

I load up my last save game and turn on god mode.

by **madjo** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:46 am UTC

Raptors really hate cheaters. They hunt you down, and lock you up in a god-mode proof prison, where you wile away your days, slowly going mad for the lack of interaction with other people for all eternity!

I turn myself invisible, making sure I never bump into any raptors, nor step on anything that might give away my position.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:55 pm UTC

Sadly Raptors have a very acute sense of smell and are able to detect you by the funk that has acumulated due to lack of showers (as showering would give away your position).

I develope an electric hover-board that allows me to zip about 3 meters above the ground.

by **orangedragonfire** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 8:21 pm UTC

The raptors reverse engineer your hover-board. With their newfound technology, the last of human resistance crumbles before them. And the resistance was doing pretty well until then, too. What have you done Chewbaccawacca? WHAT? HAVE? YOU? DONE????!!?2!2?12?!?2?

I show the raptors reruns of "My little raptor: Bloodlust is Science" to distract them while I flee. I repeat this every time the raptors come too close.

by **Tomlidich** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:06 pm UTC

the raptors remember the shows cancellation, and are out for blood.

they mistake you for the board director who gave the order.

i go into the business of selling off delicious humans in exchange for me not being eaten. we can attribute any below deaths to at least one of my sales.

by **orangedragonfire** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:50 pm UTC

You run out of humans to sell.

I ascend to godhood.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:30 pm UTC

The raptors employ a Deus Ex Machina to thwart your survival. Probably in a highly unlikely and suitably silly fashion.

I burrow deep underground and hide amongst the Morlocks (heaven knows I'm frakking pale enough, yeesh) to keep away from the raptors.

by **Tomlidich** » Wed Feb 01, 2012 7:22 pm UTC

i had sold a human who had done the same thing. before dying, that human tipped off the raptors about all the tasty morlocks.

they break in, and eat you and your morlock buddies.

i, through the use of gene therapy, become a raptor, and join all my fellow raptors in eating you people.

by **Fire Brns** » Thu Feb 02, 2012 3:19 am UTC

Being a raptor covert you are a second class citizen in their caste system. Overpopulation destroys their food stock and the priveledge resort to A Modest Proposal scenario.

I develop a disease that lays dormant and harmless in humans but is 100% lethal to raptors; I release it on a quarter of the raptors as a warning and infect every human within 200 miles of me with it.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:25 pm UTC

Martians invade and after a couple days contract your disease and die en mass. Living in a raptor society leaves you with little to no infrastructure to dispose of the dead bodies lying strewn around willy-nilly. Consequently many humans die from the ensuing filth and general malaise resulting from the xenocidal massacre and excess of rotting flesh lying around.

I escape with a bio-dome attached to a space ship! But the twist! We launch into space fly around the planet and land under the ocean where none can find us!

by **madjo** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:42 am UTC

The water pressure proves to be too much for your biodome, and it starts leaking. You die in a watery grave.

/me hides in the ISS

by **Tomlidich** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:59 pm UTC

turns out there was no such thing as russians, only raptors pretending to be a race of humans. you die surrounded by floating raptor

I turn into a windows OS distro, so noone will think i am human.

by **bug sniper** » Mon Feb 13, 2012 6:23 am UTC

The raptors make a deal with the giant cyborg scorpions, and offer you to them to clear their debts. The scorpions integrate your computer components into their bodies. They digest your OS software and use it to seed their random number generators.

I play the cards Platinum Angel and put Indestructibility on it. That's http://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=190568 and http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=206329 . I put my life into the game so that I won't die with them in play. I play without time limits.

by **Evengeduld** » Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:18 am UTC

Raptors don't understand the concept of time very well neither do they understand MTG. All they want is some free food so they charge you...

I hide in a kitchen filled with meat hoping they will ignore me

by **madjo** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:09 pm UTC

The meat was rotten, and many raptors die before they realize this. But then they smell your fresh meat smell, and charge you. RIP Evengeduld, no more waiting for you.

I give each and every raptor a smartphone with Angry Birds preinstalled. They'll be so engrossed in the game that they'll forget all about me.

by **bug sniper** » Sat Feb 18, 2012 7:53 am UTC

The raptors are at first busy trying to figure out how to eat the birds. Then, they give up but realize their newfound potential and create a human-hunting app economy.

I convert the molecules and atoms of the entire planet into human flesh using highly advanced machinery. The outcome will be very disgusting but will assist my survival efforts.

by **orangedragonfire** » Sat Feb 18, 2012 9:12 am UTC

There are no fluids for you to drink; you die of thirst within a few days.

I write the Terms of Eating, a binding contract that everyone has to enter in order to be allowed eating me. The contract states among other things that I personally can decide the time and method of death, and I choose dying of old age.

by **Evengeduld** » Wed Feb 22, 2012 8:08 am UTC

The raptors discuss the contract for a bit and then rip it to shreds like they will do with you.

I put on a medieval harness raptors can't bite that hard.

by **orangedragonfire** » Wed Feb 22, 2012 3:01 pm UTC

The raptors bioengineer themselves to have stronger teeth.

I escape to the Bat Cave!

by **Evengeduld** » Thu Feb 23, 2012 8:29 am UTC

You follow the signs to the bat cave. Turns out the raptors put those up and you run right into their claws.

I escape by digging a hole and hide in it.

by **darknut** » Thu Feb 23, 2012 10:04 pm UTC

you dig right into the secret underground raptor war-room and after a brief moment of confused looks you are devoured

i sneak on to one of the human spaceships and escape earth to start a colony on mars
the ships are fully stocked with oxygen, food, building materials and scientists

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